A/N: This was supposed to be a one shot. This was supposed to be just a moment in their lives. And then... after a few flattering reviews, I reread this and wondered what would happen next. This was a hard piece for me to write and I found myself caught up in it emotionally as I reread it. Sometimes you write something from a deeper place. When you look back on it, you don't even recognize it as your own. That's when I knew I wanted to keep going with this story. A big part of me is afraid that as I go back to it I'm going to screw up what was already perfectly broken. One thing you should know, is I rarely write in first person unless it's a oneshot, the writing style from the first chapter will not be the dominate writing style of this piece.

That being said, I am all about the angst, hurt/comfort, and slow burn. I spend too much time in their heads and not enough on action or dialogue. There's way too much narrative in my stories to come across as the clear concise moving writing that other people can manage. At the same time, I know that years of being a psych student have turned me more towards the moments of character study and emotional vulnerability. As a dark and twisty person myself, I'm not in it to fix them. I don't know if they can be fixed. But those moments of calm in the storm are worth it. Those moments when you recognize something in someone else and things just click into place. Moments of awareness that show us who we are and expose our needs and fears.

I've been known to right some really dark stuff and I have a feeling this story will continue that. I realize I'm late in discovering this show, but I have and now I want to explore this. For the record, I can't stand Meredith most episodes. I can't stand the choices she makes and the logical lies she tells herself. I hate her for not recognizing when she's just adding to her own trouble. But hey, who out there doesn't? At the same time, I do recognize that we share sooooo many traits and history (probably another reason why I cringe). That being said, you're probably going to see more of me in Meredith than actual Meredith. ... Or, rather, maybe you'll just see more of who I wish I was. The lies I tell myself.

I've been reading as much fanfiction as I can find about these two and there's something that always bothers me about these stories. It seems like everyone only addresses one of their brokenness. We all know they're both massively broken people and I don't think a sudden need to protect the other is enough to simply erase or eradicate the other's brokenness. They're not just going to suddenly become perfect to appease the other. So I'm going to try to simultaneously address their own problems, as well as the problems that their friendship will take. That being said, this will not be a light story and it may not even be a happy story.

I can promise you that it will be emotional and healing though, but like all good things that heal, it's going to break you down first.

XOXOXO

Before he can even come near you, she's snagged you by the arm and started asking you about the case. You've turned the corner and stop her, wanting to ask her why she did it. Why it mattered to her. She

gives you a look that silences the questions and responds quietly, "Just us today Addison. Ask me again tomorrow. For now, let's just be us."

You nod in understanding. You're ready to give into what you've both agreed upon, but not before a quiet thank you. It's the most sincere thing you've ever said to her and the look on her face tells you she knows.

"It's time we start looking out for us," Meredith says and leans in closer. "You matter outside of what he thinks. You matter to me," she promises with the beginnings of a friendship offered that you think you're willing to finally accept.

Words catch in your throat and you simply nod. You know that if your eyes weren't already so dry and red from crying that afternoon that you would be crying all over again. There just aren't any tears left.

You see the look in Meredith's eyes and you know that the intensity of this moments isn't going to go away on it's own. You need to diffuse the situation before you melt down right here. You're not ready for this. You're not ready for this thing between you to solidify so quickly.

You clear your throat, bringing you both back to the present. A quick glance around and you spot several staff members pretending to not be watching with bated breath. Without thinking, you grab Meredith's left hand and drag her into the closest room.

The bed isn't made, sheets and blankets in a tangle of post sleep, but it is empty. That's something. You don't overthink what has happened to the patient. Countless scenarios could account for their absence. They may have checked out already and the nurses just haven't gotten in to clear things. They may have dragged the patient off for labs or tests or PT or who knows what. None of it matters and so you don't dwell. You're just glad to be out of everyone's gaze. You're glad to be away from running into Derek again.

"Let me see your hand," you say with a no-nonsense tone. You may not know Meredith well, but you knows her well enough to know that she'll try to downplay any damage she may have done.

Meredith shakes her hand. "I'm fine Addison, don't worry about it." She can feel the intern roll her eyes without even having to look at her. It doesn't matter though, you're already digging through the cabinets for supplies. It won't take anything major, pretty much every room is supplied with the basics. Meredith hops up onto the cabinet and sits there, legs swinging gently, waiting.

