Summary: Satoko can't do shit, so until she upgrades her ninjutsu arsenal, she'll have to improvise her way through Protagonist's life.
Thankfully, Iruka was kind enough to offer to walk me home, which saved me from asking or from wandering around aimlessly until morning. The second I got inside, I got myself into the shower, because everybody knows that's the best place to do some real thinking.
"Okay, first thing's first – learn how to use chakra," I said out loud, because at times like these (not that I've ever been transported to a fictional world and taken the role of the protagonist before), talking to myself made it easier to get my thoughts organized.
As I began to scrub my body down, I registered for the first time that it wasn't actually my body. I should have figured that my appearance would change now that I'd taken this role, but it just didn't really have time to sink in until now.
There were scars here and there – some that I had before coming here, and some new ones that were presumably from Protagonist's past, which was now my past. I eyed a particularly noticeable scar at the base of my right palm and frowned when the memory of how I got it surfaced.
"Get out of this shop!"
The words were accompanied by an image of some shitty geezer shoving me out into the street. I stumbled and ended up crashing into a vase on the way out. It hit the ground before I did, and when I landed, one of the shards lodged itself deep into my hand.
"Tch, look at this mess! I knew it; you're nothing but a curse to this village!"
What an asshole.
"It's a damn good thing I know it gets better from here on out, or I might have ended up just as obnoxious and attention-seeking as Protagonist was." That was, of course, assuming that I could get up to the necessary level that was required to do everything that he did in the first place.
It was surreal, remembering things that simultaneously did and didn't happen to me.
"Heh. Schrodinger's memories."
Granted, if I was taking Protagonist's role, it made sense to take his memories and whatever skills he had, as well. At least I wasn't recalling everything all at once, or else I might have ended up with a painful migraine and an emotional breakdown.
I shook my head clear and went back to scrubbing.
My skin was more tanned and my hands were rough from handling weapons. I felt just as out of shape as I was before when I was running, but now that I was examining my new body, it was a lot more toned than how I felt earlier that day.
"I guess it takes time for the body to adjust," I murmured while flexing my arms and abs. "Oh, yeah. I have a seal here."
I patted my belly as if it was going to do anything, but no fancy markings appeared.
"Ouch, this is also where Orochimaru jams his fingers during the Chuunin Exams." I winced, making a mental note to try avoiding that when the time came around. "…Augh, why do all the antagonists have to be so strong?"
If my body really was going to start adjusting itself to the years of regular exercise Protagonist had, I really hoped it wasn't an agonizingly slow process.
"At least he has regenerative abilities," I reminded myself, recalling the pros to being the Kyuubi's container. "Let's hope his stamina kicks in soon, too. There's no way I'll be able to bring it up to par by the time teams are announced, and then I might actually throw up from Kakashi's test. Speaking of which…"
Unlike Protagonist, I knew exactly what that jounin was planning, which meant that maybe, if I played my cards right, I could make Team Seven grow up just a little bit faster than they originally did.
"Yeah, sure, if I can convince the Great Uchiha Prodigy to team up with the Great Uzumaki Moron," I scowled, not wanting to think about how I was going to get Sakura on my side, either. "Knowledge of the future is useless when you can't even use it to change the present."
Then again, I've read a whole bunch of time-travel stories, and most of those managed to come up with reasons for the genin to start working together. As long as I played into their priorities, I should be able to talk them into it.
"Finally, a use for all those years of character analysis!" Now it was a matter of whether or not I was right about their characters. No pressure, though.
As I brainstormed on how I should go about establishing my relationship with my soon-to-be-teammates, I started washing my new, blond hair. Of all the things to be happy about, this was it, because do you have any idea how hard it is to dye dark brown hair?
"I wonder if they even have hair dye in this world, though." My burst of happiness instantly fizzled to a sulk.
Unless I dyed my hair red with the blood of my enemies.
"Oh, shit," I whispered, nearly getting shampoo in my eye in the process. "I have to kill people."
