Points of Familiarity
chapter two
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It was the daily routine of an Eldritch Horror from Beyond the Reaches of Space and Time. He woke just before sunrise, and along with other servants would prepare for the day. A hard bun and a cup of hot ginger brew allowed him to chase away the lingering sluggishness of sleep, and then he would make his way up the tower with a basin of warm water.
After waking up Louise, he would then help her wash up. Most people in Halgekinia took a full bath only once a week, on other days they made do with a morning and evening damp towel rubdown. After scrubbing Louise's face, arms, and other less... sensitive... areas, it was time for breakfast.
At first, Louise insisted that her familiar stick by her side even through the meals. No longer did Shinji have to sit on the floor, but could sit near Louise. His meals remained the same bland fare, though. The first day of the arrangement, it looked like there were a few nobles who wanted to object. They quietly turned back to their meals as soon as the familiar picked up one of the table knives and seemed to ponder the... possibilities. Both Shinji and Louise sighed, disappointed. Had the nobles really been that easy to cow all this time? They'd never let up on Louise back when she seemed unable to successfully deny their taunts. The girl thought back to her family, and strangely enough her own stubborn, often stupidly-persistent pride was the answer. Her escalations worked, because inevitably the bullies would either back down or a teacher would get involved.
Eventually however, Shinji had to beg away from the honor. He could feel the stares. It was tremendously uncomfortable to be the center of attention again. "After all, no other familiars are eating with their masters, Louise-sama. If you're going to flaunt the loophole like this, then so can others. And that will lead to many different -animals- eating with nobles here in the Alvii Hall." How unhygenic. It was setting a bad precedent.
Louise looked sour. It sounded as if he preferred to eat with -that maid- rather than his master. A compromise was eventually reached. He would have most of the mornings to himself, as that was the best time to do chores. He needed to return quickly enough to Louise's last class before lunch so he could pull out the chair in the hall for her to sit. Only then would he be allowed to go off for his own lunch. He had to sit with her for dinner, there was no getting out of that.
It was actually surprisingly generous. Shinji Ikari was prepared to accept any rebuke for his impudence. For some reason, Louise was in an extended good mood.
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One day, as they walked towards her classes, Shinji asked "So you're not getting any trouble from your classmates, anymore?"
Louise shrugged. "It's been a while. They're getting brave enough to get back to their old habits." Her failures in class had her being called Louise the Zero again. "Now I feel like just laughing in their faces."
"That's good. I was afraid Guiche or his friends may be giving you a hard time when I'm not around." Shinji dimly remembered bigger kids in his elementary school trying to play protector, but he had been much happier just being ignored. Or as happy as his personal code of apathy could allow.
"You already beat him in a duel. You can't challenge him and he won't challenge you again." Louise smirked. "You can't just beat up people whenever you feel like it, you know."
Shinji licked his lips. There was a distinctly ferrous taste. "Well, there are other ways."
'For every slave, a slaver. For every martyr, a murderer.' was the whisper.
'I'd like to solve this in a peaceful, non-violent manner, thank you.' "Guiche seems like the sort to value his reputation as a playboy. I could threaten to spread a rumor about his being gay."
"But... he's already gay. What would spreading a rumor about him being -happy- change anything?"
Shinji paused and sighed. "There's that translation thing again. I meant to say, that he won't like being accused of being a homosexual."
Luise blushed. "But... I think he wants to be known as a man who likes se-... se... you know!"
Her familiar groaned. "I mean that he's a fruit. A poofter. He goes yo-ho-ho on the deep blue sea, going under and over the plank. A... none of these are getting through to you, aren't they? What, I need to get even more explicit?" Shinji sighed and glanced aside to a red-haired girl who was grinning viciously. "That he likes to take it from behind! That he prefers sucking on bananas to licking clams! That... "
Louise put her hands on her ears. "Ew! Eew! What are you saying, perverted servant?"
"I'm sorry, but... oh. Um. Now that I think about it, this depends on how acceptable this is in your society. I know certain societies that actually -encouraged- this sort of thing." Classical Greece, for example. It was also not unusual during certain periods in Japanese feudal history.
Louise felt her lunch rising at the back of her throat. "You... you're not like that, are you?" She blushed at the mental images. No way, that's not... possible. How does that even work?
"N-no! Of course not!"
Louise gave out a 'bleeaargh' and then took out her wand. She blasted him right in the face with a cleaning charm. There was a sizable explosion.
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That night, Louise's familiar sported a black eye and had to sit and eat on the floor. With a long-suffering sigh, he ate his hard bread and thin soup.
"What happened?" Siesta asked later. "I thought you and Miss Vallière were getting along just fine?"
"It seems I've offended my master's pure and virginal ears." Shinji shrugged.
Siesta giggled. "Why don't you tell me about it? Trust me, my ears aren't as virginal as the rest of me."
Shinji blushed and looked away. Siesta giggled some more.
