Fickle
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters.
"Something about first love defies duplication. Before it, your heart is blank. Unwritten. After, the walls are left inscribed and graffitied. When it ends, no amount of scrubbing will purge the scrawled oaths and sketched images, but sooner or later, you find that there's space for someone else, between the words and in the margins."
-Tammara Webber
Kagome was at a loss. She shifted uncomfortably where she sat, tugging nervously at the hem of her black shorts. She looked over to her left out of the corner of her eye at her silent companion.
This was their fourth date and Inuyasha hadn't tried to make a move on her once. To say she was confused was an understatement. Normally, she wouldn't do things like dinner, or movies, or picnics- but there was something about this silver-haired man that made it impossible for her to say no. All he ever wanted to do was talk. There was the occasional moment where he'd take her hand, but it never went further than that. In the last two weeks she'd been seeing him, Kagome hadn't been to a single bar. If she wanted to drink, she would do so in the privacy of her home. In the back of her mind she knew that she held no obligation to him, but for some reason, she had no desire to continue with her random hook ups. Not when she had Inuyasha on her mind at all times.
Tonight he had taken her to a concert outside the city. It was some local band that he knew, one that she had never heard of, but she had a good time. Afterward, he drove her out here, to the middle of an empty field of grass, and parked his car. Now, they were sitting atop his hood, looking out at the sun as it slowly made its way toward the horizon. He hadn't said a word since they had gotten out of the car, and it was making Kagome anxious.
"My brother used to take me out here when I was a kid," he said suddenly, making Kagome tense. She looked over at him in surprise, waiting for him to continue. He had never brought up his family before to her. "Once a month, he would drive me out here and we'd sit together, just like this and watch the sunset. We'd stay out here for hours, 'til the sun came back up."
"I didn't know you had a brother," she told him softly, smiling at the fond look in his eyes as he spoke of his sibling.
"We aren't exactly close," he admitted with a sigh. "But he never once forgot to bring me out here on that night. Once I got old enough, I started driving myself out here. You're the first person that I've ever brought here."
Kagome flushed and felt her heart start to pound rapidly at his words. She felt touched. This was a big deal for him, bringing her out here. This was an extremely intimate moment that he was revealing to her, allowing her to be a part of it. She looked down at her lap and smiled softly, her hair falling around her face like a curtain. She felt him shifting next to her and she looked up at him, watching as he stared out at the sunset nervously.
"Why did you bring me out here?" she asked him, her voice barely above a whisper. He looked over at her and gave her a shy smile.
"Because I wanted to show you something," he told her, reaching out to take her hand. "Come on. It's almost time."
Kagome looked down at the palm of his hand, at the tips of his claws, long and dangerous. Without hesitation, she took it, letting him guide her off of the car and out into the field. They walked side by side, the grass brushing against their legs, tickling Kagome's exposed skin. Where he was leading her, she wasn't sure. The field was empty as far as she could see. He just kept walking forward, deeper and deeper into the land until the car behind them was just a black spot in the distance. He stopped then, looking out at the horizon with a sad smile on his face. Kagome looked out at it, too, waiting for whatever it was that he wanted to show her. They watched the sun dip below the horizon, taking with it the last golden rays of daylight and replacing it with the firey reds ands pinks that faded out into light shades of violet and darker shades of indigo, speckled with the first evening's stars. She waited...
...Then she felt it.
There was a pulse of energy at her side and Kagome looked over at Inuyasha. Her eyes widened, and her grip on his hand tightened as she watched the air around him pulse like ripples in water. Her lips parted in awe as she watched the roots of his hair bleed black and wash over the silver. He closed his eyes and sighed, and Kagome could see his ears melting into his scalp, only to reappear as rounded human flesh on either side of his head. His hand squeezed hers and she looked down at it, gasping as she watched his claws recede and round themselves into dull, harmless nails. When the air finally stopped pulsing, she looked back at his face to find that his eyes had opened, revealing a pair of deep, brown, incredibly human orbs. He smiled at her, and she could see that his fangs were gone, replaced with dull, human teeth. She blinked in absolute wonder and was surprised at the bit of loss that she felt at the change. She reached up with her free hand with hesitation before she placed it on his cheek, rubbing her thumb over his golden skin, the only thing that seemed to have not changed. His hand came up to cover hers and he leaned into her touch, closing his eyes.
"You're human," she whispered, still amazed with the transformation.
"Yeah," he chuckled, his voice husky. "Haf-demons have a time when their demonic side is locked away... Mine is tonight. The night of the new moon."
Kagome looked up at the sky and noticed with surprise that the moon wasn't out. She was still looking up at the rapidly darkening sky when she felt Inuyasha release her hands. She looked back at him and lowered her hands to her sides, waiting for him to say something. He instead lowered his eyes and looked out back toward the car, a small frown on his face.
"Inuyasha?" Kagome said, stepping toward him. "What's wrong?"
"I've never let anyone see me like this," he admitted. "Not anyone outside of my family."
Kagome smiled at that. She wasn't sure why she was feeling so happy about how much he was trusting her. If it had been anyone else, she would have turned tail and ran, but right now, with him, it was a good feeling. Seeing how nervous he was about it, about how much he wanted her to accept him, it made her feel good in a way that she hadn't before. He was baring the most private part of himself to her, something that was so much more intimate than sex. It was an amazing feeling. Without thinking twice, Kagome embraced him, resting her head on his chest and wrapping her arms tightly around his waist.
"Thank you for bringing me here," she told him gently. "And for showing me this; you."
She held him tighter, smiling when she felt his arms come up to wrap around her as well. He rested his cheek on the top of her head and Kagome heard him sigh, his body relaxing as they stood there together in the darkness, with no sound but the breaths in their lungs and their hearts beating in sync in their chests.
Kagome chewed her lip nervously as she sat inside the clinic. She looked around at the white walls, decorated with a few informational charts and posters of the human anatomy. She hated being here, but she had no choice. She was feeling absolutely awful and she had been starting to worry. Every day for the last week she had been seized by random boughts of nausea. She had a slight fever that would come and go, but the constant puking was making things difficult for her. Like going to work...
