Hi guys, sorry I've been MIA recently, but life hasn't been too good to me, but I'm back and roaring to go! I lost all motivation and enjoyment towards writing amongst other things I love, but I'm over it now, and as a high school graduate that's passed with really good GCSE results, I'm here giving you the updates you've been waiting for. THANKS SO MUCH FOR 20 REVIEWS! AMAZING! PLEASE REVIEW, I'm so looking forward to this story!
-its crap but w/e
"MITCHIEEEEEEEE!" I sighed as Shane screeched my name throughout our two floored apartment, his voice echoing through the rooms, slamming my ears. Rolling my eyes I hoisted myself off of the sofa, setting my carton of Ben and Jerry's on the table as I silently trekked up the stairs to where he was.
And yes, before you ask, Shane and I do share an apartment- well his apartment. I'm merely the roommate who pays no rent?
Why? Because I'm an 18, nearly 19 year old girl scrapping by to afford her college tuition. And Shane? Well he has money spewing out of every orifice not to mention a seven figure sum resting comfortably in his account.
Our apartment was ridiculously over priced and modern, the size- enough to house an entire state, but according to Shane it's too small, he feels suffocated. Crazy I know, but with an ego the size of his, I don't think the US can accommodate for it.
I continued to drag my body up the flight of stairs when he screamed once more "MITCHIE? Mitchie get up here I'm having a fashion crisis"
I swear to god living with him is worse than living with a girl.
For three reasons
One- he is more fashion and appearance conscious than any other person I have ever come across in my life. Seriously, he won't leave the house if one strand of hair is out of place.
Two- he never cooks, cleans, shops, in fact he makes no contribution to the domestic aspect at all. Okay so admittedly he leaves me alone months on end whilst he's performing in front of thousands of underage girls who are eye fucking him night after night, but still. C'mon. A little help wouldn't go a miss.
And three- I'm in love with him, and naturally that wouldn't be the case with a girl. Watching him prance around the apartment, when he is home, semi naked, in all his glory does no wonders for my sense of control and only makes my unrequited feelings for him worse and worse.
Like now, for instance. I waltz into his walk in closet to see him shirtless, holding up two v-neck t-shirts. I gulp harshly, trying to push back the mental images of my hands running down his chest as he had his wicked way with me to the back of my mind as I tore my gaze away from his perfected chest to his face. Which whilst we're talking perfection- must have been created by god himself.
Custom made one of a kind, sexy.
"What is it now Shane?" I asked irritated, after all he had just interrupted my Friday night.
He threw up his hands "Woah no need for the third degree, I'm sorry I tore you away from you mentally undressing Ashton Kutcher on TV whilst you fill your face with ice cream, but this is an emergency. I have a date with Sarah tonight-"
"You mean Rachel" I cut him off.
He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion for a second before he relaxed , his face falling into a frown"Oh yeah, Sarah was last week" he said dejectedly
My heart sank a little; week after week it would be a new girl on his arms, sometimes more frequent than that, but every time they dropped him like rock. They would get what they could and disappear
He deserved a lot more.
"Anyway, what shirt?" he held up the two options as I shot him a crazy look
"Shane, not wanting to be Captain obvious or anything but they are exactly the same"
He nodded, his eyes widening slightly "Exactly! Now you see my dilemma"
I shook my head "No Shane, I really don't." My eyes scanned from shirt to shirt "That one" I said pointing to the tee in his left hand
He looked at it before giving a satisfied nod "Thanks Mitch you're great,"
Yeah I know.
I followed him out of the closet and sat myself on the end of his bed as I watched him get ready for his fourth date with Rachel. I sat wordlessly as he applied product after product to his naturally wavy hair, his bicep muscles highlighted in all their glory as he pulled at various locks.
Why was God torturing me like this?
What have I ever done to you big guy?
I follow the rules, I'm a good girl.
Cut me some slack please.
"I really like her Mitch, you know, i think she's different, like she actually gets me."
Dear Big Guy,
I'm sorry if i've ever done anything to offend you,
But please, give me a break, your humour/ sense of revenge is cruel.
Sincerely yours,
My sanity.
"That's great Shane, I'm happy for you" i plastered on the best fake smile i could muster
His hands dropped from his hair to his hips as he inspected his appearance, nodding in satisfaction as he turned on his heel to face me
"how do i look?" he asked biting his lip slightly, as if he was searching for my approval
"good" i replied. Good, sexy, fuckable- same thing right?
"Good? I only look good? I'm Shan Gray..."
