Just a Couple of Jackasses-Chapter 2. Matt Hardy and Chris -Pontius Party Boys?
A/N: This is the second part of the series. I hope you all enjoyed the first part and hope you will like the second one.
It is mostly Matt and Chris.
Have fun.
And thanks to Tina and Mariana.
"So what do ya wanna do?" Chris slapped Matt on the arm. They had been sitting on the patio for the duration of the morning trying to figure out what to do. The sun was hot and it was even 100 something degrees in the shade standing still soaking wet. It was getting to be unbearable.
"I dunno what do you wanna do." Matt replied after taking a drink of his now lukewarm water.
"I don't know you tell me."
"I don't know. Make something up." Matt said.
"No I asked you first so you have to tell me." Chris giggled.
"Well I dont know. No matter what we do we are gonna get sunburned and don't you even say lets party because that is not happening."
Chris pouted. "But I even have a pair of G Strings for you to wear ad a special bow tie that goes with it." He gave Matt sad eyes.
"No that is out of the question, I refuse to wear nothing but a G String and a bow tie."
"But its cool. Come on, It'll be fun." Chris smiled.
"No Chris. No. Im not parading around in nothing but a damn G String."
"I don't parade. I dance." Chris smiled again.
"Well Im not "dancing" in a damn G String if that's what you wanna call it."
Matt got up and left Chris sitting on the hot patio by himself. He sat there for a while trying to figure out something to do. He twiddled his thumbs, he bit his nails, he cleaned the bottom of his shoes, but still no ideas. He couldn't ask any of the guys to do anything with him because they were all busy. Bam was hanging out with the guys, Johnny was learning from Jeff how to fix a car and Ryan was hanging out with Shannon, supposedly learning how to do some stupid dirt bike trick. They are probably all fags. He thought to himself. He decided he would take a little walk around the area just to look around. He got up quickly and started at a brisk pace but was stopped by Matt.
"What are you gonna do Chris?" He asked. It seemed as though his mood had cooled down a little.
"I was going to take a walk."
"Wanna go to the mall?"
"The mall? Can I wear my Party boy out fit pretty please?" He begged. Matt rolled his eyes.
"Fine." He said through clenched teeth.
"Cool I'll go get my stuff." Chris ran to the bus and came back out quickly, holding a G String and a tie.
"Where do you plan on changing?" Matt asked. Afraid of the answer.
"At the mall duh." Chris laughed. They had a nice ride to the mall. They talked a lot. Matt noticed that Chris really was a different person when he wasn't with the other guys. He was more down to earth and was a vegetarian. Matt had to give him credit for that, he knew he wouldn't be able to do that. They laughed a lot along the way. They talked about funny memories and sad memories. Matt began to think that he could actually be friends with this guy.
"You know I like wrestling." Chris said out of nowhere.
"Oh do you?" Matt asked.
"Yeah. I always like Roddy Piper. Then when he retired or what ever they call it I started to like Umaga. I think he's my favorite."
Matt's jaw dropped. "Are you serious? I thought I would be your favorite." Matt smiled as he leaned over and punched Chris.
"You're too much of an ass. Umaga is just big, fat and funny. I wonder if I could get him to party with me… Oh my god he would look so funny in thongs!!" Chris began to muse on how he could get Umaga to party with him. Among the ideas was drugging him and putting him in the G String and Tie and when he woke up annoy him until he partied with them. Matt laughed at all the ideas Chris came up with but suggested they just hit Umaga on the head with a club, tie him to the roof of the car and scare him shitless till he partied with them.
They arrived at the mall and Matt parked. Chris began to laugh.
"What? What is so funny?" Matt asked. Chris was out of the car before he even finished his sentence. He had ran to a bush and began to dance while taking his shirt off. He tossed his shirt at an elderly couple and shouted something about it being a fortune in a few years. He began to unzip his pants slowly while dancing. One he had them off he also tossed them. This time he tossed it at a young man. The man gave him a disgusted look and yelled for Chris to get some clothes on. Matt saw Chris duck behind the bush a little and get back up. He emerged from behind the bush in his thongs and bow tie. Matt couldn't help but laugh. He was laughing so hard he thought he might bust his ribs. Chris began to dance up to people and ask if they wanted to party with him. He kept pestering who ever walked past him until the security guards showed up and tried to boot him off the property. That's when Matt got out of the car and explained to the guard how Chris was mental. All the while Chris protested on how he wasn't mental but simply wanted some one to party with. The guard just shook his head and insisted that they get off the premises.
"Dude that guy was a total ass." Chris said re adjusting his tie.
"Tell me about."
"You should try and party. They would probably like you better. I mean being as you are a native here and all the girls will drool all over your body." Chris began to laugh. He had said the last line sarcastically.
Matt arched an eyebrow. " Are you trying to get me in nothing but a G String?"
Chris laughed. "Yeah pretty much. Come on dude its not that bad. Not to mention the breeze feels pretty good." He said as he reached down to scratch his balls. Matt rolled his eyes.
"Alright you talked me into it. But one thing." He pointed a finger right into Chris's nose." None of the guys will ever know about this ok? Deal?"
Chris giggled. "Deal." He smiled.