...And spending time with Inuyasha.
Kagome couldn't help but smile at the thought of her new friend. They had seen each other several times since that day in the field, several times a week even. Though there was the hint of something romantic forming, he had been nothing but polite and friendly toward her. She had felt something with him that she hadn't felt in a long time. Something that she was worried she'd never feel again with a man. She felt safe.
She was certain that eventually, with time and patience on his part, there could be something more between them. Her heart still hadn't repaired from the damage that Miroku had done, but she could see Inuyasha mending the wounds almost completely. Her thoughts were interrupted when the door to the examination room opened and her doctor walked in, carrying a clipboard in his hand. He was tall and plain with dark eyes and hair that was slightly peppered with gray, but he had a kind smile as he looked at her.
"Miss Higurashi," he said, nodding politely and taking a seat on the stool in front of her.
"Hello, Doctor," Kagome said with a nervous smile, folding her hands awkwardly in her lap as she met his eyes. "Is it the flu?"
"No, actually I have some good news," he said with a smile. He set his clipboard down on his lap. "You, my dear, are pregnant!"
Kagome felt the color drain from her face and her stomach rolled. She hopped off the table quickly and ran to the sink behind the doctor, wretching as he chuckled softly before he put a comforting hand on her back. She felt her entire body start to sweat, but at the same time, she felt incredibly cold.
"I'll need to run some tests, but from the looks of it, you're about ten weeks along if your last menstrual cycle is anything to go by," he told her over the sounds of her stomach heaving. "I am giving you a referal to an OB in the city, but you are free to find someone else. I'm sure your partner will want some say in this. I have a prescription for some prenatal vitamins in the meantime. I'll have my secretary set up an appointment with the OB for some time next week. Congratulations, Miss Higurashi!"
Kagome heard the door close as he walked out of the room. She pushed herself up from the sink with trembling arms. She wiped the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand as her eyes stared blindly ahead.
Pregnant. It was impossible. She had been on birth control. She had only forgotten to take the stupid pill once! She hadn't had a period in some time, but with the pills it was normal that she wouldn't get one every month. She put a shaking hand over her abdomen and she suddenly had the feeling that the world had been pulled out from under her feet. Pregnant? The idea that she could be a mother had never even occured to her. She had just assumed that after how long she and Miroku had tried that she wasn't able to have children. It was obvious that he wasn't the problem, if his incredibly pregnant female companion was anything to go by.
Kagome looked down at her stomach. It was still very flat. Ten weeks? Was that long? How long would it be before she started to show? She would have to tell her friends, her family... Inuyasha. Kagome felt tears pour down her cheeks in streams. She was certain he would want nothing to do with her after she told him. Pregnant. Kagome knew exactly who the father was, and she knew that she would never tell him. As if I'll ever see him again. I don't even remember where he lives... No, she could care less about Bankotsu at the moment. Her mind was plagued with thoughts of Inuyasha, and how hopeful she had been that there was hope for her to be happy with him. Was that even possible if she was expecting a child?
I could just get rid of it... The moment the thought formed itself, however, Kagome knew that it wasn't even an option. She could never go through with it. She rubbed her flat stomach tenderly, the knowledge that there was something alive in there, inside her, was mind-blowing. If the doctor hadn't come in and told her, she was certain that she wouldn't believe it. Could she handle being a mother? I'll just have to. The tears stopped flowing as she made her decision.
I'll keep the child. I won't end its life just so I can live mine. I couldn't live with myself. It's a part of me... Kagome felt a throb in her chest at the thought. She was going to be a mother. She was going to have a baby! She couldn't help the watery smile that split her face. She let out a sound that was half laugh, half sob, and she put her hands over her mouth. She would have a child, a creature that depended completely on her. It would love her unconditionally, and she would love it. Once her mind was able to fully process what was happening. She would watch it grow, and she'd protect it, and she'd make sure it was happy and healthy, and wouldn't make any of the mistakes that she had made. Kagome ran her hands over her head, pushing her hair back and she took in a deep, cleansing breath.
"I'm going to be a mother," she whispered to herself.
Kagome was lying on the grass at the park with Inuyasha at her side as they stared up at the clouds overhead. She was wringing her fingers together nervously. She had managed to avoid telling him she was pregnant for almost a week, but tomorrow she would be going to her first prenatal appointment and she didn't want the worry eating away at her forever. She needed to tell him. But first, she needed to explain some things.
"Inuyasha," she said softly, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill.
"Yeah, Kagome?" he said, his eyes still on the sky.
"I told you that I hadn't been in a relationship for a long time," she began slowly. "But I never told you why."
She saw him turn to look at her out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She had never felt shame for her behavior, but then she had never expected to want to be romantically involved with anyone ever again. She couldn't look at him yet, not until she was finished. If she did, she wasn't sure she would be able to continue. She swallowed, wiping her sweaty palms against her cotton dress. It took her a moment before she was able to speak past the lump in her throat.
"I was engaged," she said, her voice breaking on the last word. "I had been in love with Miroku my entire life. We grew up next door to each other, we always said we would grow up and get married. We didn't start actually dating until high school. We went to the same college, graduated, we moved in together, got engaged. I loved him with everything I had. I never thought anything would go wrong...
"He wanted to start a family. After a few months and me still not being pregnant, we sort of gave up. I told him we were in no rush. We could wait until after we were married. I honeslty didn't understand why we were waiting so long to actually get married in the first place. Later, I found out he had been seeing someone else."
Kagome closed her eyes tightly, the memory of Miroku's confession still stabbing at her heart like a hot knife. She remembered the apologetic look on his face, and the way he held her when he told her he was leaving. She thought back to that night, when she had sat in the living room of their apartment, just staring at the door, waiting for him to come back, to tell her that he had made a mistake in even thinking about leaving her. But he never did.