"Woah Mr egotistical, keep yourself under wraps. You look great Shane, you're gunna knock her senseless when she see's you"
I got to my feet and followed him out of his room and onto the landing, looking at me with a shit eating grin spread across his face he pulled me into a quick but tight hug, as i inhaled the scent of his cologne, making my senses go crazy. I closed my eyes, letting the moment overtake me, until the sudden warmth was ripped away from me.
"Right babe I'm off, don't wait up, love you" he winked at me before grabbing the keys to his car and slamming the door firmly behind him.
I stood frozen as I watched the door shake on its hinges, the crash echoing in my ears. Sighing I dragged myself back to the living room, throwing myself down on the sofa as I grabbed my half eaten carton of Baked Alaska, digging the spoon in with force with one hand as I unpaused the movie with the other.
Hello Ashton Kutcher, I'm making it your personal mission to whisk me off of my feet for approximately 2hrs 23 minutes by showing your fine ass on one of my favourite movies of yours- A lot like love.
And before you start... don't.
If you fail to meet these specifications I will have to result to plan B; Ben Affleck. Be warned Mr Kutcher, that man has a body to die for.
Let mission impossible commence.
-
Two movies and a pint of Ben & jerry's I decided it was time to call it a night, any regular eighteen year old would spend their Friday night on a date or at a party- not me. I stayed home eye raping Ashton Kutcher whilst mentally cursing God as to why my life can't be as perfect as the movies.
Quite pathetic, right?
I know.
Checking my blackberry once more to see if Shane had sent me any emergency texts demanding me to save him from a disastrous date- which there was none, I set it on the table, plugging the charger in before I got to my feet exiting the living room.
My mind embraced the silence throughout the place as I entered my bedroom, my haven.
The only place I can successfully hide.
I didn't bother turning the light on as I clambered over numerous piles of clothes and bags that were scattered over my floor to my bed. I picked up the remote to my IPod dock as I selected my favourite playlist to fill my room.
It's twelve o' clock and I need your attention
it's like the alcohol making my head spin
your scent is the rum. the room is a bottle
Keeping me hopeless 'til I wake tomorrow
And if tonight ever makes a difference
The way that I feel the way that I'll remember it
I'll take this down until the glass remains
Swallow the words that I was meant to say
I dived under the covers, wrapping them tightly around my body as I protected myself from the chill of the December night air as my ears listened intently to the words of 'The Cab', my mind drawing a blank as I let the music overtake me.
It's a long drive back to Vegas skies
So why don't I make one more wrong turn tonight, so
Say goodnight our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together
And know that the timing was right
All of these guards they stand tall and defensive
Putting up walls around what was once innocent
It won't let me in, but I'm stronger than that
'Cause you stole my eyes and I've never looked back
Girl, last night I forgot to mention
The way that I feel, the way that I'll remember this
When we're this young, we have nothing to lose
We just the clock to beat and a hand to choose
It's a long drive back to Vegas skies
So I don't, I make one more wrong turn tonight, so
Say goodnight our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together
And know that the timing was right
It's a long way down
Just fall into place and you'll fall into me
We'll make it out you'll see
So, say goodnight, our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together
And say goodnight, our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together
And know that the timing was right
I felt my eyelids drop heavily, feeling like a tonne of bricks were attached to them, the sudden tiredness overwhelming me. I surrendered, letting my body relax against the mattress as my eyelids closed, my last conscious thought being that of Shane.
-
Sleep lasted all of 25 minutes before I found myself waking up in a cold sweat, my breathing heavy as I tried to gain composure from whatever nightmare I had experienced.
Now little over two hours later I continued to toss and turn my body shouting at my mind to let sleep over take me, the darkness wanting to consume me as I stared out the window, the piercing moonlight shining through, highlighting the silhouettes of my furniture in my room. .
My attention was caught as I heard the front door cautiously open as I quickly rolled over to glance at the large red digits on my alarm clock telling me it was nearly 2am; the date must have gone well. I quickly rolled back over as I heard footsteps descend up the stairs. I pursed my eyes shut as I heard my door creak open, light from the hallway flooding through
"Mitch?" Shane whispered as he took a step into my room, "Mitch?" he repeated. I pretended to stir, knowing that he must have a valid reason for waking me up at this time. I rolled over as he sat on the bed, the mattress shifting underneath us
"Shane?" I said groggily, stretching my arms above my head. I opened my eyes cautiously as they travelled up to his face, his expression causing me to shoot up into a sitting position
"Shane" I repeated, more alert as I looked at him, his pained and saddened expression leaving me concerned "What's wrong?"
He looked at me wordlessly as he kicked off his shoes and removing his beat up leather jacket before crawling into bed next to me, bringing the comforter up to cover the both of us.