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The boy did not dream. Dreams were a function of the subconscious mind, but what lay at the back of his skull were countless other minds that could make conscious, self-aware decisions of their own, all screaming to be heard. He could take no comfort in memory, for it the barest touch of those memories that redicovered horror in his heart. He had no hopes for the future. Whatever his subconscious wanted him to know, it relayed the information or condemnation directly, without the distorting lens of dreaming. There was no freedom even in there. Thus, there was only the dead of night.
A glinting pair of eyeglasses caught his attention. For a moment, Shinji thought it was Gendo Ikari again, but it was it was Ritsuko Akagi, and yet something more. The woman's face was shrouded in shadow, showing only the mirror-like reflections off her eyeglasses and the red of her lips. The bright glare of her white lab coat obscured all other features. "Follow me, Third Child." said the scientist, her voice the same at least.
There was no time, no distance, in the emptiness of the boy's mind, but eventually they reached a round table with three red spheres on it. About the size of a fist, each glowed with internal light. One was red, the other green, and the last pale white. "It's puzzling to us just how you were summoned, but even you don't question -why- you are a valid target for the Familiar Summoning."
Shinji nodded. "I'm not really -human- anymore."
"And there you would be wrong. Your soul is not a human soul, not anymore, but your physical body is nothing short of distressingly normal. Therein lies our problem." Ritsuko picked up the red sphere and the green sphere. "This is your life energy, the force of your soul, if you will. This is the magical energy stored inside the familiar runes etched into your being." She began to push the two spheres together, only for the two globes to repel each other. "Why do you think this happens?"
"They're mutually incompatible forms of energy."
"And there you would be wrong again. Just because you cannot use magic, does not mean everyone else on this world fails the test of being a human being. The nobles -can-. It is not inherently incompatible with the light of the soul."
Shinji blinked. "Then why can't I use magic? What's the difference between a noble and a commoner?"
"We still don't know what enables certain people to perform magical feats, but we have reasons behind this conclusion. Your own metaphysical abilities and the ambient energy pattern that is focused into 'magic' are like oil in water. Understand?" She then set down the green sphere to pick up the white sphere. "This is your master's magical power. Observe."
Ritsuko pushed the two spheres together, and they combined into a larger, still bright red ball of energy.
"Wait... so that's why I've been feeling edgy lately. I still have some of Luise-sama's magic stored in my body?" Then that meant, while the runes were at odds with his own abilities, magic in itself was not a poison. "What can this do?"
"We don't know." Ritsuko replied. "There is no immediate benefit to collecting residual energy from your master. However, there is one additional effect." She picked up the green globe. "And thus-"
The smaller sphere was easily absorbed by the larger one. The new globe of energy turned an even deeper shade of red.
"Huh. So somehow her specific type of magic combines with the familiar runes. Does this mean I can use the AT-field AND its set of instincts and magical boosts at the same time?"
"No. Remember what I said about the two types of energy being like oil and water? Why do you think trying to use both just ends up paralyzing you?" Shinji just shrugged. The scientist just scoffed, her red lips twitching into an amused smirk. "This is because we're dealing here with two different types of Reinforcement. They both attempt to make your frail human body perform beyond its limits. However, when one is already present, then the other must try to force it out. Thus, blockage. However, your master's magic acts as a surfactant of some sort, meaning one type of energy may instead be used to amplify the other, lowering the delay between switch-overs."
"A what?"
Ritsuko Akagi reached into the glowing red ball and pulled out a much smaller white sphere. "Oil and water. Soap."
"Ooh. That's interesting." 'Shouldn't she have said instead it's a lubricant to make switching roles easier?' He had a feeling a lot of things were once again being hidden from him, though he realized that even his locked-off barely-sane state was better than the alternative. His brain and comprehension, given his level of education, was also distressingly normal. "What else can it do, Akagi-sensei?"
"There are several other potential applications, but we need more experimental data. Could you pull off being rude and insensitive enough so she would blast you again?"
"Um.. probably." The boy thought back to Louise's crying face. She was extremely cute when she was so vulnerable, and it was disturbing to him how much he liked that. "I... don't want to, though. It's not like we really need to rush this, right? We shouldn't have to go all-out in this school." Though he was the one summoned, the ritual was quite a harmless routine. There was no need to open up the Well of Souls again; they just had to do it to save him from his own stupidity.
Ritsuko nodded. "Acceptable. We will inform you when the situation changes."
Maya Ibuki appeared from behind Ritsuko Akagi and, grinning, gave him a thumbs-up. "Fight-o, Shinji-kun!"
He blinked, and they were gone. He yawned. It was an interesting non-dream, but it was almost morning again.
Louise had interesting dreams of a different sort through the night, and pointedly avoided looking at her familiar directly in the eyes through most of the next day.
