DISCLAIMER: This story is based off of a Twitch Plays Pokemon game, and I am hardly responsible for what the Voices named our Cubone. Discretion will be applied in future chapters to avoid repeating the bad joke, but readers are advised to use their own discretion. But it is still my job to record what has happened, and if it helps, I'm probably a lot sorrier than you are.
"Don't tell me," Abby sighed. "Your little Normie fell into another fissure?!"
As Abby had instructed me, I stayed silent. Part of this was because I didn't want to upset a concerned mother with thoughts of murder. Another part was because I was hoping to high heaven that the Voices wouldn't come back to me. But a third part was - and I'll admit this is racist - that I was completely unnerved at the thought of having to communicate with a giant bug.
I had a lot to get used to.
To soothe my nerves, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine Ms. Ozworm as a pretty human woman instead. I'm not sure I did a good job of it at the time, given that I barely had any memory of what a human woman looked like - but she actually came out looking pretty good, if I do say so myself.
"Oh, is this your new partner?" the Butterfree suddenly asked, drawing unwelcome attention towards myself.
I cringed, trying to bluff it out. Abby stepped in. "This Cubone? Oh, no, it just woke up here. We haven't even been introduced yet." She paused, then turned towards me. "Honestly, I don't even know what gender it is yet. Um, no offense, Cubone."
"None taken," I said politely. Then I paused, realizing that I didn't even know what gender I was.
Abby sighed in relief. "So which is it, then?"
Uh-oh.
Sure, I was only wearing a skull, but somehow I felt like checking my anatomy in public would be quite inappropriate. Judging from the fact that Abby had posed the question to begin with, either there was no visible difference, or these two fine ladies were pointedly ignoring it. And if I admitted that I didn't know, then that could lead to a long and awkward discussion on genderfluidity that simply didn't apply in this case.
And then those stupid Voices decided that they were going to step in and "solve" my problem for me.
GRILL
HE'S A GRILL GUYS
BILL IS A GRILL
shutupyouidiotshe'llhearyou
SHE'LL HEAR YOU
GRILL
GRILL
GRILL
GRILL
"What's a grill?" I asked, confused, as would be usual in the nightmare that would be the coming days.
Abby, to her credit, was as patient as a fishing Slowpoke. "It's a machine that non-fire-types use to cook things outside. Why?"
I paused. Ms. Ozworm was looking at me all... well, I don't want to sound specist, but she was looking at me all bug-eyed. Even more so than usual for a Butterfree.
"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."
Abby sighed. "Oh, you thought I said grill when I said girl, didn't you? That's a common mistake for those poss- I mean, for those in contact with the Voices." She emphasized those three words as much for Ms. Ozworm's sake as for my own."
Gosh, how much did Abby know about...? "Oh, right. I assure you, I'm fine. Must have been this stupid skull," I muttered, trying to pull it off so I could hear properly.
Which Abby quickly pushed back on. "Sounds like the Voices say you're a girl. You have a name, right, Bonehead?"
I felt very much offended by this sudden declaration; I certainly hadn't been consulted! On the other hand, it's not like I knew, either.
"Cubone," I said, then realized that it was my species, not an actual name. "Er..." I interjected quickly, trying to probe my brain for a name that was actually, well, a name.
I should never have spoken that quickly. Or, at least, I should have chosen a less easily misinterpreted interjection, because the Voices took my statement completely literally:
CUBONER
Guys he said it himself
SHE SAID IT HERSELF
Thisishumiliating
VICTREEBEL RIOT
And several other, much less printable messages.
. . .
Look, I'm going to spare myself the humiliation and cut to the chase. By the time Abby, myself, and those moronic Voices in my head actually set out to go rescue that poor little Caterpie, the Voices had done a fine job of convincing Ms. Osworm, and everyone else, that I was a female Cubone with a name that suggested a highly questionable occupation, or at least a lousy legal guardian.
But Abby said it was all right; by this point, the Voices were so well-heard-of that incidents like that were entirely commonplace and easily ignored. And everyone else had just learned to roll with it.
Easy for them to say. They weren't the ones stuck with that stupid name.
At least that disaster convinced me to keep my skull on, if for no other reason than I never intended to show my face again.