He let out a dejected sigh as he slung his arm around my shoulder, bringing me closer to him before nestling himself comfortably against me
We sat there in a comfortable silence, before he finally decided to speak "It's over" his voice was thick with emotion as he squeezed me tighter
I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, but then again I also couldn't help but mentally do a happy dance at the fact that he was single again- for the time being.
Shane never took break ups well, no matter how long they lasted. He wasn't a man whore, he just fell too easily. He wanted to be wanted, he wanted to be loved, he wanted someone to show his love to.
Little did he know that I could be the girl. I wanted to be that girl- so bad.
I didn't say anything, I just waited for him to continue, I knew he would, he always did " I really liked her Mitch, I thought she was different from the rest, I thought she liked me for me- Shane, not Shane Gray the pop star. But guess not. Turns out as soon as she got her face plastered over a tabloid she had achieved her goal. Yet another girl using me to make some money"
My eyes never left his face as I watched the emotion in his face, his eyes glistening. I readjusted myself, sitting more upright as I reached over and placed a kiss on his cheek "You deserve so much better Shane, you deserve a girl who sees you as the amazing person I do"
Aka ME ME ME!
He sighed "I wish I was more like you" he admitted in a small voice
"What?! Why?" I was confused, why did he want to be anything like me, my life was dull, uneventful and as for my love life- completely nonexistent.
"Because you don't have relationship troubles, you don't need anyone"
Well gee Shane, thanks! Yes, because I want to die alone.
Not.
If you would open your eyes for one second you'd realise that I've been in love with you forever, your brothers know, your parents know, the whole fucking world knows.
I bit my lip slightly offended as I felt tears brim at my eyes, reminding me just how lonely my life was. I was pathetic, holding out on the hope that one day he'll love me like I love him.
"You think I like being alone?" I said softly, trying not to let the anger seep through. He sensed my change in tone as alarm spread across his face "No Mitch, that's not what I meant"
"well you made yourself pretty clear Shane" I stated bluntly as I wriggled out of his grip and rolled over, my back facing him, tears now slipping down my face "thanks for rubbing in the fact that nobody wants me." My voice cracked as I choked back the tears, I don't know why I was so sensitive tonight, but that just tipped me over the edge.
"Mitchie look at me" he pleaded softly, grabbing onto my shoulder as he attempted to turn me over as I continued to wriggle out of his grip "look. At. Me."
I reluctantly turned over, focusing my gaze on anything but his face, deciding the door was the best option, I continued to lay perfectly still as I let my emotions- once again, get the better of me.
I felt his calloused thumb brush against my skin as he pushed a strand of hair out of my face "why do you always do this to yourself Mitch? You're one of the strongest people I know, but then you always belittle yourself. Have you seen yourself Michelle, have you seen how gorgeous you are?"
I bit on my bottom lip harshly trying to contain the sob that was fighting to escape, that's right Shane, say things you don't actually mean to make me feel better. You tard.
"You really don't see it do you?" his tone changed from comforting to disbelief. He scooped me up into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head, I froze in his embrace, my skin breaking out in goose bumps, even though I was protected my flannelled pyjamas and a comforter.
"Mitch" he cooed "Any guy would be lucky to have someone like you, and those who don't, well they are stupid, blind and oblivious"
I rolled my eyes, knowing that he couldn't see me well Mr Gray if that's true then why are you acting stupid, blind and oblivious?
"Thanks Shane" I tried to reply as sincerely as I could, but truth be told I just wanted this conversation to end.
"You know you're my best friend right?" I nodded into his chest "Good" he placed a gentle kiss on my head before shifting himself so that we were now both laying down side by side
"Do you mind if I stay here tonight?" he asked his voice small
Before my brain could comprehend an answer the word yes had already left my lips. Not a wise move Mitchie
You + Shane + Close proximity= no.
"thanks Mitch" he whispered as he pulled me close, holding on to me as if I was a teddy bear "sweet dreams"
I mumbled an incoherent response as I closed my eyes, letting sleep over take me.
Three words
"Fuck my life."
-
I awoke the next morning, ready to face whatever crap the world wanted to throw at me today, after all there's not much going for me these days that can genuinely put a smile on my face. Rolling over, I expected to collide with a sleeping Shane, but my wishful thinking was always that- wishful. Instead I continued to roll over on to the now cold side of the bed where he was hours before.
My hand wandered up and down the mattress, my fingers drawing patterns on the sheets as I let my mind wander, imagining if I had woken up in his arms. But I wasn't dreaming anymore, I was awake and it's about time I let reality overcome me. With an exasperated sigh I hoisted myself out of bed, my somewhat lifeless body trudging its way over to my closet.
