The Girl Who Came From Hell: Diary of the Devil

The Hunt for Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (Fullmetal) - Day 2

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

-Homer Simpson

No matter how cold-hearted I am, I still hate winter. (Did I mention it's January 22?) The snow does not compute with me. I have many things that prove that reasoning...

If I step in snow I tend to fall in. A LOT.

Wearing waterproof gear, I still get wet.

My flame alchemy doesn't like me

And somehow I end up having to pick icicles off my ass. Don't know why.

So, it wasn't that much of a shock to me that when I took three steps outside the tent this morning, the tree above decided to drop fifty pounds of snow on my head. It was an annoyance though. Sigh, la-dee-freakin-da. "Ow." I said halfheartedly.

I could barely hear Roy exit the tent and go, "Kaede?"

"Here!" I said, popping my head out of the snow pile like a mole in Whack-A-Mole. At least he didn't have a hammer with him. "Did you mark me absent, Teacher?"

"Sigh, what did you do this time?"

"Nothing at all! The damn tree decided to take a dump on me!" I got out of the snow pile and shook all the powder from my hair. "I fucking hate winter. If you ask me, I think it's just another excuse for shitty-ass weather."

Roy stifled a laugh. "I agree! We should probably get going. The sun won't go through the trees, so it won't be as warm." He started to walk away as I put my hand on his shoulder. Wow, I'm not that much shorter than he is. "No need. Remember who you're working with, Mustang. I can transmute the ground up higher to get a look around. Don't pack...yet." As soon as my hands touched the ground, we skyrocketed up about a thousand feet.

Note to self: Never go up fast in a tower. Or on a tower. Ever.

My ears hurt. His probably did to.

Your riddle of the day is this: If you insult someone from high up in the middle of the forest and the person it's directed to doesn't try to kill you, is the person there?

If you're talking about 99.99999% of the population, then the answer is no.

If we're on the same page, though, and we're talking about Edward Elric, the answer is a big fat NO!

"Hey SHOR-TY! PIP-SQUEAK! YOU OUT THERE, YOU LITTLE RUNT?" Nothing. "God damn it!"

"What?" Roy asked.

"Well, considering the fact that he didn't try to kill me or go on a rant, I don't believe he's here." Which means we have another four miles to hike. Fucking marvelous. Hiking isn't fun. Hiking when it's cold is hell. Hiking when there's snow is shit. "Go pack up camp. We're heading further east."

"Um, we still need to get down from here." He pointed to the floor below my surrogate floor. The real ground. Right... "Can you transmute a way down for us?"

"I can make it from here. "

"I know you're amazing, but you're not that amazing that you can jump a thousand feet and land completely intact. You're not immortal, you know." Mustang replied, trying to maintain a straight face. (Barely.)

"Oh yeah?" I challenged. "Watch!" I took what some people might call a 'leap of faith' of the edge. And now I can officially say that freefallin' is awesomesauce epic! The wind feels great, like the world's rushing by you (well, it kinda does; you are FALLING after all). I now see why Douglas Adams said "Flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss." That's basically what you do; you fling yourself towards Earth and try not to touch it. I landed in an easy crouch, like a cat. The powder crunched under my hands and feet.

As I turned to where Mustang should've been and looked up, he looked like a teeny tiny blue snowflake in the sky. "How's the weather up there?" I teasingly asked.

"Can I get down? Like, now?" Roy replied nonchalantly. I could barely hear him from the distance he was from me and the fact the the wind began to gust again.

"Fine! Killjoy..." I muttered as I transmuted the bluff down. "Happy now, Mister 'I don't like to have any fun'?"

"Better." He replies as he begins to take apart the tent. "It's too cold up there. Especially when the wind picked up. It started to blow everything in my face, and for fire lovers like ourselves, it's not a pleasurable experience."

"I get the damn point! Suck it up ya pansy!" Okay, maybe I was a little harsh that time, but when I want something done, I don't fuck around with bullshit that doesn't do anything; I get the job done and over with. Besides, I'm the Devil. I'm supposed to be the harshest being in the universe! I have no room for the pansies that prance around expecting life to be good. Especially when they whine and say 'This sucks!' No shit, Sherlock.

"You really are the Devil, Kaede. The Maple Devil of Amestris." Roy replied. My name is Japanese for 'maple'. Mustang is the only person I've told who believes me and actually doesn't think I'm some nut who escaped from the asylum down the block. He's totally 100% correct! I'm not insane!

Well, not that kind of insane. At least, I don't think so. I hope not. Otherwise I'm in deep shit. Again.

But anyway. He seems to be the only one who understands me fully. I don't even think Edward does, cause although he's a genius/prodigy, he's still five years younger than my pseudo age. I pretend I'm twenty one, although I'm actually 760. I look young.

Is Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, the one for me? Only time will tell...