Disclaimer: All MGSM characters belong to Oyuki Konno.
Chapter One
"Sachiko… the wedding's in a week."
"I know. The never-ending calls from the florist, the caterer, the venue manager, my relatives…I wish I could forget." I chuckled. It sounded hollow.
"Aren't you…" she began. I walked over to the dining table and sifted through the disorderly pile of mail. Bill, bill, invitation, bill, junk, invitation, congratulatory card… Oh, God- Thank You notes. I forgot about Thank You notes! Why are there so many of these little pleasantries to take care of? I should stop complaining; ladies do not complain. "Aren't you going to do something about it?" she finished.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her fists clench and open, arms trembling with barely-contained frustration. Instead of answering, I studied the handsome cherry wood tabletop and noted the scattered scratches and scuff marks that had accumulated during our two years in this apartment. I tried to keep my own hands from shaking as I ran my fingertips along the cool surface.
"What can I do?" I said brusquely. Mental and physical exhaustion kept my voice monotone. "My lack of love for Suguru makes no difference when the people in charge see the marriage as a business transaction. There is nothing I can say that would dissuade them." Can't you see that it's killing me too?
Through my peripheral vision, I watched fat drops plop onto the other end of the table. I finally looked up at the face I had avoided since my return from work. During our first two years as sœurs, I'd contented myself with pretending to fix her white tie and caressing the smooth cheek of that innocent face. I'd showered kisses over it in the Lillian greenhouse after she graduated and confessed her love to me. And over the years, I'd grown accustomed to waking up next to that face, my reason to fight through another day. Thus, I couldn't handle the accusatory gleam that replaced the usual gentle gaze. The lessons I'd learned in my cage as a child were useless when it came to emotional confrontations.
"Won't you try at least?" she said softly. We were only a table width apart, but I felt like we were staring at each other from opposite sides of a roiling sea. Moisture pooling at the corners of her eyes threatened to drown me. "… is it because I'm not worth it?"
"You are! You are worth fighting for…" Believe me, believe me… why can't I just say it out loud? "You know you mean the world to me."
"Then why haven't you done anything about it? About this whole messy situation? Won't you even try talking to your grandfather about this?"
God, I don't need this right now. The flurry of clients and the wedding preparations during meeting breaks had already drained my energy reserves. I needed to recover my energy before dealing with… whatever this was. I nodded, a default reaction I'd cultivated as a survival technique for high society, and realized a half-second too late that this would not be enough to appease her.
"Don't you dare do that to me!" The animosity in her voice surprised me, and I took an involuntary step back. Forget about drowning; it was irrelevant when mocha fire threatened to reduce me to cinders. "I know what that nod means… I know you, Onee-sama."
Onee-sama. The last time she'd called me that was when I'd failed to mention a weeklong business trip to America with Suguru until the day prior to our departure. For an entire week after my return, she'd put her hair up in pigtails, just the way she'd had them until her year as Rosa Chinensis, and called me "Onee-sama." I felt farther from her then than I had on the other side of the globe. "I don't understand. You're angry that I've said yes to your suggestion?" I said in a fit of annoyance. Don't worry, she never lasts too long after you use this tone of voice. Be patient and you can finally disengage yourself— wait, what are you thinking? This is her, Sachiko.
"You nodded during your graduation party when they announced your engagement. You nodded to the florist when he asked you if the centerpiece arrangements were fine. You nodded to the venue manager when she asked if seating for 5000 attendees would be enough. You nodded to your grandfather when he asked you if you were okay with moving up the date of the wedding. And now you're nodding at me… nodding at me because you've given up. Who do you think you're fooling?"
You. Me. Everyone. No one… The truth of her words slapped against my resolve, cracking the dam that held my insecurities at bay. I'm failing. My training. Not working—failing—don't disown me—
"Is this—was all this—just a game to you? God, I should have listened to Yuuki when he said this would end just like his and Kashiwagi's—"
"No, no! That won't happen to us!" A tumult of emotion drove me around the table to her side. In desperation, I quickly enveloped her hands in mine. "Please, please… you mean everything to—"
"Then why—"
"For you! Can't you see that? If I refused, my family would take out their anger on yours."
"And you'd just stand aside and let them?"
"No, of course not!"
"Then, how is this any different?"
My leaden tongue refused to move when I opened my mouth. "If you're going to say something, be clear about it or I won't understand you!' Onee-sama's voice echoed. I willed myself to say something, anything, that would renew her confidence in me. A continuous refrain of 'Be clear' provided a mental backdrop to my inadequacy.
After receiving no response, she closed her eyes, bit her lower lip, and dipped her head towards the floor. Her fingers tensed in mine as she attempted to loose herself from my grasp. "I guess it's befitting of a doomed relationship."
