Hey guys! I was supposed to update the day before yesterday, but I've been so busy this Halloween weekend. Hope you guys had a great (and safe) Halloween!

This was originally supposed to be a two-shot, but there's going to be at least one more chapter. :)

Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I do not own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. nor any of its characters.

[Sierra:]

Little do you know
How I'm breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I'm still haunted by the memory
Little do you know
I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece
Little do you know
I need a little more time
Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside
I've been holding back
For the fear that you might change your mind
I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight
Little do you know
I need a little more time

[Alex:]

I'll wait, I'll wait
I love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait
I promise you don't have to be afraid, I'll wait
The love you see right here stays so lay your head on me
Little do you know
I know you're hurt while I'm sound asleep
Little do you know
All my mistakes are slowly drowning me
Little do you know
I'm trying to make it better piece by piece
Little do you know
I, I love you till the sun dies

He winced at the sting of the rubbing alcohol on his cuts. Jemma had cleaned the blood from his hands, but his hands didn't look any better; in fact, they looked worse.

As Jemma turned back towards the first-aid kit, he clenched his hands into a fist and released them again. Bruises littered his hands and cuts marred his knuckles. He had been too angry and too upset to have realized the injuries he was creating, let alone care about them.

She turned back around and started to slowly rub ointment on his knuckles. Fitz straightened himself on the edge of one of the lab tables, trying his hard not to hiss. The only thing that kept him from directly letting Jemma know he was in pain was the feeling of her free hand holding his – her thumb subconsciously ran circles on his fingers – as the other hand gently applied the gel on his wounds.

"Sorry," she murmured, because of course she knew what he was feeling. She switched over to the other hand, dutifully treating his cuts.

He watched as she meticulously wrapped gauze around his hands.

He had seen her alter ego of Dr. Simmons countless times before, the majority of them being when they were attending the Academy. She was always meticulous and professional, performing her duties swiftly. It was only after he was all patched up that she would start to lecture him about how stupid he'd been or how dangerous things were. This time, however, something felt off.

She tucked the end of the gauze tightly inside the wrapping and looked up at him. The tight smile she gave him faltered a little and if it were anyone else, she might've gotten away with her façade. But this was Fitz and no one knew her better or was fine-tuned to the biochemist more than the mechanical engineer.

As he hopped off the table, she gave him a curt, "You're good to go." The small crack in her voice and the pool of tears welling up in the corner of her eyes finally broke his resolve. He was just about to pull her in for a hug when she turned away from him and started to pack up the first-aid kit.

He sighed. She was always his weakness.

He ran his fingers through his hair slowly. "So, um, what did you need help with? Erm, earlier, I mean."

Jemma shook her head; she didn't trust her voice to speak.

"Jemma?"

She couldn't get the sound of him screaming and crying out of her head. And when she'd seen him going at it in the gym…

He saw the faintest of shudders run through her and immediately rushed over to her, holding her in his arms. As she turned around in his arms, he held her tightly against him and for the first time in weeks, he finally managed to relax. There were no thoughts haunting him or feelings eating at his heart.

She sobbed in his embrace, feeling truly safe for the first time. As his left hand ran small patterns on her lower back and the other cradled her head in an effort to calm her down, she noticed the lack of shaking in his hands. He had gone through so much in order to bring her back. His significant progress hadn't gone unnoticed. When she'd returned from the planet, she'd noticed the lack of shaking in his hands and lack of confusion as he strung words together effortlessly. Skye – Daisy, she reminded herself – had even told her that he had learned new languages during his search to find a way to open the portal. As she felt him wrap his arms tighter around her, she couldn't help but notice his physical change too. She remembered how Bobbi had told her that she and Hunter had taught him close quarter combat and weapons training because on his missions, he would dive headfirst into dangerous situations without regard for his own safety after she had been swallowed. Her hands clutched the back of his shirt tightly; she felt guilty.

He ignored the butterflies in his stomach and the tug of guilt as he kissed the side of her head. "Shhh…," he comforted. "You're home now. You're safe."

In response to his words, she pulled away from him. Afraid he might've crossed some sort of line, he moved to step back and apologize, but his eyes landed on hers. It was like she was searching for something. He just stared back at her as she searched his eyes. God, she was so beautiful.

He wanted to kiss her so badly, to finally feel her lips on his – for real this time, New Years of 2005 didn't count.

"Jem-"

"How can you still love me?"

He was taken aback by her question. "How could I not?" He replied, not thinking before he spoke. How could she even ask that question?

"Even with all that's going on? Even when all I do is break your heart?" Her voice cracked, a stray tears slid down her cheek.

"Of course," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I will always love you, Jemma. No matter what."

Her breath hitched, the force of his statement knocking the air out of her lungs. "But why?" Her voice was small and full of insecurity. He recalled a different time when she'd said those exact two words to him. And again, the two words were tainted with tears. Except, this time, he wasn't running away from her.

Fitz took a deep breath. It was now or never to say what he wanted to say.

As he turned around to speak, she spoke too. For a split second, he thought about the time before they were thrown into the ocean to die – how they'd talk over each other.

"I'd like to say something-"

"No, I know-"

"Please, let me go first."

"No – I um, I know, I know, I know, but-"

"No, there's something I need to address-"

"… but I've got a whole-"

"No! I…" She took a breath. "I know things have been difficult between us since I got back from being undercover, but I need you to understand that I didn't leave because of what happened to you-"

"No, no, no, Jemma, Jemma, please. I've got a whole, um, I just… it's hard enough to get the words out." He stood with his back towards her, gathering the courage he needed to say what he had to say. "I've been thinking and I'm going to leave the lab so you can… be the one who runs the science division." He turned around to face her; confusion etched her features, tears threatening to spill.

