Goodbyes and Train Rides

Hi guys! Thank you to all those who reviewed, followed and favorited, I love you guys! I wrote this chapter a million times so I hope you like it! Enjoy! I DON'T OWN THE HUNGER GAMES

The Peacekeepers surround us, escorting us inside the Justice building where we will say goodbye to our I friends and family. I recognize the Peacekeepers that flank me on both sides, both of their heads are down, trying to look anywhere but my face. Probably trying to forget how on their breaks they once played tag with a lonely little girl chasing her throughout the Justice Building. I notice another Peacekeeper slightly father away from me, his ginger hair peaking out of his white helmet. He makes no attempt to look away from me, meeting my gaze with a pained look on his face. Although some of the Peacekeepers were relevantly nice to me and genuinely alright people, Darius was something that resembled a friend. I remember the day he got here, my father giving the new batch of Peacekeepers a small tour of the Justice Building. I was twelve then and I found nineteen year old Darius wondering the building trying to find his way back to the tour. I helped, laughing as he cracked joke after joke the whole way. After that the red head Peacekeeper was always swinging by the house on his breaks, having tea with me on the back porch, listening to me play piano. He was a nice man, easy going and very smart and now he's looking at me with worry and sadness. He can't even say goodbye to me during my allotted time, no Peacekeeper was allowed to.

They take me to the relevantly large room where I will be saying goodbye to my loved ones. I stare at the curtains that not two months ago I had helped my father pick out. Once the Peacekeepers close the door, shutting me into the room, I sink onto the floor trying my best not let the tears fall. I feel soft arms enclose me and lean into Maysilee, suddenly engulfed in the smell of peppermint that always clings to her. She pulls away after a moment taking my face in her hands, and I get the same tingly sensation that always happens whenever she touches my bare skin. "You knew." I don't know how I know that she knew but somehow I'm certain of it. Her small reassuring smile is al the answer I need to know that I'm right. "How long?" I ask

"A few weeks." It makes sense now, how she was always pressing me to go out of the house, to see Peeta and my visit my father at work. She knew that I only had a few more weeks to see them. A few more weeks to live.

"Did you know about Gale too?" She shakes her head and I'm oddly relieved, though I have no clue as to why.

"I'm going to die." I say it matter-of-factly trying to sound brave but I feel my body shaking.

"No you're not."

I laugh out loud at the absurdity of the statement. "There's twenty-four tribute Mays, only one comes back. You honestly think that I could win this? With my luck I'll be dead within the first day." Tears threaten to flow out of my eyes and lift my head up high trying to stop them.

"Your forgetting something Madge."

"And what is that Maysilee?" I ask trying to sound sarcastic but noticing my voice waver and crack.

She smiles slightly, "Your forgetting about me." Seeing my confusion, she continues. "Don't you see? You'll know everything before it happens, I can tell you if any tribute gets too close to where you are. I can tell you where to run, where to avoid. You'll know every trick that is up the Gamemaker's sleeve. I can even help you in training! Your coming home Madge." I stare at her trying to make sense of it all. She can help me, she can tell if I'm in danger or where to find food.

"It's possible." I say, because even with Mays help, there's stil twenty-three other tributes in there hell bent on getting home and killing anyone who gets in their way. She opens her mouth to say something but shuts it quickly.

"Your dad is almost here."She hugs me again, "I'll be back before you leave." I nod as she vanishes into the air. She does this relevantly often, leaving to go somewhere else. I never ask her where and she never tells me, although I think she often visits my mother.

The door bursts open and I stand up quickly, only to have my father swoop me into his arms. We stay like for awhile, sampling hugging each other. His suit jacket smells like spilled ink and old books, the way he always smells when he comes home from the office. I can feel the tears now as I sob into my father's jacket.

"It'll be okay Madge. It'll be okay." He says it over and over, like he once did when he was trying to assure me there were no monsters hiding under my bed. He pulls away slightly, and I stare at his face, trying to burn it into my mind. Although I most resemble my mother I see some of him in me to. I have my mother's smile but my father's dimples in my cheeks, I have my mother's dainty hands, but my father's long musical fingers. I have my father's stubbornness, his determination and I have both of my parents strength.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. I should have been home more, I should have been there for you and your mother. I should have been a better father."

I shake my head violently, "No daddy, you're the best father I could ever ask for." He hugs me again and I can tell he's trying hard not to cry.

"Your mother couldn't come. Nora already gave her the morphling and we couldn't wake her."

"It's alright," I say, thinking back to her goodbye to me this morning and realizing that she had already given me her goodbye.

"Your brave Madge, your strong. You can do this." I know he's saying it just to make me feel better but I nod, taking it anyway. "Listen to Haymitch."