Kagome felt Inuyasha's hand take hold of hers and she let out a sob.
"Kagome..." he began. She shook her head, silencing him before she continued.
"I should have seen it coming. We just weren't happy anymore... but even knowing that, I was in a dark place when he left me," she said, opening her eyes to look up at the blue sky. "I never wanted to feel that way again. I never wanted to hurt that much again. I had given him everything. He was the only man I had ever been with, ever wanted to be with, and he left me so easily... I never wanted to feel that again. For almost a year, I was a zombie. I didn't see my friends, I only left the house for work. The only person I would even hold a conversation with was my sister, but even then, I felt so numb... Then one night, I went to a bar. I got drunk out of my mind and I let some guy take me home with him. I slept with him that night, and instead of feeling guilty or disgusted with myself, I felt... empowered."
Kagome struggled with what she was about to say. She didn't want Inuyasha to think badly of her, but there was no way around it. He deserved to know everything. She felt him squeeze her hand comfortingly and she took a shaky breath. Please don't hate me. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and tensed.
"That next night, I went back to the bar," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I waited, waited for any man to notice me. Eventually one did, and I did the same thing I had done the night before. I went home with him, we had sex, but this time I wasn't drunk. I felt everything, I remembered everything. I had never felt so beautiful and wanted. And at the same time, I knew that just because I was sleeping with that man it didn't mean that it had to mean anything else. I was tired of feeling pain. When I was with those men, all I felt was the pleasure of intimacy. My feelings were never compromised. I never had to get hurt again.
"I've done that for the last two years... more times than I care to admit. I slept with strangers, being careful to use protection and birth control to keep anything serious from happening. I had been doing it for so long, that I started to go numb again. The only thing that made me feel alive was... being with those men. Humans, demons, I didn't care. I just wanted to feel again. I thought I had found a way to be free from my pain. Free from Miroku."
Kagome waited for Inuyasha to say something, pull his hand away from her in disgust, something. When he didn't speak, she turned her head to the side to look at him. What she found surprised her beyond belief. Warmth was shining in his golden eyes. Warmth and sympathy. Kagome frowned, her tears still pouring as she stared at him.
"Was that what you were expecting from me when we met?" he asked her softly. Kagome bit her lip and nodded in shame, turning her eyes away. She felt his free hand come up to cup her face and turn her back to look at him. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, a sob breaking out of her chest before she could stop it. "Kagome, look at me."
"I can't," she choked. "I'm disgusted with myself. I never felt shame for my actions until I met you. I don't want to know what you must think of me."
"Kagome."
Kagome's watery eyes flicked up to his. He rubbed a thumb underneath her eye, across her cheek to wipe away the tears there. Kagome leaned into his touch without thinking, her eyes closing tightly before she looked back at him. She was vaguely aware that her makeup was probably smeared all over face, but all she could focus on were his eyes.
"I don't care about your past," he told her, his eyes soft. "I care about the woman that I know. The one that likes to dip everything she eats in ranch dressing, and reads the last page in a book before she reads the first. I care about the woman that is terrified of sleeping with the closet door open, and feels the need to ask a million questions in the middle of a really good movie. I care about you, Kagome. Your past is done with, and I wasn't there for it. All I care about is here... now."
Kagome's breath left her lungs when she felt him pull her toward him, his lips gently carressing her own. There was an explosion behind her eyelids as she kissed him back, her hand tentatively reaching up to cover his. They turned towards each other, lying on their sides in the grass as the kiss continued. His kiss was warm, gentle- something that she hadn't experienced in so long. She almost lost herself in it when she suddenly remembered the reason for her confession. She abruptly pulled away from him and put a hand over her mouth. He frowned at her in confusion.
"Kagome-?" he began.
"I'm pregnant."
Kagome was lying on a cold table, wearing nothing but a strange paper robe that didn't even close, and her bra. She hadn't met her doctor yet, just the incredibly young nurse that had taken her blood and told her to take off her clothes. She was glad for the distraction that being this uncomfortable brought though. It took her mind off of what had been bothering her.
Inuyasha...
Kagome bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly. He hadn't said anything after she'd told him. He was just staring at her with wide, unreadable eyes and Kagome panicked. She sat up, not even bothering to brush the grass off of her backside, and bolted away from him. He hadn't called after her, hadn't tried to stop her. It was obvious that he didn't want anything to do with her now. It's fine. I don't need Inuyasha to be happy. I have you. Kagome rubbed her abdomen affectionately, tears leaking out of the corners of her closed eyes. She took in a deep breath and tried to calm herself.
"Are you excited?"
Kagome looked over at the woman at her side, her sister, Kikyou. Kikyou was her twin in almost every way, other than the fact that she was a full two years older than Kagome. Both girls were of average height, but where Kagome was curvy, Kikyou was willowy. They both had the same charcoal hair, but Kagome's fell in unruly waves and Kikyou's was pin-straight and incredibly manageable. Kikyou's blue eyes were very much like Kagome's. They were bright and beautiful at first glance, but with a deeper look, anyone could see the sadness that plagued their blue orbs. Kikyou was no stranger to heartache. She was the only person Kagome had gone to when Miroku had left her. She could understand. She had loved someone once, and he had crushed almost everything that had made Kikyou shine.
Much like what had happened to Kagome.
"Yeah," Kagome replied, smiling weakly. "I'm really nervous, though."
"Do you want me to get you some water or something?" Kikyou asked.
"Would you mind?"
"Of course not," Kikyou said, standing up. "I'll be right back."
Kagome nodded at her, watching until the older girl had closed the door behind her before she let her smile slip and she put her hands over her face. Keep it together, Kagome. She took in a few deep breaths, trying to keep herself from panicking. She had never been so nervous before. She was excited yes, but she was terrified as well. She already knew she was pregnant, but seeing her baby would make it all the more real. Her stomach threatened to heave just as she heard the door open.
"Thank God," she breathed, dropping her hands. "I was about to hurl-"
"Should I go get a doctor?"
