Disclaimer: The characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The text in bold belongs to J.K. Rowling.
"Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone", read Harry.
Harry Potter thinks he is an ordinary boy – until he is rescued by a beetle-eyed giant of a man, enrols at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft, learns to play Quidditch and does battle in a deadly duel. The reason: Harry Potter is a Wizard!
"Sounds about right about my first year", mumbled Harry.
Remus was wondering what the hell happened to Harry in his first year, even more so when he heard Harry's words.
"Whoo-oo!" screeched Sirius.
Remus reached over Harry and smacked Sirius over the head and whispered "Start acting your age and not your shoe size, Padfoot. Do you want the crazy people to think you're just as crazy as they are?"
Chapter 1: 'The Boy Who Lives' read Harry.
"You're welcome," stated the twins in their most pompous Percy voices.
"Who are these people, Potter?" asked Draco.
"My muggle relatives, unfortunately", replied Harry, muttering the last bit and scrunching up his face.
Remus and Sirius suddenly felt their stomachs drop, fearing that it would be Petunia and her ungodly husband, Vernon. The rest of the room looked at them asking for more information, none of which was being was given. Something was niggling at the back of Severus' mind regarding this, but he disregard's it.
"What nonsense?" asked Lucius.
"The entire Wizarding world," replied Harry. "They are scared of things that are not normal to them."
"Normal is boring," stated the twins, with Sirius nodding in agreement.
Then it dawned on them that they were having a polite conversation instead an argument. The others could only stare in disbelief (in Sirius and Snape's case, absolute horror).
"What a beauty!" exclaimed the twins.
"Eww!" replied Sirius and Harry.
'Seems Tuney hasn't changed much' thought Snape.
"Are you sure you are related to the walrus, horse, and killer whale, Harry?" asked the twins, smirking.
Both Sirius and Remus suddenly had a coughing fit, trying to hide their chuckles, and Snape mentally snorted. The others looked horrified that they could be half human, half animal.
"I wouldn't be there if I wasn't," Harry said, giving them the "duh" look.
"There's nothing wrong with the Potters!" exclaimed Sirius.
"There's plenty wrong with them," sneered Snape.
Sirius started to unseath his wand, but was intercepted by Harry's look, and pocketed his wand. "No hexing or cursing, Sirius, or you will have me to answer to," Harry said, giving Sirius the Evans' patented glare, which Sirius shrank away from. Snape shuddered at how Lily gave him that glare when she got mad at him.
"UnDursleyish is not even a word!" stated Remus shocked.
"Who wrote it?" asked Sirius in agreement.
"Ahh, run for your lives!" shouted the twins. Snape sneered at the interruption from the Gryffindor menaces.
"A child like what, Harry?" asked Remus.
"A witch or wizard," replied Harry. Both Draco and Snape sneered at Harry's answer.
"There's nothing wrong with being a witch or wizard," said the twins.
"They think it's the end of the world," Harry explained.
Tom started to mutter, "That's why I hate muggles, especially those filthy…" He started hissing in pareseltongue in some colourful language, which makes Harry blush, who in turn sent a stinging hex at Tom and said "language Tom, there are children present", cheekily waving his hand around the room to emphasis his point.
"I thought the letter said no hexing," asked Tom.
"Probably means no lethal hexes, jinxes or curses," replied Harry.
"What a brat!" was the general consensus going around the room.
"Umm, father, did I do any of that when I was younger?" asked Draco.
"No Draco, you did not, well not in my presence anyhow. Sometimes you were left with the house elves, if your mother and I had to do some urgent family business. If you did, you wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week," replied Lucius.
The Weasley twins shifted in their seats and George said, "If we did that at home, my dad would smack our backsides so we wouldn't sit down for a month, he would use the special Weasley wooden spoon, and mum would give us chores till we left school". Fred nodded.
"Observant much!" sneered Draco with Snape nodding.
"They don't observe much unless you give them food," mumbled Harry.
"Dudley, little!" exclaimed Harry, his eyebrows going up into his hairline. They all gave Harry a look asking why Dudley is like that.
"Dudley likes to eat, and he eats constantly, so with what the twins said earlier, Dudley is as large as a baby killer whale." explained Harry, the others had horror-stricken faces.
"Why would they allow him to eat so much?" said a shocked Lucius, "obviously they don't know to raise a child!"
"Easy, Mr Malfoy, they don't", replied Harry. "Dudley is fat, and I am skinny – see how good the parenting is?!"
