You asked for an update? You get an update! ;)

You will notice the point of view changed in this chapter. I do intend to play with it throughout the story... I hope it doesn't end up being too confusing. I'll always signal it with the font, though: regular font = Regina; italics = Aurora. Okay?

Also, this goes unbetaed and unchecked... it's 5 am here and I just want to post this before going to bed. So if you find any mistakes or typos or something (I'm pretty sure you will), I'm sorry in advance! I'll try to check it tomorrow and fix whatever needs to be fixed, but right now I'm too tired for it. -.-

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

I thought things would be different in this world. I thought I could have a new start, a new life... I thought I could just forget about everything that had ever happened before, about everything I lived in Fairytale Land. I thought, for once, I could drive away all the ghosts inside my head, I could get rid of my thoughts and my memories and my fears. I thought, maybe, I would stop spending my whole days haunted by the image of my parents as they died by the hands of Maleficent's guards, or by the image of Philip having his soul sucked by that monster, or by the image of Maleficent herself, barely being able to hide her smile as she handed me that spindle and watched me prickle my finger on it and condemn myself to eternal torture in exchange for the safety of my love.

I dared to hope. And that was perhaps my biggest mistake, time after time. When I was a child and watched a dragon enter my playroom and take my mother away, and when I heard that dragon had been a witch who wanted nothing more than to ruin my parents' happiness, I dared to hope my father would fix things, find her, bring her back and everything would be all right. He did find her, he did wake her up with one simple kiss, he did bring her back... but one of his legs stayed behind, inside Maleficent's stomach.

Still, I dared to hope that had been the end of it, and things would go back to being as calm as they were before as soon as my father learned how to walk properly on his newly acquired wooden leg. But then people started complaining about having a cripple as their king, and so many landlords and knights started invading our kingdom to try and kill my father, or at least expel us from the castle and from the land and secure the throne to themselves. I hoped somehow we would find a way out of it, and we did: by forging and alliance with the ruler of our neighboring kingdom. The price, this time, was my hand in marriage, as soon as I was old enough. It seems a small price to be paid for military help, but the king was an old man who had never managed to find a wife, and urgently needed to produce a heir before he died. A young princess was far more than he had ever hoped to find at that point.

It was not what I wanted, of course; I would have never thought I would end up marrying a man old enough to be my grandfather. But my parents were so desperate, and I understood how much danger we were in, so when they asked me, I agreed. Yet, somehow, I still hoped I would find a way out of that. And that way came, when my betrothed died when I was no more than 14, before any weddings could occur. Of course, he dying without a heir meant his land and his army went to the hands of one of his brothers, who was not so keen on lending us his soldiers.

We somehow survived and fended off the attacks for around a year, but our army was not exactly supportive of my father either. They, too, thought they could have a better king, one who could still fight. Another alliance was made, being paid by money we did not exactly own at that point, alongside with my hand. This time, however, it was to a young prince just a few years older than me. He travelled to our castle to seal the agreement... and during the couple of months he spent there courting me, we fell in love. I thought, surely, that meant things were going to be fine from then on.

That was exactly when Maleficent chose to strike again – as if she had just been waiting for the right time, for the time when our guard was down and we were all daring to have hope again. But her own army, helped by the power of her dark magic,was far stronger than Philip's father's forces. In the end, our own soldiers betrayed us and joined Maleficent, after being promised high positions to whomever handed us in to her general.

I am still not sure how exactly I survived. I know that one of my maids, whose son was a soldier, heard about their plans with just enough time to run to my room and alert me. Just as we were going to my parents' bedchambers to tell them we had to run away, we saw the guards coming. All we could do was hide inside a wardrobe; all I could do was bite the sleeves of my dress to keep myself from screaming out loud as I watched through the lock and saw my mother and father be killed right in front of me, without being able to do anything to stop it. I wanted to go out, I wanted to scream and let them know I was there so that they would kill me too... but my maid held me so tight in her arms, and she was so much bigger and stronger than me, and in the end I just gave up fighting, because if they found us, they would kill her too.