Okay, well, that wasn't necessarily true, because from what I could remember, Protagonist didn't exactly go around assassinating people left and right, but it might have a lot to do with the series being targeted for a younger audience, so maybe it wasn't all that great for the role model of the series to murder his way to success as opposed to using his Power of Friendship.
It also didn't change the fact that, when fighting enemies, I was pretty much aiming to kill, anyway.
"Geez… I mean, I've always wondered how I would react to killing somebody, but…" Until then, I just relied on the fact that I would never be in a situation where I got the chance to find out.
Such were the dangers of thinking in the shower. Shit always got too real.
I took a deep breath and decided to focus on my priority, which was ultimately getting the hang of ninjutsu.
However, once I was washed up and dry, that priority was nearly bumped out of the way when I started looking for sleepwear.
"I almost forgot how terrible Protagonist's outfit was." I cringed at the orange jumpsuit I had stripped off earlier. That, too, left unregistered, which was probably for the better. I would have spent the entire day thinking about how ridiculous I felt wearing that thing in public instead of reasonably freaking out. "Okay, next priority after learning ninjutsu: get some new clothes."
For now, I settled with the sleepwear I saw Protagonist wearing – a loose, collared pajama shirt, the pants to match, and his funky sleeping cap.
"Okay, not gonna lie, I've always wanted this thing," I said, pulling it over my head. "Granted, I have no idea who would wear a hat to sleep, and why."
Once I was dressed again, I began to search the rest of Protagonist's bachelor pad, which first started with me cleaning up the entire thing. Memories of where he put everything would have been handy dandy at that point, but apparently they liked to go from beginning to end, and right then, the memories I was getting were from around the time of the Uchiha massacre.
Aw, little Sasuke's such a cutie, I thought while gathering a bunch of old ramen packets into a smelly pile. "Really, Protagonist? You can't even take out the trash? Come on, even I can do better than that, and I'm a university student without a roommate."
Who was now twelve years old again, I realized.
Which meant I got to go through puberty all over again.
Fan-freaking-tastic.
The reminder of being a first-year undergrad made another worry swell up within me.
"…Shit, what's gonna happen to my GPA?" I burst into laughter, nearly knocking over a bowl of leftover instant ramen. "Who am I kidding? That was a lost cause since day one."
Once the table was cleared, I picked up some stray clothes and threw them onto a chair to wash later. I made a separate pile for clothes I didn't plan on wearing because as the (new?) main character, I vowed to wear better clothes than Protagonist did, and also the only articles of clothing that changed to accommodate for my smaller physique was the underwear.
"Alright, now that I'm sure there's no mold growing anywhere, let's get started on some self-teaching."
The last thing left to organize where the dozens of scrolls and books that were strewn across the room. I piled them onto the low table and began skimming through them.
Thankfully, even if he missed a lot of class and failed the test three times, Protagonist still had a few notes from the Academy. They were mostly the basics, but the basics were all I needed right now.
Chakra is the form of life energy that all living things produce to some degree and need to survive. It is produced within the chakra coils that primarily surround and connect to each organ that produces chakra.
"…But which organs do that?" Leave it to Protagonist's notes to not tell me, but it probably didn't matter much. The point was, living beings produce chakra. Awesome. Maybe answered the long-debated question on whether or not plants have chakra, too.
The energy circulates throughout the body in a network called the Chakra Pathway System. Shinobi are capable of generating more chakra and releasing it through pressure points known as tenketsu. This enables them to perform jutsu.
Most of it was introductory jabber, so I flipped through the pages until I found something more related to actually moulding chakra to do things.
Chakra is created when physical energy and spiritual energy are moulded together. Collectively, these two types of energy constituteone's stamina. Physical energy is collected from every cell in the body. It can be increased through training, stimulants, and exercise.
"I really need Protagonist's stamina if I'm gonna do that exercising thing."
Spiritual energy comes from the mind's consciousness and can be increased through studying, meditation, and experience.
"...I really need self-discipline if I'm gonna do that studying thing." Granted, this was a lot more interesting than some of the things I was studying in university, and now my survival depended on it, so I hoped that would be enough to make me more studious.