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Classes were boring. This seemed to be a universal torture. At first, the lessons had been fascinating. Marvels and miracles such as turning water into wine, combining various reagents into useful potions, creating fireballs or blocks of ice out of thin air, levitating boxes and sticks for familiars to fetch, and so on- but eventually novelty of the experience dimmed. He remained unable to use magic. At least getting stabbed was -interesting-.
Shinji yawned. Waking up early, fixing the bed, then doing laundry- his poor diet and uncomfortable sleeping arrangements left him easily exhausted. Morning was the best time to wash though, for that was when the fountain's water flow was the strongest. Tristain Academy did not have faucets, but many communal fountains, large and small, up and down the castle. The largest was outside. The largest was out in the souther courtyard, otherwise known as the Servant's Quarter, and there maids tended to do their washing after lunch, in the sleepy afternoon. In the morning, while they were rushing to prepare for lunch, it was not quite so crowded.
'I'm so weak...' thought the boy. He could not even keep his eyelids open. He put his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together. Supporting his chin with the arch, his breathing slowed down and he seemed to fall asleep.
Louise and the teacher looked disapproving. He looked so relaxed it was nearly sinful. Most of the other familiars were also asleep in the lazy afternoon. Louise grit her teeth to suppress a yawn.
Holding her quill, she tried to take note of everything the teacher was saying. Every spell she tried always ended in an explosion, but as the familiar ceremony showed, she was not incapable of doing effective magic. Maybe if she was scrupulous about the words and the gestures, she would have the desired effect AFTER the explosion. Louise pouted. This meant the whole repertoire of cleaning and levitation charms were right out, not if she wanted to keep the things she wanted cleaned or moved. She glanced aside again. That was what servants and familiars were for, luckily.
Shinji Ikari was now starting to snore faintly. She wondered how it would be like to be so free, uncaring of what others may think, and absolutely confident in one's own power.
At the edge of her hearing, she heard again, that strange mocking feminine cackle. Louise turned around, and saw nothing out of the ordinary.
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'Bored! Boredboredboredbored! You fucking boring little boy!' Asuka was jumping up and down the table. 'Raaargh! Why couldn't you have just -killed- that gnat of a noble. Even a manhunt through the woods, being forced to sleep in cold caves and survive off fish and berries, is better than this!'
Shinji opened his eyes slightly. 'You mean, give me a perfectly valid reason to avoid all other human beings?'
Asuka paused. 'Hmf. I guess you're right. That would be just a minor inconvenience.'
Pain was nothing. Being hated was a familiar feeling. It held no more terrors for him. 'Asuka, I thought the whole point of this was to drive -me- into despair. You're not supposed to break that much faster.'
The girl pilot pulled at her hair and screamed out in frustration. 'Watching you suffer is supposed to be fun. This isn't fun! Take me back to Disneylaand!'
'Excuse me?'
'Oh, look at me! My pain, it makes me so special! Get over yourself. You're not the only one that has to make sacrifices, idiot Shinji. You're not the only one who wants to earn the touch of purgatory. Understand?'
'Um. Sort of?' So, did that mean that while he had the shelter of sleep, she had no choice but to just sit and watch? Or as a mind formed out of his own transcendal oversoul, did she too return to the silence when he closed his consciousness? Either way, it should be maddening. Could a mind not bound to grey matter even go mad? 'I'm sorr-'
'Shut up! Shut up! We won't let you cheapen this sacrifice!'
'Ow! Ouch!' To the outside world, Shinji Ikari looked peaceful and unmoved. In more subjective reality, it stung, leaving him to ask just -when- the plugsuit got high heels. As if it wasn't such fetish gear already.
Her kicking halted suddenly. 'Wait a second, there's been progress on the nature of your magical parasite.' Asuka crouched on the desk so she could poke at his forehead. 'Behave, puppy.'
Shinji blinked, and she was gone. He groaned. There was nothing now to save him from the pain of boredom. 'Don't leave... Asuka, you're channeling an entirely different timeline.' he sighed.
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"Mou! You embarrassed me in there. You're worse than a dog, what kind of familiar has to get its master to wake him up?" Luise looked back to her servant, walking half a step behind her. "Are you listening to me? Hey! Pay attention when I'm talking to you!"
Shinji nodded, his gaze still distant.
"Hey! Are you ignoring me?"
Shinji just shrugged, his mind still elsewhere. Which was the the master and which was the pet? "As you say, master." said the boy.
Louise let out a slow growl. However, taking the time to properly chastise her familiar would make her late for the next class. "Didn't you get enough sleep? What's wrong with you now?"
'So, the thing is a set of instincts. Damn. It's impressive in its own way. It actually bypasses your spine and activates all the nerve endings directly. That's why you don't have to feel pain or exertion.'
"It's magic. I'm trying not to worry too much about how it works."
"Then don't worry about it! It's just magic." Or was this a dig at her lack of magical ability?
'But what IS magic? Is it the energy pattern? Is it the relationship -between- incantations and the expected effects? Seriously, where is this crazy tattoo getting the magic to pump up your system in a hurry?'
