First of all thanks for the reviews. I know it's all a bit angsty, but stick with it. I promise it will lighten up eventually! PLease keep reviewing to let me know what you think. Enjoy!
He woke only a couple of hours later to find her body still draped across his, her eyes closed but he could tell she wasn't sleeping, that she hadn't slept. He turned his head to look down on her and gently brushed the lock of hair that had fallen down her cheek away, tucking it behind her ear so he could see all her beauty.
"You're awake." She said quietly, not opening her eyes.
"Yeah. I'm glad you're still here." He said quietly, taking hold of her hand and running her fingers through his. She pushed her self up and looked down into his eyes, trying to judge what he was thinking.
"How did you sleep?"
"Better knowing you were here." He pushed himself up to so their eyes were level. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too." She said sadly. They were quiet for a moment, the sound of their breathing the only thing breaking the silence.
"Sara, please believe me when I say that I didn't leave because of you."
"I want to believe you Gil, I really do."
"Then believe me Sara, please. I, I don't want to loose you." She swallowed hard as if trying to take in those words so she could truly believe them.
"Why did you go? Why now, if had nothing to do with me? I mean you have offered to teach there before right? I'm the only thing that has changed in your life Gil and I feel like you were running from me. I know we talk about this on the phone and you said it wasn't true but… I don't know."
"But we didn't really talk did we." He said his tone apologetic.
"I guess not." She shrugged, looking down at her hands. When he didn't say anything, she looked back up at him. "I'm sorry I was so angry Gil. I shouldn't have ignored your calls and then when I did answer I just, shouted at you and you…"
"Just avoided the subject." He cut in. She smiled slightly and so did he.
"This is such a mess." She said, shaking her head and looking away. He sighed, not sure what to say to that. "We should, err, we should get ready for work." She said, regretting it instantly. Now she was the one avoiding the subject, just like she had last night.
"Yeah." He said quietly. She bit her bottom lip and nodded at him. She brought her hand to his face and held it there as she slowly leaned in to place a simple kiss on his lips. Her forehead rested on his for the briefest moment as she breathed him in. Then rising to her knees she crawled past him and off the bed, her hand running down his face and his neck, across his chest and shoulder, not wanting to break contact as she walked away.
"Sara." He said suddenly, not turning to face her. She stopped walking, hovering in the doorway to the ensuite bathroom but didn't speak. "Promise me you'll come here after the shift, promise me you'll come home." Sara hadn't sold her apartment but spent most of her time at was they both considered to be their home, Grissoms town house. But tonight he feared she may not want to be with him and would opt to stay in her apartment rather. He couldn't bare that.
"I will." She said, almost a whisper.
"Thank you."
The mood was subdued in the lab that night, the air seeming to hang heavy over everyone's heads. Few words were exchanged between the team as they waited in the break room for their newly returned boss to hand out the assignments for the night.
"Ok, Nick and Sara, you've got a 419 off the strip. Greg, you're going solo: robbery at a jewellery store and Warrick you're with Catherine." This was a strategic decision. He knew Catherine would talk to Warrick if she needed to and that Warrick wouldn't hesitate to talk to him if he was worried. He suspected she hadn't slept for long after he had left her last night, as she looked tired, her eyes blood shot and her skin pale. Even though the assignments were now handed out, nobody moved, expecting him to say more. "I know what happened last night was a shock to us all. Ecklie has made a counsellor available to us if you feel you need to talk with her. Otherwise, my door is always open." He said, looking over to Catherine as he made this last comment. Everyone nodded before dispersing to their scenes.
Catherine knew how obvious it was that she was upset. She hadn't trusted herself to speak anymore than was necessary to get their job done for fear of loosing control of her emotions. Now as she was driving back to the lab, Warrick sat quietly by her side, she was feeling the effects of bottling her emotions inside of her. Her mind was wandering and her head was beginning to pound. The rational, road conscious part of her mind at least told her to check in the rear view mirror before veering the car off the road and making it come to a stand still. Warrick looked at her, shocked and confused by what she was doing. She clung tightly to the steering wheel, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. "Warrick, would you mind driving for a while?"
"Sure." He said. She nodded and unbuckled her seat belt, climbing out of the car before he had a chance to ask her why she didn't want to drive anymore. When they had swapped seats he asked, "Is everything alright?"