"Minnie!" exclaimed Sirius, Remus, Fred and George at the same time, then they looked at each other, grinning.
"How do you know?" asked rest of the group, apart from Harry, "Who's Minnie?"
"It's Professor McGonagall," replied Harry. "Have you seen her animagus form?" talking to the rest of the group. Then it dawned on the rest of the group (apart from Tom, as this has happened after they had graduated) that they have seen Professor McGonagall in that form or other.
"He thinks!" exclaimed Harry in disbelief, then mumbled "I thought he was born stupid!"
All the other occupants looked at Harry worriedly, thinking what have these people done to him?'
"Minnie can," said Sirius.
"Who's Minnie?" asked Harry.
"Professor McGonagall," replied Remus.
"Are you even allowed to call her that?"
"Err…no" replied Remus, "only in private. Even when I went back as a teacher, I didn't dare to call her that. She would hex me six ways to Sunday."
Thought of 'one track mind' was going through everybody's head.
"Cloaks aren't strange!" said the two Malfoys.
"They are to muggles." replied Harry. "They went out of fashion couple of centuries ago."
"Cloaks are good," replied Lucius in a huff.
"They wore the cloaks to drive only you up the wall, Dursley," sneered Snape.
Fred and George were caught between shock and complete amusement at Snape. They couldn't believe that their most despised potions master could and can make a joke.
"What is with all the drills?" sneered Draco.
"He lives for drills, Malfoy." replied Harry.
"What are they used for then?" asked Draco.
"Drills help you build things or destroy things, depending on what kind of drill it is and what you are doing with it. Since muggles don't have magic, they found other ways to build and demolish things. Drills are one of them." replied Harry.
"Ahh." replied all the purebloods. Draco suddenly looked at the twins worriedly, as they now have a knowing look of what a drill is.
"Harry, you just gave a better answer as to what a drill is than my father gives. Even though he's got muggles constantly on the brain." said Fred, shaking his head fondly.
"I should really give him a 'Dummy how to…' on muggles for Christmas," said Harry thoughtfully.
"He walked!" exclaimed Harry. The others in the room looked at Harry really worried. Harry ignored this and carried on reading.
"Ah! The only time he exercises is to get more food." said Harry.
"How big is he?" blurted Draco, then suddenly blushed.
"You'll have nightmares if you found out how big he is," replied the Weasley twins, shuddering. "You don't want to know," stated Harry at the same time.
"I wish!" said Harry.
"Harry, you don't want to wish that on your relatives!" scolded Remus.
"Don't tell me what to think about my 'so-called family', Professor," retorted Harry, with a Lily Evans' patented glare, which Remus shrank bank, Sirius cringed at this as he had been on this end a hell of a lot more in his youth.
"I see what you mean, and I'm sorry what I said," whispered Remus in his ear, "but no more wishing them horrid things and such," Harry nodded.
"He doesn't know your name?" asked Tom.
"Still doesn't," replied Harry, thinking about his life at the Dursley's. He suddenly looked up at Tom, and then he realized who he was talking to.
"Eww!" said Remus, Sirius, Fred and George, all thinking that those are not even good names.
"He knows that word!"
"What word would that be, Potter!" sneered Draco.
Harry decided not to answer him, still trying to get over his shock that Vernon Dursley knows that word.
"That sounds like Flitwick!" said Fred thoughtfully.
"Or one of his relatives!" said George.
"His arms fit!" exclaimed Harry, as he thought about it, stretching charms would cover this, but human stretching charms. He need to talk to both Professor McGonagall and Flitwick on this time of charm.
"Not…approve…of…imagination…!" both Fred and George slid off the coach onto their knees. They both suddenly turned to Harry, "Harry, how did you survive in that environment?"
"Not going to work," sing-songed Sirius, Fred and George.
"You should know," sneered Snape, and then muttered "Since you do nothing but pranks." Remus heard Snape and sniggered.
"What a brat!" sneered Remus. "I'm going to give him a piece of Moony at the next full moon, then he can have something to complain about."
Draco, Harry, Fred and George all looked at Remus. "He's usually a mild mannered man, not a blood thirsty werewolf."
"I think that's Ted Tonks, Andromeda's husband." said Sirius.
"Aunt Andromeda! You know Aunt Andromeda?" asked Draco.
"Know her? Of course I know her! I'm her cousin. Out of all the family, she's my favourite cousin." replied Sirius.
"You're related to him?" asked a stunned Harry.
