I see her discomfort and try to ease some of it.
"Well, I'm trying to finish some last-minute Christmas shopping, but it's not going too well."
She smiles and nods her head.
"I could help... if you wanted me to," she offers.
I'm touched, but I can't impose that on her. I still have so much to get done and the shopping isn't that enjoyable.
"You don't have to do that. I'll figure it out."
Something changes in her eyes when I say that and guilt mixes in with the hurt. She flinches and I'm puzzled. Did I say something wrong?
I flinch when he says he'll figure out his Christmas shopping. It reminds me that I had just said that to my mom and not meant it. I feel instant guilt. I had lied to her a dozen times, but every time I add on another one it stings even worse.
When I see he's looking at me with confusion, I try to cover up my guilt with another little lie. I try to make a lie come out of my mouth, but it doesn't feel right, and something tells me he won't judge me for all the lies I've told.
"I..." I start, not sure how to describe what I've done for the past few months and what I am feeling inside. I take a deep breath and let it calm me. It's not like I'll see this stranger ever again or be talking to him much longer so I let it all out. Everything from the past few months comes spilling out of my mouth in torrents. I barely stop to take a breath before starting again.
Zach sits there the whole time, taking it in, his own mouth a small o. Our hot chocolate mugs are forgotten.
When I finish, I let a slow breath escape through my teeth. It had felt so good to get that off my chest.
"Thank you," I say softly. Zach still hasn't moved and I worry that I gave away too much about my life. I move to stand and leave, but it shakes him from his trance. He reaches out and gently grabs my arm.
"Don't go. Not yet," he whispers softly, his eyes staring intently into mine.
I feel tears prick my eyes at the thought that this stranger might actually care about me. But I can't help but notice that he never gave me any encouraging words or told me anything about him.
I take my seat again. Taking a small sip from the mug, I try to distract myself from the look Zach is giving me. But it has gone cold and isn't comforting anymore.
I can't believe this girl I just met spilled her entire life's story to me. I'm glad that she trusts me enough with the information, but I have a feeling that it has more to do with the fact that she won't see me again. I feel a stab of pain at this thought.
I like talking to her-even though she dominated most of the conversation. She's amazing and beautiful. I want to keep spending time with her.
When she stands to go, I subconsciously reach out, taking her arm to stop her.
"Don't go. Not yet," I whisper, locking my eyes on hers.
When I say that, tears pool in her gorgeous eyes. I don't want her to cry and it takes all my will power not to reach out and brush away the tears that start to fall down her cheeks.
She takes her seat again and I breathe a sigh of relief. I watch her as her small hand reaches out, grasping a mug, and pulls it to her mouth. Making a face that brings a smile to my face, she sets it back down on the table between us.
"Why don't we go do some of your Christmas shopping," she says shyly, keeping her gaze on the string she's twirling through her fingers. "I already wasted enough of your time already, so I might as well help."
I give her a small smile and nod.
"I would love that," I reply. I accidentally let some of my feelings for her slip into my voice. We had only just met, and yet I feel like I know her well. I like her, and I know that if I spend enough time with her, I'll fall in love with her.
I nod my head. I feel terrible for wasting so much of his time by telling my sappy life story. Together we stand and move towards the door. He holds the door open for me like a gentleman and I smile shyly. He's cute and nice; the perfect combination for a guy.
I'm glad he said that he wanted me to help him Christmas shop. I don't have anything else to do, and deep down, I like to talk to him. I want to keep spending time with him, even if it means shopping.
We end up spending the next few hours walking in and out of stores, most of the time just looking through the merchandise and not purchasing anything. What a wonderful way to spend the day.
After he finally finds the perfect present for his cousin, he holds up his hand for me to high-five with a big grin on his face. As I slap his hand, I feel a grin rip across my face. I haven't been this happy in a long time. Zach listens to me, and he didn't push me for more or walk away.
When my small hand meets his big one, he doesn't let it sink down to my side again. He takes it in his warm callused on and keeps it there. I don't mind and when I see him give me a look asking if it I do, I shake my head. I never want him to let me go.
Grabbing her hand after our high-five, I never want to stop holding it. I dwarf it with my bigger one, and she shakes her head when I give her a look asking if she minds.
I grin internally; she might feel the same way. My heart sinks though when I realize I've gotten a gift for everyone in my family. We'll have to separate soon.
We make our way through the mass of bodies in an attempt to get to the outside doors. In the main area of the mall, a Santa is sitting on a plush chair. There is a line of kids waiting to sit on his lap and it winds away and into the crowd. People are trying their best to avoid the children and there is a traffic jam surrounding the area. But they are still shoving past in different directions.
The room is stifling hot and I want to get outside. As we make our way through the middle of the crowd, Cammie's hand slips from mine and I have a flash of panic. Someone so small like her could easily get trampled in a place like this. I search for her dirty blonde hair in the mess of strangers and I see it a few yards away. She's getting shoved in the opposite direction and there is a scared look on her face.
I go into protection mode and ram my way through the people. Elbows jam into my sides and I try to fight past the onlookers. When I reach her side, I grip her hand like a lifeline and try to shield her body with mine. Together, we make our way slowly to the side and out the doors.
I know I'm in trouble when I lose my grip on Zach's hand in the middle of the strangers. I'm terrified; my mother always used to tell me how people got killed in situations like this. And my small body and height don't help me. I try frantically to find Zach in the crowd, but they push me along, away from him.
