Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from SEGA, nor do I own anything owned or made by them. Also, I hold the utmost respect for their choices and their work. This fanfic is meant purely for comedic purposes.
"Hello, and welcome back to the second episode of Sonic Talk, the special mini-series were some of the characters from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise come together to discuss the themes and topics introduced. This show will be particularly special, because we have six panelists instead of three. Of course with more panelists, I'm going to need some help. Luckily, my friend here was more than happy to volunteer her assistance."
"Hi everyone, I'm Cream the Rabbit. I'm glad to make your acquaintances. The reason why we have so many panelists is because we wanted to make sure that this topic was properly covered from two specific perspectives. Since you all know the first three panelists from the last show, let's see who the new ones are. The first panelist is my good best friend, Amy Rose."
"Hi all you viewers out there!"
"Next is the first femme fatale to be introduced in the video game series, Rouge the Bat."
"I'm ready for my close up."
Our final panelist is the mechanic of the Babylon Rogues, Wave the Swallow."
"Let's see if we can't handle this episode with a bit more grace than the boys did last time."
"Here's the topic for today's episode."
Discussion Two: Best Female Character
"Okay, so Cream will be directing this discussion first." Tails said. "Cream?"
"Right. I will start off with Amy. Do you believe that you are the best female character?"
"Yes, I do. Throughout the series, I have always done my best to empathize with others before making judgments. To prove my point, I will refer to E102 Gamma in Sonic Adventure, and the ending in Sonic Adventure 2. I never abandon my friends. I stand up for what I believe in no matter what."
"Any response to this Miss Rouge?"
"Actually yes. To say that Amy Rose is even a decent female character would be a drastic mistake."
"That's quite the claim to make, Miss Rouge. Would you elaborate?"
"Certainly. Amy Rose is highly prone to violence, and she is highly temperamental. She's an all around spoiled child."
"That was a vicious statement. What do you have to say to this, Amy?"
"I say that Rouge is in no position to pass judgment on anyone. She's nothing more than a thief who would go to any lows to get what she wants."
"Yes, I'm a thief, but only so I have an appropriate cover to continue my work with GUN. It's all for the greater good. If anything, that makes me the only female anti-hero in the series."
Amy snorted in disgust. "That a just a lie and you know it. You use your position as an agent to manipulate and trick people just so you can get your hands on a few jewels. You've never been interested in the greater good unless your own welfare was attached."
"We haven't heard from you yet, Miss Wave. What do you think?"
"I think that Rouge is full of it. She tries to make herself out as an anti-hero when she's really a glorified kleptomaniac. I mean, come on! She took advantage of a super-powered amnesiac to steal a few jewels in two games."
Shadow blinked in remembrance. "That did happen, didn't it? Why are we friends again?"
"Because I give you a place to live."
"Okay, now it makes sense. Please continue."
"Thank you. So if I'm a kleptomaniac, Wave, what does that make you?"
"I don't try to hide the fact that I'm a thief. I'm proud of who and what I am, and I could care less what other people think of me. It's that kind of bravado that makes me the best female character."
Jet and Storm, who were standing off stage, began to cheer and hoot.
"I at least try to bring a little class to the field. I face my rivals head-on, unlike you, Miss blow people up."
"I've never tried to kill anyone!"
"Right. Planting a bomb on someone's extreme gear was all in the name of fun. You did that for what again?"
"For an ancient treasure related to my ancestors."
"Wasn't it a flying carpet? Oh how special. Who wants actual extreme gear when you can have a prototype?"
"How was I supposed to know that it was a carpet? I thought it was ancient technology."
"Same idea. Who would possibly want new age technology when you can have some from hundreds of years ago?"
"I'm gonna have to agree with Rouge on this point. You sabotaged an eight year old. That makes you out as a bit of a female dog, if you know what I mean." Amy said.
"The bomb was just supposed to knock him out of the race, and it worked, exactly like I planned it to. That makes me a genius."
"The boys are a being a bit quiet in all of this. You guys don't have anything to add at all?" Cream asked.
Sonic was the one to represent the guys. "We just want to give the ladies the room they need to talk in this discussion while having their views and opinions respected."
Tails didn't buy that for a second. "If you're worried about them attacking you, we have security guards everywhere with mace, knockout gas, and stun guns. As an additional precaution, you all have tasers underneath your seats."
"Wave's lying through her teeth." Sonic said quickly.
"Hey!"
"That's gotta burn. Please elaborate."
