15 Ways To Piss Off Mytho
I am so glad that you guys liked the first chapter! The second after I put the story up, I thought 'Oh Shit, there all going to hate it' and I'm glad that at least a few of you liked it.
I apologize if any of you are hurt or affended by anything mentioned in this sad atemp of humor.
I don't own Princess Tutu in any way, shape, or form.
1 Tell him it's his turn to suffer.
("Mytho?"
"You're that girl who was stalking Fakir in the last chapter."
"Yes, I am, but now the S.F.F.G.S.G. and N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G are working an alliance out, so I have to do a chapter about to in order to please them so they will sigh the treaty . . . that and I wont get my ass kicked for giving Fakir inside information about S.F.F.G.S.G."
"The what?"
"The Secret Fakir Fan Girl Soci—"
"No, I already know about that, the second one you mentioned."
"Oh, you mean the Not So Secret Mytho Fan Girl League of Goldcrown, honestly, you ballet boy don't know shit about your stalkers!"
2 Ask him if he dyes his hair.
("Hey, Mytho."
"Hello, Stalker."
"I was just wondering something. . ."
"What?"
"Do you dye you're hair that color?"
"I don't know."
"What product do you use to dye your hair?"
"I don't know."
"Dose it bother you that I'm all up in your business?"
"I don't know."
". . . Note to self, wait until Mytho has heart shards until you begin you're mission given to you by 'You-Know-Who'."
"Who are you talking to?"
"Abort mission!"
3 Tell him that you are his one true love and that you and he are to be married. Be prepared to run like you've never ran before.
("Mytho!
"Hello, Stalker."
"Hey, how many heart shards has Tutu returned to you?"
"Just one."
"Good, than you're still incredibly easy to fool."
"Okay."
"Mytho, you and Rue are no longer together."
"Alright."
"I am the love of your life!"
"You are the love of my life."
"The second I turn 18, we are going to Vegas and getting married!"
"Okay."
"Hold my hand and walk me to class now, and call me your love in front of Rue, Fakir, Ahiru, and everyone else, they'll love it!"
"Okay."
*Later that day*
"IT WAS JUST A JOKE!" *Runs from Rue as she chases you with a baseball bat*
4 Help Fakir out and distract Mytho with something shiny whenever he asks about Tutu.
("Fakir, where's Tutu at?"
"Don't worry about her, she's not here."
"I want to see her."
"No, you don't."
"I want to see Tutu again, Fakir."
"Look over there, Mytho," *points to something shinny* "I think Tutu missed a heart shard!"
"Where?" *Mytho runs off looking for the shinny object*
"How did you know that would work?"
"I just do what the script tells me to do and everything's good."
"What script?"
"NEVERMIND!"
5 Throw pants at him. (I give credit to Sakura)
("Mytho."
"Fakir told me to stay away from you stalker."
"Yes, but since you've got a few of your heart shards back, you can choose to ignore him!"
"Really?"
"Yep!"
"Than what do you want?"
"I have a gift for you."
"Why did you just give me pants?"
"USE THEM!"
". . . but Fakir doesn't like it when I wear pants."
"0_0" "I knew it . . . must return to . . . this is Fakir Fan Girl number . . . straight from source . . . huge discovery." Stalker mumbled into their watch.
"Who are you talking to?"
"ABORT MISSION!"
6 Kidnap Fakir. (This is a convo that PenAndInkPrincess and I had)
("Mytho? Holly shit, what happened to you? Were you rapped again?"
"I was rapped before?"
"Shit, I guess he didn't remember that. . . oh well. Anyway, what happened to you?"
"I can't find Fakir! I have no idea how to take care of myself, Fakir's always done that! I'm freaking out!"
"Guess the S.F.F.G.S.G took action quicker then they said they would."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Oh, Ahiru! Have you seen Fakir? I haven't seen him in nearly three days!"
"Oh no! We must search the entire town for him! We well not rest until we find Fakir!"
"Crap, this is going to be a bit of a problem."
*Once Mytho and Ahiru left to search for Fakir, Stalker pulled out her Secret Fakir Fan Girl Society of Goldcrown Communicator Watch.*
"This is Fakir Fan Girl number 584, Currently a Mytho Stalker for the N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G. Mytho and Ahiru are getting suspicious about Fakir's disappearance. Send Assassin Squad Beta to take the duck out."
7 Tell Mytho that Fakir left on vacation and didn't want to take him. (Also a convo between PaperAndInkPrincess)
("Mytho, hi!"
"Stalker, thank god!"
"Did you find Fakir yet? *Knowing Smirk*"
"No, and now I can't find Ahiru either."
"Oh, too bad. Fakir sent me a message to give to you."
"Really?"
"Yep. He told me to tell you that he went on vacation to Hawaii."
"Why didn't he tell me?"
