As Coach was driving through the deserted road in his pimped out black and gold Cadillac, He saw some buildings and lights. He was getting close to a city! Coach smiled enthusiastically and played a Macklemore song on his car's radio. When Coach reached the city, he parked his car, removed his Batman suit, and got out of it. As he looked around the city, he noticed that it was yet another abandoned city. Coach brought his epic chainsaw, Gutsbutter, and a buttload of guns for protection against zombies and others. This was really convenient, because a huge crowd of zombies arrived. The undead creatures busted through windows and doors, charging at Coach with the intention of feasting on his flesh.
Coach was prepared for this. He pulled out two AK-47s with explosive rounds AND HE EXPLODED ALL OF THE ZOMBIES! Well, it wasn't all of them, it just SEEMED like it. About three hundred more zombies arrived. Coach ran into a nearby casino and put his AK-47s into his backpack. Coach pulled out Gutsbutter and tied a long rope around it. The zombies rushed into the casino, surrounding Coach. But Coach yelled "COME AND GET Me, SUCKAS!" and he grabbed the rope tied to Gutsbutter. He then proceeded to swing it around like some sort of lethal chainsaw whip of unending DEATH! The zombies all died and the casino was painted red. Coach admired his work and left the casino. Coach went on his way back to his Cadillac, but he saw someone trying to steal it! Who could this thief be? The car thief was none other than LUKE SKYWALKER!
Coach was furious. He grabbed Luke by the neck and said "Boy, I'm gonna teach you a lesson!" Coach smashed Luke's face into the hood of his car twice. Luke struck back with an elbow to Coach's face and then he drew his light-saber. Coach drew his chainsaw, Gutsbutter, and grinned. They clashed their blades together in an epic sword duel. As the fight went on, the city almost became completely destroyed. Coach and Luke soared through buildings smacking each other around with their weapons, when suddenly they heard a shrieking noise and stopped fighting. Off in the distance ,edging ever closer, was a stampede of VAMPIRES!
Coach yelled "No questions, just get in the car!" Coach and Luke ran to Coach's pimped out limousine and jumped inside. They drove the vehicle through the cursed swarm of relentless bloodsuckers, littering the road with blood and stuff. They eventually escaped the city and had a conversation. Coach asked Luke Skywalker "What are you doin' here, boy?" Luke responded "I'm homeless because Andy Samberg kicked me out of our apartment building. Ever since then, I have wondered aimlessly across the universe. Why are you here?" Coach said "I'm on the run from someone."
"Who are you on the run from?" Luke asked. In a rather dreadful manner, Coach stated "Abraham Lincoln."