Linger
Summary: Like a widow's heart, we fall apart, but never fade away. (It's a song lyric, anyone knows which song?)
Rating: T
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Word Count: 921 (just the story, does not include the author's note or other additional notes)
Warning (um, not really): * There is a background to this fic down below. If you want to read that before you read the story, go ahead. I think you'll understand the story pretty well without, but oh well. *shrugs*
They fall apart, but never really fade away.
The evidence of what they had once been is still everywhere, inescapable. It is in the way the Anteiku staff move uncomfortably whenever they have the same shift, the tension around them high. In the way Hinami looks torn whenever she is with one of them, but never both at the same time. There is a rabbit keychain at the serving counter that he'd given her, but now lays abandoned. There is the mask – the first mask he'd ever had, with her accompanying him to get it at Uta's shop – that is stashed underneath the boxes inside his storage closet.
They've fallen a long way from where they'd been.
The others look at her in pity.
She pretends not to notice when he starts living upstairs again at Anteiku and brings home random girls every night. She pretends not to notice when she hears moans and groans every night as she helps Hinami with her books, the younger ghoul shifting uneasily. She pretends she doesn't notice the scratches and lipstick marks she sees on his skin on the rare occasions they did see each other when they had to work the same shifts.
She pretends that she isn't pretending to pretend that he means nothing to her.
Hinami tells her it's not healthy, what she's doing. So does Irimi-san.
And Touka pretends she doesn't know what they mean, too.
The others shake their heads in disappointment at him.
He ignores her existence, even though they live mere doors away from each other. He ignores the twinge in his heart, the part of him that screams this isn't what he should be doing, as he drowns himself in the midst of intense pleasure but never passion to escape reality. He ignores the way his heart had almost leaped out when he sees the giant, bleeding gash on her arm caused by a nasty run-in with the doves as she stumbles inside the café, muttering to a frantic Hinami something about defending another weaker ghoul.
He ignores that ignoring her is proving to be the most painful thing he'd ever done.
Hide tries to give him a man-to-man talk. Nishiki-senpai, too.
Kaneki ignores the hurt and frustration on their faces when he brushes them off dismissively, too.
They still never fade away. Everyone wonders if they ever will.
There is still that strange electric charge in the air between them whenever they see each other. She is just as mesmerized by his deep grays eyes as ever, longs to reach out and touch his silky white hair that has yet to grow back as black, though his kidnapping had been almost a year ago. His eyes still stray to her automatically, without thinking, as long as they are in the same room, and he aches for her smiles, misses the feelings of security and warmth from her arms.
The left-overs of what they used to be still haunt them everywhere – those tiny broken fragments that cut deeper than any knives – they can never be free, and she tries to drown herself in desolation while he drowns in pleasure that bites back harder than he can take.
Yet, maybe, in time, they could've gotten back together, made things right again.
But he is not the tragic hero that gets a happy ending, and she is not the selfless princess who knows how to make her dark prince melt into puddles of sunshine. He would rather die than let her in the darkest parts of his mind, and she would rather wallow in misery, like she is doing now, than keep bombarding him with questions that he won't ever answer.
And so they continue in their little dance.
She refuses – can't – to move on, turns down every guy in the café that hits on her. Humans are stubborn, though, and some are bolder than others. She looks the other way when she catches him in the alley beating up the guys that overstep their boundaries, just don't get no means no. Tells herself that she shouldn't even care. She can damn well take care of herself.
Somehow, though, for reasons she doesn't know – or at least she pretends she doesn't, she cries less on those nights.
He knows that what he's doing is dangerous.
Taking those human girls home are a risk, not just to him, but also to the others living upstairs at Anteiku - but he's become addicted. He can't deal with the emptiness of his room at night by himself, remembers the centipedes and pliers and pincers, and dreams of numbers followed by screams. Taking all his energy out during sex is the best way he copes, but sometimes he's not careful enough; now and then, a few of the girls he takes home more than once – his regulars, Nishiki-senpai calls them – pick up some suspicions, start asking the wrong questions, poke their noses where they shouldn't. He doesn't mention anything when he doesn't see them again – can't find them – and suddenly the café don't have to go 'food shopping' that month anymore and there are faded bloodstains when he sees her clothes at their shared drying machine.
He doesn't regret it when he shamelessly screams out her name on those nights, even though he has pissed off more than one girl by doing so.
He thinks she would look great in red.
They still never fade away.
So, maybe, there could still be hope for them.
...
* So, the background, if anyone's confused: After Kaneki's capture and subsequent torture by Yamori, Anteiku were able to rescue him, and all the stuff that happened afterwards, but in this fic, Kaneki did not leave Anteiku. Instead, he stayed and tried to cope with all that had happened with his friends to help him. At one point, he and Touka were in a relationship, but that didn't work out because Kaneki wouldn't open up and Touka hated seeing him suffer alone.
A/N: In case anyone hasn't noticed by now, this fic is unrelated to 'Remembrance.' That is because this is a drabble collection, so don't worry, I do plan to have Part 2 up, most likely by Sunday. Meanwhile, I'll work on more drabbles! I would really appreciate it if you guys would give me some simple prompts (nothing too detailed; one or two words) to work with, a theme you'd like to see. Drop it in the review box, PM me, whatever. Pretty please?
And don't forget to review! ;)