Phan Fic-
Based on the song "Mine" By Taylor Swift
Dan knew he had to get away from there, away from Phil. He couldn't look at him properly, he would cry and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He felt like Phil almost didn't care about him anymore, they just had a professional relationship now. So when Phil called out his name, Dan stopped. What did Phil want? Part of him wanted to carry on walking out of the building. However something in Phil's voice made him stop. He sounded almost desperate. So Dan turned around to face Phil properly for the first time since that last night. Phil was walking towards him and as Phil got closer, Dan slipped his phone back into his pocket. Phil stopped less than a metre away from him and raised his hands slowly as an obvious peace offering. Phil looked Dan straight in the eyes and said,
"Dan, I'm sorry for that night."
Dan was stunned, what was he supposed to say to that? He was confused as to where Phil was heading with this. One look into Phil's eyes told him. Dan thought for a moment about what he was going to say and started,
"Phil, I-"
Before he could carry on with his original answer, he started to think. Did he want to say good bye to Phil? Tell him to leave him alone? Tell him that he wanted him back? So before he gave his answer he went back to the moment they met and let the memories take him over for a moment.
They had met back when Phil had still been at University. He had taken a part time job as a waiter in a restaurant in the centre of York. Dan was on holiday at the time with his friends and they had been looking for somewhere to eat when Dan spotted the restaurant. He and his friends found a table by the window and started to look over the menus. Phil only had another half an hour left of his shift and was looking forward to going back to his room, back to the internet for a few hours. Dan looked over the menu and after a few moments the waiter came over. Dan didn't pay much attention to him until he was asked for his order. Then he looked up at Phil and was a little stunned by what he saw, a man, a few years older than him, with a similar haircut and shining blue eyes. Dan stuttered a bit when he gave his order to Phil and when Phil left to prepare their drinks, Dan found himself looking back at Phil many times. He didn't know why, he just felt something strange when he looked at Phil. He had never felt it before and he found himself strangely liking it. As he and his friends at their meal, Dan tried to only look at Phil as little as possible, he didn't want to look like some crazy person. Yet once he swore that he caught Phil looking at him. When they were finished, Dan's friends got ready to leave and they all put money into paying the bill. Dan said that he would give the money and catch them up. So when Phil came over to clear the plates and glasses, Dan gave him the money and a tip. Phil took the tip and smiled. Dan smiled back and something inside him warmed. So based on some inner instinct, he introduced himself to Phil and Phil supervised him by asking him if he was busy later.
After weeks of calling, texting and emails, they decided to meet up again, this time in Manchester for the day. Dan got up early and caught one of the first trains there so he wouldn't be late. He sat in Starbucks and waited for Phil to arrive. After Dan's second drink, Phil arrived and the two of them spent the day in Manchester. They wandered around some of the shops, visiting the Printworks before going to dinner. They went to an Italian that Phil knew and the two of them talked for a long time. Phil told Dan all about his YouTube channel and what he planned to do with it. Dan admitted that he too had thought about making videos and Phil encouraged him, promising to help him set it up. The time came for Dan to get the train home and Phil waved him off from the train platform before going to get his own train back to Uni. Dan had enjoyed his day with Phil, a lot. He wanted to do it again soon.
They continued to meet up when they could and Phil kept giving him tips on setting up his YouTube, helping him to plan what he wanted to do. He taught him what to do if someone said something he didn't like and how to avoid problems such as copyright. Dan learned a lot from Phil over the summer and after one last call to Phil, he filmed his first video. Dan was glad that he had listened to Phil and as the views increased, he felt happier more than ever about meeting Phil. As the months carried on and he carried on making new videos, Dan heard from Phil more than ever. They did some collaboration videos of the two of them and they seemed to do really well. Dan had found something he enjoyed doing and was grateful to Phil for showing him what to do, even though Phil said that he would have found his way there on his own in the end.
