Chapter two

Bonds

By the time I reached fourth grade I was walking to and home from school alone at 8 years of age, I entered the house and paused at the sight of my mom and dad having relations on the couch whilst Toby was bout to knock over a heavy speaker stand. "Toby, no!" I ran in and grabbed him quickly, watching as Frankie jumped off Jade and stalked off to get more beer. "Grace what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Sorry mom but Toby was-" She silenced me with a swift slap to the face. "Did I fucking ask you to talk back to me?!" I stayed silent and shook my head. She nodded and grabbed Frankie's crotch as she passed him, Toby's small cries alerted me to his hunger. "Toby needs feeding... I can go and do it...?" He growled in his gruff tone and nodded.

I rushed into the kitchen and found his bottle, sterilized it properly and made up some formula using the microwave to bring it up to temperature. I remember the day they bought him home, I was 7 at the time and I'd become more of a mother to my baby brother than the rest of my family. I looked after Toby until he was 2 and the 'accident happened. I was 9 at the time and Frankie's alcohol problem was at an all time low.

I'd finished his feeding without incident, smiling warmly down at him as he burped lightly, innocent teal eyes staring back at me. "Heh, right now do I let you wander in here for a few minutes or put you straight to bed?" He made grabby hands for the door and I sighed. "Okay then." I placed him on the floor and kept an eye on him. "GRACE GET IN THE FUCKING BATH!" I jumped at the boom of Frankie's loud voice below.

"Okay dad!" I called back and looked to Toby. "Toby's crawling though!" A short growl and the loud sound of footsteps following put me on edge, the matted mop of hair appeared around the corner and he huffed. "Get in the bath. NOW." I nodded quickly and spared a glance at Toby as I rushed into the bathroom, my PJ's strewn over the rail as I ran the bath, soaking for a moment and scrubbing every inch, and washing my oddly coloured chestnut hair.

I dressed quickly and drained the bath going to check on Toby as an ominous silence that surrounded the upper floor became almost worrying. I found Frankie fast asleep in the chair in Toby's room and Toby nowhere to be found, I shook his arm gently. "Dad...where's Toby?" He sat up immediately and pushed me away harshly, stumbling to the stairs and huffing as he looked down them. "Fucking brat."

My heart was in my throat and everything crashed around me, the tears hadn't stopped since they started, the moment I spotted his mangled little body laying at the bottom of the stairs, bones bent at unnatural angles and innocent eyes open wide and glossy. I swear, nothing had hurt more than this, no broken bone, no bruise could ever compare to this. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..."

It was a small funeral; they hadn't paid out much for it. The church had offered mostly to pay and they jumped at the offer. I sat beside the stone cross long after they'd gone, looking down at the pale blue flowers on the tiny grave. The transition to High school was hard since I'd only just turned 10, I got a book from Julia for my birthday which my mom sold for dad's alcohol, and I was really starting to hate everything around me.

My first day the girls decided it would be funny to put chewing gum in my hair and hold my head in the sink as they clogged it and it over flowed, going over my school clothes and making my shirt see-through and my skirt wet. "Awww...lil freshman's wet herself!" The cackles bothered me more than the actions but I just wanted to leave. I spent the whole of lunch carefully cutting the gum out of my hair and wanted to cry at the mess left behind.

My bruises were more evident than ever so Jade and Frankie forbade me from playing sports saying I either didn't take part or I had to wear winter gym clothes. Needless to say it didn't put me in favour with any of the girls or teachers. One girl took my uniform and bag, and put them in the toilet, flushed and flooded the toilets with them, I had to spend the whole day in my kit and serve detention. It was humiliating.

I won't lie; I considered walking right up to that stuck up bitch Sarah and punching her in the face like my mom had done to me so many times. "Fucking slutty bitches, ruining my stuff." I growled to myself as I tried to retrieve my clothes from the not over flown toilets. "Fucking hell!" One of the teachers skidded as she came in, reprimanded me for flooding the toilet then realised that since it was my clothes it was less likely for me to have actually flooded the toilets. "One week of detention..." I sighed to myself.