"Cause if he did, he would have had to take you along, and he is taking this vacation to get AWAY from YOU, so it kinds kind of pointless if he brought you along."
". . ."
". . ."
*Wimper*
"Shit, please don't cry Mytho! I can't handle tears! They go straight to my guilt and then I'll start blabbing out information about my missions and I'll get my ass kicked again!"
8 Show him every single piece of evidence that the FakirXMytho fangirls supplied you with.
"Mytho!"
"Hi, Stalker."
"Are still down about Fakir ditching you? I'm sure he'll bring you back a souvenir from Hawaii!"
*Deep in the S.F.F.G.S.G HQ, Fakir is tied and gagged as his fangirls stair unblinkingly at him, or are chanting his name. His scream for help is unheard.*
"Anyway, I have to show you something!"
"Is it the same something that made Fakir unable to look me in the eye?"
". . . no . . . It's a different something!"
"What is it?"
"You see, this other Fan base called the U.S.Y.B that want me to join them, and they sent me some really cool stuff, so I want to show you some of it."
"What dose that stand for?"
"United Stalkers of Yaoi Boys. They sent me a lot of stuff about you and Fakir."
*Deep in the S.F.F.G.S.G HQ, Fakir screams something along the lines of 'Mytho, don't do it!' or 'You evil, demonic witch! I hope you all burn in the fiery pits of Hell!'*
"What dose Yaoi mean?"
"I'll show you!"
*Half hour later*
"MY GOD! My beautiful, pure eyes! Someone gorge them out!"
"I think I may become a part time U.S.Y.B Fan Girl, this is fun!"
9 Ask him why the hell he chose Rue as his princess and not Tutu.
*Stalker opens her mouth to ask the question, but a large cloud of dust explodes behind her*
"What the hell!"
"If it's Drosselmeyer, I'm dead!"
"If Fakir somehow was able to get out of HQ or if Assassin Team Beta didn't kill Ahiru, I'm Dead!"
"Repeat that?"
". . . Autor did it!"
*Ikuko Itoh walked out of the dust and everyone screamed and started to bow down*
"Hello everyone," Ikuko Itoh said. "I'm going to tell you why Rue was chosen to be his princess and not Tutu . . . IN A FLASHBACK! Now this goes way back in the story to when Mytho hadn't shattered his heart yet, Lohengrin was still kicking, and Rue didn't exist. Now at first, Tutu WAS the prince's first choice,"
*Flashback previously mentioned*
"Tutu, I love you more than anything, please become my princess!"
"Holy ****!"
"Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. . ."
"Are you for real?"
"Of course! How can I not love you? You are kind, beautiful, and your tutu's so sparkly!"
"Thank you, my prince, especially about that last comment, but I cannot be your princess."
"What? Why? Is there something you're not telling me? Gasp, will you turn into a spec of light if you tell me you love me?"
"No, of course not, that's ridicules! I'm in love with Lohengrin!"
". . . You're in love with my best friend?"
"We're getting married next week actually. Want to be the best man?"
*End Flashback*
"The prince's heart was broken, so he went off to fight a giant raven on the day of Lohengrin and Tutu's wedding and cut his heart out. Unfortunately for Lohengrin and Tutu, an evil but beautiful witch (that looks oddly like Rue) had fallen in love with the prince, and when his heart was broken, she put a spell on Tutu that would make her turn into a spec of light when she confessed her love like the prince had suggested. No one really told Tutu this, so on her wedding day, she said that she loved Lohengrin, and POOF, Lohengrin was a bachelor again! This was short lived, since a raven claw suddenly came and sliced him up."
*Silence*
"That is a lot different from the original."
"Yeah, I know."
10 Ask him if he's suicidal since he jumped out a window.
"Mytho!"
"Hello Stalker."
*Takes his hand*"Mytho, I want you to know that I'm always here if you want to talk."
". . . Okay?" *Raven blood takes over* What about if I want your beautiful heart?"
"Sorry, my heart belongs to Fakir, and there is no way you can ever change that."
*Rejected*
"I also was wondering if you would call this number for me."
"Whose is it?"
"It's the Suicide Hotline."
"Why the hell would I call the Suicide Hotline?"
"Because they well give you candy- I think you're suicidal, Idiot!"
"Why the hell would you think I'm suicidal?"
"You've only jumped out a window three times, ran into a burning building once, and have recently become more emo than Fakir!"
"I was heartless for three of those, and influenced by Raven's blood for the other two!"
"You always say that!"
11 Tell him about Rue spending the night with Fakir, Autor, AND Femio!
("Hey, Mytho?"
"Yeah, Stalker?"
"You and Rue love each other, right?"
"Yes."
"And you two tell each other everything, right?"
"Yes, why do you ask?"
"I was just making sure that you knew about all her wild nights with Fakir last week!"