Kagome tensed, her eyes widening as she looked up into not the blue eyes of her sister, but the golden eyes of her hanyou. Inuyasha. She gaped up at him, her hands fisting in her lap as she stared at him. Then, the door opened a bit wider and Kagome watched Kikyou walk in behind him with a guilty smile on her face.
"You brought him?" Kagome said, her voice shaky and accusing.
"You two need to talk," Kikyou said sternly. "I'll step out, but dammit, Kagome you are not going to ruin a good thing just because you're scared." She put a hand on Inuyasha's shoulder and pushed him toward Kagome. "Now talk."
Kagome could only stare as Kikyou walked out of the room, closing the door with just enough force for Kagome to know she wasn't kidding. She gulped, looking up at Inuyasha nervously. The poor guy looked just as uncomfortable. He was rubbing the back of his head, staring at the floor. His ears were drooping, and there was a frown on his face. Kagome hated seeing him like this.
"You didn't have to come," Kagome told him stiffly. "I doubt a human woman could have forced you here. All you had to do was tell her you didn't want to-"
"Stop that," Inuyasha snapped. Kagome gasped, her eyes wide at his toned. In the last month or so that she'd known him, he had never talked to her like that. And he had never looked so angry.
"Stop what?" Kagome said, her voice shaking just a bit. Inuyasha sighed and came to sit on the bed beside her, looking her in the eye.
"Stop making me out to be the villain," he said softly, but his eyes were still fierce. "I'm not the one who ran away, Kagome. You didn't even give me a chance to say anything. You can't just tell me something like that and expect me to respond immediately. I needed time to think, to- to do anything. But you just ran from me. After everything I've shown you, you ran."
"Inuyasha," Kagome choked out, realizing her vision was blurring rapidly with tears. "I was scared! Can you honestly blame me? Why would you stick around? Why would you want anything to do with me knowing I was pregnant?"
"Because I care about you, you stupid woman!" he snapped, taking hold of her face with his hands. Kagome was sobbing uncontrollably now. She put her hands over his, looking up at him as he pressed his forehead to hers. "I care about you so much. Don't you see that? I've shown you things I've never shown anyone. You're different than everyone else, Kagome. I told you I didn't care about who you were. I care about who you are now."
Kagome blinked up at him, biting her bottom lip. The tears were still coming, but they had slowed down to a trickle. She looked into his golden eyes, searching for something that would let her know he wasn't just saying things; that he actually meant all of this. Please, please tell me he's telling the truth...
"Even like this?" she whispered, holding her breath. Inuyasha smiled, leaning forward to press a soft, chaste kiss against her lips.
"Especially like this," he said against her lips.
Kagome let out a strangled laugh just as he kissed her again, this time with more fervor. Kagome's hands came up to knot in his hair, her whole body warming up when she felt the rumble building in his chest. He tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss. She had never been kissed like this. It was as though he was dying, and her kiss was the only thing that could save him. This was more intense than anything she had ever experienced with those strangers. This kiss was making fireworks burst behind her eyelids, and her blood pound so loudly in her ears that she didn't hear the door open.
"Ahem."
Kagome and Inuyasha split apart, eyes flashing to the door where Kikyou stood, holding the door open for someone else. Kagome flushed furiously, putting her hands over her cheeks. Kikyou gave her a small smile and moved out of the way so that the other woman could enter. Kagome glanced over at Inuyasha who was smiling apologetically.
"We can talk later," Kagome said softly. He nodded before he turned his attention to the newest person in the room.
She was an older woman, short and slightly hunched over with long, gray hair that was tied loosely at the back of her neck and spilling down her back. She was wearing a white coat over a powder pink blouse and a floral printed skirt that went to her ankles. She smiled warmly at the two of them before she walked further into the room, letting the door close behind her.
"Hello Miss Higurashi," she said brightly, reaching out for her hand. "My name is Dr. Takahashi, but you can call me Kaede."
"Hi," Kagome said nervously, running her hand through her hair. The woman smiled kindly, walking past Kikyou to take a seat in the stool and move it to a place at by Kagome's feet. She reached out a hand to Inuyasha and he took it, shaking it firmly.
"Inuyasha Taisho," he said politely. The older woman nodded before turning away.
"And I already met your sister, Kikyou in the hallway," Kaede said, walking around the room, opening drawers and taking things out. She set a white tube of something down on the silver tray that was set up at the foot of the bed Kagome was lying on. "I understand that you were referred here to me by your physician. Now, you are free to find a different OB after this confirmation if you want, but I'll have you know that I am one of the best in the city. I've been delivering babies of both species since before you were born."
Kagome smiled, feeling a bit more at ease now. Kikyou came to stand beside her, paying close attention to everything the elderly woman was saying. Kagome was glad, because she was a bit distracted at the moment. She looked over at Inuyasha, who was smiling comfortingly down at her. Kaede's voice was still speaking in the background, but Kagome could barely make out what she was saying. She did her best to keep hold of the calm she was feeling. She eased back, letting herself lay down on the table. Inuyasha took a seat as well, and she reached a hand out for him to take. He did, rubbing his thumb soothingly over the back of her hand.
"...Now if you'll just bend your legs and press your heels to the back of your thighs," the woman said. Kagome flushed and looked over at Inuyasha who was also turning an impressive shade of crimson. Kikyou coughed, putting a hand over her mouth, but Kagome could see her amusement. She sent a quick glare to her sister before she turned back to the other woman. Kaede chuckled and reached out to grab Kagome's ankles, pushing them when she didn't move them herself. Kagome gasped and felt her blush go down her neck to her shoulders. "Oh come now, it's nothing you all haven't seen before."
Inuyasha's golden eyes were wide, staring down at where his hand held Kagome's. Kagome couldn't help but smile at his embarrassment. She squeezed his hand and his eyes lifted to meet hers. He smiled weakly before he swallowed, taking in a deep breath and looking over at Kaede who was rolling something that looked frighteningly like a condom onto a long, white object that was connected to the monitor beside the bed.