Julia was picking me up from school regularly now, child services had recommended that I stay with Mark and Julia, sharing a bedroom with Amanda and occasionally meeting her boyfriend Michael, it wasn't a secret how Amanda was earning money on the side for her expensive clothes and flash items. I kept my mouth shut, even when my mom staggered onto school grounds in a haze between lessons harassing me for money.

Julia threw me a little party for my 11th birthday since she could tell I was miserable being at home again, I enjoyed Julia's hospitality, she was loving, kind, she cooked, she tucked me in at night, she was like a proper mother, not like my mom. I sat at the table, watched my dad guzzle all the alcohol and my mom casually slipping jewellery into her bag like it wasn't obvious.

School passed by quicker when I kept to myself, hidden away in the back of the library, always reading, always learning, it was own magical little getaway from the world, a place I could go ignored by everyone. The librarian Mrs. Keal spotted my bruises one day and tried to convince me to speak out against my parents after I told her what happened, I tried to but my mom was fucking the principal so he didn't really care.

That week was worst for me, getting beat at home, and picking chewing gum off of tables in my lunch, the bullies taking my lunch money and having no one to turn to. I was walking home from school in the pouring rain and jumped as a blue Futo pulled up beside me. "Hey Grace! What are you doing walking home in the rain?!" I jumped and peered in the window noticing Michael's familiar face looking back at me.

"O-oh... I was just going home... I had detention..." He rolled his eyes and gestured with his head. "Come on get in, I'll give you a ride home on my way to Mand's." I hesitated a moment. "Are you sure...?" He laughed lightly and leant across opening the door. "Hurry up or you'll catch a cold." I nodded and took off my bag, scooting in and closing the door, securing my seatbelt as we took off down the road.

"Who the fuck was that huh? You already spreading your legs like your mother huh?!" I jumped as a pisswasser bottle flew my way shattering against the wall beside me. "Michael! That's Amanda's boyfriend, he saw me walking home on the way to her place!" Frankie growled and turned away. "Get the fuck inside and get me a beer." I nodded and rushed past him to the kitchen retrieving a beer and quickly handing it over as he plonked down in his chair. "Go do your homework."

The end of the year came round fast and I spent a good portion of my 12th birthday alone, sitting on the tire swing in the front yard that Mark had made for me when he and Julia were visiting. "I wish I could get out of here... just run away and never come back." I sighed and went into the house a sharp needle entering my arm as Jade stumbled towards me, collapsing over my body. "DON'T STEAL MY DRUGS!" She shrieked and backhanded me across the face sending me sprawling at the foot of the stairs.

"GO TO BED!" I nodded and held my bleeding arm, wincing in pain at the sting, this was hell. Hell on earth. Maybe it was time for me to leave this world for good and join my precious Toby. I sat and poked at the wound feeling a lil light headed, pulling one of the springs out of my mattress I drug the sharp end through the bruised skin of my wrist up my arm and watching, fascinated by the amount of blood that bubbled to the surface.

I choked back a cry and allow the pain to overcome me, no need for emotions or movement, just the pain. A loud knock from downstairs woke me from my dazed state. "Grace?" it was deep but it wasn't Mark and wasn't my dad so who was it? "Grace, we got you a present!" My eyes widened. Michael and Amanda. "Shit." I wrapped my wrist quickly and pulled on a jumper taking two stairs at a time as I answered the door.

"Hi!" I smiled despite the pain and laughed at the ridiculously overwrapped pink thing in Michael's hands. "Uh this is for you." He held it out for me and I looked to Amanda who nodded excitedly. "Go ahead!" I slowly tore the wrapping open and looked at the box inside. "It's- it's a phone... a cell phone... Amanda... this must've cost you loads..." she waved me off and hugged me lightly. "I know those bullies at school give you crap but now you'll be the coolest girl in school!" I nodded, smiling lightly. "Thank you."