"Yes. He may be family by blood, but your family by choice Harry." said Sirius.
"Her crowd!" exclaimed Lucius.
"The wizarding world, Mr Malfoy." said Harry. "You shouldn't take to heart what the Dursleys have to say."
"I'll try, but…how did you survive her" Lucius trailed off.
Snape shook his head, thinking how he managed survive his youth with her.
"You're named after Harold, your mother's father, Harry. Although Petunia should have known that." said Sirius. "Your name is more favourable these days." Harry grinned like a lunatic after that bit of information.
"Chicken," coughed the twins.
"No, ostrich," replied Harry, making the others choke on thin air, trying to laugh.
"Minnie's still there!" said Sirius, seemingly shell-shocked. "Merlin, she's definitely got a lot of patience."
"She needed to with you and James driving her up the wall with all your pranks", replied Remus.
"Waiting for who?" asked the twins excitedly, bouncing up and down in their chairs.
"If you shut up then you'd find out." replied Harry, giving them a mysterious smile.
"He was so wrong! Wish he wasn't though." mumbled Harry.
"Remember what I said Harry." Remus said, slightly scolding Harry. Harry smiled mysterious at Remus thinking how wrong he is.
"Yay!" shouted Sirius, Remus, Fred and George. The others felt annoyed when the story mentioned the leader of the light.
"Cool!" said the twins with an identical evil grin on each other's faces, thinking of all the pranks they could do with that object.
"Don't even think about it," replied Harry without looking up from the book.
"Ha, told you it was Minnie!" shouted Sirius and he started to do a jig. Harry pulled him down. "You don't want to be hexed by Snape, do you?" Snape was looking ready to kill the mutt with all his stupid interruptions, but he was brought up short at Harry trying to defend him.
"Minnie, ruffled! She's never ruffled!" exclaimed Sirius. "Hey Remus remember all the pranks we did at school, she was never ruffled then!"
Remus patted Sirius on the head and said "calm down." Harry looked slightly uncomfortable, remembering how he, Ron, and Hermione went to her at the end of first year.
"You would be if you had been sitting on a brick wall all day!" said Draco. The twins and the remaining Mauruder's nodded in agreement. They couldn't sit still all day, especially on hard objects.
Draco looked absolutely gobsmacked that he thought like Professor McGonagall. Harry smirked at the aforementioned fivesome about Professor McGonagall.
"It shouldn't have been a day for parties." mumbled Remus and Sirius, heads lowered remembering their fallen comrades, only Harry heard what they said. A small amount of sadness went through Snape's eyes before his face went back to being expressionless.
"He didn't have much sense." said Lucius. Diggle works at the Ministry and Lucius met him during his many meetings with the Minister at the Ministry. Everybody who's ever met him agrees.
Fred, George, Draco and Harry's eyes went wide, and they said "wow."
"The war went on for eleven years before that Halloween?" asked Harry to Voldemort.
"It wasn't that there was a war, Potter, It was more like the Light side didn't want anything to do with the dark."
"A what?" asked the Malfoy's at the same time. Harry smirked at the Malfoys, as he already read slightly ahead.
Both Malfoys paled, as they both sounded like Professor McGonagall. They didn't want to sound anything like the Head of Gryffindor.
"Bloody muggle lover." muttered Tom sulkily.
"Ha, he admits it." smirked Tom, jubilantly at the admission.
"Only because you're too — well —nobleto use them."
"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."
All the occupants went a little green at that piece of information.
"TMI." mumbled Harry.
"What's TMI, Harry?" asked Remus.
"Too Much Information."
Rest of the group went "Ah."
"Do you know if Madam Pomfrey has a crush on Dumbledore?" asked Harry suddenly. The groups' face went a sour milk colour as if they don't want to know that kind of information.
Both Remus and Sirius bowed their heads for their fallen brother and sister. Snape had a brief flash of sadness for Lily go through his eyes before putting on his blank expression once again.
"I didn't know that she cared about my parents like that." said Harry.
"To Minerva, your parents were like her children, and you were like her grandchild." explained Remus.
"Then why hasn't she?" replied Harry. "In the years I've been at Hogwarts, she never once said anything about my parents to me only what I have heard from other people."
"I don't know what's going on in her mind, Harry! I do know that Dumbledore asked me to keep quiet about your parents as your aunt told you all about them."
'Oh, he knows.' thought Harry 'he definitely knows.'
"What's wrong with that?" asked Fred and George.
