***Author's Notes***

It has been a long time since I've written fanfic and I have only every written CSI, specifically GSR. Even after everything I'm still a GSR shipper. This story is my take on what might have happened between Sara and Gil and what will happen in the future. This is just a story I haven't been able to get out of my head.

I am currently without a beta so any spelling or grammatical mistakes are mine and I apologize. I would love to have feedback on this story if you'll take just a moment to let me know your thoughts. Thanks!

Spoilers through the Ghosts of the Past

She leaned her head back and continued looking out the window as the plane began to taxi down the runway. She closed her eyes as the plane increased speed and began to lift off of the ground. This was her favorite part of flying; the fluttery feeling in her stomach and then the feeling of being in the air with the big machine rocking back and forth as it gained altitude.

About seven months ago, during a particularly tense phone call to her husband, Sara blurted out, "I'm tired of being alone, Gil! Living apart like this, for as long as we have, isn't working anymore. Something needs to change. I get the feeling that you aren't invested in our marriage anymore…" she trailed off, holding her breath to hear how he would respond.

"Sara. I'm sorry…I don't know how to fix this."

"What is to understand? To fix 'this' we need to find a way to be together and work on…" It suddenly dawned on her that maybe when he said "this" he wasn't referring to their separation. "What do you mean, exactly? What don't you know how to fix?" Her grip on the cell phone slipped, her hand suddenly clammy, and her uncertain if she was prepared for his answer.

"Sara…" he began softly. "I…" he stopped. She wasn't sure if he was still there until she heard him let out a breath.

"Gil…did you have an affair? Oh, god. Are you still having an affair?" Suddenly nauseous, stomach clenching, she sat down on the closest chair.

"No! Of course not. I would never do that to you, Sara."

Relief made her dizzy, but her suspicions were not dispelled at his denial. "What then?"

"I thought this…our marriage and relationship would be easy. I love you, Sara. But I don't know how to be a husband, to make you happy. I thought it would come naturally once we were married and finally together. But I became overwhelmed and allowed…no, encouraged you to go back to Las Vegas. Your leaving eliminated the immediate problem –"

Sara sucked in a breath and blinked back tears. "Glad I could help solve your problems by leaving, Gil," she said, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"That's not what I meant, Sara."

"Then maybe you should just get to the point, Gil." She was getting angry now.

"After you left some of the pressure I was feeling eased. I wanted…I wanted to work though what I was feeling and get past it and I had to do it on my own."

Sara closed her eyes. She wasn't sure which was worse: that her leaving made him feel better or that their marriage was in trouble for years before knew it. She felt betrayed and foolish.

"Since nothing has changed for the better and only gotten worse, I guess I can assume you were never able to work through it." She was perversely happy that her voice was strong and unwavering while she was crumbling on the inside. Only silence met her accusation but as she had told him once before, silence is an answer too. Slowly, she lifted the phone away from her ear and pressed the end button, feeling as though she was ending more than just the call.

It was two weeks before they spoke again. They avoided bringing up the last conversation and the short call was awkward and sad. That was the first time they didn't say "I love you" and the memory still cut deep. A month later, Doug Wilson walked back into her life albeit briefly. They had worked together during an investigation in San Francisco. Before the end of that long ago investigation they became friends and eventually lovers. So many years later he was just as funny and handsome as ever. What surprised her most was how well he still knew her. Not just how she drank her coffee, but how he knew she was unhappy. That revelation really threw her. It also gave her a lot to think about.

Gil was a good man. He was brilliant and handsome and completely clueless when it came to personal relationships, even friendships. For a long time she thought that endearing. Then frustrating and eventually despairing. Sometimes she thought he chose to remain clueless due to sheer laziness. Building relationships and interacting with other took work and a certain amount of risk. Maybe he didn't want to have to work at maintaining a relationship. Certainly, he didn't want to deal with the risks involved. It wasn't physical risk he was afraid of but emotional. He had tried to change that about himself and apparently was unable to. Even for her, whom he swore to love and cherish.

Sara sighed. She'd spent so many hours thinking about what went wrong, how it could have been prevented, where had she failed? No amount of analyzing and agonizing would change the fact that she was divorced from the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with. Sadly, after so much pain and heartache, it was almost a relief to know that it was over. Papers signed and filed. Property and assets divided. There would be no more wondering when or even if he would call. Wondering when they would see each other again. Now she knew there would be no more calls and it was likely she wouldn't see him again.