I kept the phone on me in case I got in trouble with Frankie and Jade or I ever needed to contact Julia, Michael or Amanda, school didn't help, the girls were bitches and the guys were even worse, finding ways to trip me up in the hall or look under my skirt, eventually I just stopped caring. "Hey Gracie, you know your moms a hooker right?!" I brushed off the calls hoping they'd just shut the fuck up but actuality of it was that I did know she was a hooker, and a druggie but I'm sure they didn't need anymore fire to add to their hateful words.

"OI COLINS, I'M TALKING TO YOU!" I froze and just looked back at them, flipping them off and carrying on my journey to the gym. Changing into my gym kit was an embarrassing experience with the other girls pointing and laughing at my scars and bruises, the burden I would forever carry. "Oi twats stop staring at me." I spat and stormed out to the gym, the loud footfalls echoing off the walls.

"Miss Colins, you're mother made a call, there's a family emergency; your father's coming to pick you up. Go get changed." I hugged and spun on my heel not failing to notice the very pleased looks on the girl's faces. As I pushed the wasted lump of a door open my jaw dropped somewhat, my clothes were in tatters on the floor and my books were torn to shreds and used to plug the sink and toilet. "You spiteful bitches..." I couldn't help but mumble under my breath, balling my fists.

I stalked out in my kit, carrying with me what I could and waited outside the school by the road watching a shit heap smog out the street as it approached, my father behind the wheel. "Get the fuck in!" The slight slur in his voice was proof enough he'd been drinking; the strong smell of alcohol was enough to confirm. "Jade's working. I'm taking you with me to-" He swerved across the road and almost into a tree.

"Dad watch it!" he growled stopped hard, the seatbelt cutting into my neck and briefly cutting off my air supply. "Watch your fucking mouth." He sped off down the road and pulled up at the house. "Get out. Now." I frowned and watched him. "What are you doing?" He glared, "Going to get a woman to fuck. Or do you wanna be on the receiving end of it this time huh? Keep your fucking nose out girl." Threats like that were why Amanda's gift meant the world to me.

The rosy pink mittens adorned upon my hands were wet with snow, the small holes allowing some chill to brush my fingers as well as pinching my cheeks poking out from my ebony furred hood of a light grey parka jacket. Ice groaned beneath my feet, its chorus carried out down the roads as cars skidded and slid across its surface, the snow glissading unmercifully as Ludendorff's inhabitants hurried to and fro, busy with their daily lives.

I nodded to cashier as I entered the store handing over a 20 as he handed me a crate of beer he knew to be for my father. "Thanks Arnie." I sighed as I started the trek home occasionally slipping on the ice from the increase in weight from the beer. "Lazy fucking slob should do his own heavy lifting." I grumbled to myself a last slip on the ice sending me flying, a few beer bottles cracked and fizzed up, spraying everywhere.

As I returned home, I shrugged off my parka and slipped off my shoes, careful to avoid the used needles and broken glass littering the floor; thank god for that tetanus shot when I was 8... I laid the casing on the table and watched as Frankie narrowed his eyes, "There's 3 gone. Where the fuck are they grace?! I gave you a twenty you fucking ungrateful brat!"

I flinched away from him and took myself off to my room, playing a little pixel game on my phone as the TV blared from downstairs. Mom was gone the whole day and the sound of smashing glass was grating on my nerves, I turned the lights out and switched my small TV on smiling as a crappy cartoon played out. The door swung open and the stench of booze rolled in, the sound of breaking glass made me spring to my feet and stare at the figure in my doorway.

"F-Frankie-?" He tightly wrapped his hand around my mouth as his breath assaulted my senses and his other hand wandered lower against me. My body was frozen stiff, the darkness of the room hiding his actions like a dirty secret. The sausage-like fingers that traced the elastic of my pj bottoms seemed to shake as they delved under the fabric and his breath became laboured as he shunted me forward towards my bed.

The shame was worse than the pain, well it wasn't. His giant paws groping at the flesh beneath my clothing, leaving bruising fingerprints in their wake as he stole something precious from me was devastating, Toby was better off out of this hell, that's what this place was. Hell. When he was done he shoved my face into the mattress practically smothering me. "You tell anyone about this and I'll kill you. Understand Gracie?" I slowly nodded and he pulled away chucking the blanket over me and leaving the room.