Chapter 1: The beginning

October 20th, 2015

12:25pm

Dear Diary,

Neji just left, thank god. I've been wanting to get this all written down for quite some time now, but I just can't write whenever he's here. He's honestly always so nosy, so controlling. He'd want to know what I'm writing and then want to read it. It's best if you're kept a secret, I'm apparently getting pretty good at doing that now.

When telling this story, I guess I should start at the beginning, I mean that would make the most sense right?

For starters, my name is Sakura Haruno and I am currently 22 years old. I am also married. I'm not really sure if it was a complete mistake for me to get married so young, but well that's why I'm telling you this story to begin with. I just need to get this down on paper. I need to get these thoughts out of my head before it explodes.

This is an extremely shortened version of how I met my husband, Neji Hyuga.

When I was 18, my best friend of all time, Ino, was working as a shift manager at a local pizza shop. She somehow managed to convince me to come work there with her in an hourly position. I, of course, said yes. I thought it would be fun to work with my best friend. I ended up only working there for a month.

You see, at the time I was dating a good-for-nothing chump who didn't ever want to work, lived with his parents, didn't have a car, and was 22. He had no ambition in life and was completely fine with me paying for everything, driving him around, essentially acting like his mother. I had no plans of staying with him, but had yet to do anything about it. I never liked breakups, the were always so messy., maybe that's why I am in this predicament in the first place.

Neji Hyuga was the man who interviewed me for the position. I'd have to say I was a bit taken aback. The general manager of this place was so young and, quite honestly, attractive.

On my first day, it was quite obvious that we had a thing for each other. When he flirted with me I couldn't help but flirt right back. Everyone at the store could tell what was going on. We were both getting constantly teased by our friends and coworkers, but it was hard for me to stop. I hadn't felt so alive in so long.

It wasn't long before I began texting him and being extremely unprofessional to say the least. I just couldn't help it. I was in a relationship with a deadbeat and it was so nice to be with someone who actually wanted to be something, wanted to move forward with his life, wanted to move forward with me.

Within the month, I was in the car on my way to his place. When I got there, I quit on the spot. You see, he could have gotten in quite a bit of trouble if he were dating an employee that was directly under his authority. We were just supposed to hang out, but I knew exactly how it was going to go. In all honesty, we freaking created Netflix and chill. I remember watching How I Met Your Mother with him, continuously leaning closer, waiting for him to notice how close I had gotten, waiting for him to kiss me.

I ended up staying the night, as bad as that sounds (to be honest, it was quite slutty of me..), and he gave me a key. I was shocked at the forwardness of this all, but I took it in stride. I was ecstatic that he was feeling the same amount of energy between us as I was. Everything was moving so so fast and I was more than ok to go with the flow. I wanted this so badly, and apparently he did too.

Within the second month, I had completely moved in with him.

I would have to say that for the most part, we got along great. The apartment was tiny and sometimes we struggled to pay the bills, but overall, at the time, I didn't see anything wrong. We laughed and we joked and played. Sometimes we fought, but neither one of us was very good at holding grudges.

And maybe it didn't start till much later or maybe I didn't realize it until later on. There was a point in which I realized something big. As much as we got along with each other and as great as our conversations were, we lacked passion in our sex life. Something just wasn't there. It became increasingly clear that he never initiated sex and this had a huge impact on my psyche. I mean, why wouldn't he touch me? Why didn't he want me? I blamed myself for it. I never once took a second to even think something was wrong with him, no it must have been me. I must not be attractive enough, I wasn't trying hard enough, I wasn't patient enough.

One night, we had a huge fight about it. I wanted to feel wanted. He told me that he just wasn't as attracted to me because I had gained weight. Do you know how hard that was for me? But then, for some odd reason, I stayed with him. He apologized and I forgave him. He said he didn't mean it, that he was just mad and that's why he had said something so harsh.

I did everything I could to make him notice me in a sexual nature. I got a personal trainer, despite the fact that we probably didn't really have the money for it and began to diet. I thought I was the problem. I know now that wasn't the case, but I still couldn't help myself. All I wanted was to make him happy and in doing that, I sacrificed my own happiness.

I constantly thought something was wrong with me, that this was all my fault. There have been countless nights where I silently cried myself to sleep while he laid next to me in bed.

It wasn't even the lack of sex that was bringing me down, it was the lack of physical contact at all, the lack of attention. He would come home from a grueling day of work and would give me a small kiss hello and then he would go straight to his computer for hours, until he was exhausted and then we would go to bed.

I had pushed everyone away from me, I even barely spoke to Ino anymore. I didn't want to tell anyone what was going on. It wasn't something I was proud of and rather than go to my friends for help to see what they said, I kept it hidden. When I did go see Ino, I lied and said everything was great and amazing. I couldn't have asked for anyone better. Apparently, I'm a great liar.

There was a point right around my birthday in March that I decided to leave him. I had been talking to a guy online and had minuscule feelings for him, but those feelings alone made me feel guilty and like something was wrong. Why was some guy thousands of miles away giving me more attention than the one that was only a couple feet away?

This is the only period of time I have ever seen him try to hard to be with me, to give me what I wanted. He tried to woo me, show me his sexual prowess. I loved that he was trying so hard. He was taking me out on dates and even buying me flowers. I thought he had changed. I mean this was amazing for me. The man I loved was finally showing me how much he loved me back.

This was also the time he told me that he was afraid that he was having medical issues with his testosterone. It's something a lot of guys had issues with, but it wasn't anything I had ever really considered. He told me that he was going to go to the doctor and get it checked on. (It took him a year and a half to finally go to the doctor and to this day he hasn't even gotten all of his medicine in.)

I took him back, much to my parents relief (they thought he was amazing, in fact, my dad cried when he found out we had broken up). I had honestly thought he had changed. When I did move back in, things were better than before I had left.

It wasn't long after that before he proposed. I accepted. I mean, he had tried so hard to get me, I had it in my head that he wanted me. Plus, this had to be as good as it was going to get right?

We were married within the year and soon searched for a house. This was the point in which my parents decided they were going to move cross country. They wanted to have new experiences and I respected them for that, but not having my mother nearby hurt. I really needed someone to talk to and it's not the same talking on the phone.

It wasn't long after we had decided to buy my parents house, my childhood home, to make it our own. It was extremely difficult for us to find a house we liked and then also to put in an offer the seller would accept. Neji had made it abundantly clear that he didn't want to buy that house, he wanted something that was our own, something a little closer to town (to be honest, he had a lot of complaints about the house).

It was only a month or two after we moved in that I began to make either the best or worst mistake of my life. I began to have an affair with the most amazing guy, Sasuke Uchiha.

Read and review.

V.

ps sorry for any mistakes, I have to use word pad basically :(

Update: Ok so I've added a little more background details as well as some minor editing. I've changed the format to fit with whole diary take I've decided to do with it...