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Chapter Two

Emotion

It rained nearly all day. Forks was good for it's consistency, at least.

I was perched on the windowsill, my face pressed against the glass of the window, my breath fogging my vision of the endless falling water and gray. I clutched the phone in my hand and silently counted the millionth raindrop to fall this Saturday morning. Edward had not called.

Charlie had left for work a while ago, and the house was too silent. I dialed the number again, and again I dealt with no answer. It was frustrating, and I groaned. This was exactly what I had feared. Loneliness.

I would not let myself delve into self-pity, so I thought over my options. I could visit Jacob in La Push. But that would require driving my truck all the way there in this rain. That option was out. I sighed creating another cloud of fog on the window and made a move to get up, when my phone rang.

I answered in less than half a ring.

I spoke breathlessly, "Hello? Edward?"

"Bella! Why are you breathing so hard?"

I rolled my eyes. It was Alice.

"No reason, Alice. It could be the fact that I was so excited to talk to you!"

Alice giggled at my tone, "Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Bella. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Alice… holding up pretty good. But then again, it's only the first day. I could be a wreck tomorrow, who knows." I was being sarcastic again, "What about you? Where's Edward? He said he'd call me…"

"We're all fine, Bella. Edward is…busy. He wanted me to check up on you. Are you sure you're okay? You know Edward would come back right away if you asked?"

I huffed, "I'm alright, Alice, I'm alright. And I know he would…sometimes I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. So he's busy? Well, tell him to call me when he can, then. I miss you guys already."

I could practically hear Alice smile. "We miss you too. Take care of Charlie, okay? Talk to you soon. Love you!"

The line went dead and my goodbye was left unsaid. I tried not to care too much that Edward hadn't had enough time to talk to me, but it hurt a little that he wasn't able to spare five minutes. Five minutes, that's all I needed. Maybe less. I placed the phone back on the receiver and looked around my empty house with a feeling of hollowness in my stomach. I needed company.

That's when I remembered. Even though Edward was away, who's to say that I couldn't visit the Cullen house?

I ran up the stairs into my room and changed into a t-shirt, jeans and my windbreaker in record time. I left my hair open, pulling a comb through it once and grabbed my keys. I ran out into the downpour and climbed in my truck, my spirits rising a little higher.

Dropping by unannounced was not something I ever did, unless Edward was with me. But I hadn't seen Esme and Carlisle in so long. I even wanted to see Rosalie, although I know we probably wouldn't talk. It was weird to imagine the Cullen house nearly empty, only housing three people. Such a vast space was hard to think of without Alice flitting down the halls, and Emmett's booming laugh shaking the walls. Maybe I could help Esme with things around the house? Although my slow human pace and clumsiness would probably be a hinder, not a help. I pulled onto the curving path leading to the house, and thought that maybe this was a bad idea after all. But before I knew it, my truck was parked in the driveway and I was walking to the front door.

The rain had slowed now and I nervously wrung my hands. Why was I so nervous, anyway? I'd been here plenty of times. My shaky finger rang the doorbell. I could hear it's familiar tinkle echo in the house even from outside. I couldn't suppress a small smile. I felt like I was coming to a second home, in a way.

The door pulled open to reveal an infallible, smiling Carlisle. He was grinning at me.

"Bella! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

My smile on my face grew as well, and the hollowness in my stomach faded away completely at his filling presence. Carlisle's smile was infectious and he looked genuinely happy to see me.

"Hi Carlisle. I hope you don't mind that I stopped by. I hadn't seen you and Esme in a while and…"

He raised a hand to silence me and pulled the door wider to let me in. "No worries, Bella. We all get a little lonely sometimes. Please come in."

I laughed nervously and made my way inside the familiar house, breathing in the scent of roses and freesia. Alice had added her touches before leaving. I pulled off my windbreaker and hung it on a coat hook to dry. Carlisle and I walked into the kitchen, and coincidentally sat down at the same place where he had stitched my arm after my disastrous birthday party. I shivered at the thought of that night, and what it had led up to. Carlisle noticed my gesture, and smiled sympathetically.

"What that birthday triggered for you, Bella…it stills pains me to think of it. I never got to say this, but I am sorry on my part, for leaving you here in Forks alone. We thought what we were doing was right. It only caused you more hurt."

He took my hand and squeezed it. It felt nice, reassuring. I squeezed his back, but I knew the stone hand would have felt nothing in return.

"It's okay." I stated simply. He smiled lightly, sensing that my answer needed no further explanation. I had forgiven them, all of them, and there was absolutely nothing more to say about it. Carlisle understood that and didn't press for more. We lapsed into a comfortable silence.

