Hello readers! This is a 'DUH!' but obviously I'm not Ruby Thorn. This is her story, though. I'm just kind of taking over because she's been really busy. The first chapter, I wrote the basic plot, and then Ruby put it in story-form. Chapter 2 is the other way around. Ruby wrote it, but I expanded on it and put it in paragraphs and such. Hopefully, it's not too much of an inconvenience for this author switch and Ruby and I don't lose any readers.

Lovett stood outside the newly remodeled barber shop, – now pizzeria, – waiting as a crowd gathered on 'OPENING DAY', declared a sign hung over the little shop in red writing. Everyone outside Sweeney Todd's Demonic Pizzeria of Fleet Street thought the red was a beautiful color, and it reminded them of pizza sauce, but Sweeney knew he had decided to paint it red because the color made him think of blood – of vengeance. He was about to burst into yet another song when Lovett said, "Come outside, love, there are a ton of people all waiting for the grand opening!" She waved her hands frantically, motioning for him to come to her – both metaphorically and physically. Sweeney crossed the Italian-décor-inspired first floor to look out the window.

"The line's going all the way down the street," he said, a bit impressed with himself and his devious, secretive activities.

"Looks like Anthony's Deli will be going out of business," replied Lovett. Sweeney chuckled as he walked towards the door.

"So, should we go ahead and cut that blood red ribbon we wrapped around the door?" asked Lovett, eager to begin anything with Mr. Todd.

"It would be a downright shame not to," said Sweeney. "I've been dying to do that for ages!" He took his favorite razor out of its holster on his belt. "Jeremy, you can do the honors!"

"Alright, let's go!"

"Hold on!" said Sweeney, holding up his razor-hand like a blood red stop sign. Then he plastered a fake Italian mustache to his face. "Ready to go!" he said with excitement for the first time in his miserable, post-Australia life.

As Sweeney stepped outside, the waiting crowd cheered. Mrs. Lovett blushed, but Sweeney took in all the praise and attention he could get from those unknowing suckers.

"Hello, my fellow Londoners!" shouted Lovett to the group in front of the building. "Welcome to the grand opening of Sweeney Todd's Demonic Pizzeria!" she added with a dramatic sweep of her arms.

Sweeney interjected with a big smile, "Jeremy and I are guaranteed to kill you in less than thirty minutes or your money back!" He stroked his razor lovingly.

"Huh?" exclaimed the crowd, looking around in confusion. Mrs. Lovett glared at Sweeney.

"ONLY KIDDING!" she shouted with a kindly grin. Sweeney looked at her moodily. He wasn't kidding.

He whispered to Jeremy. "Don't worry, dear, she's being a right old pest, she is."

Lovett glared at Sweeney again. "I heard that!" she whispered fiercely. Then she addressed the anxious crowd. "We will be selling the best pizza in London! All meat is fresh!"

Sweeney laughed. "In fact," he said, "most of the meat was killed this morning!"

The crowd laughed, thinking this was a joke, and Sweeney smiled manically.

"So let's get this party started!" called Lovett. "My esteemed love – I mean, colleague – will be cutting this blood red ribbon, and we'll be in business!"

The crowd cheered some more.

"Come now, love," said Sweeney, and Mrs. Lovett turned around, blushing madly, but Sweeney had not been talking to her but to Jeremy. "Come now, Jeremy! Time to cut! I know you love doing that!"

Lovett looked away, embarrassed as Sweeney cut the ribbon. Then the mad crowd rushed into the pizza parlor, ready to fill their unknowing stomachs with fresh meat – very fresh meat.

"One slice of pepperoni pizza, please," shouted the first customer.

"Coming right up, dear!" said Lovett with a smile and twinkling eyes. She handed him a little priest, and he took a bite.

"Delicious!" he exclaimed. "What a pizza!" The customer jumped up on a table and yelled, "Hey everybody! Sweeney's Demonic Pizzeria has the best pizza in London!"

The crowd oohed and ahhed.

"Cheese, please!" shouted a second customer.

"Do you have hamburger?" yelled another.

"Pepperoni for me!"

"Sure, okay, sure!" said Lovett. She bustled around the room, giving the customers their dead pizzas. "Mr. Todd, a hand, please?"

Sweeney looked up, startled. "Huh? What'd you say, Lovett?"

"Help? Please? The customers are vicious!"

"Not now, if you don't mind. I'm busy."

"Busy doing what? All you're doing is drinking gin!" exclaimed Lovett, already tiring.

"Actually," Sweeney corrected, "it's rum, and I'm multi-tasking."

"I thought men couldn't do that!" yelled Mrs. Lovett, still hurrying around the little Italian shop.

"Well, I'm different!" said Sweeney. "I'm also practicing my Italian accent!"

Mrs. Lovett rolled her eyes and went away to make more pizzas. The customers kept coming until Lovett was completely sold out.

"Well, that was quite a busy day!" she said, wiping her brow and slumping into a chair after all the customers had left.

"Quite! Exploring cultural differences is quite draining! Jeremy and I are wiped!"

"I was talking about our business!" Lovett threw out her arms in frustration. "We sold out!"

"What's that?" asked Sweeney. "We sold out! That's great!"

"I know, right?"

"Yeah," said Sweeney with a smug grin, "and it's all because of my brilliant idea! I'm such an evil genius!"

"Nuh-uh!" argued Lovett.

"Yeah-uh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

Sweeney pouted. "Yeah-huh!"

"Fine, whatever," said Lovett, too exhausted to continue, "but tomorrow you're going to use your Italian accent and HELP ME! And if not…" She held up her rolling pin in a threatening hand and let her words trail off.

"Fine!" said Sweeney with fear. "Jeremy and I will grace you with our fine presences, if we must!"

Lovett rolled her eyes and went upstairs, leaving Sweeney Todd, the Demonic Pizza Man of Fleet Street, talking in an Italian accent to himself and his lovely razor.

And there you have it! Please do review. We've gotten very few hits and absolutely no reviews so we are kind of lonely. :'(
Next chapter, we'll see how being in the pizza business isn't so easy, even when Sweeney does do something other than practice his accent!