Chapter 2: Here we are..and it's not getting better
Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious, never will
Sitting on the couch with Tori, her wiping away my tears, every five seconds. "Why don't you just give me a Kleenex or something?" I ask weakly she laughs a little but stops quickly and just says "because this way, you feel more care." I manage to smile, just a little bit for her to see it. She smiles back and looks at my hand, tightening around the couch pillows. She puts her hand on top of mine and I loosen my grip. Her touch, why is it calming me down? It's almost like Cat's, no it's nothing like Cat's but it is comforting. "Why are you here, Tori" I ask, wanting to know. "Because I care" she answers but I don't completely believe her. "Why do you care...?" I ask then take a deep breathe and continue. "Why do you care if I am the one that drove Beck away and made Cat do what she did?"
She tightens her grip on my hand then looks away, almost painfully. Like she didn't want to look away from me. "Because, Because I need you, like you need someone, to comfort you, to be there with you. To help you deal with things I need that too." She answers while turning back to look at me, to face me. I nod while I pull her closer and whisper "I need you too" I don't know what I am doing. Her face is just a few inches from mine, her lips are just a few inches away from mine. We are getting too close, this isn't right. "Too close, sorry" I whisper, she just pulls away and looks back at the tv like nothing happened. Maybe it's better if she just does that. Her hand is still on top of mine, and she doesn't move it the whole night.
"I miss Cat and Beck" I whisper even though she already knows that. "Yeah I do too" she whispers back I lay my head on her shoulder and look up at her. She looks down at me, surprised. Tori when she first came to the school everyone automatically liked her like Cat. Cat loved Tori...a lot and Tori loved Cat... a lot. That's why I disliked Tori, I was afraid to lose Cat to her and I did. Well so I thought Cat still loved me too, when her and Tori got together. I couldn't be with her though because me and Beck were together. And I really loved Beck like I loved Cat, I just couldn't decide. The reason why Beck moved away after Cat committed suicide, is because I pushed him away.
Because having him here, beside hurt me so much. Knowing that I chose him over Cat that caused her to kill herself. I didn't want to love him anymore but I still do just not as much as I loved Cat. "Jade, I am here for you as long as you need me" she whispers on top of my head. "Thank you Tori, I am here for you too." I whisper into her neck and I feel her shiver. I just smile, Tori has always been the one to help me even though I never wanted to admit it. Because I always tried to act tough. I never said thank you to her all those times o should of. But now I am so now I don't feel so bad as I should.
But my guilt for Cat will never go away those memories with her are meant to haunt now. Not to please anymore, as long as I have Tori. "Do you want me to sleep over. I will sleep on the couch" she asks quietly. I answer "Yeah, but I want you to sleep with me I mean on the bed. You know sleeping" I shout she just laughs and I laugh along. "Well then come on" she says, standing up, with her hand still holding on to mine. I follow behind her, upstairs to my room. She has been in my house before, with Cat though. When me and Beck were having a hard time they were the only ones here to comfort me. If she wasn't with Tori when me and Beck were having hard times. I would have been with Cat.
Makes me think what if... what if I would have chose Cat would she still be alive. I don't even know the exact reason why she killed herself I just always assumed. Always assumed it was my fault, maybe it wasn't. Once we lay on the bed together I fall asleep automatically at least I don't have to be alone tonight.