Chapter 1
I make my way to his apartment on the other side of Dauntless, away from The Pit, The Dining Hall, and all the other member's apartments. He lives in the Leader's Hall, where the apartments are bigger, the floors are spotless, and there is peace and quiet all the time.
I have taken the same route every day-make a left when I leave my apartment, cross the Pit, go through the initiation wing, take the elevator to the 6th floor, and make a right-for the past two weeks so I let my feet guide me. The compound is a bit deserted but I don't expect anything else so early in the morning: 8:30. Today will be different, is what I have told myself for the past week and a half. Every time I try to talk to him he always shuts me out. He tells me to "go away" or I'll "regret it" but that doesn't stop me from coming back.
After a few minutes I make my final turn onto a long black marble hallway with nine different doors, each has a letter followed by a number working it's way back from nine-D-9, D-8, D-7, etc.- he is at the end of the hallway, the last door on the left, next to the door at the very end of the hall.
I walk determinedly to D-2 and knock. He might be busy, but I doubt it, even as a leader he always seems isolated. Only appearing and interacting with his peers when he is needed. I don't often see him roaming the compound unless he is on duty.
"Go Away!" I hear him yell from the other side of the door.
"You haven't even asked who it is yet?" I say teasingly. I hear him growl and sigh.
"Who is it?" he says irritated. I can tell I'm annoying him, like every other day, but I know it's for the better, all I want is to talk with him.
"It's Tris," I smile even though he cannot see me.
"Oh," he says as if he is going to open the door. "Go. Away."
"Please Eric, we have to talk about this, I just want to talk and clear a few things up," I beg. Why can't he just accept the facts?
"I do not want to talk about this, there is nothing to say and especially not to you," he says coldly. I can practically feel his glare through the door.
I ignore the pain that runs through my chest at his words, I sigh instead," I am not giving up on you".
"Yeah? Well you should," he responds, I hear him mumble something but I can't make it out.
It has been exactly two and a half weeks since we found out, or should I say I found out. Eric refuses to talk to me so I don't know if he knew already. Eric still treats me the same way he did when I first landed in the net two years ago, he is mean and cruel, but I think that it is just an act. There is the occasional crack in his public facade that shows longing and pain when he looks at parents and children or lovers in Dauntless; The only way you would notice is if you kept an eye on him like I do, which can be difficult because when I see him around the compound now he practically runs the other way or just ignores me completely. Honestly doing this every day is tiring and always puts a damper on my mood, but I won't give up. Not now.
I start to drag myself back to my apartment back on the other side of the compound. I share my apartment with Tobias, when I left he was asleep, I hope he is still is because I don't feel like being questioned about my whereabouts again. I do feel bad about lying to him, but Tobias and Eric cannot stand each other, they are enemies. My boyfriend and my brother. I don't know how he would react to me trying to be closer with his enemy. For now, all I can do is try to keep them as far away from each other as possible. Just my luck, he is moving around the kitchen when I walk through the door. He looks up and smiles, his genuine smile that melts my heart to pieces.
I walk over to him to greet him with a kiss and see what he is making on the stove, blueberry pancakes. He puts a few on a plate when they are finished and golden brown with blue spots here and there.
"Where have you been? I woke up and you were gone," He says curiously. He doesn't seem angry, just interested. I have been making up a different excuse when I come back and I find him awake. I know he knows something is going on but hasn't questioned me about it yet. One thing I love about our relationship is that we don't pressure each other, he knows I will tell him when I am ready.
"With Christina, she wanted to talk to me," I say using the excuse I fabricated on the way here, not giving any more information than that, and he doesn't press for it.
Christina is the only person who knows in Dauntless besides me and Eric. She says she doesn't know what she thinks about the situation but I can tell she thinks I should forget about him, Eric will always be the evil man who threatened her life by throwing her over the chasm, no matter how much she denies it for my sake. She wants me to be careful with him because he is dangerous, I just don't want you to get hurt.
It's not that I don't want to talk to her, I just don't know how. It is hard to believe I have a little sister and the "stiff" at that. What do you say to a sibling you didn't know you had?
I know she wanted to build a relationship, but she would be better off if she just stayed away. I don't do family, I never have. In Erudite, I never had a family, they were only the people who clothed, fed, and sheltered me until they kicked me out and dumped me on the streets. Not once did the words, "I love you, Eric," ever come out of Karen and James, my "parents", mouths.
It has been two weeks since she found out, I don't understand why she hasn't walked away from this yet. I am not intentionally cruel to her, because whether I want to admit it or not she has never done anything to hurt or spite me;her boyfriend, on the other hand, has ruined my life, in more ways than one.
