Part Two

Thank you for your reviews, follows & favorites! We'll continue where we left off..

Breathing slowly through her mouth, she gathered every ounce of courage she had, asking Regina the question she hadn't asked for several months. "H-How are you doing?"

Her voice sounded very small an strange even to herself. As soon as the words left her lips, she knew she had been holding them back for so long that they had been eating at her. She was more than nervous here; she was terrified. Terrified of her answer, and terrified of not knowing her answer. She hunched slightly, half expecting the brunette to yell at her. But no matter how much she wanted to crawl into a hole and hide, she was going to see this conversation all the way through

She heard Regina's sharp intake of breath and watched her entire body stiffen and freeze for a moment. Then she slowly turned her face to the blonde, her brows furrowed deeply. She used one hand to keep the wind from blowing her hair around her face. Emma's heartbeat picked up as their gazes locked forcefully. She saw Regina's disbelief, her utter incredulity. And in that brief look she also saw the accusation in her eyes.

"Do you really want to know, Emma?" Regina said coldly. She lifted her chin and stared challengingly at the blonde. Her expression made Emma squirm on the bench. "Are you sure you're up to it?"

Emma's eyes widened and she felt a wave of panic freeze her entire body. She looked up into Regina's blazing eyes, her bright red scarf whipping furiously in the wind. A barrier of uneasy silence arose between them as the brunette waited for her answer. She felt extremely uncomfortable now and could tell by the tension vibrating all around them that Regina felt the same way. A kind of tension she hadn't felt between them for a very long time.

In her dark eyes she saw layers of suspicion, the legacy of years of broken trust. Her strong, solid jaw was set at an uncompromising angle and made the brunette look hard. And now that she was on the receiving end, once again, Emma definitely didn't like how it felt. She felt defenseless. Where was her fighting spirit?

Her lips parted but no words came out. A muscle jumped in her jaw as Regina studied her and those hazel eyes narrowed. She tried even harder and in her mind she thought she was screaming, but in truth her words had no sound.

Regina shook her head and looked away, but not before Emma saw a flash of hurt in her eyes. She was trying so hard not to say the wrong thing, not to make things between them any worse than they already were. But she knew she was failing miserably. She couldn't control her emotions. Her heart was racing like she'd run a mile, and her throat hurt, and her mouth was so dry it made it impossible for her to speak.

"That's what I thought," Regina said flatly. Her words were cold and harsh. She made a sudden movement, as if to get up from the bench, but she pressed her lips together and remained seated. She gazed at the blonde for a long time before she spoke again. When she did, there was no accusation in her voice. It was a simple, soft spoken question. "Do you even care?"

Emma's hands shook and her chest felt so tight she could barely take a breath. She clamped her teeth together and her lips trembled with the effort to hold it together. Her eyes were wide when she looked back to Regina, seeing the sudden vulnerability flash across her face. She looked scared, almost like she was holding her breath.

"Yes," she finally choked out, hoping Regina would see the truth in her eyes. She curled her fingers into the palms of her hands to keep herself from reaching out. "I do care for you, Regina. Of course I do.."

Regina stared at her a moment more, as if she was looking for something, her expression unreadable. And for a few agonizing seconds, Emma thought she might leave her. But then she nodded once and sat back against the bench. Emma, almost unconsciously, breathed a sigh of relief. She leaned forward, elbows on her knees, and rested her head in her hands.

She sat like that for a long while before a soft voice cut through her tangled thoughts. "It's not your fault.."

For a few seconds, Emma wasn't sure if she'd heard her right, but when their eyes locked she knew Regina had spoken the words aloud. Her green eyes widened and she sucked in a sharp breath. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth as if fighting her response. Regina's gaze was so intense that she had to look away, choking on a sob she couldn't hold back.

"I don't blame you, Emma.." Regina continued quietly, her voice warm and genuine. "So please, stop blaming yourself for what happened."

Emma raised her eyes to the brunette's again, slightly unfocused, heartbreakingly sad. The corners of her mouth drooped slightly, and her forehead scrunched up. Those words confused the hell out of her.

"Why don't you blame me?" she asked, and her voice sounded high and unfamiliar. A few moments passed while they remained staring at each other. Then Regina replied, "Because I don't want you to hurt like that."

