Eventually, the flow of tears ebbed and with one last squeeze, Blaine let go of Kurt. He reached for some paper towels and dabbed at his nose,
"Sorry about that," Blaine said, looking down at his coffee, "I'm a hot mess."
Kurt's heart ached a little for him but he said nothing as he followed Blaine's lead and drank his coffee. He wondered if he could ever drink or smell coffee without thinking of Blaine. Coffee dates were so them. It was basic for them. Everything started with coffee and then just coffee became friendship and coffee and then finally it became boyfriends and coffee dates.
"Okay," Blaine said once he finished his coffee, "we're going to talk."
Blaine pushed back from the counter and offered Kurt his hand which Kurt accepted. Blaine guided him toward the living room and sat them down on one of the Anderson's overstuffed velvet couches. He sat cross-legged facing Kurt. With a sigh, he began,
"For a few weeks now I've been sort of, um, blacking out. At first I thought I was sleepwalking. I used to do that a lot as a kid."
"You sleepwalked?" Kurt interrupted, amused and relieved at the opportunity to liven the mood. Blaine smiled a bit, tilted his head and replied,
"Yeah, I used to walk around and pour myself cereal and sit in the bathtub with it and stuff like that", Blaine said, steadily staring at the floor, "But this is different."
He looked up at Kurt with a furrowed brow, as if afraid of what he was about to say next. He gripped Kurt's hand tighter in his own.
"Sleepwalking is just what happens when your body won't let itself fall asleep properly. This… it feels like the dream itself only I can't wake up from it no matter how hard I try. When I do come back to myself it's just like with dreams. I only sort of remember what happened."
"So what has happened?" asked Kurt. Blaine sighed and let go of Kurt's hand. He pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes.
He uncrossed his legs before he replied, "I don't know. I just wake up—come back to myself and I don't know how I got to wherever I am. At first it just happened for like, seconds at a time and I thought it was just me spacing out but then the other day I had just finished brushing my teeth and I looked up into the mirror and then suddenly, I was standing in front of my closet fully dressed and I couldn't remember having actually put on my clothes. And then yesterday—Kurt ,I am so sorry I hurt you."
Kurt rolled his eyes because he knew Blaine and he knew where this was going and really, his skin marked easily and if he was honest he was actually a little turned on when Blaine had been all… insistent. But Blaine carried on, "I can't believe I hurt you. I…. Kurt."
Blaine looked down at his fisted hands as if steeling himself for something.
"Kurt, this time I bruised you. I don't want to hurt yo—"
"Ugh. Shut up Blaine" Kurt interrupted Blaine's sad speech, "If you're trying to break up with me so you don't 'hurt' me just don't because A. I'm a big boy. I can handle myself. You don't get to choose for me and B. then I'd have to sit around and pine for you and that's just a little too angsty teenage novel for me. Plus, I hear pining is bad for your skin."
Blaine simply stared at Kurt, mouth slightly agape and then said, "Kurt, I'm serious. I couldn't control myself yesterday. I can't risk you getting hurt."
"So you're going to break up with me? You're seriously going to treat me like I'm some precious porcelain bird?"
Blaine looked at a loss for words. Kurt carried on, "I love you, Blaine. I'm not going to leave you at the first sign of trouble. That's just not me. Unless…"
Kurt hesitated while Blaine looked at him expectantly,
"Unless, you don't want me anymore."
Blaine exhaled sharply and looked at Kurt incredulously, "Of courseI want you. Always. So… much. In so many ways. I think that's why it took over."
"Wait. "It"? We're calling your problem an "it"?"
Blaine frowned, "I don't know what else to call this."
Kurt was quiet for a moment while the gears in his head turned.
"Blaine, we need to figure this out" Kurt said, "what happens before your eyes do that thing."
"Before my eyes do what thing?", asked Blaine, fear taking over his features again.
"Oh god, you don't know", Kurt responded, trying to figure out how to best tell his boyfriend what he'd seen the previous night. Blaine let the silence speak for him, as he waited for Kurt to fill in the blanks.
"After I pushed you away, you looked at me—and well, I sort of thought I was imagining it but-" Kurt paused, hesitating. He forced himself to go on, looking at Blaine straight in the eyes, not showing his fear, "your eyes went black. Completely."
Blaine stopped breathing for a moment. He looked at his hands. He was at a loss for words.