He is just another reason we shouldn't try to "bond" or try this whole brother-and-sister thing. I would rather not be in his presence at all, let alone voluntarily. What does she even see in him, he is not good enough, she has so much more potential and brains, and he just...doesn't. Four, the bane of my existence, uses fear and fists to get his way. He is an ignoramus.
The little boy inside who wants to see the best in people begs me to give her a chance, she might be just what you need, what you have always wanted deep down, a family.
I found out a week before my choosing ceremony when my "parents" came to find me after putting me out a year prior. Karen and James told me I was adopted and I was what they thought was a gift to them, but turned out to be the worst thing they could imagine. I was given to them by a young couple named Andrew and Natalie Prior. Once my adoptive parents had a child of their own who was cuter, younger, sweeter and adored them, they kicked me to the curb. Apparently my biological weren't ready to take care of a child so they gave me up. James said they didn't have that much information about my real parents, but they seemed like nice people.
I felt sick that night. The thought of being related to a "stiff' let alone being the offspring of two, just seemed absurd. I was always taught to hate the Abnegation from Erudite leaders. Although Karen and James didn't have the same ideals and tried to teach me otherwise, I was a lost cause because I believed everything the leader Jeanine Matthews, my childhood idol,told me. Part of me hated my parents for what they did, but once Jeanine Matthews died of sickness and I joined Dauntless I learned that the Abnegation people weren't bad, they were just people who opted to keep to themselves and put others before them, unlike everyone else who wanted to be selfish. I still try to understand why my parents gave me up, but without the full story, I just can't.
It was all too much and I was starting to feel like I was suffocating in my apartment, so I started walking; Where to, I didn't know.
In a way, everything I went through made me stronger. It taught me not to trust people, to keep my walls up, people only care about themselves. All they do is let you down in the end.
Tobias and I were sitting with Zeke and Shauna in the dining hall for lunch. Hamburgers and Dauntless cake was an option today. My first real meal here. The usual loud chatter, caused by my faction had ceased in my mind as I thought about everything. I think about my friends, and Caleb, I wonder if he knows we have an older brother. Probably not. When my parents told me they didn't say anything about Caleb or his reaction.
I hopped off the train and saw the gray houses I used to live among. I was visiting my parents after receiving a letter from them asking to speak with me. Of course, I missed them so I gladly accepted, ignoring the tiny voice telling me not to go or the dread at the bottom of my stomach. Something told me this wasn't going to be a happy reunion. We are free to visit any faction now, the laws prohibiting factoring interaction unless at mandatory events died with Jeanine Matthews. Although each faction does still dedicate one day to parents who want to visit their children on initiation day, we can visit year round.
I wore a V-neck long sleeve black lace shirt that Christina and I bought one day, I matched that with simple black leggings and my combat boots that had gold accents. I cut my hair shoulder length and now sported a bang, it was pulled back in a neat ponytail with my bangs framing each side of my face. I kept my jewelry simple and chose a gold necklace that said "Tris" that Tobias gave me and gold studded earrings with a gold braided bracelet.
Passing rows of houses, I quickly went in search for mine, 54...59….61. Reaching my former front door, my knocking was soft but firm, my Abnegation taking over my senses.
My mother opened the door and smiled softly., "Hello Tris, how are you doing?" Mom is the only one outside of Dauntless who calls me Tris, not Beatrice. She pulls me into a hug, well I puled her into a hug, she only shows self-indulgence behind closed doors. She won't show affection if we are not fully in the house, so I have to initiate physical contact.
"I'm great Mom," I tell her with a tight smile.
"Your father is in the kitchen, we shouldn't keep him waiting," she says, "Nice outfit" she whispers and winks before gracefully walking to the kitchen. Abnegation or not, my mother is Dauntless at heart.
We walk into the kitchen and I am greeted by my father with a handshake, Dauntless greeting. He is a former Erudite so he probably remembers all the basic things they learned, like faction culture.
My father forgave me for my decision a year ago, he said he doesn't believe all Dauntless are completely reckless because some Dauntless, like mom, are good people; Which is as good as dad's stance on my faction is going to get. One thing he still doesn't approve of is Tobias, he still doesn't think I am old enough to date or that Tobias is deserving of me, but I think it is the other way around. When they came to meet Tobias one day he told them he is Marcus' son after he was found guilty for all of his accused crimes. Dad didn't trust him but I don't think he ever did in the first place. I don't think it is just Tobias; I doubt my dad would be happy with any boy I brought home. He doesn't like the idea of me living with a man until marriage. Mom tried to remind him that Abnegation and Dauntless social standards are different, but it goes in one ear and out another. My dad is just afraid of me growing up, I am a big girl, I can make my own decisions. Mom loves Tobias though, they have met on numerous occasions.
