A/N: Still don't own YYH, Naruto, or Invader Zim, or Rurouni Kenshin or Tivo, or anything else I might have mentioned and forgot about.
Chapter 2: Ugliest Color
"And now… your favorite show for gossip, drama, and some semblance of talking about current events and serious topics… it's… Himizu Recently! And here's your host, Himizu!"
Himizu walked out, waved at her audience, and settled in her seat at the head of the table. "Hello everyone, we've got a fantastic show in store for you today, but first, let's have a round of applause for my panel. Risu, Ryouko, Hiei, and Shikamaru, hello to you all!"
"Hey there Himizu!" Ryouko and Risu exclaimed, waving excitedly. Shika had his feet on the table and was leaning back with his head resting in his hands and looking utterly bored. Hiei was leaning forward with his head resting on one hand and looking more annoyed than bored.
"Is this going to be any better than the last one? Because that was just awful," he grumbled.
Himizu shot a death glare at him that would've killed him had her glare actually had any physical powers. "Any time you want to stop being a total jerk is fine with me. And you'll like this show. Gir, the topic please!"
The tiny robot raced onto the stage. "I MADE WAFFLES!" he squealed, carrying a plate loaded with waffles above his head.
"…Why thank you Gir, but I need the topic for today even more."
"YOU GOTTA EAT MY WAFFLES THOUGH!" Gir exclaimed.
"… … …Fine, but after you give me the waffles, you have to give me the topic so everyone can think about it while we eat.
"Okey-dokey!" Gir ran forward and gave them all plates of waffles, then handed Himizu the show's topic. She took it and glanced at it.
"Ah yes! Today's topic… worst color of clothing a human being, or demon, could ever wear!"
"Neon green!" Risu exclaimed.
"Mustard yellow!" Ryouko yelled.
"Bright pink…" Hiei snarled.
"Anything rainbow-patterned…" Shika muttered.
Himizu grinned. "I would have to say puke green myself."
Hiei clapped his hands together. "Well, there we go. Everyone offered an opinion, there's nothing to discuss here, so let's all go home."
Risu jumped off her seat, stalked over to Hiei, and punched him right in the face. "SILENCE, FOOL! Actually, wait… no silence! We need a discussion! DISCUSS, FOOL!" She drew back her fist to hit him again, but Ryouko jumped up and tackled her and they started strangling and slapping each other.
"WHY DID YOU TACKLE ME?"
"YOU HIT HIEI!"
"HE WAS BEING ANNOYING!"
"GAARA IS ANNOYING ALL THE TIME AND YOU DON'T SEE ME HITTING HIM!"
"YOU COULD NEVER HIT GAARA, HIS AWESOMENESS WOULD DESTROY YOU!"
"BITE ME! NO MORE HITTING HIEI!"
"ONLY IF HE ACTUALLY PARTICIPATES IN THE DISCUSSION LIKE HE'S SUPPOSED TO!"
"HE WILL SERIOUSLY CONSIDER IT!"
"GOOD BECAUSE THERE IS PAIN IN HIS FUTURE IF HE DOES NOT PARTICIPATE!"
"I SAID DON'T HIT HIM!"
"ONLY IF HE DISCUSSES!"
"HE WILL!"
"SOMEHOW I DOUBT THAT!"
"O YE OF LITTLE FAITH!"
"I HAVE FAITH! FAITH IN THE CHURCH OF CHURCH!"
"THAT ISN'T EVEN RELEVANT!"
"FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS CONVERSATION IT IS!"
"Ladies, please!" Himizu exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "This isn't Jerry Springer! We have more class than that show! At least until we have alcohol, but that is beside the point…"
Ryouko and Risu stared blankly at her for a moment before finally sitting down. Himizu nodded in approval.
"Good, good. Now let's bring out our fashion expert… Pengin!"
Pengin walked in wearing his usual tight black pants and equally tight white shirt with black vest and his hair spiked and poofed up giving him another three inches in height. He waved excitedly like a hyper child and practically skipped over to Himizu and hugged her, then hugged Ryouko and Risu. He turned to Hiei and Shika, but both were glaring at him nastily so he skipped the hug and sat down at the table. "Hello everyone!" he exclaimed. "It's great to see you all! What's up?"
"Well Pengin, I'm sure you saw the last episode of this show," Himizu said with a smile. Pengin laughed.
"Well duh! You sent Risu to my house to threaten me with a knife until I agreed to Tivo the premiere episode, then you sent Ryouko to present me with a contract. You know you could've just asked me yourself… without the threats."
"You're right, I could have. But I had a bunch of meetings and I didn't want to ask you over the phone, so I sent Ryouko. As for Risu, well that was her condition for doing the show, even though I'm pretty sure she would have done the show without that, but I figured there was no harm in it."
"No harm my ass! She threatened to shave my hair!"
"No one wants to hear about your ass, we know what you get up to. But Risu, why threaten the hair? No one wants to see a bald Pengin."
"It was fun!" Risu exclaimed, looking delighted.
"Did you just invite him out here so you guys could sit here and gossip like we're on The View?" Shika growled. "This is so stupid… I could be in bed right now."
All three girls turned to glare at him. Blue light shone around Himizu and her eyes started to glow as though she were possessed.