"Haymitch?" I ask in surprise. My father was not exactly the victor's biggest fan.

"Do everything he tells you to do. Please Madge." I nod again and he squeezes me tight.

"Don't let momma watch," I say grasping his coat with all my strength, " tell her I love her."

"I will." He promises as the Peacekeeper opens the door. The man stands there unsure what to do, his job usually is drag the visitor out when their time is done but he can't exactly do that to his boss.

"Um, sir? I'm sorry sir but your time is up."

My father looks at me again, memorizing my face before he kisses my forhead. "I love you Daddy." I squeak out trying my best to sound brave.

"I love you too Madge. I love you so much. Be brave darling." He gives me a quick hug before following the Peacekeeper out. The door closes, but only for a second before its thrown opens again.

Peeta rushes in, picking me up by my waist and lifting me off the ground. I wrap my arms around his neck, squeezing him tight. He starts talking fast then, talking right into my ear, "You're smart, you're brave, you're strong, you're the fastest runner I've ever seen. You can do this Madge."

"I-I-I can't Peeta. I can't do this."

He cups my face in between his hands, "Yes, you can Madge."

"You know I can't! How can I- how can you expect me to-I
can't kill Peeta!"

There are tears in his eyes and he wipes away the tears running down my cheeks. "I know. I know. But just-just try Madge! You have to promise me you'll try, that you won't give up. Try to come home Madge." He stops for a moment, looking at me, before saying "It's him isn't it?" Peeta is the only person other than Nora and Maysilee that know about my crush on Gale, and I imagine seeing those two little brothers of his and his tiny sister sobbing in grief at the loss of him.

"How will I be able to live with myself if I come home and he doesn't?" I ask Peeta looking up at his face, "If it was Katniss what would you do?" He starts, clearly surprised I brought up the Seam girl he's been in love with since kindergarten.

"I don't know. I'd help her."

"How?"

He thinks for a second before smiling at me, "I'd make a scandal."

"A what?" I ask confused at his answer.

"Look, this whole thing is for the Capitol's entertainment right? Well, than I'd entertain them. I'd make up some juicy scandal to get their attention, and there sponsorship. I'd include her in it, set the spotlight on both of us, get us both noticed." I imagine making up some scandal that included me and Gale. Then I imagine Gale throwing me off a cliff somewhere and quickly decide against it.

"I couldn't do that Peeta."

"Just think about it alright? It will help both of you out."

His face suddenly shadows and he pulls me into his arms again. "Peeta?"

"Yes?" he says, his voice muffled by hair.

"Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Tell Katniss how you really feel."

I feel his arms tighten around me before he says, "Alright. I promise."

I sigh, feeling slightly better for some reason. After a second I admit to his shoulder, "I just-I just want to stay me, I don't want to turn into something I'm not."

"You won't, your too good for that." I smile slightly and rest my head in his shoulder, smelling the fresh bread that he made this morning. I feel the time quickly slipping by and I kiss his cheek softly. He steps back a little and he softly presses his lips on my cheek.

"Stay strong Madgie."

I smile softly at the nickname he called me when we were children when the door bangs open. The Peacekeeper comes in and I recognize him as one of the men who used to play tag with me. Peeta hugs me again.

"Goodbye, Peeta." I cry tears streaming again.

"Goodbye, Madge" he says and I see the tears beginning to roll down his face. The Peacekeeper grabs him arm leading him out the room with much less force than usual. I sit down on the plush couch, and wonder if that's it for my visitors when the door slowly opens.

Nora walks in slowly, her cheeks already wet from crying. She sits down next to me on the couch, "I always thought of you as a kind of daughter. I love you so much dear."

"I love you too Nora." I say and I fall into her arms, caught in her embrace as I have been hundreds of times before, tears falling, engulfed by the scent of lavender soap and burning wood, her smoothing my hair telling me everything is going to be alright. In the past I had believed her, truly soothed by her words. Now, I simply cling to her in fear of when I must let go.

Right before her time is up, she hands by a white paper bag. "For the trip," she says trying to give me a smile. Another Peacekeeper comes in and she hugs me once more, kissing my forehead before leaving.

After she leaves, I sit back on the sofa wondering when Maysilee's coming back; I don't like being alone right now. The door open once again and Katniss walks in, obviously here to see Gale, it looks like she's been crying and trying to hid it. We were never very close but I still consider a friend and I'm glad she came. She hugs me, an oddity for Katniss but I take it. She starts talking about building fire and shelter, finding water and after a moment I tune her out because I can't even begin to think of the Games right now. She falls silent after a moment just looking at me.