"W-what are you going to do with that?" he stammered, his voice cracking a bit as Kaede applied the jelly-like subtance from the white tube onto the object. She laughed and scooted her stool over to the foot of Kagome's bed.
"It is much too early to do a regular ultrasound, young man," Kaede said. "This way, we go inside to find the heartbeat. I'll be able to tell you how far along you are, Miss Higurashi, by the size of the fetus. Now just relax, this might be a bit uncomfortable."
Kagome barely had time to brace herself before she felt something cold and wet being pushed into her. She gasped, her hand squeezing Inuyasha's tightly. She couldn't bring herself to look between her legs, so she looked at him. Inuyasha's eyes were so wide that she was certain they would pop out of his head. His jaw had dropped and the color had drained from his face. Had Kagome not been so uncomfortable at the moment, she might have laughed. Instead, she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply through her nose. The silence was deafening in the room, but Kagome kept silent. She was so nervous and excited that she was certain she would puke. Kikyou never brought me that water. I could really use it right about now... Then suddenly Kikyou gasped, and her eyes snapped open.
"Ah, there we are," she heard Kaede say. Kagome looked over at the monitor and her heart stilled. Kaede reached out and pointed at a tiny spot on the screen that looked an awful lot like a peanut. "There's your baby. I'd say you're just about ten weeks along, but these things are hard to pinpoint. In a few more months we'll take another look and see how the little one is growing."
Kagome could do nothing but stare at the screen. Her eyes watered with tears and she reached out, pointing to a part of the shape that was moving rapidly.
"Is that her heartbeat?" she whispered. Kaede smiled and nodded and Kagome let out a short laugh that was half sob.
Kikyou put an arm around her shoulders, and although she was silent, Kagome knew by the way she was trembling that her sister was crying as well. She put her free hand over her mouth and she sobbed happily. She was looking at her baby. She was so tiny, didn't even have limbs yet, but Kagome was in love. She kept her eyes locked on that tiny fluttering on the screen and she brought her hand down to rest on her abdomen. My baby... She looked over at Inuyasha and gave him a watery smile.
The half-demon was no longer staring between her legs in horror. His golden eyes were locked on the screen, a silly, crooked grin on his handsome face. His eyes were lit with wonder, never looking away from the image. Kagome felt her heart surge with so much emotion at the sight that she thought she would burst. She brought his hand up to her lips and kissed it gently. His eyes flashed to hers and reached out with his free hand to brush her bangs back from her face.
"I'll print out a copy for you," Kaede said, pressing buttons on the machine absently before she pulled the object out of Kagome. "I'll leave you alone to clean yourself, but first I want to ask you a few questions."
Kagome squirmed uncomfortably at the gooey feeling between her legs. She winced, struggling to sit up on the bed. Kaede took out a clipboard and uncapped a pen, facing the two of them with a serious look.
"Now, demon births a bit more complicated than human births," she began. "And you are obviously a dog demon, Mr. Taisho, so the pregnancy will be considerably shorter-"
"The father isn't a demon," Kagome said quickly, looking away from the older woman awkwardly. There was a pregnant silence in the room and Kagome started to shift uncomfortably in her seat.
"Well, that makes things much easier," she said with a slow smile. "Then we're looking at our normal nine-month pregnancy provided we are met with no complications along the way. From the looks of it though, you are a healthy, young woman so there should be nothing to worry about provided you continue to take care of yourself throughout the pregnancy."
Kagome nodded, silently thanking Inuyasha for his quick-thinking. Kaede continued to talk about vitamins and scheduling more appointments for her, but Kagome was only half listening. Kikyou, however, had pulled out a notebook from her purse and was jotting down notes here and there. Kagome was grateful. She looked down at her hand that was wrapped firmly inside Inuyasha's. She stared at the differences in their skin tone, hers pale and snowy, his tan and golden. She smiled absently as his thumb rubbed over the back of her hand, watching his claw move back and forth. She looked up into his golden eyes and smiled wider at the look of intense focus he was giving Kaede as she spoke. Her heart fluttered when his eyes darted to hers briefly and he smiled, before he turned his attention back to the doctor.
I'm so glad you're staying by my side...
"God dammit all!" Kagome screamed, throwing a pair of jeans out her apartment window.
"Kagome are you okay?"
Kagome looked over her shoulder and gasped. Inuyasha had run in from the bathroom, clad in nothing but a towel, his silver locks soaked and clinging to his beautifully muscled body. Her eyes dropped to the line of silver hair that trailed from his belly button, down beneath the towel that covered his manhood. She flushed and was struck with a need that was becoming all too familiar. As if just realizing his state of undress, Inuyasha flushed and darted out of the room into the hallway.
"I-I heard you scream," he stammered. "Are you alright? Is it the baby?"
Kagome chuckled and shook her head, putting a hand to her forehead. He was so jumpy any time she so much as looked uncomfortable. She appreciated the concern, but he was going to give himself a heart attack if he kept this up. She was pregnant, not dying. She looked down at her just-noticeable bulge and smiled before she remembered her reason for screaming. She was currently standing in her bedroom wearing nothing but a white camisole and her panties. Poor Inuyasha probably had a nosebleed right now.
"The baby's fine," she sighed, flopping onto her bed dramatically. "It's me that's messed up."
"What do you mean?" he called out, his voice farther away now. He had probably gone back to the guest bathroom to finish dressing.
"Nothing fits!" Kagome cried out, feeling her bottom lip quiver a bit.
These hormones were going to be the death of her. She was an emotional wreck these days, and cried at the drop of a hat. It was enough that even Kikyou was getting tired of her. At least, that's what Kagome had said the last time she had burst into tears while her sister was around. Which was incedentally that morning. Kikyou had been helping her so much with all of this. She and Inuyasha. Kagome had been beyond surprised when the two decided that it would be best if Inuyasha moved in with her. She had a guest bedroom, but the only person that had ever used it was Kikyou and sometimes their younger brother, Souta. Kagome hadn't lived with anyone since... Miroku. Kagome shook herself, not allowing her mind to dwell on that particular subject.
