Harry Potter vs Twilight chapter 2

When we last left our gang of potential halloween themes, things looked rather grim. In fact, it was downright morbid considering everyone died. However, because this is being written by a lazy and flippant writer, we get to see one of those old and time honored plot devices come into play; the Reset Button! As it turns out, just before Voldemort and the Volturi showed up (insert explanation here i.e. timetravel, "it was all a dream", resurrection beans, clones… ) and now everyone is fine. YAY!

Anyway, having decided to become friends the wizards decided to invite the vampires, (and bella and the werewolves) to hogwarts where our heroes are now sitting in the griffindor common room.

Hermione: Wait a minute, how did we get here? Last thing I remember we were in a field having an utterly ridiculous battle with these, er, people and then we were fighting You-know-who, and now all the sudden we're here months later?

Ron: Who cares.

Hermione: But we were dead!

Ron: Don't be ridiculous

Alice: No, I think she's right. I distinctly remember watching all of us die, and then we all died.

Ron: I think it was all a dream.

Alice: we don't sleep

Hermione: Right and even they could, we wouldn't all have had the same dream

Neville: Maybe we time traveled

Fred(sarcastically): Don't be daft! It was resurrection beans!

George(even more sarcastically): No clones!

Harry: This makes no sense,(turning to luna, who is looking off dreamily) luna what are you thinking?

Luna: It's just a thought, but maybe we're all characters in books.

Leah (butting in): Oh, and what? We're all in some poorly thought out fan fiction?

Luna: something like that, yes.

Hermione: That's the most ridiculous idea I've heard yet!

Luna (shrugging) Just a thought. (looks at Edward who is reading a copy of "The Goblet of Fire")

Edward: right, ahem. (hides book under chair)

After much more discussion that won't be written down here because we've already spent far too much time having characters question the author's methods, we find that they have now entered the quidditch field. (Hermione: but it still doesn't make sense! Narrator: Neither does you talking to me. So shut up! )

Apparently after explaining the rule of quidditch, then vampire baseball, they decided to combine the two sports in a convoluted way. Harry, Ron, Fred, George, and Robert Pattinson (who had again become confused as to who he was) were all on brooms. Fred, George, Jasper and Emmett had beaters. Ron, Alice, Hermione, and Rosalie had catchers mitts and Luna had on a lion's head, though which team she was supporting is rather hard to determine considering both Griffindor, and the Cullens have lions for their crest. Supposedly it would be wizards, but then why not wear a wizard hat? Would that just be too normal for her? She, Bella, Neville, and Seth are sitting in the stands. Jacob, along with Leah and Ginny were announcing.

Leah: Who are we rooting for? The leeches or the kids with the brooms?

Jacob: I don't know who you're rooting for but I'm rooting for whoever's against Edward.

Bella(shouted from the stands): Jake! Shut up and start announcing!

Jacob: Right. Short-haired leech pitches to one of the red headed twins.

Ginny: Fred hits the muggle ball, grabs the quaffle and starts making a loop around the white matts.

Leah: Ooh! The big guy just hit one of those flying bowling balls at him! What's his name? Emmerson?

Bella: Emmett!

Leah: Right. Him.

Ginny: Fred narrowly avoids the bludger. He's now flying away from Cedric who is trying to tag him with the muggle ball. He still needs to touch the seventh and fourth mat then get the quaffle into a hoop.

Leah: Oh. Looks like Eddie tagged him. That's the first out in the inning. Does that mean anything?

Jacob: Um…apparently it means the other team is up to bat. The blonde guy bloodsucker

Just got pitched a really curvy curve-ball and that's strike one.

Leah: Hey, are they allowed to put magic on the ball?

Jacob: And the brown-haired witch just threw a …, I have no idea what to call that pitch. It went forward then straight up then landed right in front of blonde vamire's bat. Who swung and missed. Strike Two!

Ginny: Meanwhile, Harry seems to have spotted the snitch. He's racing after it and Cedric is racing after him. OH! Watch out for the bludger! Harry missed the bludger but slammed right into Cedric. They're both spiraling. Harry regains control of his broom, but Cedric's still falling. YES! He's pulled up just in the nick of time.

Bella (to seth): Why do they keep calling Edward Cedric?

Seth(shrugging): I dunno.

Leah: Blond guy leech was struck out by that Harmony girl with a zig zagging pitch, with one ball, which went 70ft over his head and into the catchers mitt.

Ginny: It's Hermione. Her-MY-o-nee

Leah: What kind of a name is that?

Jacob: Anyway. The other red headed twin is up to bat, and it doesn't look like spiky haired leech is going to give him any slack after striking out blonde guy leech.

Bella(shouted): Jake! You know their names!

Jacob: Fine, Alice who I guess thinks she's doing some kind of interepretive dance in the process just threw the fastest fast ball ever. Strike one.

Ginny: Alice throws the muggle ball again. George swings. I think he hit it! No wait! The blonde girl, Rosalie I think, is holding up the ball in her hand. George has already started flying around the bases. What did he hit? Oh, my! He hit the snitch! I think he broke it! It's zipping all over the place.

Leah: And meanwhile that George guy has stolen first and second base and is heading for third! Don't we have referee around here?

Jacob: Who cares? What, are you rooting for the vampires?

Leah: Well, I'm for the side that's not cheating!

Jacob: Yeah? Well, the big one, er Emmett, just tackled George off his broom. How's that for cheating?

Leah: well somebody had to stop him!

Ginny: And Hermione, acting as referee has called penalty for both teams.

Jacob: Um how is that going to work?

Meanwhile on the field, Harry and Cedric/Edward are hovering near eachother.

Harry: I thought you decided to be Edward?

Edric: Well I can't fly a broom without magic. However I still don't want to die.

Harry: didn't that already happen in the field anyway?

Cedward: No, we decided that a wormhole opened up and saved us at the last minute, remember?

Harry: Oh right.

To be continued