"I understand."

She looks at me utterly confused until I continue, "You don't want me to die but you still want Gale to come back." In some ways Katniss isn't very hard to follow, and by the slight red in her cheeks, the look of guilt in her face, and the fact she can't look me in the face, I'm sure I got it right on the money. "It's okay, you don't have to feel guilty about it. I understand."

She finally looks up at me, " I told him not to hurt you. He promised, but if it comes down the two of you…" she trails off looking back at her hands.

"All bets are off." I finish for her. She nods not looking at me again.

Thanks," I say smiling slightly.

"For what?"

"For eating lunch with me."

She stares at me for a second before quickly giving me another hug and kissing me on the cheek. I sure am getting allot of kisses today. The door opens to reveal another Peacekeeper and I squeeze Katniss once more before letting her go. Maybe she did think of me as a friend after all. I sit in silence thinking about all my visitors. I'm surprised honestly, I didn't think anyone other than my father and maybe Peeta would come to say goodbye. Just as I'm wondering where Maysilee is again, the door creaks open again but this time it's a Peacekeeper, pristine white suit standing in stark contrast to his ginger red hair.

"Darius." I say with a smile as he steps into the room wondering how the heck he talked his way into being able to say goodbye to me.

He pulls me into a quick embrace, "I convinced Cray to let me be the one to fetch you," he says answering my unasked question. As the truth settles down inside me, the fact that my time in District 12 is really up, I feel my eyes overflow with tears, my insides turn to liquid and my head spins in circles.

"Breathe. Just keep breathing; it'll go away in a moment just keep taking in deep breathe."Her voice purrs softly in my ears and I immediately relax slightly at her presence. " Keep your head up and if you feel like you're about to cry press this nerve on your hand." She presses down lightly in the middle of my palm of my hand that is lying lifelessly by my side, a small spasm of tingly pain shoots through my arm when she makes contact with the nerve. "It will help keep the tears away."

Darius looks down at me, and I swear there's something resembling tears in his eyes. "You ready?" he asks, giving my arm a small squeeze. No, no I'm not ready, nor will I ever be ready but since I cant say that, I give him a small nod. I look at myself quickly in the small mirror against the wall, knowing that the moment I leave this room every camera will be on either me or Gale. I fix my hair, straighten my dress and make sure that any trace of tears is gone, mostly wasting time before the inevitable. Darius comes up behind, "Madge it's time." I close my eyes, pressing down on the nerve that Maysilee just showed me and turn to face Darius.

"Okay let's go."

The cameras are blinding. I try to keep my head up, but I find myself pressing my thumb into the nerve more often then I thought necessary. Gale doesn't even look likes he's being crying, he looks, well, mad. Really mad. Like chop your head off with a spoon type of mad. This seems ironic since we're going to the Hunger Games, where everyone expects you to chop off somebody's head. We are ushered aboard the train, Maysilee following along slightly behind me and I notice Darius gently squeezing my arm as a silent goodbye right before I step inside immense train. The doors close around us, finally blocking us from the view of the flashing cameras. The train pulls out of the station at once and I see Gale fall slightly backwards at the speed. Remembering all the times my father told me about the speed of the Capitol trains, I had already braced myself and I allow myself a small smirk as I notice Gale trying in vain to cover up his little trip. Effie shows to our chambers, each one has it's a massive king size bed, a closet full of fine clothes and a bathroom complete with a running shower and a colossal tub as well as a small intercom that will grant our wish at the push of a button. Gale's eye widen and I try to imagine how it must be for him, a boy from the seam, never having a bed to yourself, a shower or even having running water much less hot running water. He goes off to his own room and Effie leaves me in mine, telling me to wear anything I want but to be ready in one hour for dinner.

Once the door is closed, Maysilee sits on the bed cross-legged and it strikes me how not two hours ago she was sitting on my bed, allowing me to believe that nothing was amiss. And now I'm on a train to the Capitol and my untimely demise. "I'm going to take a shower." I so badly need to clear my head and I'm hoping that a nice shower will help with that. Maysilee nods once, a small sympathetic smile on her face. She would be sympathetic, after all she was in my position 24 years ago.

I rush off to the bathroom, grabbing a big fluffy white towel from the closet. The shower is heavenly, much like the one I have back home, a small row full of buttons lining one wall. I choose strawberry scented shampoo, conditioner and body soap, the scent reminding me of home. I sigh, swiftly toweling myself off and walking to the huge closet in search of something to wear. I find a navy blue tunic and some black pants that I throw on, slipping my tan ballet flats back on. I brush my hair, deciding just to leave it down. Being overly careful, I pin my token onto the front of my tunic, not wanting to get it snagged. I glance at myself in the mirror and decide that it's as good as it's gonna get.

