A/N: Sorry to have taken so long to update, but life happened. I apologize for any mistakes.

Thanks to all who follow. I hope you enjoy!

She slept for a little while but her latest nightmare has lead to tossing and turning for the past hour. A glance at the nightstand shows it is 3 am. She thought her talk with Lanie would help, but it's only made her more anxious.

Kate had called Josh. She didn't want to have the conversation she needed to have with him on the phone, but she couldn't wait any longer. The need to clear things up, to move forward and stop with her ambivalence burned in her, but he hadn't answered.

This compounded with the fact that she was still processing her feelings of losing Royce. Her mind and her body felt trapped in some kind of internal tropical storm and she desperately wanted to evacuate as soon as possible.

Frustrated, Kate throws the covers back and walks out of her room to search for something to drink-anything to calm her nerves. She's trying to be as quiet as possible as to not wake Castle. It's dark in the living room and as she turns, her arm hits a glass on the side table sending it crashing to the floor.

"Shit!" She mutters even more annoyed with herself. Frustrated, tired and emotional, she can feel the threat of tears beginning to sting her eyes. Resigned to her feelings, her body gives in and she drops to her knees in front of the mess she made on the floor.

"Beckett?"

His voice comes sleep drenched a moment later from behind her.

She closes her eyes, suddenly embarrassed by how it looks to be crying over a broken glass on the hotel room floor. Kate wipes at her eyes quickly as she feels him approach.

"What-what happened?" He says right before he turns on the nearest lamp.

"Stupid glass. I didn't turn on the light and I knocked it over."

She can't help but notice how adorably sleep rumpled he is as she watches him pull the trashcan over and grab a piece of paper to use as a makeshift dustpan and broom.

When he kneels down beside her she can't hide her face anymore.

"Kate, are you hurt? What's wrong?" He asks rushed and worried as he looks her over, inspecting her for cuts or blood.

She promptly stands; needs to get away from the too-tender look on his face, and steps forward away from him. "I'm fine. Sorry I woke you. I was trying to be quiet," she can hear the tremble in her own voice, though she tries so hard to hide it.

Castle finishes up with the glass and she thinks she's been able to hide the mess she feels like inside when she senses him behind her.

"Kate," he whispers, his hand reaching out to rest on her upper arm, warm and reassuring. The problem is that she wants to run from him-and to him at the same time.

"I'm ok. I'm fine...I'm just tired and…" an audible sigh escapes her and he must see her deflate a little.

"And…" he questions when she doesn't continue.

He moves to stand before her and his heart physically aches in his chest at seeing her struggle to stop crying.

"...and I guess everything with Royce just reminds me that there's another person important to me who is gone and… and I'm glad we got justice for him but it just reminds me that I still…" her voice breaks off and she looks down at her feet unable to continue.

"That you still don't have justice for your mom?" His voice gentle when he says it.

She feels a tear fall down her cheek and without knowing how it happens, she finds herself in his arms. Safe and warm in his embrace while he whispers reassurances in her ear.

Her own arms slide between his robe and t-shirt to wrap around his middle as she sinks into him and lets his strength seep into her body.

After a while she leans back to face him, her hands still flush against his sides. His ocean eyes trace her face, searching for her reaction and she sees hope in their depths. Her eyes dart down to his lips, anticipation rages in her veins. She should be panicking, but this feels like the most natural thing in the world. She's wanted him for so long.

Just as she feels his breath graze her lips she's shaken from the haze of her desires. Reality hits her like a jab to the gut.

She raises her hand to his cheek and runs the pad of her thumb over his soft lips and reverently stops him from coming any closer. Kate watches his eyes close and he stills. She feels her own eyes shut as they each take in short breaths. What lasts mere seconds feels as if time itself has stopped.

"I'm sorry," Rick whispers as her thumb still traces his mouth.

Before she can answer, before she can make it clear that his advances are not unwanted, just badly timed, he's dropping his arms and backing away from her. He clears his throat as he gets closer to his bedroom door, "It's been a long few days. Let's get some sleep. I'll make sure the glass is fully cleaned up in the morning."

"Castle-" she calls, taking one step forward. She's not sure what to say but she should say something-anything to take away the look of hurt on his face.

"Good night," he says with finality, walking to his suite and closing the door.

"Night," she says barely above a whisper still processing what just transpired. Suddenly it is so very clear what she needs to do-what she needs to do quickly.

Kate makes her way back to her room and finds her pulse racing as her feet pace the floor. No way she will sleep now. Her mind is running and her body is alight with glowing embers of heat growing just thinking about him, just remembering the feel of being in his arms. He frightened her tonight, with the way that he looked at her. Such love evident on his face and she wants it so badly. She wants all that he has been offering up to her, yet a lingering fear still churns within that she might ruin everything. Her track record with relationships is not the best and this is one she just can't mess up.