"I don't…", he trailed off. Kurt could almost see his thoughts and the dark places they were headed for.
"It's like I said, Blaine. We need to figure it out. Lists. We need lists" he said, standing up. Blaine rolled his eyes. He was tempted to laugh at his boyfriend and his penchant for organizing everything, even at a time like this.
Kurt walked toward the antique writing desk the Andersons kept in the corner of their sitting room. Kurt opened and closed a few of its compartments before coming back to the couch with a legal paper pad and pen.
"Okay, so what was the last thing you remember before blacking out yesterday?" Kurt asked, pen poised.
Blaine took a moment to gather his thoughts before answering Kurt. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he remembered Kurt's eyes the night before.
"Well, you were making me try on all your clothes," he began while Kurt scribbled away, "and then we were making out and then suddenly I was halfway across the room and you looked like you were about to cry."
Kurt wrote on a pad for a moment after Blaine finished and then said, "So, clothes and kissing. Neither of those are new," he said with a little smile. He was starting to think that maybe, just maybe this wasn't as big a deal as he'd originally thought.
"Well, there's something else too but it's not exactly… new" Blaine began, not meeting Kurt's eyes, "I don't exactly know how to explain it but…"
Kurt gave him an impatient look but remained silent as he waited, pen at the ready, for Blaine to carry on. Blaine was having trouble meeting Kurt's eyes.
"It's like, sometimes, when you look at me or when I think about you or when you kiss me, I sort of drift—not like spacing out or anything but, like, my tummy swoops and it feels sort of floaty, I think. Yeah, floaty. You make me floaty," he finished, his words running together.
After a moment of silence, Kurt dropped the pad and pen on the coffee table in front of them and turned to Blaine, he put a hand on top of Blaine's hoping to get him to look up. When he didn't, he spoke his name out, trying to lace his voice with all the affection he felt at the moment, "Blaine".
Blaine's eyebrows knit as he looked up at him. Kurt looked him in the eyes, and tilted his head to the side a bit, a slow smile curving his lips. Blaine began to smile back but he blinked before the smile reached his eyes and there It was. Blaine's eyes turned into opals
Kurt drew his hands back with a gasp. Blaine—It cocked it's head to the side as if considering Kurt. Blaine blinked again and it was gone. Just like that.
It had lasted about three seconds but it was enough to leave Kurt in a shocked silence. Blaine, eyes normal again, frowned and knit his eyebrows.
"It just happened again, didn't it?" Blaine asked, sounding both frustrated and scared.
Kurt nodded.
Blaine gripped the steering wheel of his station wagon as he turned off toward the avenue that led to Kurt's neighborhood. There was a nervous swirling in his stomach and his shoulders were tense. It was their first day of senior year at McKinley High and he'd hardly slept the previous night. It didn't help at all that the bowtie Kurt had picked out for him felt like a noose around his neck.
He willed himself to relax. Deepbreaths, he thought. He let his mind wander back to two days ago, when he and Kurt had discussed Blaine's "problem".
They had spoken for hours on end. Kurt, ever the cynic refused to believe it was something other than some sort of weird virus and insisted that Blaine go see a doctor. Blaine got upset and reminded Kurt that that would probably require explaining everything to his parents. They reached an impasse: this would remain a secret between them while they figured out what it was and how to get it under control.
Blaine grinned to himself as he remembered the outcome of all of that. He parked in front of Kurt's house and texted him about his arrival. While he waited he let his mind drift back Kurt's tilted head as he thought out his ideas.
"Blaine," Kurt had said, "Don't freak out about this or think that I'm trying to take advantage of you or anything because I love you-I do but…"
He had gone silent and bitten his lip, looking at Blaine searchingly. Blaine had raised his eyebrows quickly, silently willing him to just spill it. He had felt afraid and a little lost and he had felt like crying because he felt like his body was betraying him. Kurt had exhaled sharply, and ignoring the voice at the back of his head, carried on,
"Okay, here's my logic: this thing happens whenever stuff gets intense. And we've already agreed that this isn't going to split us up. So my theory is that if you can keep yourself grounded while we do stuff –which is when you say you think it might take over, then you can control this."