She had been doing well as of late where Miroku was concerned. It was rare that she thought of him these days, and when she did, it didn't hurt nearly as much as it used to. And that's all thanks to Inuyasha. She smiled fondly when she heard his steps in the hall and she pushed herself up onto her elbows to look at him as he stepped into the doorway. He rolled his eyes at her as he walked in, rubbing the towel over his silver mane as he did. She smirked a bit. Poor man had more hair than she did. She didn't have a clue how he managed to keep it looking as incredible as it did. Damn demon blood. Lucky bastard.
"You're pregnant, Kagome," he pointed out. "What did you think was gonna happen?"
Immediately her pleasant mood evaporated and Kagome glared at him before she took in the dampness of his white T-shirt and the way is clung to his torso deliciously. Her mouth went dry and her body erupted in warmth. She and Inuyasha had officially been dating for about three months, but they still hadn't done that. Kagome's friends all knew that the baby wasn't his, and Kagome had already told her mother that she didn't meet Inuyasha until after she had discovered she was pregnant. Still, with him deciding to be with her during this incredibly intimate time, she had thought that they would perhaps move their relationship along a bit quicker as well.
Inuyasha was having none of that. He was determined that despite the fact that there was a child on the way, he would not rush their relationship. Though Kagome didn't have the slightest idea what kind of relationship existed where two people could be together for three months, living in the same apartment, being around each other every day, and didn't have sex. She was going to lose her mind if she had to hold out much longer. Her hormones were driving her nuts, and her body was incredibly sensitive. Looking Inuyasha over once more, she threw herself back and groaned.
"I'm going to die," she said under her breath, forgetting about Inuyasha's supernatural hearing.
"Don't be such a drama queen," Inuyasha chuckled, walking over to her bed and sitting down beside her. "You and Kikyou can go shopping for some maternity clothes or something... Can't have you walking around without any pants for the next five months."
Kagome didn't miss the way his voice dropped. She slowly looked over at him, at the way his eyes were locked on her legs before he blushed and looked over at the wall. Kagome smirked and rose an eyebrow. She bit her lip before she sat up, pulling her legs close.
"Would that be such a bad thing?" she asked, her voice soft. Inuyasha swallowed before he looked back at her.
"Would what be a bad thing?" he asked, his voice cracking just a bit. Kagome smiled wider and she casually moved to lay her legs across his lap.
"No pants," she said, fighting back a giggle as his gaze dropped to her long, pale legs. His cheeks colored brightly, his ears erect in the most adorable way. Kagome reached out and put a hand on his chin, turning him to look at her. "Hmm?"
Inuyasha's mouth floundered, his hands coming to rest on her thighs before he flushed furiously and lifted them, holding them awkwardly on either side of his head. Kagome chuckled, grabbing his hand and setting it down slowly onto the bare skin of her thigh, watching in fascination as his nostrils flared and his blush deepened to an impossible shade of cranberry.
"Inuyasha?" she whispered softly.
His eyes flashed to hers and she leaned closer to him, brushing her nose against his. Inuyasha's lips parted and Kagome took it as her cue to continue. She pressed her lips against his gently at first, then with barely controlled hunger as his hand on her thigh suddenly gripped her, his skin hot against her own. Kagome reached up and held his face to hers, gasping when he pressed against her, laying her onto her back. He pulled away from her lips and looked down at her, unsure for a moment before he looked into her eyes. Kagome smiled up at him nervously, her body humming with anticipation. He smiled a crooked smile before he dropped his head down to kiss her.
Kagome couldn't help but smile against his lips.
Kagome groaned, rubbing at her back as another cramp struck her. She sighed in relief when it passed, turning her attention back to her mother.
Kagome had come to visit her and Souta before things got crazy. It was close to her due date, and Kikyou was going nuts back at her apartment. She was baby-proofing and decorating, turning what was once Inuyasha's bedroom into a nursery. Kagome had been excited about it all at first, but Kikyou was incredibly bossy, and with this project she had turned into a tyrant. She wanted everything to be perfect for her niece or nephew, and Kagome understood that, but she was incredibly pregnant after all. She just wanted some calm.
"Are you alright, dear?" her mother asked, putting down the knife that she had been using to chop vegetables for their lunch.
"I'm fine," Kagome said offhandedly, looking over at her brother, Souta, who was sitting on the counter, swinging his legs back and forth. "So how's school? I know the spring formal is coming up soon."
Souta looked very much like she and Kikyou, save the fact that he had their mother's brown eyes instead of the blue Kikyou and Kagome had inherited from their late father. He was seventeen now, and Kagome found herself wondering where the time went. In many ways, he was the same dorky little boy that like to play video games until the crack of dawn that she had grown up with, but in others he was almost a stranger. She wasn't even sure if he had a girlfriend. She had been so absorbed in her own troubles that she had stopped taking an interest in her little brother's life, but she was determined to change all that.
"I'm not going," he mumbled, his cheeks flushing a bit. Kagome frowned.
"Why not?" she asked. "I loved the spring formal when I was your age."
"It's only fun if you have someone to go with," Souta said, turning his head away and hopping off of the counter. "Besides, the guys wanna go see a movie or something. I'd rather do that then be stuck in the stupid gym with a bunch of sweaty kids-"
Kagome suddenly lurched forward, gasping sharply as a sharp pain struck her back. She tensed, blocking out the concerned voices of her mother and Souta until the pain finally ebbed. She groaned, vaguely aware that her brow was now beaded with sweat.
"Kagome, are you ok?" Souta said, rushing to her side.
"Fine," Kagome groaned. "Just these cramps... I think I have to go to the restroom or something."
