I haven't written anything other than a grocery list in several years. This is my first fan fiction, so go easy on me folks. I don't own any of the characters in this story, although I wish I did.

Three years ago, I ran. I ran away from the one true love in my life. I was just too damn stupid and stubborn to realize that not all promises are meant to be kept. That fantasy and reality are two different things. I thought that because I loved someone, that there should be no room in my heart for anyone else. I thought that I could close off that part of my heart. An amputation, so to speak. I foolishly thought that if I devoted myself to Edward, these feelings of love for Jacob would disappear. I would bind myself to Edward. I gave him my word, even if I did feel duped into it. Reflecting now, I realize what a disaster I created, not only for myself, but the two men I loved.

The inevitable happened. Edward saw through my bravado. We postponed the wedding. God, did Jacob even know then? I still haven t forgiven Edward for that stunt. Sending an invitation that broke Jacob's heart worse than I ever did with words. I had given Edward my word. Why did he feel the need to add salt to the wound? All Jacob ever wanted was the same thing Edward did. One thing. Bella Swan, human. I mulled this fact over. I remember Edward telling me once how selfish his kind really are. I had not seen it until that moment. The moment that I showed up at the Black's. Billy, tired, worried for his only son. His kind eyes showing me the note. Billy forgiving me for all my wrongs. Billy telling me that I made my choice, and now Jacob was making his.

Months went by. Nothing. No word from Jacob. I was a mess. Literally and figuratively. The whole thing was one big nightmare. Charlie, spurred on by Billy's supposed indifference, plastered missing child posters all over the tri-state area. My vampire family kept telling me it was for the best, since I wouldn't see Jacob again after the change. They thought this would get me used to his absence. Rosalie, however, would look at me with contempt in her eyes at every turn. Seth, bless his kind, patient heart, would answer my questions about Jacob, even though he really didn't have any real answers. It would seem Jacob was immersed in his wolf, shutting down his human feelings. In a way, I was okay with that. If I was in so much pain, I can't imagine the torture I had inflicted on him.

The summer flew by before I knew it. I refused to plan my own wedding, giving Alice free rein over the spectacle. That's all it was to me, a spectacle. It should have been a celebration of love.

The evening before the wedding Edward came to my room as he always did. There I was, the night before my trip down the aisle, laying in bed with my fiance telling him I don t have cold feet. Yeah, the problem was that he did. Literally. I couldn't get warm. I haven t been warm since Jacob left. The night before my wedding and I was dreaming of Jake. I wanted one of his hugs. I wanted him to take me away from all of this.

I fumbled through my wedding day somehow. Edward had left me the night before to spend time with his brothers and I was relieved. I didn't have to put on a false smile. I didn't sleep that night. I couldn't. All I could think about was how to get through the day. When dawn broke I rose from my bed with a sense of dread and resolve. I would do this. I would marry Edward, I would begin my life with him.

My emotions were all over the map that day. I caught the pained look on Jasper's face more than once. To his credit, he never said anything, but looked at me with compassion, and instead of sending me calm, allowed me to feel everything. Then the dam broke. I looked out the window, and caught a glimpse of a russet colored wolf in the treeline. I tore from the house, not caring about the fact that my wedding dress was being shredded by thorns. I had to get to Jacob. I had to make this right. I ran deeper and deeper into the woods before collapsing on a moss covered log. Looking around, I tried to get my bearings. How far had I run? That's when Jacob walked out of the trees, still in his wolf form. I looked into the eyes of this beautiful creature, and saw all of the pain I had caused him. I saw the love he had for me. My chest hurt, I couldn t breath. Jacob just stared at me for what seemed liked hours, as though he was looking into my very soul, confirming what we both knew. I loved him. I loved him completely. I reached out to touch him, and the spell was broken. Jacob shook his head, let out an agonized howl and ran.

I fell to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. That s how Edward found me. Crying for another man on our wedding day. Both of the men I loved left me that day. Truthfully, I left them both long before then.

I left Forks the next week. Edward had arranged for an apartment for us in New Hampshire, and my first year at Dartmouth had been paid in full. I took advantage of it, and tried to embrace my new freedom. Even if I was going to college alone, I was still going. Oddly enough it was Rose who helped me get settled into college life. While she didn t say so, I knew she was glad I was staying human. Rose saw her own dreams of life, love and family die. She wanted me to live.

I threw myself into my studies. I even made a few friends, although it was difficult to share my life with any of them. How do you explain that an army of vampires were after you, that your best friends are a pack of werewolves who protected you, and that you jilted your vampire fiance on your wedding day because you were in love with your werewolf best friend? Instead, I told them almost nothing. I spoke of my life in Phoenix, my crazy Mom, my introverted Dad and his freezer full of fish. I concentrated my time on studying, declaring a teaching major in English. I went to parties, drank myself sick on more than one occasion, even pledged a sorority. That was short lived. I just couldn t get into the whole sisterhood thing.

I spent the next 2 years at Dartmouth. I took as many classes as I could manage, even in the summer months. I got my degree. Money was not an issue. Evidently the Cullen's had set up what I refer to as the 'guilt fund' for interfering in my life. College was paid for, as well as all of my expenses. I found out from Rosalie that Alice was calling my stock broker and changing my investments whenever she had a vision. I took a sort of smug satisfaction in the fact that I had enough in the bank to live comfortably for some years if I couldn't find a teaching job that appealed to me.

None of the Cullen's came to visit me in that time, with the exception of Rosalie. She would sometimes show up, ask how I was, carry on meaningless conversation with me, her eyes boring into my soul. Her visits always forced me to remember what I had given up. I didn t regret losing Edward. I missed Jacob. I still cried for him. I wanted to see him. I knew from visiting Charlie over the holidays that Jacob had come back to LaPush. I never saw him on my short visits, but I knew from running into Emily one day at the grocery store that he was doing well. He and Embry had started a repair shop, and business was good. That was all she told me. Emily gave me a hug and a sympathetic smile and walked away. That was almost 2 years ago. Emily never asked me about my life. Did Jacob even know that I was' t with Edward anymore? That I was still Bella Swan, human, award winning klutz and now a teacher?

I dreamed of Jacob again on the night of my college graduation. I dreamed again of that morning on the mountaintop. I woke up with swollen eyes, my pillow soaked with tears. I knew what I wanted. I wanted that life. Would he even speak to me now? I spent so much time reflecting on my piss poor decisions, regretting my choice to stay away for so long. What if Jacob Black did not want me in his life? I told myself it didn't matter. If that was the case, I would suck it up. I would take the pain and punishment. Losing the vision of how our life was supposed to be would be my cross, my burden to bear.

I called Charlie and told him I was coming home the next day. My flight would get into SeaTac at 9:00. He and Billy were on a fishing trip at their cabin, and I could hear him telling Billy the good news. Charlie promised to be there to pick me up, and told me Billy would be with him.

Then next afternoon I watched the sunset from the first class window of my flight. It was twilight, and I was filled with hope.