"Beatrice, how are you doing?" My dad asks in the soft voice.
"I'm fine dad, how are you?" I ask. It is obvious he is looking older, even though he is not that old. His hair is littered with gray, giving his hair the salt and pepper look. The bags under his eyes along with the frown etched into his features make it obvious these past few years have taken a toll on him.
"I'm okay," he reassures in response to my worried look.
"How are Four and your other friends?" My mother asks as she grabs a steaming dish out of the oven and jerks her head to indicate that she wants me to walk to the table with her. My parents still had two extra chairs set at the table, the one's Caleb and I use to sit in every night. I told her about the promise ring Tobias and I wear which is currently on my finger. She has met Christina, Zeke, Uriah, Will, Shauna, and Marlene a few times in her countless trips to Dauntless. Those were some of the strangest moments of my life, and the reason I no longer let Zeke and Uriah interact with my parents.
"They are great, so you two wanted to talk to me about something…" I say trailing off.
"Yes, one-moment dinner's almost ready, I think we should sit down for this," my dad says, bringing plates and silverware to the table. I nod and go to grab the juice that they hide in the back of the fridge. My family was never completely Abnegation. There are simply simple pleasures we just cannot give up Beatrice, my dad told me when I found the juice when I was 10.
"Is this good or bad?" I ask once we are all seated.
"That depends on how you feel about another sibling," my dad says getting right to the point. I gasp.
"Mom are you…" I ask turning to her with shock.
"Oh goodness no honey, I've already had the child," she says carefully wording her sentences. When confusion etches into my features, I ask her when, how, and where, she continues.
"Before I had you," she says on the brink of tears.
"Who Caleb? Mom, I'm don't understand," I say. She sighs and tries to calm herself down. My dad rubs a comforting hand on her back.
"When we were 16, your father and I would sneak around, we had to, inter-faction relationships were forbidden and we could not stop seeing each other. Well, we did something completely irresponsible, and result came 9 months later. We told our parents and they were livid with not only the thought of us sneaking around to see each other but the fact that I was having a baby just made everything worst; And we weren't ready to take care of a baby so we gave him away to a family in Erudite where we thought he would have a better life. It was around the time of our choosing ceremony and that's when we transferred, we didn't want to leave him behind but we did. We begged to take him with us but my parents refused," she gets choked up. She waits a moments before continuing,"We tried to visit him for the first few months of his life but things got complicated and we eventually stopped coming. Once we settled down here and got married and found out that we were going to have Caleb, then you, we vowed to be the best parents that we could be for you two because we couldn't be for him," she sobs.
I sit there shocked. I try speaking but nothing comes out. My mouth continues to open and closes. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?'' I ask finally.
"We weren't sure if you were ready, we didn't want to put a burden on you or have this affect your decision of the choosing ceremony, and we are so extremely sorry about that Tris, upsetting you was the last thing we intended to do" dad says when mom can no longer speak.
"I am not upset I just wish you told me, do you know anything else about him?" I ask.
"All we know is that he might have transferred to Dauntless but we are not certain. Other than that we haven't seen him since he was two years old," dad says sadly, he rests his head on moms and hugs her close, trying to prevent the tears from coming down his face as well. " He was born three years before you".
"What's his name?" I ask, maybe if he is in Dauntless I can try to track him down, perhaps reach out to him.
"We named him Eric, he should be 21 years old now, but remember Tris, he could have changed his name," Mom says. She continues on but everything else hits deaf ears. I can't be related to Eric, he is mean and heartless and cold.
"Are you sure that's his name, do you have any idea what he looks like?" I say massaging my temple.
"Yes Tris, I would remember what I named my child, What he looks like now I am not sure, but he was born with pale blue eyes and dark brown hair but it could have changed over the years," she says. The first thing I noticed about Eric was his cold, unwavering blue eyes. I bite my lip.
"What's wrong honey?" mom asks with worry evident in her voice.
"I know an Eric that fits that description, Four told me he was an Erudite born, Four and Eric can't stand each other," I tell them. At Four's name my dad tenses and purses his lips in distaste.
"Maybe he changed his name honey, but don't go searching for him, he may not know he was adopted," she says sternly.
"Yeah maybe," I say, looking back down at my plate and trying to distract myself instead by cutting my food.
I got Eric to talk long enough to confirm he was my parents' child. So I am trying to make an effort to bond, despite his reputation, but he keeps shutting me out. I refuse to give up though, I will become closer to Eric. I won't give up on my brother.
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