The more powerful these two energies become, the more powerful one's chakra becomes. Thus, practicing the same technique repeatedly will build up experience, which will increase spiritual energy. This will create more chakra and finally, enable one to perform that technique with more power. The same process applies to physical energy, except the shinobi needs to increase their endurance, instead.
The next few paragraphs talked about how everybody has their own chakra signature, so I skipped ahead to the bold lettering that read CHAKRA CONTROL.
"See, this is what I needed from the beginning." I folded the corner of the page and continued reading.
Chakra takes time to build up, so the key is not having chakra, but the ability to control and conserve it.
In order to mould chakra, one must extract physical energy from the body's cells and spiritual energy from the mind's consciousness, which are then mixed together within the body. It is possible to create too much or too little chakra for a technique.
"Oh, this is that stuff Sakura says while tree-climbing." It was reassuring to know that even something as foreign as chakra had some familiarity to it, even if that familiarity came from re-watching and re-reading chapters for the sake of fanfiction accuracy. "Okay, so, mind and body, stir until mixed, and don't use too little or too much or I'll mess it up."
I dug through the notes again until I found information about actual techniques. Since I knew the genin test was going to be on the Clone Technique, I decided to focus on that one, first. I at least had to be able to make a shitty potato-sack clone like Protagonist did.
"Ram, snake, tiger." I repeated the three hand seals required for the technique and pulled up a chart of the seals, because despite following the series for over half of my life, I still didn't have them all memorized.
I wasn't that much of a loser. (Yes I was)
As I practiced making the seals, I read a little bit about what hand seals actually did in the first place.
Hand seals manipulate the amount of chakra necessary to perform a technique. Every technique has its own sequence of hand seals that needs to be memorized. While techniques may require several hand seals to work, a skilled shinobi can use less or even one hand seal to perform the same technique.
"Is this like math, but with chakra?" I thought to myself with a furrowed brow. "A different combination of hand seals will manipulate a different amount of chakra, so… depending on which specific hand seals I use, I'll draw out more or less chakra for the technique."
I wondered if there was a chart that indicated how much chakra was manipulated with each hand seal, but found no such thing. Figures, though I wasn't even sure if I was understanding it right. As long as the sequence was given, though, it wasn't much of a problem. Right now, it was a matter of getting used to the feeling of manipulating chakra in the first place.
My new memories now had a few instances where I was actually learning how to use chakra, which helped me get a feel for what it felt like to mould it. There was nothing that helped me understand the Clone Technique in particular, however, but at least it was a start.
"Okay, so that one is the standard sequence," I mumbled while making the three hand seals again, "but the alternative is tiger, boar, ox, dog, which probably makes it easier to do. Might as well start with the standard and see how that goes."
I took a few deep breaths sand stood up, ready to give it a shot.
"I'm so happy I'm alone right now," I sighed before making the hand seals.
The feeling of manipulating chakra was both familiar and foreign at the same time, which was the most bizarre sensation I had ever felt in my life. If performing a technique was like firing a gun, making the hand seals was loading the gun, moulding the chakra was pulling the trigger, and the result would be the bullet being fired.
"Clone Technique!" I said, because maybe saying the name would help, too.
The bullet was not fired.
I stared at the empty space next to me and groaned.
"Protagonist has the most useless memories ever. I'd be better off learning from a dead cat."
Seriously, why couldn't I have replaced Sakura, or hell, even Sasuke? At least their memories would give me a better idea of how to use chakra, and if I were Sasuke, I could just sit my ass down and not leave the village in the first place instead of spending the next three years of my life losing an arm – hah – and leg over trying to bring him back.
"Well, I've got all night to practice. At least I'm no stranger to pulling all-nighters."
With a heavy sigh, I cleared my head as much as I could, and tried again.
When morning came, I was worn out enough to warrant another shower, so that's what I did. It also helped wake me up, which was nice. After almost a day of being in this world, I had recalled just about all the memories there were to recall about Protagonist's childhood, and wow, did I wanna go punch every single civilian in the face right then.