Blaine's eyebrows had gone up toward his hairline and his mouth had opened and closed. Kurt had looked brash as he moved into Blaine's space. He had only hesitated a bit before moving closer still and gently pressing his lips to Blaine's. Blaine focused on the feel rather than the feeling. He had let Kurt pull him closer and deeper. Kurt broke the kiss first, pulling away to look into Blaine's eyes expectantly. Blaine rewarded him with a smile. He remembered every single second.
A tug at the passenger door's handle snapped him out of his reverie. He smiled at Kurt outside his window and leaned over to open the lock. Kurt slid into the seat with a sleepily murmured "good morning". He leaned in and pecked Blaine on the lips quickly before setting his bag down. Blaine instantly felt better. He would never admit this out loud but he loved Kurt's quick greeting kisses. Sometimes he thought he might love them even more than the heated, passionate ones—an idea that was quickly gotten rid of once those came around.
Blaine drove them to the Lima Bean as Kurt fiddled with the dials on his radio. Blaine began to relax once the coffee shop was in sight. He swung into the parking lot just as Kurt settled on an oldies station. He actually smiled a little as he hurried around to get Kurt's door before him. When Kurt got out and pecked him on the cheek in thanks, he began to believe things would be okay.
Inside the Lima Bean, they placed their orders with a comforting sort of normalness. They made their way over to their usual table, coffee in hand. With the first sip of it, Blaine took a deep breath and smiled to himself, taking in the sharp, warm aroma that he'd come to associate with happiness. Calmness washed over him. He looked over at Kurt, a smile playing on his lips.
"What? Is there something on my nose?", Kurt asked, wiping at his face. Blaine chuckled and looked at his hands bashfully.
"You're adorable as ever," Blaine responded with a smile, "I was just thinking… I feel great. I was really nervous earlier because of, well. You know. But right now I feel like I'm starting fresh, you know?" Blaine gestured wildly with his hands, Kurt bit back a giggle that threatened to explode at the sight of his boyfriend's happiness.
"I'm happy and I'm not scared and it just hit me, Kurt. We get to do this every morning. And I can say hi to you in the hallways and we can play footsie under the library tables during study hall and we get to have lunch together and after school study sessions and we get to duet again—all of it. We get all of it for a year. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm not scared when I'm with you. I'm just happy. Really really happy."
Kurt waited for Blaine to finish before taking Blaine's hand in his over the table. He smiled at Blaine, wishing with everything he had that the stretch of his smile and the caress of his thumb over Blaine's knuckles conveyed just how much the feeling was reciprocated.
"My limbs feel all tingly. Is that normal, Kurt? Is there something in the public school air that makes my limbs feel tingly? Because they're tingly. Also my tummy."
Kurt couldn't hold back the giggle that escaped him as he watched his boyfriend jump up and down in place, trying to shake his nerves off. Blaine was about to have his McKinley high debut in the courtyard and was apparently very nervous about it; This was both strange and amusing to Kurt because Blaine rarely got nervous. Kurt wished there was some way he could help Blaine relax. Just as soon as he'd had the thought a mischievous idea popped into his head. He decided to execute it before he chickened out.
Kurt grabbed one of Blaine's suspender straps and tugged him away from the courtyard entrance where they were waiting for the WMHS band to finish their lunch so they could begin Blaine's number.
"Where are you taking me, Kurt?"
"Shh. Just…. You need to relax," Kurt replied, resisting the urge to wink at Blaine. He felt giddy and brash so instead he shot Blaine a quick look that he hoped conveyed his less than innocent thoughts. Blaine swallowed and put his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out for Kurt's waist.
The more turns they took, the less people they saw. Finally, Kurt pushed open a classroom door. A thin layer of dust covered yellowed decade old periodic tables of elements and rusty Bunsen burner setups. Kurt pulled Blaine to the far corner, away from the door.
Kurt settled his hands on Blaine's chest as he gently put Blaine's suspender strap back in its place. Blaine waited with bated breath for Kurt to do something. Kurt smiled at him and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around Blaine's shoulders. Blaine quickly responded to the familiar embrace, putting his arms around Kurt's waist and pressing his face to Kurt's neck. Blaine felt some of his nervous tension leave his neck muscles.
After a while, Kurt pulled back just enough to look Blaine in the eyes and say,
"You're going to be amazing. Everybody is going to love you," Kurt paused, letting his words sink in, petting at Blaine's hair and neck, "You'll have the entirety of New Directions at your feet. I'm actually a little worried that I might have to fight them for you. So just be your absurdly charming, adorable, goofy self and relax, okay?"