"I just have a headache. Too much sun probably." She replied knowing he would recognize she was lying but hoping he would just accept it.
"You sure?" She nodded. "Look Cath, I know you and Keppler…"
"Don't go there Warrick." She said resting her arm on the window ledge and holding her head in her hand. "Not now." Clearly she didn't want to talk about it, at least not to him, so Warrick decided to drop the subject and with a simple nod to acknowledge that he understood, he drove off.
He knew she needed to talk and that if she would talk to anyone, it would be Grissom. He knocked the door to his supervisors' office, alerting him that he was there and stepped inside. "Hey Griss, you got a minute?"
"Of course Warrick come in." He said, looking up from the mound of paperwork on his desk. As he came closer Warrick could see how tense Grissom himself looked. He put it down to having been there when Keppler had died and although he hadn't really known the man, seeing anyone die in front of you was bound to put you on edge. "Couldn't put if off any longer huh?" He said, motioning towards the papers and forms Grissom was pondering over.
"No." He said shaking his head and taking off his glasses. "How can I help?"
"I was just wondering if you could talk to Catherine. She seems pretty upset but she wont open up to me. I thought maybe she would be more likely to talk to you." Grissom looked more tense and concerned than before.
"I think Kepplers death has hit her pretty hard." Grissom reasoned, nodding and running his hand over his beard.
"Yeah, she seemed pretty close to him." He nodded again. He had seen the way she looked at him when he was alive and the way she acted when he died.
"I'll try and talk to her Warrick, thanks."
"Sure thing boss." He said, nodding his thanks and leaving Grissom to contemplate how best to approach this situation.
Greg climbed out of his car and into the warm night air, grabbed his kit and headed towards the crime lab. It had taken a while to process the scene so he wasn't surprised to see that all the other CSI's cars were already parked, they most likely hard at work processing their evidence. It did surprise him however to see a tall figure sitting hunched over on the low wall outside the main door. At first in the dim light he couldn't make out who it was but as he got closer he realised it was Sara. "Hey Sara, what are you doing out here?" He asked, standing in front of her, little over a meter away. She looked up but her body remained stooped forward.
"Oh hey Greg." She said, not answering his question, sounding almost as if she hadn't even realised he was there until she had raised her head.
"Are you alright?" He asked, stepping closer and putting his kit on the ground.
"Yeah I'm fine." She answered, dropping her gaze back to the floor and rubbing the palms of her hands together nervously. "Just needed some air."
"Tough case?" He guessed sitting down next to her. She didn't answer. "You know Sara if you want to talk…" She turned her head to face him and it struck him what the problem may be. "Is this about Grissom?" She looked back at the floor as she spoke.
"We didn't really get a chance to talk last night. It just didn't feel right after everything that happened you know."
"I thought you guys had already talk this out on the phone?"
"Well we did, sort of. It's just different now he's back. And I guess maybe I'm scared. I don't want to loose him Greg but I have handled this so badly…" His hand came to her back to try and comfort her.
"You have to talk to him Sara. Don't go on torturing yourself like this. You'll never know how he feels if you don't ask him."
"Well he says he still loves me." She said, more for her own benefit than for his.
"So that's good right?"
"I guess." She looked back up at him. "It's just that we have been together for, nearly two years, I don't know what I would do if…" She noticed then the look on Gregs face. "You look surprised?"
"Yeah, I just, didn't realise you guys had been together that long. I thought I could read you better than that."
"Well I guess I'm more mysterious than you thought." She smirked sitting up for the first time since they had started talking.
"I guess you are." He smiled. "So are you going to be ok?"
"Yeah thanks Greg."
"Any time." He said coming to his feet and heading towards the labs entrance.
"Um Greg." She called, making him turn back around and look at her his expression full of concern. "You're kit." She said, motioning to the black box sitting on the floor in front of her.
"Oh yeah." He said, rushing towards it and picking it up. "Thanks." He looked a little embarrassed.
"Any time."
He had spent the last five minutes searching the lab for Catherine to no avail. The only place he hadn't looked was the women's bathroom and he wasn't about to go in there. He was however walking down the corridor past this room when she emerged through the door, almost walking into him. "Hey Catherine."