She stood up to do just that, partially fearing that she was going to make an absolutely humiliating mess in her mother's kitchen. Her bowels were surely about to let loose. That was the only thing that could explain this horrible pressure and the cramps she was feeling. She took a step away from the table and was instantly struck with another wave of pain. She let out a short whimper, putting a hand to her back and hunching forward. She was sweating now. Good God, what's happening?
"Kagome, how long have you been feeling these cramps?" her mother asked, a small smile on her face. Kagome frowned at her. Why was she smiling? Kagome was in pain!
"I don't know, since this morning I guess?" she panted, letting out a sigh of relief when the pain finally faded. "But they've been getting worse."
"Kagome, I think you're in labor," her mother said, laughing a bit. Kagome's eyes widened and her mouth fell open.
"N-no," Kagome said, her body shaking now. "I-I can't be. I'm not due for another two weeks! This is probably gas or-or something-"
Another sharp pain and Kagome was letting out a long, deep moan as her belly tensed painfully. She put her hands on her stomach while Souta put a comforting hand on her back, rubbing in small circles. She winced, looking up at her mother through squinted eyes when she suddenly felt the pressure on her abdomen ease a bit.
And heard a splash of liquid against her mother's tile floor.
She stared down at the floor between her slightly parted legs, her eyes wide and her face pale. There was a puddle at her feet, and it was slowly spreading out as more liquid slowly dripped down her legs to the floor. Her mouth floundered, her hands firm on her belly as she stared.
"My water just broke."
Kagome let out a scream as the pain ripped through her lower back, making even her legs start to throb in pain. There was a nurse at her feet, softly asking that she keep her voice down. Kagome let out a sound akin to a snarl as her wide, white-rimmed eyes stared at her with mild insanity. There was something cool at her forehead, and Kagome was momentarily discracted from her sudden desire to rip the mousy woman's head off.
"You're doing great, honey," her mother said with a smile. She was dabbing at Kagome's face with a cool cloth. "Just keep breathing. Focus on keeping your breaths even. The doctor will be here any minute to check up on you."
"I want the epidural," Kagome whimpered, her anger replaced with sudden fear as the pain coursed through her. "I changed my mind, and I want the damn epidural."
"It's too late for that, ma'am," the nurse was saying and Kagome pushed herself up a bit to glare at her.
"I said I want the goddamn epidural!" she snarled, her hands fisting in the sheets around her. She was breathing sharply through her nose.
"Now, Kagome," her mother admonished, rubbing her knuckles into Kagome's lower back while she was sitting up. "The woman's only doing her job, and she's right. If she tries to give you an epidural now, too many things can go wrong. You're strong, baby. You can do this."
Kagome looked up at her mother. The older woman was staring down at her with calm eyes, and an encouraging smile. Kagome smiled back weakly, nodding her head once before she closed her eyes and took in a few even breaths, letting them out slowly. Just stop thinking about the pain. When she managed to calm herself a bit, she leaned back against the pillows, looking up at her mother with a clearer gaze.
"Where's Kikyou?" Kagome asked between breaths. "She said she would be right back."
"I'm sure she's on her way," her mother was saying as the door opened.
"We're here!" she heard her sister say breathlessly as she rushed in, fiddling with a small camera in her hands. "Sorry, Inuyasha insisted on stopping at the damn gift shop-"
"It's his birthday!" Inuyasha snapped as he walked in after Kikyou. Kagome smiled and felt a few tears burning her eyes as she took in the large blue teddy bear that he had in one arm and the white take-out bag he had in the other. Food! Oh, she hadn't eaten in hours! "Every kid needs at least one present on his birthday."
"You don't even know if it's a boy or a girl," Kikyou was muttering as she powered on her camera and started pressing buttons.
"Let's just say I have a feeling," Inuyasha said, flashing a crooked grin in Kagome's direction.
Kagome smiled warmly at him as he walked toward her. He gave her his own crooked grin, his cheeks slightly colored. He set the bag on the table that had been pushed aside after the nurses had come in. The bear however, he held in the crook of his arm. Kagome reached out for him just as another contraction seized her. She closed her eyes and breathed in sharply through her teeth.
"Is she okay? Where the hell is the doctor?!" she heard Inuyasha say with panic. She felt his hand wrap around hers and he was pressing it to his lips. "I'm here, Kagome."
Kagome smiled through her pain, trying with difficulty to keep her breathing even. She felt her mother pressing the cold cloth against her forehead again, but with everyone there now, it was difficult for Kagome to focus on her breathing, and the pain was starting to overwhelm her. There were tears in her eyes now, mostly from fear rather than the pain. She looked up at Inuyasha who was standing at her left side.
"I'm scared," she sobbed despite her efforts to keep her composure. "I've never been so scared and I can't do anything about it-"
"Kagome," he said, his eyes calm and steady. "You can do this. You're the strongest person I know. You can do this."
He pressed his lips to her forehead after those last words and Kagome felt a calm settle over her for a moment before the pain was there again. She squeezed Inuyasha's hand, groaning as the pain tensed her belly again. Then she felt a strange pressure on the base of her spine and she grunted, her eyes widening in surprise.
"Kagome?"
Kagome looked up to see Kikyou looking at her through the lense of her camera. She noticed that the red recording light was blinking and she suddenly felt nauseous. Kagome looked to her right, where her mother stood, panic shining in her eyes.
"I need to push," Kagome breathed. "Where the hell is the doctor?! I need to push!"
"Oh dear," her mother said with a frown.
"Oh dear?" Kagome repeated, her voice heavily laced with panic now. "I said I need to push and all you can say is 'oh dear?'" Kagome's eyes flashed to the tiny nurse that was now drying her hands and moving to put gloves on. Her stomach lurched and she was suddenly hysterical. " WHERE IS MY DOCTOR?!"
"She's trying to get here as fast as she can, Miss Higurashi," the nurse assured, her voice steady. She moved to stand between Kagome's feet and reached out to either side of the bed and snapped stirrups into place. "For now, you're going to have to settle for me."
"Are you insane?!" Inuyasha shouted. "NO! She needs her damn doctor! Not a nurse!"
