Scott Shelby walked into the hotel and went to the clerk. "I need to speak to Lauren Winter."
"Lauren Winter...?" The man raised a brow. "I've never heard of Lauren Winter."
"How about I persuade you?"
"Hmm...?"
Scott reached into his pocket for some cash, but instead pointed a gun in the clerk's face.
"Whoa, what-"
"Tell me which room Lauren Winter is in or I'll shoot you in the eyes and pickle your head in a jar."
It turns out he had gone to the wrong hotel.
"Oh." He hastefully shot the clerk and went to the right hotel, where he didn't even speak; he just shot the clerk and went upstairs. He went to the last door on the left and kicked it open to find Lauren inside.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" She roared.
"Hey~" Scott sung as he put down fifty dollars on the table. "I wanna buy ten minutes of your time."
"WH-..." She noticed that he had put down fifty dollars. "... Okay. Get undressed."
"Ehm.." Scott fumbled with words, his face turning a little red as she began stripping in front of him. "N-no, I bought ten minutes of your time. But I'm not a customer."
She looked back at him with a weird look. "So you don't want..."
"No, no, I do. But you know... not profess-.. -ional... FUCK IT"
After five minutes, there was a knock on the door. "Hey babe, it's me."
"The fuck?" Scott hissed, holding a bag of bacon. "Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Not really. He's a crazed, obsessed customer and he's abusive."
"I think I like this guy..."
"What?"
"Nothing."
The guy threw the door open like Billy Mays on a Friday afternoon and gasped at what he saw. "L-Lauren..."
"Here we go."
"You only watch General Hospital with me!"
Scott shot him in the face.
Lauren choked on thoughts as she watched him fall to the ground. "Wh.. Whh.. WHATTTT..."
Scott shrugged, eating the uncooked bacon with his bare hands. "Meh. He seemed like an asshole anyways."
Lauren held him. "I love you, man-who's-name-I-don't-know-yet."
"The name's Scott Shelby, bitch, and don't you forget it. Now I'm a private investimagatorrator, so I wanna know all the details about your son, Johnny's, disappearance."
"Invesimagatorrator?"
"It's a lot more fun to say than 'Investigator', isn't it?"
"I guess."
"Now tell me everything."
She started to tell him everything she knew about General Hospital.
Scott thought it was hot.

His hands shaking a little, Agent Norman Jayden of the FBI got out of the car he'd been lent by the local police. He breathed deeply and rubbed his arms, already made cold by the rain.
"Goddamned rain..." He muttered to himself. He went up to the police blocking the crime scene.
"Whoa, back up kid."
"Kid?!" Norman flared childishly.
The cops looked at each other.
Norman sighed. "I'm a membah of the FBI." He pulled out his badge. "See?"
"I didn't know they started letting hicks into the FBI..." joked one of them.
"The'e's a difference between a hick accent and my accent!"
The cops continued to mock Jayden, but they did let him through.
"Oh, uh, I.." He stopped. "Why botha." He shrugged it off and walked into the crime scene.

Lieutenant Carter Blake paced around the scene of the crime, barking at his officers to try harder at finding things; they were all coming up with jackshit.
He then noticed someone peaking into the tent covering the body of the victim, and his anger boiled and brewed as he went over.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
A much younger and smaller man poked his head out and looked up at him, wearing some weird sunglasses of some sort. "O-oh, I-"
Carter started yelling at him to go away until the guy took off his glasses with his gloveless hand and slipped them away into a pocket hidden somewhere in his suit. Carter froze, staring at the guy in front of him, who held out the same hand to be shook.
"Lieutenant Cahtah Blake, I assume? I'm Agent Nahmen Jayden of the FBI."
Flustered, Carter replied, "Oh, yes, I heard you'd be arriving."
'But damn, I didn't expect you to be cute!'
Norman kept his hand held out awkwardly, and Blake smacked it away in denial.
"Walk with me, Norman." He said the agent's first name with a tone of utter distain.
"Wowww..." Norman tried to shake that off and not let it irk him, but it wouldn't work for long.
The two of them walked, but said nothing.
"... Uh... Blake... Are... Are ya alright?"
"I'm fine. I'm fan-fucking-tastic. What makes you think I'm not alright?"
"Yer stumblin' around like yer heart's in yer stomach."
'HOW DID HE KNOW?!' Blake smacked Jayden. "Shut your hick mouth, kid."
Norman rolled his eyes and let out a sigh that was half growl.
"I hate your accent." Really, Blake adored it.
"Whatevah, we're not he'e to discuss my accent."
"Oh, yeah, right. The.. The, uh, the case."
"Yeah. What'dya got on that so fah?"
Blake told Jayden everything they knew "so fah" in a business-like fasion.
"So that's it? That's all y'know?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Blake."
"What?!"
"You said that I have a 'purty mouth'."
"UM. WHAT'S THAT?"
"What?"
"A DEAD CAT BY THE TRAIN TRACKS! GO.. GO INVESTIGATE THAT." Carter kicked Jayden over to the cat and rushed off.
"... Oookaaay then..." Jayden couldn't help but smile and giggle at the strange behavior of the lieutenant. He'd only known him for a few seconds before they spoke, but something in Blake seemed to change when they were speaking. Jayden was, of course, oblivious as to why.
Soon Jayden had investigated all he could, and he came to the conclusion that he'd have to scale a hill to get to the rest of the evidence. Bracing himself, he started to climb up the hill.
He did pretty good until he somehow got his leg in the wrong position and fell back. Below him was a light layer of mud covering a hard rock.
'I'm going to die.' Norman thought. He suddenly landed against something soft. He opened his eyes to see Blake staring down at him.
"... Oh?"
"Stupid shit. You started to fall. What if you broke your back?"
"You... You caught me?"
Blake ignored him as he forced Jayden to stand up straight. "Why the hell do you want to go up that way, anyways?"
"The'e's evidence up the'e."
"What? Really?"
"Yeah, I just have t'get up t'it."
"Um.. Let me help.. you...?" Blake wasn't sure what to say to seem kind and not threatening.
Jayden gave him a weird look, making him back down a little.
"I think I can do this alone, but thanks." He said as he started to quickly scale the hill.
"Yeah.. You're... You're welcome..." Blake sighed.
After a couple minutes, Norman slid back down, effectively ruining any salvagable parts of his suit.
Blake tried not to notice as Jayden walked towards him.
"Hey, Blake." He said casually.
"The fuck do you want, Norman?"
"I think I've found just about everything I can find he'e. I'm gonna be goin' now."
"What, reall-" Blake stopped himself and went back to acting like a dick to hide his feelings. "Fuck if I care."
"Right... I'll... I'll see you at the station... I guess..." Jayden, still rubbing himself to make himself warm, exited the crime scene and went back to his car.
He sat in the driver's seat for a moment, feeling some sensation that made him begin to feel immense dread.
'Not again...'
His hands began to shake madly and he started to see double, so he quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a tube of light blue powder.
Beginning to gasp for air, Jayden thought about this.
'I need to take it. I need to. These withdrawal symptoms are too much. I can't take it.'
He brought the tube of Triptocaine to his nostril and snorted, instantly feeling calmer and happier, but at the same time, feeling a faint sense of guilt.
Again, he'd taken the drug instead of resisting it.
Sighing pleasantly instead of miserably as he'd intended, Jayden's hands started the car and his feet joined in to help him drive away from the crime scene.