"Hi." She said, looking up only for long enough to calculate a route past him.
"You ok?" He said quickly, putting out his arm to stop her passing.
"Yeah, just a headache that's all." She tried to pass him again.
"Ok, so can I talk to you for a minute?" He could sense she wasn't going to come if she knew from the outset that he just wanted to have and emotional heart-to-heart, so making it sound like a professional matter seemed like the best course of action.
"Ok." She shrugged, still avoiding his eyes.
"We'll go to my office." He said, leading the way. He held open the door for her to enter and then closed it behind them, immediately making Catherine suspicious.
"So how's the case going?" He asked casually, sitting behind his desk.
"It's ok. We've got a lot of stuff in trace and Warricks down in autopsy now."
"Good."
"So what's this really about Grissom?" She said, sitting down herself now. He gave her an innocent, questioning look. "Come on Gil, you only shut the door if you have bad news, you need to reprimand on of us or you are worried about something so which one is it?"
"The latter." He admitted.
"Well you don't need to be. I'm fine." She said standing back up to try and leave.
"You just have a headache right?"
"Right." She sounded more than a little annoyed by this questioning. She just wanted to be left alone. She turned and walked towards the door.
"Do you have something you can take for it? Tylenol?"
"Yeah."
"Have you taken it yet?"
"Yes."
"Did it work?"
"No Grissom, no it didn't." She turned quickly around to face him now, raising her voice in frustration. They remained silent for a while, both staring at each other, neither wanting to give on this.
"So do you want to tell me what's really wrong?" He asked more gently. She looked at the floor, feeling tears pricking in her eyes.
"You already know Grissom. You were there." She said quietly, shaking her head.
"You know Catherine, the counsellor…"
"I don't want to talk to a counsellor Grissom," Her voice was raised again and so was her gaze, her eyes now glistening with tears. "I talked to you, I already talk to you and it hasn't made it any better." He came to his feet and walked towards her as a tear spilled onto her cheek. "You know the guy aimed the gun at me too. He aimed it at me and Mike shot him. He saved my life Gil and I… I couldn't save his. I just stood there and watched him die. I let them stop trying to save him after he had just saved me." She hadn't told him that her life had been in danger. This part she had kept a secret until now.
"Catherine, you know you did everything you could."
"Yeah I know." She nodded, wiping away the stray tears, trying to hold back the ones she could feel were on the verge of falling. But she couldn't do it and a gulping sob erupted from within her. She could feel her body trembling. She could feel Grissom arms around her. After a few minutes she began to feel more relaxed and she pulled herself away from him.
"I'm sorry Grissom."
"It's ok there's no need to apologise." She gave him a shy smile and wiped the last of the moisture from her cheeks.
"This is all because of Warrick isn't it? He spoke to you." She chuckled slightly as he nodded guiltily. "Well remind me to thank him."
"I will." He smiled.
"Well I guess I uh, should get back to work." She said, motioning towards the door. They said their thanks and good buys silently, having known each other for long enough to not always need words to know what the other person was thinking. He sighed and turned back to this desk, wincing as he saw the pile of paperwork, seemingly no smaller than when he had started working on it hours ago. After a moments' consideration, he decided a cup of coffee was in order and headed to the break room. On the way he bumped into Greg, clearly just coming in from his crime scene.
"You took your time Greg."
"Yeah, the place was a mess." He said. Grissom seemed satisfied with the answer and Greg considered leaving it there, but then decided to go on. "Have you spoken to Sara tonight?"
Grissom looked a little confused. "Not really. Why is she alright?" He said a little more concerned.
"She just seems a little down that's all."
"We're all a little down Greg." He said in reference to what had happened the previous night.
"No I don't think that's the problem."
"No?"
Greg sighed. He was going to have to be very tactful here or this could easily blow up in his face. "She's been upset about something for a few weeks." He paused for a moment before continuing. "Sara's very sensitive and it takes her a lot to trust people. I know she seems to deal well with a lot of things: Change, uncertainty, but deep down I don't think she copes as well as she might like to think." Grissom nodded. "Or as she might like you to think." Grissom nodded again. "I think you should talk to her." He said, pausing for a moment to wait for a response but when none came he gave a polite nod and carried on his way to the layout room.