"Do I even need to? It's so obvious; you'd have to be Knuckles not to see it."
"Go to hell." Knuckles said off-handedly. "By the way, a viewer sent in mail about the first show. Does the name, Knuckles Chaotix ring a bell?
'What, you mean that game with you and the Chaotix Detective Agency? Well I guess that counts as your own video game." Sonic replied.
"Damn straight it does."
"Except for the fact that it was really the Chaotix's game. They're the ones that made their big debut in it." Shadow said smugly.
"My name's in it. That makes it my game."
"In Japan it's just called Chaotix."
"Yeah, but in America its Knuckles Chaotix, so it's still my game."
"As much as Sonic and Knuckles is your game."
"I hate you."
Tails stopped their argument. "Let's keep on target here. It appears Wave has a statement."
"I do. Sonic is a sexist!" Wave shouted angrily.
"Whatever you say, crazy lady."
"I already told you! I wasn't trying to kill you! I just wanted to trip you!"
"At hundreds of miles an hour with a bomb?! Do you know how insane that sounds?!
"Eggman tries to actually kill you all the time. Why are you getting on my case about it?"
"He at least acknowledges the fact he's going to kill me. When he plants a bomb on me, he says, 'you're going to die!' He doesn't say, 'this should slow you down!'"
"What's your point?"
"My point is you're either a damn liar, completely insane, or just plain stupid. Bombs explode. They rip things apart when they do. They burn things in the process. I've never heard of someone using a bomb to 'trip up' anyone."
"Any words from you Knuckles?"
Yes. I would like to solidify what Rouge said about Amy not being the best female character. She clearly has the most issues out of all of us. Plus the whole 'damsel in distress' thing got annoying a couple years back. "
"Why Knuckles, I didn't think that you'd defend me." Rouge said, genuinely flattered.
"Shut up klepto, I'm talking here.
"Go to hell Echdina."
"Anyways, Amy is a stalker, period. Even in the Team Rose theme song of Sonic Heroes, her obsession is completely present in the lyrics. I swear, one day she's gonna snap, kill everyone, kidnap Sonic, and then drag him up to some deserted cabin in the mountains where she'll cut off his legs."
"You know I'm gonna get you for that." Amy said darkly.
"Please. When this show is over, I'm going straight back to my island. Good luck getting into the stratosphere you psycho bitch."
Tails turned to Shadow. "Shadow, you have the last say before me and Cream. Who do you think is the best female character?"
"I believe that…"
All eyes were set on him. Rouge sent a wink at him in trust and confidence.
"None of these women fit the bill. Not. A. Single. One."
"WHAT!?" All the women shouted.
"I'll sum up. Amy's a stalker with violent tendencies, Wave's been painted as a complete bitch – after one game, I might add – and Rouge…"
"What about me?" Rouge asked.
"The truth of the matter is this; you're a fan service character. Your only purpose is to be an object of lust for the male audience. That's why you're the only female character drawn with exposed cleavage. To be more specific, your furry fodder."
"Hey, I represent female empowerment!"
"Keep telling yourself that."
"Wow, you're a dedicated friend, Shadow." Cream commented. "I mean, you're willing to tell Rouge all of her greatest flaws when she could easily kick you out of Club Rouge."
"I'm not too worried. I and Rouge have too great a friendship for that to happen… We are still cool, right?"
"Not a chance. Have your crap out by tomorrow."
"Dammit."
Tails shook his head. "Well, this discussion wasn't as funny as the last one. I'm kind of disappointed."
"Didn't we just cuss at each other for thirty minutes straight?" Sonic pointed.
"Yeah, but that was at least fun. Don't forget we laughed at you for a good five minutes."
"Just hurry up and end the show. We don't have all day."
"So you are anxious for me to close the show."
"Yes."
"Okay, so we've clarified that your, 'waaaaaiiiitinnng!'"
"Close the stupid show!"
"Wait Tails, shouldn't we at least give the audience our choice on best female character?" Cream asked.
"Well Cream, I don't know if we are in any position to give that. We're just a talk-show. Who the audience believes to be the best female character is up to them. They already have their beliefs on who is the best and that won't change, no matter what was said here"
"So we're completely avoiding the issue after spending thirty minutes talking about?"
"Exactly. The producer doesn't want to get harassed by a bunch of enraged fans because we said the wrong thing."
"Works for me! See you next time everybody!"
A/N: So their you have it. Remember, if you want to have the show talk about a particular theme or topic, send in your request through a review or email. Thank you, and please review.