I walk back out to Maysilee, watching as she twists and knots a piece of string. I plop down next to her, watching her as she creates a complicated knot. We sit in silence for a moment before she hands me a piece of string too. Looking more closely at it, I realize that it's just a loose string from the heavy comforter that rests on the bed. She silently shows me how to make the same knot as hers, my fingers weaving in and out. It numbs my brain after awhile, and I keep tying and untying the knot, trying to get it just right. Satisfied with my work I hold up the string for Mays to inspect and after a moment she smiles at me content at my work. "Dinner is going to be served soon, you better get going." She says gently, as if speaking to a frightened child. Which, in a way, she is. I nod, getting off the bed and straitening my tunic I look down at her expectantly, "Are you coming?"

She shakes her head, "No, I have other business to attend to, but I'll be back before dinner is over."I must look pretty despicable because she stands and gives me a quick hug. She leaves almost at once, without even saying goodbye, leaving me standing in the middle of the room, alone and afraid. Taking a deep breath I walk out of my room and down to the dining car.

Effie seems to be the only one present and she immediately starts talking my ear off at the sight of me, saying how wonderful I am for being punctual, and punctuality is the pathway to success. I smile and nod in agreement although I'm yelling obscenities in my head. How exactly is being punctual going to get me out of the Games alive? Gale joins us soon after that and I notice how he silently determines which seat to take, the seat next to me or Effie. He finally sits down next to me and I feel a small sad amount of satisfaction that he would rather sit next to me than Effie. Of course choosing me over Effie is similar to choosing me over a hungry grizzly bear, but I try not to think about that.

"Where's Haymitch?" I ask because it feels oddly wrong to be eating without him.

"I'm here." I turn around to see him clutching his head and a pained expression on his face. Do hangovers happen that quickly? He sits down next to Effie and she scolds him for being late. In response he burps very close to her face. Effie recoils in disgust and I try my hardest not to laugh. Servers bring dish after dish to the table, and I serve myself a good portion of all of them. I've had most of the food served, most often when my father is hosting a fancy banquet, however Gale is looking incredible lost. He stares at a small bird in the middle of the table as if he's trying to decide what it is exactly.

"Its Cornish game hen, there like small chickens." I tell him, giving him a small smile. He looks down at me and I see so much anger in his eyes that I almost back away in fear. Instead I hold my ground looking back at him and I even raise an eyebrow at his questionable response to my innocent statement. He looks surprised and he finally looks away from me and back to the food. Effie congratulates us on our good behavior and showers me with praise on my refined manners and lady like etiquette. I accept the praise graciously and I even call her MsTrinket. She smiles wildly at that, telling me to please be free to call her Effie.

Half way through dinner, as I'm talking idly with Effie I hear Haymitch ask, "Hey, Maysilee can you pass the salt?" I freeze, my fork half way to my mouth and I notice him do the same, aware of his mistake. I feel Gale and Effie's confused gaze on me and Haymitch but I simply smile and hand him the salt. I spend the rest of dinner moderately quiet, staring blankly at my food and avoiding Gale's curious eyes.

After dinner we sit and watch the recaps of the Reapings, and I finally get to se my competition. Although I try to remember everyone, only a few really stand out. The slim boy from one, the monstrous boy from 2, a red-haired girl from five, a very tall and muscular boy from eleven and his tiny televe year old district partner. We are shown last and I'm very proud that I don't look afraid, Gale on the other hand is looks murderous and I vaguely wonder if he'll keep his promise not to hurt me unless it comes down to the two of us. Once the recaps have finished I see Haymitch staring at me again and I squirm slightly in my seat. Effie bids us good night and walks swiftly to her quarters, the sound of her heels clicking echoes around the train.

"Why does she have to where those blasted things?" I mutter under my breath.

"Because," Gale answers, "a she wants to make sure everyone knows she's coming." I stare at him for a moment before bursting out in laughter. I hear his laughter join mine and soon I'm doubled over, the giggles racking through my body. The joke honestly wasn't all that funny and it's probably from all the stress and the nerves but it seems that neither of us can stop. Finally we both quiet down and I look up at Gale smiling. I'm shocked to find him actually grinning at me and I feel my body stiffen as he gently brings one of his fingers up to my face to gently bush away the tears that had leaked out during our laughing fit. His face is so close to mine and I can still smell the woods on his skin.

"Ahem!" Haymitch clears his throat loudly, causing us both to jump back. "I'll best be going to bed." He gets out of his chair wobbling slightly. Both me and Gale stand up as he passes and he looks me straight in the face with a semi-smile, "Good night May." I tense up again but force myself to relax as Haymitch wanders off to his room, oblivious to his mix up.