Time started to fly by and the time came for Dan to consider going to University. He did want to go and when he had to choose which one he wanted to go to, he ended up choosing Manchester. He liked Manchester, it was a great place and he would be able to see more of Phil than before. So he filled out the application and what felt like a very long wait, he found out that he had got in. Dan called Phil to tell him the news, Phil was delighted and looked forward to see more of Dan too. As the time came for Dan to get ready to move to Uni, Phil offered to help him out. He showed him round Manchester a bit more than before, telling Dan the best places to go. They often ended up going back to Phil's apartment and there they made more videos than they had ever before. When Dan moved into his halls of residence, he invited Phil over to see his "prison cell" and Phil helped him to make it look a little less bare.
Moving to Manchester was one of the best decisions Dan felt that he had ever made and when the time came for them to leave and move to London, he felt like he would miss it. The first few months in London had been strange, getting used to a new city but he felt with Phil being there, it was a lot easier than if he had been on his own. When the offer for the two of them to do a radio show on BBC Radio 1 came up, Dan felt like he couldn't do it without Phil and so they both signed up for it. Even though he had his best friend with him, he still felt nervous when it was the day of the first radio show and he hoped it wouldn't show on camera. As the weeks carried on he started to feel more confident and when he hit 1 million subscribers he felt like he couldn't be happier.
It happened in February the next year, a week or so before Valentines' day. They had decided to rearrange the furniture in the living room and had almost finished. There was just the coffee table to go and as Dan felt like he knew exactly where it should go, he directed Phil in the moving. It was almost in the right place when Phil seemed to trip and the next thing he knew was that Phil was on top of him. Their lips grazed on impact and Dan felt that something inside him stir and he smiled nervously before giving Phil a real kiss. He had wanted to do that for a while and somehow it felt just right. The kisses seemed to happen for the rest of the month, not all of them intiated by Dan. When they watched Doctor Who that September and Phil pulled Dan over for a kiss, afterwards they lay there on the couch, Dan started to see it. The two of them together. As the month carried on, Dan was asleep one night when he had a nightmare. It was one of those distorted ones, where nothing makes sense and leaves you on edge. He woke up scared and in that moment the only person he wanted was Phil. He quietly opened Phil's door and as he climbed into bed next to him, feeling the fear leave him as he put an arm around Phil. He woke up to see Phil looking at him, he wasn't shocked or horrified, he just smiled that adorable smile of his.
Dan carried on creeping into Phil's bed each night, neither of them said anything about it, it just started to become a routine for the two of them. It was until mid-October when Phil said that he was going to bed that he took Dan's hand and led him to bed that Dan did stop creeping into Phil's bed, they went together. The next evening, after going out for dinner, they walked along the Thames. They watched the city lights dance on the water, London moving along the river. When Phil put his arm around Dan, Dan started to believe harder than ever that the two of them could have a future like this. He had changed since he had met Phil, he teased him by saying that he had made a rebel of him. He had changed for the better though and was grateful to Phil for that.
As time carried on towards the end of the year, Dan noticed a change in Phil. He didn't seem right. It wasn't until Dan asked him outright if there was something wrong that Phil would cheer up. Other times he seemed fine. One morning Dan remembered waking up and watched Phil think before saying anything, he seemed to be thinking about something hard, his face almost screwed up as he concentrated. As December came round and it was time to plan the Christmas special of the radio show, Dan really started to worry about Phil. He seemed withdrawn and it was obvious that he was trying too hard to seem happy. He seemed to perk up half way through the month, one night Dan remembered Phil kissing him harder than before and Dan hoped that whatever had been bothering Phil had gone. Then on 16th December , it all changed. They had had such a good night and when Phil proposed that they walk home, Dan felt happy enough that he was willing to walk and it took a lot for Dan to walk voluntarily for more than 5 minutes. Dan looked at his phone as they got closer to the house, it was 2:30 am and he was ready to sleep. As he moved to the front of the house, he felt Phil take his hand and stopped him. That was when Phil gave him the goodbye. He promised that it was better for them both. Dan felt numb and then something inside of him made him want to move, get away from what was hurting him. So he pushed past Phil and ran into the house. He ran to his room and grabbed a bag. He threw clothes and other items he needed before running downstairs to get his laptop. He didn't know if he was going to come back so he grabbed a few other things on the way. He grabbed his car keys on the way and opened the door. He could already feel the tears forming, he pushed past Phil and climbed into his car before driving off. He didn't look back.