Doomed relationship? "Is that the way you've been viewing what we have together?" Isn't that too fatalistic? I held back my protests and waited for her to speak.
"Not in the beginning, for sure. When you gave me this…" Her slender fingers ran along the length of the white gold chain around her neck down to the heart-shaped pendant resting against her chest. "I dared to dream. For so long, I'd loved you in secret. I'd crave your touches and your hugs like some kind of exotic drug. Sometimes, I even purposely messed up my collar so it'd take longer for you to fix it. That day in the greenhouse… you made me so happy when you accepted my feelings and told me you felt the same way. That day, we became more than sœurs and ever since then, we've shared so many blissful days…"
The thin chain clinked as she twisted it between her fingers. "And then… they broke up. I watched my brother's heart get trampled and tossed aside by Kashiwagi after your grandfather caught them that one day. After that, Yuuki was never the same. Sure, he was as calm and logical as always, but he'd become so cold. One time, after he'd drunk too much sake, he told me, 'Get out while you still can. It'll happen to you, too.' I denied it as long as I could. I screamed at my own brother—my own flesh and blood!— that he'd taken it a step too far. He just shook his head, sighed, and walked away saying, 'One day you'll realize that 'you mean the world to me' is just a fairytale told to slow down the inevitable.'"
The weight of Yuuki's words struck me at my core, and I momentarily loosened my grip in shock. My beloved wrenched her hand out of my limp fingers and stepped away. Before she could get any further, I trapped her waist within the circle of my arms. "This isn't the only way."
"What other way is there? I don't want to delude myself into believing a fairytale when I'm actually living in a tragedy."
"But we can still be together after!" I exploded, tired of her relentless despair. "Isn't that all that matters? That we're together?"
"Are you referring to that open marriage Kashiwagi suggested? You—do you think I'd be content as your whore?"
"Not a whore! We'd just be as we are now… happy together."
"Happy? You really think I'm happy? You really think I like seeing you come home late from family meetings where you do nothing but play mind games and stick poison darts in each other's sides? You really think I like knowing that one day you will be forced to have Kashiwagi's child and raise it to end up trapped just like the both of you? You really think I'm happy knowing all that?"
We stood, my arms around her waist and her body hunched inward, as I struggled to break the silence. The mess of thoughts in my mind all tangled around one question. "You're not happy?"
She looked me straight in the eye as she whispered, "Neither are you." Without prelude, she sank down onto the living room sofa, dragging me down with her. She fought within my arms for release, but I refused to let go. I refused to face my inevitable reality.
Eventually, she stopped struggling and settled for sobbing into the arm of the living room sofa. My control, which I'd taken deep pains to develop, threatened to spiral away completely. I focused on the steady stream of salt sliding over the soft Italian leather to gain my bearings.
"I am happy," I said in as even a tone as I could muster. "I am the happiest I've ever been because I'm with you. That's all I ever meant about how we could still be together, so please stay with me."
She looked up at me, eyes full of love, and I felt my heart implode. My beloved stood and clutched the pendant hanging around her neck. The heart had been flipped around, and I stared at the S&Y I'd had engraved into the white gold. "Onee-sama… Ogasawara… sama. That's what I'd have to call you, right?"
"What are you talking about? Nothing's changed. Call me 'Sachiko' as you've been doing for the past three years."
"Only those closest to you have a right to call you that, Onee-sama."
"Who could possibly be closer to me than you?"
"Ogasawara—"
"There is no one among my ridiculous relations whom I consider close!"
"No, Onee-sama. I never meant someone specific."
"You're not making sense anymore!"
The corners of her mouth ticked upwards, but the mirth did not reach the rest of her face. She shook her head gently. "I'm not the one who is closest to you. When you are hurting, when you are frustrated, when you cannot deal with a difficult client or a petty family argument, what do you rely on besides the Ogasawara family pride and honor to keep you afloat? How can I stay with you when you won't even share your worries with me?"
"That's different. I simply do not want to draw you into my affairs. I'm just protecting you like I vowed to in front of Maria-sama."
"Protection? As in what a grande sœur would do for her petite sœur?"
"Yes, we are bonded together, you and me. I made that choice ages ago, and I've never regretted it. Not once."
"I agree. I've never regretted it… until today. All I have done from the moment you made me your sœur is admire you and care for you and l-love you. Not your family, not your name, but you. Just you, Sachiko. You with your hysteria and your short temper and your tender smiles and your sharp mind and gorgeous eyes… and that's why even now, even when I know I am a fool for staying this long, I still find it so d-damn hard to walk away."