Carlisle began to hum something low and soothing in contrast to the complete silence of the kitchen and I gazed around the familiar surroundings feeling completely at home. It was almost as if we were two long-time companions who knew every precious silence needed not to be filled with pointless conversation. Something about Carlisle made me feel completely at ease; almost as if he had Jasper's talent and was able to spread calmness over me like a blanket.

We sat and got lost in our own thoughts for a while…

It was only then that I noticed the silence. Not like before, where the quiet was comfortable and calm, but the silence that was empty and hollow and echoed throughout the rooms of this vast house. I listened intently for a sound of scurrying upstairs, or the voices of Esme or Rosalie but I heard nothing; only the calm humming of the man sitting with me. I turned to look at him full on and he shifted his gaze to me, still smiling.

"Yes, Bella?" He asked pleasantly.

"Where are Esme and Rosalie? I know that at least Esme would have come downstairs to say hello, if not Rosalie…" I trailed off, remembering that Carlisle was not proud of Rosalie's attitude toward me, but his smile still didn't falter.

"They're out hunting. I opted out of the opportunity for some time to myself, maybe to read a book in my study, but I am enjoying your company even more, Bella."

Carlisle acted as if I was the most fascinating person possible to spend a day with, and it was genuine. He gazed at me and my cheeks heated under the intense pressure of his look. I wanted him to break the stare and look at something else for god's sake, for he was getting lost in the features of my face, but at the same time I wanted him to keep watching me, just so I could have an excuse to watch him too. The honey-colored eyes, sincere smile and immensely unfair beauty of his face had me entranced the same as if I was staring at Edward Cullen.

Edward's face swam into my mind's eye, clouding my vision of Carlisle and something inside of me stung slightly as remembered he hadn't spared five minutes to talk to me this morning. He knew how much I needed to hear his voice, how much I needed that little bit of comfort on his part. Usually so good at keeping my interests in the forefront of his thoughts, Edward had forgotten me today. I wiped my mind of his face and glanced at the clock, sensing that maybe I had overstayed my welcome. Carlisle had caught the movement with his keen eyes and his calm smile faded as he took in the evident worry on my face.

"Don't worry, Bella. Edward will be back soon."

My attempt at a smile formed into a grimace and Carlisle squeezed my hand once more before gracefully lifting himself off the chair. He retreated into the living room and I pulled myself together before following him. For some reason I needed to stay with him; something about Carlisle made me feel safe and wanted, not lonely at all. I traced his steps in the pristine carpet and nearly collided with him as he came to halt near the front door.

"Esme and Rosalie will be back any minute now. They will be glad to see you."

I knew he had carefully chosen his words and added the 'they' just because he knew I was feeling lonely and reminding me of the fact that Rosalie hated me wouldn't be good for my 'fragile' state they all thought I was in. I already had a strong sense that only Esme would be smiling as she opened the door. He smiled somewhat sheepishly as he realized I had caught him in his words and glanced at me out of the corner of his eye to make sure I wasn't in hysterics.

His actions and words caught me a little more than off guard.

I suddenly felt like a burden, as though Carlisle was doing and saying everything so vigilantly just to make sure I wouldn't go crazy from Edward-withdrawal or break apart due to my so-called fragility. A new feeling in the pit of my stomach rose and made me suddenly not want to see Esme, or even stand in this house anymore. Whether it really was 'Edward-withdrawal', or simply the fact that I was getting hormonal, I didn't know, but I knew I really had to get out of here. Fast. I couldn't linger to see the women come back, and I couldn't be a burden to Carlisle any longer.

I snapped upright and grabbed my jacket from the coat hook beside the door mechanically, with a look of false apologies written all over my face. Carlisle looked confused with my actions.

"I'm sorry, I have to leave. I told Charlie I'd be back, like, fifteen minutes ago. Tell Esme I'll see her next tim- later."

I hastily reached for the door handle, as Carlisle opened his mouth to speak. I needed to leave, I had to go. I just wanted to get out of this house, away from the emptiness and the memories and Carlisle measuring his every word and Edward and just get far away. I needed to breathe, to get outside.

I saw my hand throw the door open automatically and my feet began to move towards it.

"Bye Carlisle! Thank you!" My words sounded slurred and hurried to my ears. I knew I would look frantic and crazy, just the things he was trying to avoid.

I jetted out the door before he could say anything and didn't look back to see the worried or confused expression I would indefinitely see on his face as I ran to the driveway, getting closer to my safe haven with each shaky step. I practically flew into my truck's front seat and started the engine without hesitation. I was breathing hard and sure I was having a mild panic attack.

My ribs felt like they were caving in on my lungs and through labored breaths I realized I had nothing but the thought of a smiling Carlisle's face to keep me company on my long drive home.

If possible, my ribs constricted a little tighter and not a breath could escape my lungs. I doubled over and tried to breathe but I could barely suck in any air. Tears sprung to my eyes, and I began to think that maybe I was going crazy.

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