"Hu?"
"And I'm sure she's told you about that little fling with Autor a month ago too!"
"Repeat that?"
"And it would just be an embarrassment if you didn't know that she slept with Femio on the weekends between men!"
". . ."
"Aren't you glad she tells you everything?"
"RUE!"
12 Tell him the truth; he is a man whore.
(*Raven Mytho looks around at all the innocent young girls and plans to steel their hearts*
"Whoa, Mytho."
"What?"
"You are such a man whore."
"What did you just call me?"
"A man whore. It's the honest truth."
"I am not a man whore!"
"Lets see, first that anteater girl was all over you and you didn't mind, even though you were dating Rue at the time—"
"I was heartless!"
"LET ME FINNISH!"
". . ."
"Now than. There was the anteater, Rue, Ahiru, Fan Girl # 6, Pique, Fan Girl # 39, Fan Girl #56, Freya . . ."
*Half hour later*
"Fan Girl # 193, Fan Girl # 194, Fan Girl # 195 . . ."
*Another half hour later*
"That blond chick from the S.F.F.G.S.G, that other blond chick from the S.F.F.G.S.G. . ."
*ANOTHER half hour later*
"And we can't forget about that girl from the street that you attempted to. . ."
*A REALLY, REALLY, LONG TIME LATER*
"And Tutu! See? Told you you're a man whore."
". . . It's amazing that I don't have a disease of some sort."
"Yeah, you would think that you would at least have HIV! You would probably seduce Fakir, Mr. Cat, Autor, or even Femio if you got the shot!"
"That's just taking it a bit too far! Femio, Mr. Cat, and Autor? I don't know who Autor is, but really?"
"Notice how you didn't deny Fakir!"
13 Put bars on his windows to stop another suicide attempt.
"Stalker?"
"Oh, hi, Mytho! How were your classes today?"
"Forget the classes, what the hell are you doing in my room!"
"Oh, I heard about how you attempted suicide again today, so I was nice enough to install these iron bars in your windows!"
"How the hell did you get in my room?"
"Mytho, I'm a Fangirl, breaking into peoples homes is like second nature to me."
". . ."
14 Give him to the N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G as a gift.
"Ah, Fakir FanGirl # 584, we have been waiting."
"Sorry, the drugs I put in his drink took a bit longer that I thought."
"So you brought him?"
"Of course I did! The S.F.F.G.S.G. want this treaty with you Mytho girls just as badly as you do, and we are willing to do as much as possible until you agree."
"I see. This time tomorrow, the two organizations will have a treaty formed between them."
"Thank you, now I believe that you wanted this." *places large black bag on the ground*
"I still can't believe that you where able to do this, we have been trying for years to get around Fakir's defenses!"
"Fakir is currently gagged and chained at the Fakir HQ, so you have about a week with the prince."
*Next day*
"Hu? W-Where am I?"
"Hello, Mytho-kun."
"Whose there? Stalker?"
"Stalker is gone; she left hours ago after delivering a very special package."
"What? Who are you?"
*The lights turn on and Mytho finds that he is surrounded by his many FanGirls*
"We have been waiting for you Mytho. Waiting and watching, always watching."
*For the next week, no one saw Mytho*
15 Tell him that you got promoted!
"Mytho!"
"Shit! Stay away from me, Stalker!"
"Still upset about me giving you to the N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G last week?"
"YES!"
"You and Fakir are so sensitive about those type of things."
"F**K YOU! I was rapped!"
"You've been rapped how many times now? You would think you would get use to it."
"LEAVE!"
"I just have to tell you one thing, then this chapter is over and I will go after Rue."
"Oh Thank GOD!"
"Anyway~, I have great news!"
"What?"
"I got promoted from FanGirl to Love Ninja!"
"Hu?"
"You see, in the world of fangirls, there are different levels and rankings.
First, there is the Admirers, the girls who hold innocent crushes and admire the guy.
Second is the Advanced Crushers, the girls who have fallen hard core.
Third is the Obsessed, the girls who think of nothing else but the guy 24/7.
Forth is the Stalker, the girls who . . . stalk.
Fifth is the FanGirls, they are the ones who do all the field work and are proud members of the organizations like N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G or S.F.F.G.S.G.
Sixth is the Love Ninja's, we are the ones who every guy is terrified of.
The seventh rank is very rare and hardly ever comes around, they are the girls who go above and beyond to get the guy, who are truly dedicated and in love with the guy, and will spend their entire life trying to win them over. We call them The Fallen."
"Wow. . . I am so glad that I don't have a Love Ninja or a Fallen after me!"
"What do you think Rue is?"
I hope you like it! Personally, I think I could have done better, but I hope that you at least smiled or laughed a bit.
Tell me, which was your favorite?
-Raven of Winter