I slung on a pair of sweats and threw my hair up into a messy bun before I pounded down the stairs and into the kitchen, my stomach grumbling from my lack of eating over the past few hours.
"Hey Mitch" my attention was caught when I heard a familiar voice greet me as I reached the kitchen, my gaze meeting that of the remaining two Gray brothers, sitting at the table stuffing their face full of pancakes and bacon.
I nodded in acknowledgement as I opened the refrigerator , grabbing a carton of orange juice before plopping myself down at the table opposite them, noticing the absence of the middle Gray brother.
"Where's Shane?" I asked as I reached over grabbing a piece of bacon off of Nate's plate, stuffing it in my mouth. I raised my gaze to meet his, his eyes portraying annoyance as I innocently smiled at him. Nate simply rolled his eyes, now completely used to my habits, especially my love for eating everyone else's food before turning to my own
What? It seriously tastes better off of someone else's plate.
"Out for a run, or whatever."
That's right, of course he was. It's what he did every time things ended between a girl in him. He'd run, swim, cycle for hours on end until his body screamed in pain, literally to the extent where he'd come home, tears streaming down his face from the burning pain in his muscles. It was his way of distracting himself, it was almost as if the physical pain was masking the emotional turmoil he was experiencing.
I nodded, taking another swig out of the carton before realising something "Hold on- why are you guys here?"
Jason's eyes widened slightly "Why thanks Mitch, way to make us feel wanted."
"That's not what I meant, don't you guys need to go see your manager or whatever instead of eating the entire contents of my kitchen?"
"Thought we'd swing by and see how our favourite girl is doing, y'know making sure she hadn't lost her mind yet" Nate shot back light-heartedly
"Ha-ha very funny" I retorted sarcastically, no disrespect to Mr and Mrs Gray in the slightest, because yes they did produce three outrageously attractive and gentleman- like sons, but they weren't blessed with a good sense of humour.
If I'm honest, I've ate a burger more funny than the three of them combined.
Jason let out a slight chuckle before turning serious "We're not joking Mitch, you worry us"
I stopped mid chew and looked at them confused, why the hell were they worried about me? It wasn't like I was standing on the edge of a cliff contemplating jumping. I swallowed, opening my mouth to interrupt, when Nate continued
"You're bottling up all these thoughts and emotions Mitch, it's not good for you, you're holding yourself back from being truly happy. We've seen what you're like when you watch him with girl after girl and you're going to make yourself ill!"
I pushed myself off of my chair, walking over to the window, staring out onto the view, my back now facing them. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but I hate them sometimes too. They too believed, like everyone else that Shane and I belonged together, that our friendship could never stay merely platonic, but unlike most of my other friends who knew when to back off, they pestered me, time after time.
I ran my hands through my hair as I muttered "Well at least I won't have to watch for a while" I turned around to inspect their perplexed expressions
"What do you mean?"
"What do you think I mean Jason, it means the bitch has dumped his ass, another good for nothing piece of skirt built him up and knocked him down, yet again." My voice was blunt, harsh and annoyed. I wasn't angry at them, I could never be, but I was angry at those girls. The poor excuses of women who manipulate my best friend just to see their face on page 37 of people magazine.
"Well that's good then" Nate concluded, a small smile tugging at his lips
"How is it? How on earth is it?"
"Well now he's single."
"And unhappy" i retorted
"But he could be happy-" Jason began
"And will be when yet another floozy comes into his life"
"Mitch, why are you always so pessimistic about everything?"
"Because Nate, being optimistic has never gotten me anywhere, I've been optimistic about me and him for years and its caused me nothing but pain, I'd rather always think the worst than let myself get hurt yet again" I confessed, sitting back down "It's never going to happen guys, he may be my prince charming but I'll never be part of his happy ever after"
The pair exchanged glances, doing some weird brotherly communication before returning their gaze back to me, their face plastered with a shit eating grin
"...what?" I said cautiously, knowing they were up to no good.
silence
"seriously, what are you two shitheads planning?"
"Cinderella you're going to the ball!" Jason exclaimed excitedly, clapping his hands together like some sort of seal
Okay, either I momentarily went into a coma and missed out vital part of the conversation for Jason is talking complete shit.
I looked at Nate for help to see the same sense of excitement mirrored on his face "Shane is searching for the girl to fit his glass slipper, and you my dear Cinderella just need to be pushed in his direction"
"Its time to make a woman out of you"
Oh god.
Well there you go there is the first proper chapter of Look after you, basically inspired by a mixture of lyrics by the fray and the Cab. Please review and tell me what you think, I have 20 reviews at the moment, I need 10 more before I update again