"Then don't!" I said possessively. Without thinking, I rushed forward and crushed her lips with my own. I could feel her slender fingers make their way to my shoulders. Her rigid spine grew slack as I pressed my hands against the small of her back. Through my haze, her soft moans sounded like sirens urging me to continue. I increased the pressure between our lips and moved to increase the friction between our bodies. I paused when I felt wetness along my cheeks. My chest heaved as I withdrew to look at her expression.
I watched a single tear meander down her face until they reached her moist and slightly swollen lips. "Please stop, S-sachiko… you'll just make this harder," she whimpered. I can't accept this. Once again, I moved to kiss her. I love you. I love you. Let my feelings get through. Before I could make contact, she'd anchored her hands to my shoulders and locked her forearms in place. I froze. Pressure from her hands, at first uncertain, intensified until she managed to push me away. With one last lingering look, she walked into the bedroom we'd shared for the last two years.
For a good half hour, I, numb from the coldness of this cheerful apartment, sat in the dark. Our smiling faces stared at me—mocked me—from the large collection of photos scattered in frames across the walls. The collection we'd managed to amass in just two years already dwarfed the few pictures in my quarters at the Ogasawara mansion. Our first time in Nara, our recent trip to the beach… Why am I just sitting here? I finally followed the streams of light coming from our bedroom.
She wasn't in the room when I walked in. Looking around, I almost laughed at the state of the room. Everything was in its place except the large red suitcase overflowing with clothing that dominated the top of our bed. I could almost pretend like we were going on a long vacation. The books on the shelf, the lamps on the side tables… everything had remained untouched.
I was fine until I glanced at the walk-in closet. There was no trace of the vibrant reds and pinks that dominated her usual choice of outfits. The grays, blacks, blues, and whites of my business suits and party dresses hung alone on my side of our—my closet. Hot tears burst from my eyes as I openly sobbed her name.
Unable to cope with the sight, I turned around in anguish. I flung the red suitcase aside, senseless to the fact that it probably took her the full half-hour to fold and pack its the contents. Not enough. My next target was her sewing drawer, which I hastily pulled open and upended upon the beige carpet. I sank down to my knees, grabbed the balls of yarn that had fallen, and threw them across the room at the lamps, the pictures on the walls, and the bed where we'd loved and trusted. I only stopped when I heard her footsteps tap against the wooden hallway floor.
She came into the room. Her pupils flicked from side-to-side, taking in the destruction I'd produced. The movement stilled as she settled her gaze on me. Her expression hadn't changed from when she'd left me in the living room. I tensed my hand around the only ball of yarn I hadn't thrown.
I threw the remaining yarn with all my might. It hit her square in the forehead, mussed her brunette hair, and bounced onto the floor. I dropped my gaze to the red thread, which had unraveled during its trajectory. What the hell are you doing, Sachiko? I watched my tears darken and spread across a spot of carpet. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes.
Warm arms wrapped around my body and squeezed tightly, eliciting a gasping sob from my dry throat. I heard my sobs grow louder as I buried my head in the crook of her neck. Gently, she maneuvered me to the bed and laid us both down.
We were on our sides facing each other, legs and arms entangled atop the soft down comforter. I reached out my hand and traced the soft swell of her cheek. She closed her eyes. For a moment, we were trapped in time, back in front of Maria-sama watching us with her sapphire eyes after our morning prayers. We stared at each other, separated by a half-arm's length, for hours. Sometime in the night, I cursed my eyelids for growing too heavy for me to hold up. "I love you," I said in the silence as I felt sleep tug my eyelids down.
She smiled, expression belying the tears leaking from the corners of her own crinkled eyes, and leaned forward to plant a kiss on my lips. I fell asleep with the warmth of her breath lulling me to sleep.
When I woke up, I was greeted by the heart-shaped pendant and chain in the palm of my hand.
A/N: Hello, everyone. After reading a bunch of great stories in the MGSM section, I was inspired to try my hand at writing my own. This is my first fanfic ever, so I'm a bit nervous about how this will turn out. I can't help but feel like I've already messed up since I didn't intend to post the prologue without finishing the first chapter. (OTL) I humbly entreat you all to help me improve my writing by R&R'ing! Thank you for giving this n00b author a chance!
This fic is going to be Sachiko-centric and written from her POV. Just a warning that this fic will be quite dark until we catch up to the prologue! (I do intend to make it lighter!) Umm, as a last aside, the prologue is meant to be a foreshadow for the rest of the story so please keep it in mind as we progress through the plot. :)
P.S. Many thanks to all of you who added me to their Story Alert (special shout-out to Honulicious,my first reviewer EVER :D)!