'From Louise, maybe?'
'I'd say the energy requirements for that is insane, but I've seen some kids turn igneous rocks into pure metallic ore with nothing more than some chanting and flick of a wand.' Asuka was walking perpendicular to the wall, her head in the air just above Louise's pouting face. 'Anyway, while we don't know how or why it works, we've figured out what we can actually do with it.'
"So what do you want me to do?"
Louise bit her lip. 'Look only at me. Pay more attention to me.' was what she wanted to say, but that sounded too needy. "Stop slacking off!" she ended up saying, far too hostile to her liking but that was already the habit. She then just bulled through any shame or self-doubt. It had to be his fault, rather than admit a noble like her had to say sorry. "If.. if you're not properly attentive, then I'll have to punish you. I won't have a lazy, careless familiar. You've got to be alert at all times to serve your master!"
'If she said that to me, I'd punch her head clean off.' Asuka commented lightly.
"It's no problem, really." 'Let's just get on with solving this issue.'
'We can make some sort of permanent blockage to make either type of power more responsive. The familiar magic is a lot easier to pull out, it's kinda -eager- even, but you know its downsides.'
'It's mind control, right?'
'That's a side-effect. While its magic is in your body, we can't make any of our own adjustments to this shell. But the alternative is trying to force your own soul into evoking an AT-field and because you're -not- an Angel, you're trying to pull out that power from the Well of Souls. Y'know, there might be times when we just don't feel like obliging your whining. The only reason you haven't exploded into a shower of LCL is because there's nowhere else your soul can go.'
"So I have to make a choice?"
'I just finished the exposition for that, baka.'
"A choice? Do you -want- to piss me off? I'm telling you, it's not hard! A-and I won't hold back, either! I won't tolerate disrespect, you ungrateful commoner!" She had spent most of her money for the reagents to bring him back from near death, and this was her thanks? She had thought he'd be more aware and more intelligent than that. This listless, shambling servant was not what she expected. What happened to all that terrible rage? He now acted like... a jobless vagrant, really. His eyes were dull with disinterest, even to his own existence.
"Settle down, master." Shinji said while looking at a point just above her head. 'Uh, I'd rather not deny y-... the souls. When can you do this?'
Asuka closed her eyes. 'It's done.'
Luise took a deep breath and rallied her courage. "A familiar must be strong and determined! Whatever you were before you were summoned, that's changed. As -my- familiar, what you do reflects on me!" She wanted to see that hellish shine again. "Get your act together! You're better than this!"
Shinji looked down. His self-image was still that of a thin young teen in the same clothes that he wore coming to Tokyo-3. "I don't feel any different."
'Of course not. Your natural state is one without magic, remember?' Asuka hopped off the wall and began walk backwards, facing him and keeping pace with Louise. 'Oh, that's weird. We couldn't suppress it completely. While there's still a small connection leaving off somewhere, it left the hole where it forced its way into your soul.'
'Ow.' "Louise-sama, stop poking me." 'Is that bad?'
"Hey, at least look at me, damn it! Why won't you listen to what I say?"
'We... I... don't know. It goes straight into the Well of Souls, and that's not supposed to be possible.'
"Well, it's better to leave that hole unexplored, I think." Shinji said with another shrug. 'There's no hurry, it's not like there's a war around..'
"What? What hole? What are you talking about?"'
'What?' Shinji looked down to meet Louse's eyes. His expression was distinctly frazzled.
"And why are you looking at me as if I'M the one that's crazy?" she asked hotly.
'Are you that confident of being able to protect this girl with your -own- power?'
'Uh. Not really, no. If it's a set of instincts, can you fix it so I won't go berserker from it again?"
'Hah! All this thing does is make it easier to defend your master, maybe influencing your enthusiasm a little. The rest of it? That's all you, you murderous freak.'
"I'm trying to control myself, you know. " he sighed. 'Just leave me alone for now, please. It's not a problem.'
Louise narrowed her gaze. He was getting far too uppity. This she could not let stand, for the time when she might need him most he'd just laugh in her face. So he did not fear her, eh? Just because he fought in a war, he thinks she's a joke? "Control yourself? From doing what? It's not like you can really do anything to me."
'Control yourself? From doing what? It's not like you can really do anything to me.'
'Please, Louise-sama. I'm just feeling a bit under the weather.' Shinji thought soothingly. "Lead me not into temptation, Second Children. Just because you're like that doesn't mean I can't push you down and make you cry. I did it before, I can do it again."
"WhaaaaaAAAA-?" Louise screeched. "You.. you.. dare speak to me that way? Like I'd ever let a thing like you touch me! The thought alone-...!"
'You're just too easy, Third Child.'