"Props to Protagonist for not doing that," I sighed while reluctantly putting on the orange jump suit.
Admittedly, it was really comfortable, and I was probably going to keep it just so I could wear it at home, but not only was it tacky, I didn't want to work up a sweat in long sleeves and pants. How Protagonist didn't die of heatstroke in that thing, I may never know.
Now with a mental map of Konoha – at least, the places I would need to know the locations of – I got myself to the Academy right on time. That was a first, seeing as I hadn't woken up before noon in a while, but it seemed like Protagonist's stamina was finally starting to kick in. For once, I didn't feel like I was on the verge of death.
It also helped keep practicing the Clone Technique all night, and it was like the notes said – more experience led to better results, and man, was I so ready to show off my results.
"Now, for the graduation exam, you will do the Transformation Technique."
I could have sworn the entire world just stopped.
"When you are called, come to the next room."
And yet, it continued without me.
My heart pounded loudly as panic began to settle in. This was not how it was supposed to go. The test was on the Clone Technique – the one that I practiced the entire night! I even managed to make an actual clone! Granted, it still looked a little wonky, but it was standing, and I was so ready to get that stupid headband, but—
"This is so unfair!"
It wasn't until I lifted my head off the desk to see everybody staring at me that I realized I said that out loud.
"Is there something wrong, Satoko?" Iruka asked, mildly irritated. "I hope you practiced like you said you would."
I took a deep breath and shoved my hands into my pockets in order to prevent myself from lashing out on the table. Whether I was more panicked or worried at that point was hard to say.
"…I did," I bit out through clenched teeth.
But not the right one because—because—AGH. What the hell did I just do? Did I already screw up the universe forever?! Am I too good for you, Universe? Is that it?! IS THAT IT?!
Apparently, Protagonist was destined to fail that test no matter what happened.
When my name was called, I walked in with as much confidence as I could muster, which was harder than it sounded, because now I was worried about anything I did possibly causing the course of this universe to change. For all I knew, Iruka could have already been replaced by Anko, and Mizuki would be the new older-brother figure.
I entered the classroom and was relieved to find that Anko wasn't there and Mizuki still had the face of an undercover asshole.
"Whenever you're ready." Iruka smiled.
So, never.
I scrunched up my face in distaste and sucked in a deep breath in hopes of calming my nerves.
I can do this. I studied the theories and I skimmed the notes on this technique. I can probably do it this time. Besides, Protagonist has memories of successfully performing the technique, which is basically the same thing as me doing them.
"Alright, here I go." I made the tiger hand seal and closed my eyes.
I began to do that whole energy-mixing thing with much more assurance than before. Some of the technique was just what I recently practiced, and the rest was from my new memories that almost made it instinctive.
Small shout out to Protagonist for not having completely useless memories after all.
I felt my chakra gather and mould within my core. By then, it was a sensation I had felt several times over, and it was one that meant that it was working.
"Transformation Technique!" There was a puff of smoke, and I almost stopped emitting my chakra out of excitement. When it cleared, I looked up at the two chuunin and grinned widely. "How 'bout that, Iruka-sensei? Not bad, I bet!"
The two chuunin stared back at me in silence for a moment, eyes wide and mouths parted. When neither one of them spoke for a few moments, however, I started to get nervous.
"Uh…" I started, but was unsure of what to say.
"Satoko." Iruka said in an unsettling low voice. "Please explain yourself."
He gestured for me to approach the desk.
"I don't…" I murmured nervously, but inched my way over nevertheless.
Finally, Iruka slowly reached for a headband. He held it up to my eye level and frowned heavily.
"Who is this, and why does he look so familiar?"
When I looked at my reflection, my visibly flinched from what I saw.
Shit, I transformed into Protagonist! Retracting previous shout out, this is bad!
"U-Um, you see…" I stammered, my mind churning to come up with an excuse.
Did I just rip through the fabric of space and time itself? Oh, man, I can't believe Iruka recognizes him! This seriously wasn't how things were supposed to go down!