"Shikamaru, if you ever compare me, my show, my friends, or anything related to me to The View again, I will destroy you. No one will ever know what happened to you because you will drop so completely off the face of the earth. Do we understand each other?"
Shika gulped, but tried to keep a brave face. "I've faced off against some incredibly powerful ninjas, do you really think I'm afraid of you?"
Hiei shook his head pityingly. "You sad simple fool…"
Himizu growled angrily and the blue light around her took on an aura of fire and the temperature of the room they were filming in dropped so drastically that ice crystals started forming on the walls and the furniture. The dramatic and terrifying mood wasn't even broken by Gir squealing and laughing maniacally as he slid around on his belly over the ice that had formed on the floor. Shika's eyes got huge and he got several huge sweatdrops.
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry I said anything about The View! You are so much better than those silly women, and you and your friends aren't a bunch of cackling hens!"
"So glad you agree," Himizu said with a sweet smile, settling back in her chair. The blue light vanished and so did all the ice. The temperature returned to normal and Gir skidded to a halt without ice to keep up the momentum.
"Awww, but I liked sledding," he whimpered. Then he was distracted by a butterfly flying by the window and started hopping around and squealing in the background. Himizu and her panel ignored him.
"Pengin, the reason we called you here is to ask what, in your opinion, is the worst color that a human or demon could ever wear?" Ryouko said. Pengin thought about this for a long moment.
"I would have to say… black."
Everyone stared blankly at Pengin. Every single person around the table had at least one article of clothing with at least some black on it, and Pengin was wearing the most black out of all of them. Then he grinned.
"I'm just messing with you guys. In all seriousness, I would have to say puce. It's not purple, it's not pink, it's not red. It's not flattering to any complexion, it doesn't mix well with other clothing colors, and it does nothing for hair or eyes. Plus it's one of the most disgusting words in the world. Puce! I throw up in my mouth a little every time I say the word, it is just that gross."
The girls all paused to consider this. "It's a fair point," Risu said finally.
"True… well it seems everyone has a different opinion. Not that I expected anything else. We're not here to lay down the laws of the universe or anything. But anyways, let's go to the phones. What it the most disgusting color for any human or demon to ever wear? Caller, you're live!"
"Uh, yeah… listen, no self-respecting man should wear pink. Like, ever. You may think that it shows you're confident in your manhood, but it doesn't. It shows that you're a whiny little girl."
"Dude, watch what you say! I bet a bunch of Yu Yu Hakusho fans are watching this and they will be so pissed that you're insulting Kurama like that!" Ryouko exclaimed. Hiei glanced at her, a puzzled look on his face.
Kurama stormed out on stage. "THIS IS NOT PINK! I'M GETTING SO SICK OF SAYING THIS!"
"You're just in denial, and you know it," Risu told him gently. Himizu was staring intently at the phone.
"I swear I recognize this voice… Is this Sanosuke Zagara? From Rurouni Kenshin?"
"Damn, how did you know? But since it's out there, yeah, Kenshin is the most feminine looking dude ever…"
"ORO? Sessha is not feminine!" Kenshin cried in the background.
"Wait, if you're Kenshin and Co…. How the hell are you watching this show or calling in? You don't have TV, cable, or phones!" Himizu exclaimed. There were loud crashes and bangs and they all heard Kaoru screaming in the background, then the line went dead.
"Seriously, how were they calling us?" Ryouko finally asked.
"One of the great mysteries of the universe. Next caller!" Himizu said.
"I think that bright orange is the worst color ever. I mean, has anyone seen Naruto's new outfit? It makes children cry, strikes old people blind, and makes all women vomit."
Shika stared at the phone. "Why is Neji calling again? Seriously…"
"Yeah, Neji, are you going to make this a theme, to call and bitch about Naruto?" Risu demanded. Neji muttered something profane under his breath and he slammed the phone down with a resounding click. Risu shrugged. "He's right though, Naruto's new outfit is horrible. It's half the reason I wanted to do this episode, I was hoping someone besides me would bring it up."
"Right… anyways… I think we have time for one more caller. You're on Himizu Recently, say your piece!" Himizu exclaimed.
"I just want to say that I think any color in the universe would look amazing on the lovely Sakura!"
"This is either Naruto, or…" Himizu trailed off.
"He would have whined about us making fun of his outfit. That means it can only be…" Ryouko continued.
"At least he's not blabbering about his eyebrows or hair…" Shika muttered.
"LEE, SAKURA WILL NEVER DATE YOU! GREEN DOES NOT MATCH HER SKIN TONE!" Risu screamed at the phone. There was a drawn-out scream from the other end before the line went dead. Pengin cleared his throat.
"Actually I've seen her. I think green would look amazing with her skin tone and her eyes."
"No one asked your opinion!" Risu yelled.
"Yes you did, you guys invited me on the show! What do you want me to do, sit here and look pretty? I can do that too of course…" He was cut off as Risu started strangling him.
Hiei's eyebrows went up. "Why do we even take calls on this show?"
"For the cheap laughs," Himizu said with a smile. "That's all the time we have for today. See you next week!"
A/N: Hope you enjoyed, please review!