"I'm easy? Remember that time you kept shoving your ass into my fa...oh no. Oh hell no. Ohhoho-ho crap." It took great effort to tilt his head down a little bit, to look upon Louise's face. Her cute face was deceptively placid, her shoulders shook with fury beyond all reasoning. "Woops? I'm saying the loud parts sofly and soft parts out loud." the boy mumbled, his eyes wide in shocked realization. Of course Sohryu would not warn him about that. She deliberately delivered him into confusion. He might have countless souls and a fractured mind but none of those things inherently helped towards multi-tasking. His brain was still made of the same gray matter as anyone. "Fine. I deserve this. Give it your best shot, Louise-sama." He grit his teeth, stuck his chin out and waited for the pain. He was not disappointed.
"S-stay away from me! You perverted servant!" Louise screeched while, completely contrary to her words, she lunged. She kicked at his groin, but Shinji's hands moved on their own to block it. Groin-kicks were actually rather difficult to pull off against a mostly aware and prepared target. Louise snarled slightly and head-butted him in the chin. While he staggered back, surprised, only then did she pull out her wand.
The wall exploded. Shinji Ikari feel two stories out the side of the castle and into the Amblin courtyard. Fortunately he fell into a fountain. It was a glorious belly-flop. It hurt. A lot. 'Wow.' Asuka peered out the hole. 'That was refreshingly direct. I'm really beginning to like this girl.'
His reply was bubbles.
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Louise de la Vallière very conspicuously dined alone that night. Inside the kitchen, Shinji Ikari was being spoonfed by Siesta, much to his discomfiture. The cooks were hardly hiding their amusement at the sight. He'd been a part of a strange new world for less than a week, and already people were pairing him up with Siesta. He was forcing himself not to flinch each time she drew close.
"There's no need to be embarrassed." the maid crooned. "It would take you too long to eat with your left hand." Shinji's right hand was still in plaster cast. He was surprised by how many mundane parrallels there were in the new world, though applied with magical methods. "You just need to rest up and heal. Honestly... doing this after just being so wounded a few days ago. That girl...!" That noble! was implied in her grumble. "Does she have no self-control?"
"It's that part why I'm not angry about this." replied Shinji. 'And you shouldn't waste your time being angry for me' was clear in his tone.
"Why not? She could have killed you." All the bandages contrasted grimly against the velvet black of his suit.
"That's... unlikely." For a variety of reasons. He chose the completely untrue but most believable one. "Magic protects its users a little, right? Nobles are slightly tougher, healthier, and heals faster without having do anything special. It's their magic that does that."
"Tougher? Hah! They should try working in the fields sometime!" The one who called out was Marteau, the head chef, a well-rounded man well into his forties. Naturally, he was also a commoner himself, but with his position of head chef at the Academy, he earned as much as a lower class noble, a fact he could be proud of. The cooks made 'hear-hear' noises of agreement.
Shinji nodded. "I'm not going to dispute their physical weaknesses. I sure didn't have magic, but I -felt- it kicking in to reduce the damage."
"That doesn't excuse anything!" said Siesta.
"Well, maybe not. She should eventually learn to control her temper better. It's still difficult to get mad at her though."
"Why not?" Siesta asked, pulling away and looking suspicious. Unlike Louise she saw someone that was just so -beautifully- broken. Her heart ached every time their eyes met. "Is there some... special reason... you're so willing to forgive Miss Vallière?" 'Are you being forced to be so relaxed about this?' A human summoned to be perfectly obedient to his or her master... it was for a good reason that most mind magics were outlawed, the potential for abuse was just incredible. Or, there were certain other tendencies to consider.
'It's not just because she thought I was a pervert. It was that I'd been led into making her think I might be a rapist as well.' Fortunately he was now attentive enough not to say that out loud. "Well... she's loud, impatient, opinionated, insistent and she want to monopolize all my free time." Shinji looked distant, remembering. "From what I've been told, that's what having a little sister is like. I've... never had a sister."
'What about Ayanami?'
'What about Hēra?'
'Point taken.'
Seista let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "That's all? Someone old as Miss Vallière should really stop acting like such a little kid about everything."
Shinji nodded. "That's true. But it's better if she learns the consequences of her actions from me, instead of someone who would suffer permanent damage. I saw that she was that genuinely scared that I'd died." It was just too bad she could not afford any more reagants. He kept his face carefully bland. "Isn't more dangerous if she decides she actually likes seeing the look of fear and pain she may inspire in others? "
"You're too kind, our wolf." Marteau laughed. "Here, why don't you let me give you a kiss on your forehead to show my appreciation. I insist!"
"Hey!" Siesta glared at the cook. The man giggled and tugged at his pencil moustache.
"Why am I a wolf?" the boy asked. They did not see it happen, and maybe the tale grew taller in the telling, but it was still surprising why they were being so friendly. Was it pity? Then what was up with that respect in their eyes? It would be more sensible to find fear in there. Change was something terrifying. He could destroy their easy, comfortable lives just by association! 'Don't look at me like that!' he wanted to shout.