I try shouting for him, but my voice is lost in the surge of holiday shoppers. After what seems like hours, but is probably only mere minutes, he finds me. I give a sigh of relief as he slips my hand back into mine. He grasps it tightly and tries to protect me as we walk towards the exit.
I instantly feel better when we step out into the winter wonderland. The snow is gracefully falling and I feel the strange urge to stick out my tongue and catch some. But that would be childish and I blush when I think of Zach seeing me do such a thing. Still hand in hand, we crunch through the snow, him pulling me along.
I freeze, stopping Zach, when I realize I took the city bus here. Feeling in my pockets, I pale. I used all my money on the hot chocolate. I can't get home.
Zach notices my anxiety and gives me a questioning gaze.
"Do you have a ride home?"
I shake my head no.
He gently tugs me to a silver Acura TL 2013. I gape; he must come from a wealthy family. Tugging open the door, I climb in, kicking the snow off of my shoes before entering. He gives me a slow smile. After shutting his door behind him, he shifts the stick into drive and we leave the packed parking lot.
I don't want to go home yet, so I give him directions to a park close to my apartment. On the way, I stare out my window. I can't believe how much has changed in the last few hours. I've barreled into a stranger. I invited that stranger to have coffee with me. The stranger didn't walk away when I spilled my guts about everything going on in my life. He stayed, and I feel safe with him. I want to stay with him forever, but I'm not sure if that's possible.
I feel the car beneath me slow and looking up, I see that we're at the park. I throw open the car door anxiously. Snow blows in and settles on the black leather seats, melting instantly. The slight breeze blows my hair around my face and I do my best to hold it down. As I step from the cover of the car and into the trees, the wind dies down.
Zach follows me down the path, staying farther behind me. I know he's confused on why I brought him here. I'm not sure myself, but I know it has something to do with the need to be around him.
I stop as I come to that realization. I want to spend my Christmas with Zach, someone I just met, and yet, I can't bring myself to ask him if he wants the same. I spin around to face him, searching his eyes. Does he want me as much as I want him? I hope so, or I'll regret my next few moves.
As I stand in front of him, taking in his sculptured good looks and amazing eyes, I look above his eyes. Snow dusts his dark hair, stand out against it. Absent-mindedly, I reach out and brush away the snowflakes collecting there.
He watches my hand as it touches his hair ad I feel his mesmerizing eyes watching me with intensity. When I finally meet them with my plain, boring ones, I see a longing beneath them, hidden behind his cool façade. I know for a fact it wasn't there a few minutes ago.
When I start to jerk my hand away, embarrassed that I would do something so silly like that, he grabs it quickly. He holds it to his cold, rosy cheek and keeps his hand over mine so it won't slip away. My own cheeks flame with the cold and wanting what I know I can't have. He closes his eyes and leans into my warmth.
I know my eyes are wide and I take this moment to stare openly at him without his walls and defenses up. He's amazing.
Under his large, callused hand, I stroke his cheek and a small smile plays across his mouth, thankfully not a smirk. I watch his lips form the smile intently and I realize I want to kiss them so badly. I flush even more at the thought of pressing my lips to his.
Why am I doing this? Because I want to in my heart, no matter how danger I know it is in my head. Zach could have a girlfriend, or maybe he doesn't want a relationship and I'm just setting myself up for teasing, regret, and more hurt later. But right now, I don't care.
When he finally opens his eyes after feeling my tension, they are smoldering with hunger and a lust that I've never seen before. In a second, he pulls me dangerously close and squeezes me tightly against his chest. My body matches his perfectly and we are pressed fully together down the length of them. And I know in that moment, I have never wanted anything more than for him to kiss me.
But I want him to be the one to make the first move; I don't want to feel the pain of another rejection. I wait, gazing back into his eyes. I don't wait long before Zach dips his head down to meet my level.
His lips crush against mine, making my heart pound. It beats rapidly in my chest like an animal wanting to be freed.
His arms slip around my waist; pulling me closer and mine go around his neck; hanging on for dear life. I never want to let go, and this time, I know he feels the same.
As we kiss, he holds me like I'm important, but not fragile or delicate. He knows he could hurt me, but he also knows that I'm tough and that I won't break under the pressure of his hold.
The longer we kiss, the more I know that it's going to hurt when he says he can't stay with me. But I can't think hard enough to care, not with Zach's lips against mine.
We break apart, breathing heavily, our foreheads pressed against each other. I stare straight into his eyes and the same longing in my own is reflected there. We both never want to stop having contact with each other.
I pull his head back down to mine. Our lips mold back together perfectly. I hope this never ends.
I can't even describe it. When I kissed Cammie, it was like a million fireworks going off behind my eyes. Sparks flew, and I know now that I've fallen hard for her.
When she pulls me back down for another kiss, I'm glad that she feels the same way. I never want to let her go.
After a few minutes of making out in the middle of the snow-covered park, I pull back.
She shivers in her light coat. I tug mine off and drape it over her shoulders. A smile of thanks is on her lips, lips that I just kissed.
I know a goofy smile is plastered on my face, but I don't care. I've never been happier. As we make our way slowly back to my car, living in the moment, I know my decision. I stop her before she gets in the car. She turns towards me questioningly.
"Cammie? Would you like to spend Christmas with me?"
She grins that amazing smile again and crushes me in a bear hug. I dip down and press my lips against hers.
I know her answer's a yes.