"I really hope you have another pair of them thong things. I sure as hell ain't wearing one that's been in your ass."
Chris rummaged around in a back pack that Matt hadn't even seen him bring with him and produced a pair of black and blue striped G Strings and bunny ears. He decided the colors were ok but wasn't too sure about the rabbit ears.
"Why do I have to be a rabbit? I thought I was gonna wear a tie too." Matt asked.
"I don't know. Cause Im wearing the bow tie?"
"Fine, but I am not changing behind a bush." Matt stated firmly.
"Come on dude. Just do it." Chris urged. Matt took a large swallow and opened his car door and stepped out, only to step back in really quickly.
"No No I cant do it." Matt said nervously.
"Alright fine then change in the car you pussy."
"Well turn around and quit staring at me you perv." Matt said. Chris sighed and covered his eyes with his hands. Matt began to change and Chris took a little peek through his finger.
"Hey I saw that." Matt said. He continued to change thinking what the hell, its not the first time other guys have seen him naked. But the other guys weren't as perverted as this one. He thought after that. He slipped into the thongs and nudged Chris's shoulder to let him know that he was ready.
"All right, you don't look half bad in a thong bro." Chris smiled. "Lets get to partying!"
Matt grumbled and slowly stepped out of the car in nothing but his socks, shoes and a borrowed thong. He felt awkward. Jeff should have came, not him. Now here he was standing in front of the glass doors of the mall dancing wildly with Chris Pontius. Oddly enough, it felt good to be free. It felt good to be able to do as he pleased. He was enjoying the gross remarks from passer bys and he was laughing at all there disgusted faces. He felt like a different person. He and Chris laughed hard as the joined hands and danced around an elderly lady. The look on her face was priceless. There was no way he would ever forget that face.
The smile fell slowly from Matt's face as he saw his baby brothers truck pull up into the parking lot.
"What? What's wrong" Chris asked out of breath.
"I think my brother is here." Matt mumbled. " Oh lord." He said as he was tackled full force by Jeff and Ryan.
"Get off me you fat ass!" Matt yelled as he slapped one of the two guys. He could hear Chris laughing. Matt felt skin brush his arm and realized that Chris was humping his arm. " ew uhgh Get off me you fag!" Matt hollered.
Chris looked down." Now that wasn't very nice Mr. Hardy." He giggled and ran off. Matt gave one hard shove and sent both Ryan and Jeff flying into the glass windows of the mall.
"Shit Fuck! I think I got a piece of glass stuck in my ass!!" Ryan cried.
"Hahaha that rhymed." Chris laughed ad clapped his hands. "Look what you did you dumbfucks." He pointed to the completely shattered portion on a shops window. Jeff's eyes widened.
"You mean we broke that?"
"Ohh yeah." Ryan managed to say.
"That was fun, lets do it again." Jeff giggled and he tossed Chris into the other window. Chris crawled out with glass stuck to his ass. He laughed.
"That was fun, lets never do that again." Chris said. Jeff was the only one that could laugh so he did, and hard.
"Alright ass hole help a brother up." Matt reached a hand for Jeff and he helped him up. Jeff went and helped all the other guys up but shoved Ryan down into a bush and began to laugh.
"Eww Dude, Chris, why are your clothes over here?" Ryan asked, a little disgusted.
"I was having promiscuous unprotected sex." He laughed. Ryan mumbled something about how sick that was, hoping he didn't have any bodily fluids from Chris on him, and got up, brushing all the leaves and glass of the seat of his jeans. A security guard came from around the corner. All the guys scrambled for the cars and sped off done the road.
"Dude I'm so glad I got all that on camera. That shit was gnarly dude." Chris laughed while he and Matt drove home.
"You did?" Matt turned to Chris. "How?"
"See that thing right there?" Chris pointed behind the rearview mirror at the tiny video camera. " I rigged it on here a few nights ago." He smiled proudly.
"That's pretty cool. But why did you do it to my car?"
"I didn't only do it to your car, I did it to your brothers car too. If that makes you feel any better." He smiled softly.
Matt laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing." Matt said between giggles.
"Ohh I see." Chris blushed. He hadn't realized his thong ripped and he was wearing pretty much nothing. He had been for quite some time now. "When were you planning on telling me."
"I wasn't, I just couldn't stop laughing."
"Oh well." Chris sighed. The rest of the ride home was quite. They didn't talk much.
"So did you have fun?" Chris asked, breaking the silence.
"You know I actually had a great time." Matt said. He meant it, he had actually had fun. It was out of the ordinary. It felt good to do something he wasn't accustomed to. He smiled to him self a little. They pulled into the drive way and were greeted by every one.
"When is dinner?" Steve O complained, rubbing his small stomach. If you could cal it that.
"Yeah man Im fucking starving." Bam commented.
"Well get off your bruised asses and go get some pizza then!" Matt shouted.
"You know, that's a pretty good idea why didn't we think of that?" Preston said as he produced a small cell phone out of his pocket and began punching in numbers with a pudgy finger.
"Cause you're fat." Bam said, throwing his muddy shoe at Johnny.
"Don't put anchovies on it!!" Ryan yelled.
"Don't give me ideas." Preston said with a smirk.
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