You look at her, grateful that she's not going to fight you on this. Reaching over, you gingerly take her hand in yours. You turn it face up and see the red swelling of her knuckles already starting to bruise. The skin on her middle and ring fingers split in angry purple splashes of swollen flesh.

Your shoulders slump and you look up at her with the most helpless look, tears filling your eyes this time. "Why?" you ask, although you think it's a stupid question. You know why she did it. Her love for Derek, is the same reason why she was so disappointed and upset with his actions. Yeah, you know why she did it. You just don't know why she did it for you.

Meredith smiles at you, though it doesn't quite reach her eyes. Even though you can tell it pains her she squeezes your fingers gently. "We're not having this conversation here, not today. Just know that I don't and will not regret it."

Part of her hates Meredith a little for keeping her to her own request of no Derek, but she nods understanding. "Thank you," you whisper, voice cracking despite yourself. You don't want her to know how much it matters to you.

She's sliding fingers under your chin and lifting your gaze to hers. She opens her mouth to say something, but the words get lost and you just stare at each other for a moment. "Let's just get through this shift," she finally says sighing a little.

You nod, not fully convinced you can even say anything right now. Making quick work of taking care of her hand, you crack an ice pack open and place it on top of her hand. She moves her left hand over yours and you both stay there for a moment holding it in place.

"I'm not the kind of person that does this. I don't take care of myself and I don't know how to take care of other people, but today. I just couldn't let that go. I had to do something. It's not that I don't want to talk to you about it, it's just that I don't know what to say," Meredith says desperately, trying to help you understand.

You slip your hand from hers and place both of your hands on the outside of her knees, so that you can trail your thumbs against her thighs in a comforting gesture. "I get that. I do. Maybe not the details, but the whole being someone you're not. I'm not the kind of person that doesn't take care of people. I'm not the kind of person who can turn her back on people in need, even if they do call her Satan." You can see Meredith try to say something, but you wink at her and shake your head. "What I am, is someone who is hurting and you took a little bit of that away. If you ever need me, no questions asked, I'll be here. I'm not who you think I am Meredith; I'm just as damaged as you are."

Meredith shakes her head no as though it physically hurts her to hear this. You lean forward, hands on either side of her waist and tell her, "Yes, I am." You know you sound aggressive and that's probably not something you should be doing considering what she did for you today. It's not enough though. You need her to believe this.

She can't look away from your eyes and you don't break the contact. You see her swallow and then nod slowly. "Why me? Why share this with me? I'm the girl that runs when there's trouble. I'm the one that hides when people depend on her. I'm the one that can't commit to anything, let alone anyone."

Realizing what you've done, how you've exposed her, you pull back and shrug a little. "Maybe I just recognized something in you that would help you understand. I don't tell people things like this. I don't share. I'm strong, confident, in control Addison." You give her a wry smile before adding, "I'm not supposed to be broken and I'm so tired of being broken alone."

She nods. "No one is allowed to treat you that way," Meredith says firmly. "No one," she repeats, voice hoarse with emotion. She hops down from the counter and she's standing too close to you. "I don't want you to go back to the trailer tonight, not alone. I'll go with you to get your things after work."

You stare at her for a moment, feeling the tears build up once more, but you just nod. "Okay," you whisper, no longer having the strength to argue.

She doesn't touch you. She doesn't try to hug you or wipe away your tears. She just gives you that look and you understand. She's caring in the only way she knows how. This time, she's not running.

"Page me when your shift is over," she says, reaching for your hand, but stopping before you touch. "I'll be there. And if Derek comes near you -"

You shake your head. "He won't. Not at work. Unlike he is with you, I don't matter enough to risk his reputation."

Meredith looks at you like she wants to tell you differently, but she just sighs heavily and cocks her head slightly. "We'll get you out of there tonight." When you don't answer and can't look at her she does grab your hand. "Okay?"

You nod and angrily wipe the tears off your cheek. A quick squeeze to the hand is all you get and she's gone a moment later, leaving you alone to collect yourself before venturing out into the hospital.

XOXOXO

Okay there it is. I don't know how I feel about it. Reviews would be lovely. I realize this is almost a dead fandom at this point (at least with this pairing), but for those of you that are out there - please let me know. I have soooo many stories planned and I'd love to muster up enough encouragement to get them finished and posted. y

So, please review if you can. It only takes a moment and it makes me a better writer. I basically AM Meredith Grey (but slightly more fucked up) so you can imagine what posting stuff like this is for me.