Kurt pressed their foreheads together. Blaine chuckled and breathed out an, "Okay."
Blaine finished the distance between them with the press of his lips against Kurt's in a kiss that was meant to be short and sweet but as soon as he parted, Kurt pressed forward once more. He licked at Blaine's lip before sucking on it lightly. Blaine thought that it really was a shame that Kurt's tongue didn't spend all of its existence in or near him so he licked at Kurt's bottom lip. Kurt quickly responded with an open and eager mouth. The slick slide of tongue against tongue sent a hot thrill down Blaine's stomach, straight to his dick.
Blaine let his hands fall from Kurt's waist to his hips and with a final, 'Fuckit,' he took Kurt's ass in his hands and brought him closer, where he could feel the heat between Blaine's legs press against Kurt's own.
Kurt responded with a throaty, "Mmm". He arched back enough to bring his hand down between him and Blaine, alternately pressing and dragging his nails along Blaine's tense abdomen. Kurt stopped right above Blaine's belt and dragged his nails a little more forcefully, satisfied when Blaine's breath hitched and his stomach muscles twitched with anticipation. Kurt smiled to himself and palmed Blaine through his bright red pants, earning him a sharper intake of breath on Blaine's part.
Blaine dropped his head onto Kurt's shoulder as Kurt repeated the motion, "Fuck, Kurt… don't do that if you won't carry through."
"Who says I won't?"
Blaine lifted his head and looked pointedly at their surroundings. Kurt took that as a challenge, backing Blaine up against the low lab tables and reattaching himself to Blaine's mouth. He undid Blaine's belt slowly, making sure to jostle and rub as much as possible on the way. With shaking fingers, Blaine undid the bottom buttons of his shirt, if only to get it out of the way. He broke the kiss and leaned back on his hands, shrugging his suspenders off.
Kurt pulled Blaine's pants down just enough to pull Blaine's dick out. He slowly began a to tug at Blaine, spreading precum down his shaft and speeding up the pace until his arm muscles burned and then slowing it down.
Blaine was left breathing sharp, fast and uneven. He shuddered and threw his head back. Blaine focused on the feel of Kurt's soft, warm hand and the slight roughness in the lack of proper lubrication. He closed his eyes felt the pleasure course through his body in dizzying shocks and spurts.
Kurt repeated the pattern a few times, squeezing a little tighter here and there, twisting his wrist every few strokes until he felt Blaine begin to tense up. Blaine looked at Kurt as he worked at him with concentration and lust written on his features.
"Kurt," he half spoke, half breathed out, groaning when Kurt turned his lusty look on him.
Kurt did his best to ignore how Blaine's enthusiastic surrender made him feel hot and sensitive. Every time he loosened his grip just the slightest bit, the heft and heat of Blaine's cock on his hand sent a shock of delicious pleasure straight to his dick. He felt even more turned on by Blaine's tremulous breathing and hardly restrained moans. He reached down with his other hand to cradle Blaine's balls. Within a couple of strokes he pulled Blaine's orgasm from him as Blaine repeated Kurt's name like stopping would cost him his breath.
Blaine collapsed on the table, trying to get his lungs to catch up with his body. He heard Kurt turn on the faucet at the work station. Blaine lifted his head a bit in time to see Kurt approach him with a moist paper towel. He cleaned him up quickly and tucked Blaine back in his pants with a satisfied smile.
Blaine sat up and leaned into Kurt while doing his buttons. Blaine kissed Kurt languidly, feeling happy and relaxed. Blaine reached for Kurt's hips to pull him close. He wasted no time in slipping his hands under Kurt's smock and reached for his belt.
Kurt stilled his hand and broke the kiss, breathily saying, "Mmm. No. No time."
Blaine looked disappointed, like a kid who'd been given candy only to have it taken away a minute later. Kurt chuckled and patted him gently on the arm, "Fifteen minutes left of lunch. You can take care of me later."
Blaine sighed and complied. They rearranged themselves to look presentable and left the abandoned chemistry classroom in favor of the hallways.
Blaine texted Greg the trumpet player on their way to the courtyard, and after a quick minute, received a reply. He stepped outside. Kurt followed.