He didn't talk to Phil for days. He stayed with different friends for the next few months. When they asked him why he wasn't with Phil, he replied that he and Phil needed space. Dan didn't know what he was going to do. He had no where permanent to live, he had lost his best friend and felt lost. He kept doing the radio show. It helped him pass the time. It was the only time that he ever talked to Phil. They planned it together, even if they didn't see each other face to face when they did. Dan hated to go into the studio and see Phil. He wanted to see him and yet he didn't want to see him. When they did Dan vs Phil, Dan didn't know why he was doing it any more. Part of him didn't want to fight Phil in any way, he wanted to run to him. Yet another part of him wanted to scream at him and ask him "why?". Sometimes he wanted to call Phil and talk, he almost did many times and then remembered that Phil wanted to be free so he put the phone down and went back to trying to carry on.
So when it was time for the last radio show of March, Dan called a taxi and was on his way to the radio station when it broke down. They were about 10 minutes away from the studio and when Dan looked at his phone he could see that he was going to be really late. He would have to run the rest of the way there. Dan ran as fast as he could and by the time he reached the studio door, he really out of breath. He hadn't been running in a while and hadn't seen his personal trainer for months. When he pushed the door open, the first thing he saw was Phil looking at him. Looking away as fast as he could, he quickly apologised to the producers and started to get ready. He knew that Phil was looking at him and Dan did his best to ignore him until it was time for the cameras to go on.
The radio show flowed as it normally did, slowly for Dan. When it was time for Dan vs Phil, he tried to be interested and somehow managed to win. He just waited until it was time for him to leave. He needed to get away from there. When it was time for the last request he knew that it meant there wasn't long to go. The caller was a girl, she asked for "Back to December" by Taylor Swift. It was the second Taylor Swift request of the night, the first had been for "Mine". As Dan walked around the studio, getting ready to leave, he looked over a Phil. he seemed to be in a trance and Dan wondered if he was listening to the song. The song ended and the two of them said their goodbyes to the cameras and the producers gave the signal that the cameras were off and that they could leave. Dan grabbed his jacket and his phone and got ready to leave. He rushed towards the door and got his phone ready to call a taxi...
Dan thought about it all and realised how happier he had been with Phil in his life. When he looked into Phil's eyes, he saw a reflection of what he had been feeling the past few months. He decided on a different sentence, he looked into Phil's eyes and started again.
"Phil, I know."
He took Phil's wrist and lead him down the corridor. He pulled him through the radio 1 building and out the back door. He called for a cab and then turned to face Phil. Before he could say anything Phil stopped him.
"Dan, I'm sorry. I should never have let you go. I admit it, I got scared. I just thought that there was no chance for you and me to have a future, a normal one. I wasn't sure how I felt then but I am now. Dan, I love you and I'm sorry."
Dan looked at Phil and thought about what Phil had just said. He thought he had loved Phil but he himself hadn't been sure. The past few months had taught him how he felt about him, he couldn't live without Phil either. But he didn't want to be hurt again if Phil got scared again. Only time would tell and Dan let all the loneliness he had felt those past few months pour into the hug he gave Phil. He had missed holding his friend like this. Phil leaned into Dan's ear and whispered.
"You are the best thing that's ever been mine".
Dan smiled and whispered into Phil's ear before climbing into the taxi,
"I'll never leave you alone."