Emma's heart didn't skip a beat this time- It stopped beating all together. But before she could respond, Regina spoke again. "But that doesn't make it right. Because whatever your problem is with me, Emma, you have no right to treat me like this."

They held each other's gaze without speaking, without moving, for three heartbeats. And then Emma nodded and looked down, feeling more ashamed than she ever had in her life. She was crying silently, but the tears were flowing freely. She let out a long, shaky breath and shook her head. She looked completely humiliated and awkwardly wiped her tears on her sleeve.

"I-I'm so sorry, Regina.. I don't even know what to say.." Her voice trembled. She tucked her chin to her chest, and her hair fell like a curtain of silk, shielding her face from the brunette's view. She curled her hands around the edge of the bench, letting the corners bite into her skin. It kept her grounded. The familiar headache took up its pulsing rhythm behind her eyes as she pressed them closed. "I'm so sorry for all of this. I should have been there for you, and I wasn't."

Regina shifted on the bench as she stared off into the ocean, her jaw set. For a moment her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them back. "Yes, you should have been there. I really thought we were friends. But I guess I was wrong.."

Emma lifted her head again, and blinked up at the brunette, her eyes glittering in the moonlight. "No! You weren't wrong.. I never meant to-"

"What?" Regina interrupted, her eyes flashing violently. "Hurt me? Well, you did! You did hurt me." she said, while she desperately tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

Emma flinched at the brunette's words, and there was no mistaking the look of hurt in her eyes. Her stomach clenched painfully. "The last thing I wanted was to hurt you." she said softly, her words coated with so much regret.

But Regina was having none of that. "You know, I blamed myself for it." she started, and Emma looked back at her. "I thought I scared you away. Perhaps, I revealed too much of myself, spoke too frankly. I thought I didn't have the right skills. People have trouble understanding me, and I guess I'm not a great socializer. I never had any friends that I could talk to, to be friends with, so this was all new to me. But I thought you were different. I thought you'd understand me."

She pinned the blonde with her gaze. Emma watched emotions play across her expressive face as her dark eyes studied her intently. Regina seemed to surprise even herself when she spoke again, "I wanted to approach you so many times, but whenever the opportunity presented itself, you were gone already. I wanted to ask you: Was it was something I did? Did I do something wrong? Because I thought we had something pretty good going.."

A gust of wind blew her straight dark hair into her face, and she paused to wipe the strand aside. She breathed deeply before she continued, "I wish you would have told me what it was, but you shut me out. You couldn't trust me enough to tell me?" It was a statement, not a question.

The skin of Emma's face looked as bloodless as marble; a platina of pain clouded her gaze. Regina either didn't notice or chose to ignore it. "I blamed myself, but I decided a little while ago that I don't have any control over what people do. People have the freedom to make their own decisions and choose their own behavior, even if it means hurting another person without the intention of doing so."

Clenching her teeth to hold back the tears, Emma closed her eyes and turned her head away, so destroyed that she couldn't meet the brunette's gaze. Regina's words cut deep into her heart. If she'd though the pain unbearable before, she now bled pure grief.

Grasping her gently by the jaw, Regina forced her face up, and for one split second, Emma thought she was going to strangle her. Tears slipping down her face, she tried to twist away, but Regina wouldn't let her. She opened her eyes to see the brunette's face mere inches from her own. "Don't you dare, miss Swan! Don't you dare shut me out again.."

Emma gasped, looking into the beautiful brown eyes so close to her own. Slowly she nodded. A strange shiver ran through her. She felt quite incapable of movement. Regina carefully let go of her jaw as Emma looked helplessly into her face.

The brunette hesitated briefly and seemed to consider her next words. "I finally feel like I'm really in control of my own life now. I can breathe again like that little girl riding her horse. I'm free at last, although grief refuses to be controlled." Emma listened with breathless attention, her eyes never leaving Regina's face for a moment.

"But what great is that I got through those moments, I spoke up, and I learned how to deal with my emotions." She gave Emma a pointed look. "Zelena, and- I can't believe I'm even saying this out loud- Snow.. They showed me friendship and gave me comfort.."

Emma's throat constricted and tears spilled from her eyes. She realized that she not only felt devastated, she also felt relieved. Relieved that Regina didn't went through it alone. That others provided her with comfort and strength she hadn't been able to give her. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Regina watched her intently for a few seconds before she whispered, "But somehow, I always thought it would be you.."

TBC