Kurt gave Blaine what he thought would be a reassuring smile. Blaine returned it playfully with crinkled eyes. He wiggled his eyebrows at Kurt and slid on his yellow wayfarers in time with the starting bars of "It's Not Unusual" by Tom Jones.
Kurt rolled his eyes, thinking "Yup,that'smymanandhe'sridiculous."
Blaine gave himself to the music. It was sunny and he felt blessed. The New Directions enthusiastically bopped along to the beat of Blaine's performance. He'd practiced so much that it just simply surged forward with such ease that he could let himself enjoy what he was doing. When the Cheerios joined him, he was mildly surprised but he just went with it. From his voice to his moves, it all flowed.
He shimmied his way over to Kurt. A little bubble of happiness swelled in his chest. He felt glee unlike he hadn't since Kurt had left Dalton. Santana swept him around the purple piano but he couldn't keep his eyes away from Kurt who seemed every bit as happy as he was himself. When Kurt shimmied right back at him, his voice took on an extra fierceness in the unapologetic way Kurt looked him in the eyes.
Just as Blaine ended the song with a triumphant grin, he felt the heat of an explosion behind him. The purple piano was on fire. An icy dread shot straight to his stomach. He looked at Kurt with a furrowed brow, how did this happen? Blaine felt like his chest was collapsing. He had let go of himself during the performance. The one thing he promised himself he couldn't do because then It could take over and who knew what the hell It could and couldn't do.
Blaine felt shame was over him as every eye in the place turned to him. Had he inadvertently done this? He breathed hard as he looked at Kurt. He felt the lump settle in his throat while he turned to run inside. He sensed Kurt hot on his heels. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Cheerios holding something yellow in their hands as they looked after him.
When he pushed the auditorium doors open, he didn't even see where he sat down. He just wanted to be out of sight. Away from everyone and everything and that just so happened to be McKinley High's auditorium floor.
Kurt sat next to him on the floor. Blaine pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. When he spoke, his voice came out gruff and scratchy,
"I'm scared, Kurt," he looked up from his hands with pleading eyes.
"It was the Cheerios, you know. I'm going to have to have a nice lady chat with Santana later," Kurt responded, his tone not at all indicative of friendly intentions.
"I know. I saw the lighter fluid…. It's just that I'm scared. For a second I felt like maybe I had blacked out without even knowing it."
Kurt swallowed hard. He felt like he needed to be brave for Blaine even though his heart hurt a little for Blaine. Blaine had been plenty brave for him before.
"Nothing happened, Blaine. I was there. I was looking you right in the eyes. They were normal Blaine eyes. You're fine."
Kurt stroked Blaine's arm reassuringly, hoping his features wouldn't betray the worry he felt inside. He began to think that maybe, in the happiness of their reunion the other day, he had glossed over things with Blaine that should have been taken more seriously.
Blaine's eyebrows dropped a fraction and his expression changed from worried to hopeful. Kurt pressed his hand to Blaine's cheek and leaned in to kiss the worried knot between Blaine's eyebrows.
The last traces of trepidation disappeared from his face and Blaine breathed a sigh of relief. He pressed his face into Kurt's chest and breathed him in, despite the awkward angle. Kurt cradled Blaine's head, caressing his ears and the back of his hair.
"I love you," Blaine said, his breath warm on Kurt's chest.
Kurt wondered if Blaine could actually hear the clashing of his feelings in his ribcage. He felt like he was holding a time bomb between his hands that had no countdown for him to tell when Blaine's dark passenger would reappear. But on the other side, he loved this boy so much; he'd walk through hell for him.
Oh hi. So, stuff happened and I struggled to get this out but here it is. I hope you liked it.
Over at Scarves & Coffee (which is a site dedicated entirely to Klaine fic, for those of you who didn't know) I wrote this entire soliloquy about how I fully intend on finishing this even if it takes me a decade because I'm a hot damn mess but you're all encouraged to go bother me on tumblr (BonnieLikesStuff) about updates.
I cherish every view, read and review even though this story is a baby. I get really happy about those, so thank you.
Last, if you're reading this and you haven't read anything by Courtney, aka BlowTheCandlesOut, go do it and don't ever look back, don't ever look back. Her stories are amazing (particularly, If I Die Young) and she's an excellent writer and she's actually good about updates okay? Okay.
Bises,
Bonnie.