First thing first though, things need to end with Josh.

He is so angry at himself. Castle allows his body to flop back onto the bed as he mentally berates himself. Touching her was a mistake. How many times over the last few days did he tell himself he needed to be careful, and yet, he still messed up.

Even though things were not great with Meredith, for a long time, he remembers being ripped to shreds inside when he caught her cheating. He would never do that or be a part of doing that to another person. Yet, tonight he came so very close to kissing her, and hell, he may not have been able to stop from doing more. He's disappointed with himself and vows it can't-won't happen again.

Castle will keep his distance. He shouldn't be the one comforting her-no matter how much he wants to. If there's one thing he has realized over the last few days, it's just how much he truly loves her. He doesn't just have feelings for her, or want her, or care about her. He one hundred percent loves her. And if she chooses to be with someone else, he'll step aside. He will do whatever makes her happy no matter how hard it is.

No matter how hard.

The room is quiet and dark when she wakes up the next morning. She should really look into getting some blackout curtains at home like the ones the hotel has. It took a few hours, but she had managed to finally calm down enough to sleep.

Rolling over, she unplugs her phone from the charger and looks at the time. 10 am. 10 am! She hasn't slept that late since she was a teenager, but she does feel a little better this morning. There's more excitement for what could come next with Castle, the possibilities of really diving in with him seem so close now. Some of that fear now has been replaced by butterflies of delicious excitement floating around her belly.

She makes herself decent before heading out to the living room area of the suite. Castle's door is ajar but nowhere to be seen. There's a note left on the coffee table with the room service menu.

I thought you might need the rest, so I went out for a run.

Didn't want the food to get cold, or I would have got you breakfast.

Order anything you like, the french toast is fabulous.

-Castle

He's always trying to take care of her. The flutters start up again in her chest.

Kate is just finishing up her meal when he walks through the door. Dressed in jogging pants and a sleeveless shirt, sweaty from his run, he greets her with a small smile. "Hey, you sleep ok?"

"Yeah. It took awhile, but once I fell asleep I was out cold."

"Well, I'm sure you needed it after the last few days."

"Yeah," she sighs taking him in and noticing the dark circles under his eyes, suddenly realizing how affected he must have been by what almost happened last night. "Did you-um, did you sleep ok?" she asks suddenly nervous. She didn't already mess up her chance with him, did she?

"I guess ok," he says rubbing the back of his neck, "I'm going to go jump in the shower."

"Ok," she says watching the muscles in his back as he walks back to his room and closes the door.

Kate makes another attempt at contacting Josh that morning. There is no answer on his cell, and she even goes as far as calling the hospital, only to find out he's in surgery.

Castle's out in the living room watching the news when she ends that call. She can't help but notice with fresh eyes, just how handsome he is, hair still a little damp falling onto his forehead, practically begging her to push it aside for him.

"So, what should we do today?" she asks, pushing aside those thoughts. "There are still a few hours before we need to be at the airport. We could take a scenic ride or swim or something…"

He shrugs his shoulders noncommittally before answering, "Why don't you choose. Anything is fine."

Kate's brow furrows as she takes in what he said. Normally he's up for an adventure, squeezing in activity out of every part of the day and now, now he doesn't seem to care. A little knot of dread starts to tighten within her.

"Listen, um-about last night, Castle… I'm sorry that-"

"Beckett, let's not… Can we please just forget about last night," he says pointedly not looking her in the eye.

"Yeah, that's fine. I just, I hope we're ok…"

He slowly releases a breath. "We're fine."

Castle rises from the couch as he speaks, "You're right, why don't we pack up, check out and drive to the boardwalk before we head to the airport. Ok?"

"Sure," she manages to respond, still feeling awkward with their interaction. She knows she won't be able to fully make things better with him until she has that dreaded conversation with Josh.

The bellhop finishes loading their luggage into the Ferrari and they are off to take in a little more of the sun and fresh air before heading home. A part of him wants to stay. He wants to be in this little bubble where it is just Rick and Kate, no other distractions or murders and just spend time with her. Then he remembers how hard it is to be so close to her and not have her as his. To have her share her thoughts and feelings and want to comfort her and be there for her, but with the restraint of a boyfriend hanging over their heads, still.

Castle makes the mistake of looking over at her. Her dark is hair flying in the wind, and her face is lifted up to take in the sun. He reminds himself he just needs to play it cool for a few more hours. Then he can keep a little distance, and cool off.

He is so very ready to go home.