He didn't dare to look at her after that. Her voice was filled with disbelief, "You're quitting?"

He finally faced her. "No. I'm going to the garage, on the BUS, with Mack."

The statement hit her full force. He watched as she took in the weight of his words. "But why?"

He looked down at the ground. "You know why."

"Because I can't hate you, Jemma – it's literally impossible too. If someone does, they're not human.

"Tell that to Mindy Beatty," she joked, an automatic response to his words.

He smiled a little, "Well that further proves my point doesn't it?"

Jemma gave him a real smile this time, thinking of their days back at the Academy, but it faded as quickly as it came. Silence dawned upon them and for a moment, they stood like that, across from each other as they were brought back to a simpler time.

"I wasn't crying because I was stranded on a different planet for six months. I was crying because," she took a shaky breath before continuing, "before, I was in the lab and there was this video on one of the computers. I was curious, so I opened it. And then, I came into the gym to find you and you were punching the bag and I couldn't help but think back to the video." She paused for a moment, trying to find her voice again. "You were there, Fitz, screaming at the monolith and punching it and crying. If Mack and Hunter and Bobbi and Skye didn't get there in time to pull you back, you could've been swallowed by it, Fitz."

"I know," he said.

"You could've been swallowed by it, Fitz," she repeated. "You didn't even know what it did. It could've killed you, but you went in there anyway! Fitz, that was stupid of you! You're a scientist! You gather all the data, form a hypothesis, and weigh the pros and cons before you do anything. You just don't burst into a room with an alien rock and scream at it to do something! You could've gotten yourself killed!"

And there was the lecturing.

Fitz smiled at her.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"Look, I'm sorry, Jemma, for upsetting you. Sorry, okay? But I won't apologize for my actions. I had lost hope. The one thing that would tell me how to free you said only one word on it, death. And I couldn't bear to live in a world without you. And if I did die, then at least we would've been together. You're a part of me, Jemma. And the day you were swallowed, a part of me was lost too. So, I'm not going to say I'm sorry for what I did because I would do it again and again if it meant that I could be with you."

"Fitz…" Tears gathered up in her eyes. His words echoed in her head, "I had lost hope." She had too. He was willing to die for her, be swallowed by the alien rock because at least then, they would've been together, but she had given her heart to another man. She didn't deserve a man like him.

"I saw you two together before I went to the gym," he admitted. "I was angry and upset and-" he clenched his fists and closed his eyes, taking in a breath. "I needed to do something and while you were gone, I found that the punching bag helped me. I would go there when I couldn't sleep."

Jemma took a step forward. "I'm sorry, Fitz. I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Jemma. It wasn't your fault." She eyed him; there was something he wasn't saying.

"Fitz."

He ran a hand through his hair again. "Jemma, please don't."

"Tell me, Fitz. What are you not saying?"

He let out a heavy sigh. "It's not your fault, Jemma, but…"

"But?"

"It's mine," he finally said.

"What?"

"I was the one that opened that cage. That's why you were swallowed."

"Fitz, no-"

"Yes, Jemma! It was because of me that you were taken to another planet and stranded for six months. It was my fault that we didn't get to have that dinner. It was my fault that you had to through all that. It was because of me that you fell in love with another man." His voice turned small as the realization hit him full force. Suddenly, he laughed dryly. It was as if the "floodgates" broke then as he finally blurted out everything he had bottled up the past few weeks, "I love you, Jemma. I love you and I want you, so bad, but how can I complain when you're happy? And it's because of me that you met him. So I can't complain. You're happy and that's all I want for you, to be happy."

Tears fell freely from her eyes. "Oh, you wonderful man," she whispered. He had tears in his eyes and she couldn't help think about how heartbroken he must be. If he had been swallowed by an alien rock and come back in love with another woman, she doesn't think she would've made it as long as he did. He had even helped her create the portal and open it, helped Will adjust to normal life, and stayed by her side through all of it.

She was torn. Half of her heart belonged to the man standing across from her and the other was in the hands of a man she was stranded on another planet with.

She stepped towards him, not knowing what to do with her hands anymore. "You have to know that I love you. That I always have and always will."

"But not enough for you to be with me." He said, sadly.

"Fitz…" her voice cracked.

He shook his head, a tight-lipped smile now on his face. "It's okay, Jemma." He started to walk away from her and just then he felt her grab his wrist. He turned to look at her, looking vulnerable as ever. The tug of another memory popped up in his mind.

"There's nothing to talk about, Jemma."

"Maybe there is."

Hope filled his heart when Jemma opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Tears fell from her face.

He gave another sad, tight-lipped smile. "I understand, Jemma. It's okay."

"You're my best friend in the entire world, Fitz." She finally said when she felt the tug of his hand to try and escape her grip.

Another memory.

She hadn't reciprocated his declaration of love then either.

"But nothing more." She didn't resist then, when he walked away from her then.

She dropped onto the ground and cried. She wanted to go after him, to tell him that yes, she felt more. But she couldn't. It was like she was rooted to the ground. Everything was so complicated. Fitz he was the hope that kept her sanity together; it was the thoughts of him and the awaiting date that gave her the strength to live. He had kept a reservation for six months and even paid out the entire restaurant just so that she wouldn't be constantly bothered by distractions. And what had she done? She had cried. She had cried because she was reminded of Will and wine and everything that happened to her on that godforsaken planet. When she had looked up at him, she felt so guilty for betraying him. She cried and he had held her. She loved Fitz with all her heart, he was her home. He was the only one that truly understood her and made her feel safe. He was the only one to make her feel beautiful and loved.

And she broke his heart.

Again and again.

She didn't deserve him.

A/N: Please leave a review if you liked it! Thanks so much for reading!

A/N: The song above is "Little Do You Know" by Alex & Sierra.