I left the kingdom with her that night, dressed like a peasant and with no more than a small sack of my former clothes and food for the journey. I went to Philip, of course; he was the only one I had left. His father kindly took me in, his mother nursed me back to health, and with time, after a couple of years had passed calmly, I dared to hope again. I was just so naïve... I could barely help myself. Hope was just ingrained in me somehow.

I dared to hope I could leave all of that behind, marry Philip and start our own family, and I'd be happy with him. Our wedding was scheduled, my dress was being sewn, the palace we would live in was nearly finished. I could barely wait to start my new life with him. But yet again, Maleficent had to come after me. I could not believe my eyes when I saw her materialize in front of me. She simply appeared in a purple haze, right inside my bedroom, and it was enough to make my legs go weak and my whole body start to shake. I was sure that was my last living minute.

And then she laughed. She laughed at my fear, and called me a silly, frightened girl, and told me that she was not going to kill me. She gave me a moment of relief, a short moment of hope, before adding that her plans for me were far worse than death. And what's more... I would accept them willingly, and I would do exactly what she told me to. That was my time to laugh, because I would never comply with her wishes – not even if that meant she would indeed kill me. But it was not me who she intended to kill if I did not do as she said. It was Philip. And whereas I could risk my life, even if the thought scared me to no end, I could simply not risk his, ever.

So I did it. She was right. I did exactly what she asked of me. I sneaked away in the middle of the night, yet again, leaving only a short note on my bed telling Philip to not look for me. I stole a horse and rode it to our palace... to our future home. And, upon getting there and being told about what my fate would be, I willingly accepted it. I would have accepted even worse, if it had meant protecting my love.

At that point, I had given up on hope. Things would not be all right. All the hope I could have was for other people. Especially for my prince. I hoped he would find another princess for him, someone more beautiful and sweeter and better than me in every way; someone he could love more than he ever loved me, so that he could forget about me and be happy with her. Maybe I was not his true love, after all; maybe there was still hope for him. But for me... there was none. My future was very much certain, and all I knew about it was that it consisted of a never-ending nightmare which would be worse than death itself.

And then, exactly when I did not hope anymore, the miracle occurred. I was trapped in that world of torture for what felt like a thousand years (although I know now that it was only twenty-nine), and each second was worse than the one before. But one day, I woke up. And the first thing I saw was the face of the man I love hovering over me. I was not sure if I should thank him for finding me, or scold him for looking at all, knowing from experience what Maleficent was capable of doing with brave princes and kings who dared to save the princesses she cursed. But he told me she was nowhere to be found, probably dead or at least vanished. I was weary and suspicious, and I told him so, but he was so certain... and I trusted him so much.

In no more than a few minutes, hope had again found its way into my heart. Maybe, with Maleficent gone, we could finally have some peace. Even in the version of Fairytale Land that I woke up to, even with the destruction and abandonment so visible all around me, I dared to dream we would finally be able to get married and have our happy endings. But it did not last a whole day. That monster, that wraith, had to come and take my beloved prince's soul... and again, there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. And again, all I could do was watch him die right in front of me. Except this time, I did scream. I screamed with all my might, until my throat went raw, long after his body had stopped moving. But no screaming in the world could have brought him back. It was useless.

The next days were a haze in my mind. I cried. I veiled over Philip's lifeless form. I never left his side. I did not eat or sleep, and only drank occasionally when Mulan forced me to. I only walked because I had to, because we had a "haven" to get to, and two people to blame for Philip's death, and to hopefully execute as soon as we got there.

Things didn't go as planned, though. One of the people was apparently Snow White... in very weird clothes and a manly haircut. I guess that was what brought me back to life: knowing that Snow White had killed the love of my life. Because I knew Snow White, or at least I had known her many years before. Her father visited mine once, and I saw her in court. I was a child, she was around 10 years older than me, and she was indeed so extremely fair. I admired her. I wanted to be like her when I grew up and became a lady too. She was kind and gentle and beautiful. And she had killed the man who would be my husband. That was worse than if it had been just a monster, or anyone else, anyone either unknown or clearly evil. I felt betrayed, even if I know I did not exactly have the right to feel that way, because she was no more than a childhood role model for me.