Gale raises an eyebrow at me, silent question, and I shrug in response before starting for my room. "Good night Madge." I turn partially around to make sure I heard him right and find his back already turned to me.

"Good night Gale." I respond quietly before retreating to my room.

"Where have you been?" May is sitting on my bed again and gives me a small shrug. "Haymich called me your name." I say hoping to get something out of her, "Twice."

She just shrugs again, replying " You look allot like me." I groan, falling back on the bed. She starts to play with my hair, braiding and unbraiding small strands.

I close my eyes and remember back when I was a child and my mother used to braid my hair in pigtails, her fingers gently weaving through my hair. "May?"

"Yes?"

"Where do you go when you leave me?" It's something I was always curious about but never asked.

She pauses a second before replying, "I visit people."

"Who?"

"Just people Madge."

"Do you visit my mom?"

She pauses again, "Yes."

"And she can see you?" I turn my head to look at her and I see her nod. "Do you visit anyone else?" She says nothing and we sit there in silence as she runs her fingers through my hair.

"I'm scared May." I croak out, trying hold in the tears

"I know." She stops talking for a second, still continuing to play with my hair. "You watched the other Reapings?" it came out more as a statement than a question but I still nod in response. She quiets again before asking, "Who do you think is your biggest opponent?"

"The boy from District 2." I answer automatically.

"Why?"

I scoff, "Because he's huge."

"So?"

"So, I'm tiny!"

"You're not tiny," she says with a laugh. That's sort of true, since I always had food at my disposal I wasn't exactly skin and bones, and at five foot seven I'm pretty average height.

"It doesn't matter May," I say, my eyes still closed shut, " I have no chance. I can't fight, I can't build a fire, I can't use a weapon, I can't-"

"Okay, that's enough." She says pushing herself off the bed, walking over to the intercom on the wall."Press the button."

"Why?" I ask confused.

"Will you just do it." I look at her quizzically before getting up and doing what she asks. When I press the button a female voice answers, asking what she can do for me.

"Umm…" I look at Maysille, silently begging for assistance.

"Ask her if she could please bring a small knife to your room."

"Uh, could please bring a knife to room?" I feel like an idiot and at the girl's silence I'm almost certain I've made some dire mistake.

I glare at Mays just before the voice answers, "Certainly Miss Undersee, an attendant will arrive shortly."

"Um, thank you."

"Your very welcome, will that be all?"

"Yes, that will be it for now." I turned off the intercom, glaring at Maysilee. "Great, I wonder what the staff's going to be whispering about tonight."

Maysilee laughs, "They have gotten way worse request Madge, so don't worry." Before I could answer there was a timid knock on the door. I opened it to reveal a pretty young Capitol attendant that held a small paring knife in her hands. She smiled sweetly at me before placing the knife in my hands. "Um, thanks" I say uncertainly.

"No thanks necessary, have a nice evening Miss Undersee" I nod once before closing the door on the girl.

"Aren't they afraid I'm going to stab myself or something?" I ask in confusion.

She shakes her head, "No, there are little monitors in the walls that constantly check your heart rate, the moment your heart rate goes to fast or too slow an alarm goes off to warn the attendants." Huh, strange, but so is everything here so far.

"So what's with the knife?"

"Throw it."

"What! Why?" I ask in surprise staring at the knife in my hands.

"Because you claim that you can't use a weapon, so I'm going to teach you."

"Mays this is ridiculous! I cant throw this!"

"Why not? It's the same basic concept as throwing darts." A million memories swarm back to me of throwing darts with my father in the basement. I never missed. "You have the best aim I've ever seen."

"With darts!" I cry out, "Not knives!"

"Same concept! If you have good aim in one thing you have it in everything else." I'm almost certain that she's wrong about that but decide not to argue with her. I face the wall, holding the knife strongly in my hand. Maysilee corrects my stance, demonstrating how she wants me to throw before pointing her finger to the exact place she wants me to try to hit. I follow her instruction, aiming for the point on the wall, certain that I'm going to miss completely and cause the knife to bounce off the wall. The knife glides through the air and embeds itself into the wall. Not only did I throw it with enough force for it to stick, it is at the exact spot where I was aiming for. I stand in shock at my perfect throw as Maysilee smiles at me. "Try father away this time." I stand across the room, a significant space considering it's size and release the knife. It embeds itself in the same spot. I grin in spite of myself, feeling something resembling hope for the first time since Effie called my name. Mays smiles at me too before saying, "Again." I have the feeling that this is going to be a long night.

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