"I see that you didn't practice at all!" he suddenly shouted, slamming the headband on the table. "You've barely even transformed!"
"W-Wha—?"
"Iruka-sensei," Mizuki said with a gentle smile, "this is her third time, and she did technically transform. We could let her pass."
"No way, Mizuki-sensei. Everybody else transformed into someone completely different, but all Satoko did was change her physique and shorten her hair! Anybody could tell that it's actually her." Even though he gave me a sympathetic glance, he refused to change his mind. "I can't let her pass."
I knew I was supposed to pretend to be upset, but at that point, I was way too relieved that they didn't actually recognize Protagonist for who he was.
Talk about a heart attack. And now that I've failed…
"Satoko," a voice stopped me on my way home.
…I can get Mizuki to find me for that stupid plan of his.
"Mizuki-sensei!" I greeted, feigning surprise.
I contemplated trying to get myself out of this situation. It ends with Iruka literally getting stabbed in the back, and I end up giving another reason for everybody in the village to hate me, but it did end with Protagonist learning the Shadow Clone Technique. As annoying as it was that it was one of the two moves he ever used, it was damn useful, and like hell I was going to skip over the chance to at least try learning it.
"Iruka-sensei is a serious person," Mizuki said once we were seated on a perch on the side of a building. "His parents were killed when he was young and he's had to do everything himself."
I slouched and pouted my lips, annoyed. "Doesn't mean he gets to pick on me."
"He probably sees himself in you," he smiled gently. "He's probably thinking he wants you to become strong the real way. Try to understand Iruka's feelings, since you also have no parents."
Ouch, touchy subject much, asshole.
"…I still wish I graduated."
Mizuki seemed to contemplate something for a brief moment before saying, "Well then, I'll tell you a special secret."
Ten points to me for picking the right dialogue options. I knew playing visual novels would help me someday.
Memories of Protagonist practicing the Sexy Transformation Technique lingered at the back of my mind, but I wasn't good enough to use it – nor did I want to use it – so I had to come up with another way to K.O. the Hokage if he caught me in action.
Which he did, because let's face it – an academy student wasn't going to conceal themselves from the greatest shinobi in the village. Especially when that academy student technically just learned how to use chakra.
"What are you doing in my house at this hour?" His old geezer voice came from behind.
My original plan was to temporarily blind the old man by flashing a light in his face, but then I remembered the lack of technology in this universe, which never made sense. They had crappy computers and could hold a low-budget conference call, but still no flashlights.
My second plan was to find the light switch and turn them on and off really quickly for the same effect. I would have closed my eyes so I wouldn't have been blinded as well, except once I actually snuck in, I couldn't find the light switches in the first place. The dim moonlight wasn't enough for me to locate them.
Thankfully, I came prepared, just in case something like this happened. Except, well, Plan C was a little bit… extreme.
"I really wish you didn't catch me, Gramps," I murmured while reaching into my pouch.
"Hm? What do you have there, Satoko?" The Hokage frowned. "You weren't trying to prank me again, were you?"
You and me are both gonna wish that were the case real soon, old man. Trust me.
I pulled out a bottle, struck a match with my teeth (thank you pointless skill #5 for finally being useful), lit the oil-soaked rag that was sticking out of it, and waited two mortified seconds before smashing it between us.
"I'M SO SORRY FOR THIS OLD MAN—" I shrieked, sprinting away as fast as I could because I just threw a freaking Molotov inside the ninja equivalent of the White House in front of the ninja equivalent of the fucking president because what else are you supposed to do when you come face to face with the most powerful shinobi in the village and you can't use ninjutsu for shit?
YOU THROW A FUCKING MOLOTOV AT HIM.
"Oh my god oh my god oh my godohmygodohmygod—"
Whatever was happening behind me, I didn't dare turn around, because I was in no rush to get a preview of my afterlife.
I take it back; Sexy Transformation Technique would have been sO MUCH BETTER FUCK-
End Notes: You're lying to yourself if you think she had a better way to go about this.
Also hmu on tumblr, my url is youridiotwriter and sometimes I post extra content and whatnot o/