"Didn't you fight a noble to protect the honor of lovely maidens? You didn't hesitate, showing no mercy until you knew your opponent was truly defeated." Marteau's eyes glittered wickedly. "You're a wild one, our wolf. Even now you pretend only to be tamed."
"Um... I think it's quite heroic, what you're doing." Siesta whispered, while looking away.
Shinji wanted to laugh, quite unkindly, at her face. "I tried to be a hero before... it didn't really work out. This, it's... the path of least resistance?" He shrugged. "This way only one person needs to get hurt."
A flash of anger passed across her face. She assumed he was referring to his duel, not whatever had passed in his homeland. "That's not true! It's not your responsibility at all. Why should you have to suffer for something that's not your fault?"
"I'm not here to fix anything, Siesta-san." the boy said gently. "I have no answers for you."
"It's still not fair, though."
'Someone like me shouldn't even exist. There is no fairness anywhere in the universe.' Shinji was finding it extremely difficult to give a damn about something as paltry as physical pain or social injustice. So many eyes watching. He fidgeted in place. Trying to divert attention to safer topics, he said "This is quite good." He smacked his lips noisily.
"It- it's only leftover stew. I'm sorry we don't have anything much better left."
"Oh, no, it's fine. It's made by Marteau-san, so of course it's special." Shinji tilted his head to the side. "This taste... behind the beef, that's ginger, isn't it?"
"An excellent tongue, our wolf!" the head cook crowed. Siesta was still glaring at him. He could approach, but it was more amusing to see her acting like some mother hen. Or a wolf herself. "Someday you really should show us your talents in the kitchen. Show us some recipes from your homeland... haha, we won't let the nobles even know of them, of course we won't!"
Siesta felt something on the hand holding the empty spoon. Shinji had his head bowed, and two little droplets slid down the back of her palm. The boy sniffed, and two more droplets fell. 'Tears? Is he crying? Oh, why?' What did she do wrong?
"I'm sorry..." Shinji said in a squelched voice. "Don't mind me. I'm just... give me a minute." 'Dammit, now don't I have any self-control? I've managed to forget for so long, is it really this easy to bring it all back?'
Everyone else in the kitchen paused, but Marteau bid them go back to their duties. They turned back to their tasks, pointedly ignoring the moment of weakness. He really was just a kid. It was completely unfair.
"Are you... are you okay?" Siesta asked desperately. "Um... are you feeling pain somewhere? Please... don't hesitate..."
"No, it's fine." The boy took a deep breath and tilted his face up. 'It comes back.' He blinked repeatedly until his eyes cleared. "I just remembered something, that's all. Ginger... it has a lot of medicinal properties too."
Siesta looked lost. "Yes, yes it does." She flicked a 'what should I do?' glance at Marteau. He shrugged. She settled for praising him. He was too shy. He needed to show a bit more self-esteem. Commoners were supposed to be freer with their feelings. Easy to laugh, easy to cry, bouncing back from anything. "You're very knowledgeable, Shinji."
He laughed, and it was bitter to everyone's ears. "No... not really. I remember, Asuka... you had such a craving for ginger one day. All I knew was that it was a root. What it looked above-ground, I had no idea, and I had to go digging all over the place just hoping. I did find one... and I had to learn by myself how to grow them from buds. Ginger boiled in water was what we used as tea and all-around disinfectant."
His voice was hollow. 'Who is Asuka?' Siesta wanted to ask, recognizing that he was not exactly in the present. It was obviously a strong memory. She waited until the distant pain in his expression cleared.
"Oh. Did I say that out loud again?" the boy asked, looking startled. "Sorry." Then, in a somewhat accusing tone, he asked "...aren't you going to ask?"
"It's none of our business." Siesta replied, shaking her head. She looked sad enough. "You don't have to tell us anything. It's your -right-. We're not going to take it from you." The spoon was bending under her grip. She itched with the need to know. As a maid, she knew quite a bit about wordly things. Ginger was naturally hot, used mainly for seasoning. It was understandable that sometimes people wanted a different taste, but the way he said it... a craving like that, only one type of person could make such a demand and force total obedience.
Shinji looked around. He saw similar recognition in the eyes of several cooks, even Mister Marteau. He nodded. Did he have to hide it? It was not something that shameful, right? What did he have to lose? He looked further back, and a red-haired girl smirked.
"Asuka... she was..." He looked confused. What they had was not quite love, not quite hatred, not quite desperation, but there was a sense that they were complete together. "... my Asuka."
"I understand." said Marteau, his voice uncharacteristically deep and gentle. "What happened, my wolf?" He ignored Siesta's gasp at his uncouth question. Talking about it was better than bottling it in. He knew this from experience, pretending that it never happened would throw away the good meat with the wash water. If he had the courage back then, then probably he would have been a different sort of man.
The boy grimaced, clenching his fists so tightly his upper body was shaking. The plaster in his right arm cracked from how strongly he had to force himself just to say it plainly. "She... died in childbirth. We were too young."