"Nurses end up delivering babies all the time, sir," the woman assured him, pushing Kagome's feet into position and then reaching down to push a third of the bed down so that she could stand closer to Kagome's center. "Now, I need to see, Miss Kagome. I'm going to push your sheets up."
Kagome could do nothing but watch as the woman did just that. She felt Inuyasha's grip suddenly go slack and she looked over at him. His face was pale, so pale that she momentarily forgot about her own fears. His eyes were locked between Kagome's legs, his mouth slightly agape before she watched his eyes rolled back and he collapsed in a heap on the floor. Kagome let out a small scream, but the nurse put hands on her thighs to keep her from moving.
"Unfortunately, that happens all the time, too," the nurse said grimly. "You can't move, Miss. I can see your baby's head. The next time you feel the need to push, I need you to do it. Here," she put Kagome's hands on her thighs, wrapping them behind her knees. "Pull your legs to your chest when you do. It helps. Now you keep pushing until I count to nine, ok? And I need you to take deep breaths after every push. All of your air is going to your baby right now. Don't hold your breath."
"I have to push!" Kagome cut in, her eyes wide and scared. "Will Inuyasha be alright?"
"I'll go get someone," Kikyou said, setting the camera down on the same tray that Inuyasha had set the take-out bag on. Kagome was mildly alarmed to see that the recording light was still on.
"Push!" the nurse snapped and Kagome was suddenly bearing down, pulling her knees to her chest as the nurse had instructed. She whimpered as she did, feeling the pain sharp in her back. "...Four, five six..."
"It hurts!" Kagome screamed.
"Keep pushing!"
Kagome was breathing in deeply when the nurse finally got to nine. She loosened her hold on her legs and looked up at her mother who was smiling encouragingly down at her. She ran her hand over Kagome's forehead, brushing her bangs back.
"Good," she said, her voice thick with unshed tears. "You're doing so good."
"I think I'm going to puke," Kagome panted.
"Go ahead," the nurse said, handing her mother a tray. "Some of the best pushes are when the mother is vomitting."
That doesn't make me feel any better. Kagome was about to voice that thought when she felt the need to push and the bile rise in her throat at the same time. Her mother was right there with the tray to catch the contents of her stomach, and the nurse was praising her from between her legs. Kagome heaved again, then finally laid back on the pillows, breathing in short, quick breaths. Am I hyperventilating? It feels like it. She could feel sweat over every inch of her skin. She was so glad that she hadn't put on makeup that morning. She was sure she'd look a million times worse if she had.
She heard the door open and a few more nurses and Doctor Kaede came in, followed by Kikyou. She felt so relieved that her stomach calmed somewhat. She smiled as Kaede waved the nurse aside, taking her place and asking a bunch of questions that Kagome could care less about. Kagome couldn't even bring herself to greet the woman. She just wanted to get this over-with. She was about to say so when she felt weight on the left side of her bed.
"Kagome?"
Kagome looked to her left, where Inuyasha was slowly pulling himself to his feet. Kagome would have laughed if the urge to push hadn't seized her again. She gripped the backs of her knees and pulled, letting out a pain-filled moan as she pushed as hard as she could, praying that she wouldn't throw up again. Not with Inuyasha conscious.
"...five, six, seven- keep pushing! Nine. Good work. Breath."
"Is that hair?" she heard Inuyasha croak, and then suddenly there was the sound of him crashing to the floor again.
This time, Kagome couldn't help but laugh. She was laughing so hard she was crying, and then she was just crying. Her mother squeezed her hand comfortingly, and Kagome felt the need to push once more. She took in a sharp breath, closing her eyes, and she quickly grabbed her legs.
"Almost there, Kagome!" Kaede was saying excitedly. "This is it, give me your hardest push. Come on, come on, come on- there we are!"
Kagome opened her eyes the moment she heard the child's cry. She looked down, her eyes wide and watering as a nurse handed a blanket over to Kaede and she quickly wrapped the child before placing it on Kagome's chest.
"Congratulations, Miss Kagome," Kaede said with a warm smile. "You have a son."
Kagome felt her heart seize and she let out a small sob, though this was the happiest she had ever felt in her life. A son! Inuyasha was right. Kaede went back to work doing something between Kagome's legs, but she couldn't exactly focus on anything else. Her hands instictively came up to hold the tiny bundle to her, staring down at it in wonder.
The child wasn't pink, as she had expected, but gray. And the tiny face was wrinkled and angry as he wailed his discomfort to the world. Kagome took in the thick amounts of unruly black curls that were slick against his tiny head. His skin was slick with fluids, but Kagome smiled. His head was rubbing against her chest, his arms and legs were waving, as though he was trying to push himself closer to her. Kagome brushed her fingertips delicately over his hair. She had never seen anything so beautiful.
All too quickly, someone was lifting her son and taking him away from her. She watched as they wiped him off. There were so many people around him, rubbing something over his eyes, sucking something out of his nose and mouth. She knew that all of this was probably necessary, but she couldn't help but hope that they would bring him back soon.
"Is he alright?"
Kagome looked up to find a nurse at the left of her bed, looking down at what Kagome assumed was Inuaysha's unconcious form. Kagome was suddenly smiling again, nodding as she leaned back into the pillows. Her mother was stroking her hair, but looking in the direction of her granchild. Kagome even heard Kikyou sniffling from her place against the wall. Kagome felt her heart swell with affection. She had never felt this before. She was surrounded by people that loved her (even if one of them was currently unconscious), with her child just feet away, and she felt perfectly content. Happy. She couldn't think of a memory that was any more perfect than this one was.
A/N: Sorry I took so long getting this up. I had to edit it a lot, take out a lot of unnecessary stuff. This thing was 23 pages on Word, after I cut out some stuff. Craaaaazy lol I'll hopefully be putting up the last chapter sooner. I feel like I finally got my mojo back! Don't forget to check out my other story The One I Love. I'll be updating that one ASAP as well!
Much love!