I wanted revenge. That was all I could think of. I wanted her dead. I thought she as well deserved to be dead. I knew it would not bring Philip back... but perhaps it would bring me some small consolation. That was what I focused on. But yet again, my plan didn't work. In the end, I was forced to accompany them on their quest to go back to the weird land they had come from, bringing that damned creature with them. That gave them enough time to explain themselves, to let us know they were genuinely sorry for our loss, to convince us it had been just an accident and they had never meant to end up in our land – and that was clearly true, so much so that all they wanted was to get back to their home. It was enough to appease my anger. I was never one to stay angry for too long anyway, no matter how big my pain was... especially not when the person I was angry at was not exactly to blame.

So I took their quest to my heart, as if it were my own. I had nothing else to do, after all, and I needed to occupy myself, or else I would most definitely become insane. I also had nowhere else to be. No one else to be with. I had no home, no family, no loved ones. I could, in a way, sympathize with their pain. But, differently from me, they did have a family and a home and loved ones to go back to; they just were not with them at that time. So if I could do something to fix that pain in someone else, then be it, even if it would not mean my own would be healed. I needed a project to focus on, and that seemed like a worthy cause. They did need someone who wouldn't mind giving their life in situations of danger, and I was the perfect one for that role; I was completely expendable. Honestly, at that point, I would welcome death.

But then they started talking about that land of theirs, and Snow told me about how it had allowed so many of them to have a fresh start. They told us about the food, and my stomach grumbled every time I tried to imagine it. In time, I even started wanting to try on those weird clothes they wore; Snow's pink blouse-thing was somewhat cute, after all, even if I'm probably biased because of how much I love pink. And that fresh start... the new life, the promise of leaving everything behind, all the memories and the pain (because that was all I had left to leave behind; everything else, I had already lost)... it was so tempting, the idea simply would not leave my mind. I became obsessed with it. I started dreaming about it. I started hoping again.

Yet, here I am... in the new land, with new clothes and a small apartment that I share with Mulan to call my new home. And all my ghosts, and all my memories, and all my pain still exactly where they were before. Everything outside me has changed; absolutely nothing inside me has. The one difference is that I have more things to distract myself with here, starting by learning the names of everyone – and that includes both their current names and the ones they used to go by in Fairytale Land – and their customs and how they do things around this land.

They have asked me if I want to change my name as well – so many of them have adopted new ones, after all; I ask for time to think, because the idea sounds oddly appealing. As much as I like my name, changing it might help me start over, I guess. So I start researching and gathering ideas, and that is one more thing to occupy my mind with. With all of that, yes, I do end up thinking about Philip and my mother and father and the life I left behind and all the dreams I had for it far less than I had been doing in Fairytale Land, at least so far.

I try to allow the new life I am trying to construct to take the place of the one I wish I had been able to have inside my mind. I try to build new dreams to substitute the old ones. But I don't even know what I can dream about anymore. My love is gone, lost forever. There are no castles, no princes or princesses here. And everything I had ever wanted was exactly that: my husband, my castle, my children running around it. I never dreamed about anything more than that... and that is one dream that is completely shattered, and all I can do about it is mourn it, just like I mourn my promised husband, just like I mourn my mother and father, just like I mourn the castle of my childhood, where I lived with them. It's all I can do.

The new dreams don't come. I try, I really do. I close my eyes and I try to picture myself being happy; I try to imagine what would make me so, how I can possibly achieve a happy ending in this world, to give me some idea of what to look for here. But I can't. It just doesn't come to me; I cannot imagine myself being happy anymore. I don't know how I ever could be, after losing my one true love, my one promise of a happy ending. How can someone be happy, after their happy ending has been stolen from them? The people here have spent the last twenty-nine years without their happy endings, being apart from the ones they love; but all of that has been restored to them, apparently thanks to Emma, from what I've been explained. But how do you restore something like life? How can I get Philip's life back? And how can I possibly be happy without him, without the family we could have?