Siesta gasped. 'Oh. Oh my. I never imagined- it was not enough that they forced you to fight a war you never wanted... you poor thing.' She could feel herself tearing up as well.
Shinji snarled. "Don't. Pity me, hate me, do whatever you want, but don't you dare tell me it's not my fault." Sympathy was the last thing he wanted. He should have known saying that would not get them off his back. Baka Shinji. Stupid. Stupid. Not knowing others. 'Damn you all. I just wanted to change the topic to something easier. Why the hell am I here? Let me out. Go away. Shut up shut up shut up... STOP LOOKING AT ME! ALL OF YOU! I'll kill...'
Asuka continued to lean against the kitchen wall, her expression cold.
Shinji suddenly stood up.
"I'm sorry!" Siesta cried out. "Just... we won't pry anymore!"
Shinji was looked right and left, frowning. His eyes were unfocused. "Siesta-san?"
The maid looked down, accepting the honorific as a rebuke. "Yes?"
"Where in this castle can you find a corridor with a portrait of lady in a purple dress with two poodles at her feet?"
"Huh?" Recovering quickly, she replied to that bit of randomness with "It's in the third floor of the Water Wing... that's the northeast spoke of this castle."
Shinji frowned some more. He covered one eye, then the other. To keep his vision in the 'now', he kept his left palm over his left eye. A heart-clenching feeling of dread burned within his chest. The view moved slightly up and down, he was seeing through someone's eyes. The view turned into another corridor, and he glimpsed pink and black. Luise, slouching slightly, mumbling to herself, was walking towards the stairs.
"Something's wrong." he said curtly. He covered his other eye, to bring his attention to the 'here'. "I need to go."
He ran out the kitchen. Asuka looked just as puzzled and apprehensive. She leaned back and sank into the wall.
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'She's loose.' Asuka commented lightly.
It was a good thing it was night, and no one out in the halls. Most of the students were already at their beds, or like Louise heading there. Those who did not want to turn in just yet had no intention of being seen past imposed sleeping hours. A gust of wind and a shapeless blur passed through the corridors. "I'm not going to make it!" the boy gasped. He punched at a wall with his right hand still in a cast. The plaster exploded. The wall exploded. He jumped through. His fear was real. All he could see now was those last few steps before reaching Louise. The Gandálfr familiar runes burned bright. Smoke wafted from the back of his gloved left hand.
'Faster!' Shinji shouted inside. 'I need to be faster!' He stomped hard on the first step of a long stairway, enough to crack the white stone, and leapt clear to the top. The magic of the runes allowed him to land smoothly despite a total lack of depth perception.
Louise raised her foot into the air.
The white gloves in Shinji's exploded in green fire. His view changed to Louise's. He felt the shove at her back as she felt it, he felt her fear, her confusion- it could not really be happening, right? He could feel her cold shock, how her senses seemed to thin out and stop.
'Maybe her magic will protect her?' Asuka whispered. 'Symmetry and all that.'
Running on the floor was too slow, too inefficient. He was leaping from wall to wall now, throwing himself across corridors.
'Not this time! Not again...! I will protect someone! I won't let it happen...! Help me, Asuka! PLEASE! I'm-' He then knew that Louise, panicking, tried to break her fall by putting her arms out. He felt her little fingers snap backwards from the impact. The pain was ignored under the horrible realization. The hard edge of a step approached. This could kill her. This was no practical joke. She was going to die!
'Dammit, you're always useless. EMERGENCY RELEASE, YOU ASSHOLES! Burn that leftover magic! YOU -WANT- THIS WORLD TO -DIE-?'
The fire coming out the boy's left hand turned purple, then an unreal black flame. 'There.' He could follow the trail that linked their souls. He could hear a distant, trickling sound shaping invisible history. He pulled into the main hall and saw Louise hanging in mid-air, her legs up higher than her head, her panties exposed, and just about to crack open her skull. All was silent and still except for the Sound of Waters Under Earth.
'You realize that if you catch her at this speed, you're liable to just snap her neck, right?'
"Handle it!'
'Man, you're pushy today.' She kinda liked it.
Bam! Shinji's slammed his right foot into the floor, leaving a deep imprint, and threw himself through the distance. Magic forced its way through his body. The Sound of Waters Under Earth began to fade- the influence of the Perfect Shield that can stop anything, including Time, it began to curl into itself and rot. Carefully opening his arms, he slid under and had her fall into his arms. Her shocked eyes met his frantic, fearful ones. She felt so tiny, so helpless in his arms. Her life was so fragile. All human life could be snuffed so easily, a warrior's death as irrevocable as any infant's. Rude, self-interested, ignorant about her weakness- and so very cute in her earnest emotions. A precious little girl.
He grimaced, and his torso jerked as his spine slammed into the hard edges of the steps. Stone crumbled. The two slid down, Louise shrieking as her familiar served as unto an impromptu snowboard. She put her arms over her face.