"Muggle clocks tell you the time, unlike the clock at the Burrow." said Harry, then he grinned. "I like your clock."
"I really wished you hadn't of." mumbled Harry.
"What was that, Potter?" asked Snape.
"You'll soon find out that I'm not the spoiled prince you think I am." replied Harry.
"A letter!" screeched Sirius and Remus.
"What was in it, Harry?" asked Remus.
"I didn't know that there was letter when I was dropped off, Remus," replied Harry.
"I wish they didn't." mumbled Harry, but Remus heard it anyway and he burrowed his eyebrows together. He'll wait and see if he can get more information of Harry later about his home life.
"I trust Hagrid with my life." replied the twins, Harry (smirking), Sirius and Remus.
"Spooky!" said the twins.
"What was what?" asked Sirius.
"If you shut up, Sirius, then you'll find out." said Harry, giving him a Lily type glare again, which he took no notice of, but both Remus and Snape cringed at. Both of which had a similar stare from Lily at some point.
"My motorbike." sang Sirius. He got up and did a victory dance. Remus sent him a stinging hex, which made him sit back down. Snape is ready to hex Sirius to hell and make him stay there.
"It took me and Hagrid nearly four hours to get to you Harry." said Sirius. "You were cuddle up to your mum, trying to get her to wake up…" his voice then broke, with unashamed tears rolling down his face, remembering what he had to go through just to get to Harry.
Harry gave him a one armed hug, and whispered, "I'm still here, Sirius."
The rest of the room looked absolutely horrified that Sirius and Hagrid had to go through the rubble of the house just to get to Harry. All were thinking that he could have died.
"You did some accidental magic to stop the rest of the roof caving on top of you Harry. You put up a shield charm around yourself and your mum." said Sirius, looking right at Harry's eyes.
"Wish I didn't have that scar in such a prominent place," mumbled Harry.
"I take offence to that." said Sirius.
"Why?" asked Draco.
"You'll find out in the third book." replied Harry.
"He left you on a doorstep!" screeched both Remus and Sirius.
"Yes, both my aunt and uncle made sure I knew where I came from." replied Harry. "They told me that I was left on their doorstep."
"You could have gotten a cold, Harry! Or worse…" said Sirius. He suddenly turned himself into Snuffles, as he couldn't deal with the emotions of finding out that Harry was left on the doorstep of his relatives.
Draco's, and the Weasley twins' jaws dropped to the floor when Sirius turned into a dog. Lucius on the other hand, outright smirked, having suspected what Sirius animagi was.
"Oh boy, if the twinkle's gone out, then he must be doing something bad." said Remus.
"Me and Sirius weren't celebrating that night. Just lost my brother and sister in all but blood, and people were celebrating your downfall Tom." stated Remus, not capable of being completely mad at Tom.
"Oh, I definitely needed more than just luck." mumbled Harry.
"Harry has more than just good luck, he gets bad luck in equal buckets." said the twins, sniggering at all the escapades that Harry had done, and how he got out of them.
"I hate that name." mumbles Harry. "Right, that's the end of the chapter."
"What name would that be, Potter?" asked Draco.
"For once, Ferret, I'm not going to argue with you. You will find out by either listening or reading the books, then you will find out why I hate that name." replied Harry. The other occupants (barring the twins) were shocked at Harry's outburst. The twins all knew of Harry's sudden outbursts of anger when people push too far with him.
"Potter, we will be talking soon about your supposed fame." said Snape.
"Yes sir." replied Harry.
Suddenly a note appeared in the thin air:
Harry and Severus:
After you have finished the reading the first four chapters of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, please go to Gringotts.
Harry you will need to lockdown your accounts because Dumbledore has been stealing from your accounts, and the Goblins would like to run an audit and be able to get all your money back to you.
Before they will seal the vaults, Harry you will need to take Severus to your family vault because there is a letter for Severus to read. Your magical signature is needed to open the vault in order to get Severus to the letter.
We have been given permission (from Gringotts themselves) to send you a portkey. It will directly deposit you into a private office where you will meet your account manager.
T.R.L. & G.W.
"Right, who wants to read next?" asked Harry.
"I will." replied Remus, with Sirius chuckling at his book mad friend, who returned to his human form before the reading of the note.
A/N2: I would like to ask if any of you would like to be become my beta, as I know I have made mistakes with some of the wording/spelling/grammar, etc. Please PM me if you would like to become my beta. Thanks.
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