This was probably a mistake. Coming here... it was useless. I can have a new life, like I'm having now, even if my pain is not going away. I can get myself a new place to live, maybe work with something (even if all I know how to do, like sewing or cooking or embroidering, seems long outdated in this world), I can make new friends... but I cannot get myself a happy ending. My chance at that is over. And, for once, so is my hope. Because I know how things are. I know how things happen. I know there's no other shot at a true love. And I know one cannot be happy or whole without it. One cannot have a family without it. One can only be lonely and miserable. And that's exactly what I am, even here. It makes absolutely no difference where I am. Things are not getting better this time. And I am not forgetting about how bad they are, either.

I am sure of it as soon as the Queen – or Regina, since people have lost all their titles here – asks Mulan and I to join her for a talk. Apparently, she has questions for us. Questions that will definitely make me think of things that I do not want to think about. Even here... my old life still haunts me. Just a few days of a break, during which I had not even been able to completely forget, and again I'm being forced to remember.

It sounds plausible, though, considering we have been in Fairytale land far more recently than she has, and, differently from Snow and Emma, we were there before the curse had been broken. We were in the part of the land preserved by her mother's magic. Mulan, especially, probably has a lot to offer in means of information, since she actually had contact with Cora before us. And in a way, I might have too, considering that woman stole my heart, even if briefly. So it does not come as a surprise that she wants to talk to us. With a mother like that, I would want to gather information and take some precautions too. Honestly, after having met Cora, all the things I have heard about Regina sound at least a bit less bad; certainly growing up with someone like that mustn't have been easy.

What does come as a surprise is her question about my sleeping curse. I did not even know she was aware of it... but then again, she was not only a queen, she was a witch too, and witches probably know each other. She must have known Maleficent... and the mere thought of that is enough to end my short-lived sympathy for her. I do, so far, still prefer her to Cora, though. After all, she did make it possible for us to arrive here. So I tell her everything I know. I tell her about the sleeping curse and how it made me not know much of what happened in our part of the land during the last decades, I tell her about Philip finding me with Mulan's help and waking me up, and when she asks why he is not here, I tell her about the wraith.

And then the most unexpected thing of all happens: she seems shaken by it. Actually, "shaken" would be an understatement. It seems like someone has punched her gut and taken all the air out of her lungs, because we can see her struggle to breathe. She gets up from her chair and nearly falls back down the very next second, and Mulan quickly rises to steady her. I ask if she is feeling well, if she needs a glass of water or anything similar, but she just walks away without a word...

I wonder how on Earth she is going to get home like that, when she can barely stand... But what I really, really wonder is what made her that way. Did she know Philip? Did she care about him, to be that affected by the news of his passing? Somehow, I find that hard to fathom. I cannot, however, think of any other reason why she would have reacted that way.

It's only the next day that I remember something I overheard Snow and Emma commenting once, about how she, too, had watched her love die right in front of her, not being able to do anything about it. That was apparently what had made her turn evil. Perhaps telling her about Philip made her remember all of it... and if that is so, I understand, because I, too, feel like I absolutely cannot breathe, like my legs will fail and let me fall, like my heart is going to explode, every time I think about it, every time I have a nightmare about it, every time the images come back to my head. Somehow, my sympathy for her comes back; witch or not witch, evil queen or not evil queen, no one deserves to go through this pain. In a way, though, I find it comforting to know I am not the only one going through it around here. I know it makes me an awful person... but I can't help it. I'm not the only hopeless one.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

So, how was that? Since they haven't given us Aurora's backstory yet, I took the liberty of creating it... I'm hoping you won't mind it. ;)

And again, the song is the same: "I dreamed a dream", from the Les Misérables soundtrack.

Please let me know what you think!