"She gets to -live-." Louise heard him growl. "I refuse to -let- her die."
There was a loud crack as the boy's head met the floor and his neck snapped. Blood spurted out his ears. He heard a distant, whistling noise. The Sound of A Million Years. The Perfect Spear that can pierce anything, even the Boundary between Life and Death. They slid across the the exquisite white marble-tiled floor, leaving a long ragged gash.
"Urrgh." Louise felt as if chisels were chipping away at her head from the inside. Slowly, she opened her eyes. She was alive. She saw Shinji's bloodied face. He saved her life, even after what happened that afternoon. His eyes were closed. His chest wasn't moving. She tried to pull free from his grip to touch his face. "H-hey... are you..." 'Are you alive?' she could not say it, she was numbed with terror even at the possibility. 'He can't die. He'd promised...!' "S-say something. You..."
She tried to get up but was forced back into the embrace. She felt a hand stroke her hair, right behind her neck, and pressed into his chest she was relieved to hear a heartbeat. Strange. She felt so warm. So safe. 'This is kinda nice.' He continued to stroke her long, silken pink hair. She was blushing, though realizing how inappropriate it was for the situation. Her fingers tingled, and she clutched at hem of his suit.
"Are you okay?" 'I'm sorry! Don't leave my side anymore!' she wanted to shout. Another part of her was terrified, she could no longer afford any more reagents. Would she need to beg for a loan or write back to her father?
"I'll be fine." Shinji whispered back, with his eyes still closed. "Are you hurt?"
"No..." It was incredible. One moment, she thought she was going to die, and in the next- her eyes drooped. So warm.
"That's good."
Unknown moments passed, as their breaths and heartbeats matched. Louise wiggled a bit, snuggling into the embrace.
After a while, Louise's eyes suddenly shot open. 'What am I doing?' She wiggled a bit more. "Hey, how long are you planning on holding me like this? I'm fine now!"
Shinji's grip tightened. "I'm not. Shut up for a while, my noisy master." He kissed the top of her head. "I'm... so happy you're safe. Please. Let me stay like this for a while."
Louise looked up, saw his intensely adoring expression, and blushing quickly looked away again. "Um... thank you, by the way."
"It's okay. I'll never let anything hurt you. Never. You will -live-." Or this world will -burn-.
'I did it. I did it. I did it.' Shinji's whole body burned as the shell tried to repair itself. He felt hungry. Louise's scent was wondrous, calming, triumphant, delicious.
'I can hear both your thoughts, you know.' Asuka said offhand. 'You're both selfish pricks.'
'Is She gone?'
'Yes, She's asleep again. Dammit, baka Shinji. Stop scaring us like that.'
'I'm sorry. It's just... oh, I'm so -weak-. I couldn't help it.'
'Stupid, stupid Third Child! You're the one that wants to kill her. You're the one that wants to return to the Silence. You can't save her from yourself.'
'I know. But...' Tears clouded his eyes. 'I want to -pretend-... I want to pretend I'm not me for a while. Please. Let me kill my Self for a little while.' Moping around was still better in all respects than eating worlds, right? He held onto Louise as if the air itself would reduce her. 'I don't know what to do... so let me not do anything.'
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And he stood there, against the darkening sky, carefully cleaning the blood off that tiny, weak little body that was tying to cry but was having difficulty even making a noise, holding her and trying to keep her warm, feeling her breathing start to slow down against his neck, until it finally stops, and her body grows cold, and he has to put her down and just SCREAM.
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'You let them get to you, idiot.' Asuka spat savagely, while blinking away tears. 'You just -had- to acknowledge her existence. There's no trap that can hold you, except one you make yourself.' She put a hand over her womb. 'Always so predictable. Always so stupid. That's the one death that was never your sin- we never blamed you.'
'We never got to name her, Asuka.'
'As long as we don't, she's free, and will forever exist in potentia.' Asuka bit her lip. 'This pathetic little aristocrat, this will lead nowhere but to more suffering.'
'I can't- I'm sorry... I'm tired. I can't run away anymore.'
In silence, they remained there for quite a while. Unsure, afraid of what may happen in the future, they tried to make the present seem timeless. On the higher floor, hidden in the shadow of a pillar, orange serpentine eyes blinked. It looked from the damage to the staircase to the oddly intimate scene below. Huffing out a small throatful of smoke, and with a narrowed faintly hostile gaze, it slid back into the hall.
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This feels it should have been longer, but I cut out several other scenes with Gendo and open angsting as just so much padding. Anyways, there we have it. A little more emphasis on the Crazy part of Crazy Awesome. -Now- I'm really going to leave this fic alone. Even in (waves hands around) in potentia, we get just how -fucked- this world and all its weird rules and magical persuasions will be if they actually manage to truly Piss Off this Shinji Ikari. ;)
-Bpen