Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters referenced in this story. All rights go to ABC and Shonda Rhimes (heartbreaker that she is).
This chapter (and maybe the next one too) stick a little closer to the show and fill in some gaps I felt were left. I feel like this was a turning point for Arizona. Also, I've written bits and pieces of about eight different chapters so if I'm delayed with updating it's because I'm trying to organise my mind and writing enough for humans to understand. Not so easy when you're battling constant brain fog because of chronic illnesses! That's also the reason why my chapters are shorter than I would usually write. They are what they are so if you don't like it, you don't need to read it.
It wasn't the first time Arizona had fired a home care nurse. Or maybe it was. Callie didn't really know if she'd fired the others or if they'd quit after having various objects hurled at them.
It wasn't the first time that Callie had needed to pull her wife off the floor and drag her into the shower amidst the blonde's screams of protest.
But it was the first time that Callie had broken down in front of Arizona. More often than not, she cried herself to sleep but as she had been sleeping at Mark's, Arizona wasn't around to hear her. Arizona fought Callie, pushing her away and screaming at her to get off and leave her alone. She sputtered and cried out as the water hit her face, silencing only when Callie yelled at her.
"There's nowhere else to go! This is my life now too!"
As her wife sobbed openly in front of her, her forehead dropping forward onto the wall just above the blonde's shoulder, Arizona froze. She shuddered as the water splashed down on them and tried to breathe. After staying silent for several minutes, letting the words sink in, she swallowed. "Callie," she whispered. "Calliope, I-"
"You asked me not to leave, Arizona. Nick came to the hospital with that tumor and you begged me, you made me promise that I wouldn't leave," Callie sniffed and took a shaky breath, "And I promised. I'm still here. And then that plane crashed and it was awful, and I will never understand how it felt to be out there. But I am still here for you, Arizona. You made me promise that I wouldn't leave so I promised. I-I promised..."
Arizona closed her eyes as tears spilled down her cheeks. "I know. I know you promised, Callie. But you also promised that I'd keep my leg and-"
"Why does this always come back to the leg? I did it to keep you alive, Arizona! Lexie died. Mark died. Are you hearing me? Mark is dead. My best friend, Sofia's father is dead." Callie wailed, gripping the blonde's arms to keep her steady.
Arizona sobbed and gasped as she tried to breathe. "I know it was the only option left, Callie, I know that. But I am still... so mad at you. I'm just..." She sniffed and breathed deeply. "I'm not ready to forgive you. But I will try. I will try to move forward."
Callie stared for a moment, battling inwardly whether or not to say anything. Approaching slowly, she leaned against the counter of the nurse's station.
"What?" Alex grumbled at her, "You got something to say, say it."
Callie folded her arms and looked at him, "Arizona told me you spoke to her yesterday. That you went in and spoke to her after I specifically told you not to."
Alex rolled his eyes, "Oh great, your wife tattled on me and now you've come to bust my balls. Look, Torres, I-"
"I'm not mad," Callie interrupted, " I, uh- I actually came over here to say thank you. For talking to her... She hates me right now. Arizona, I mean. She's in a place where she needs to hate me, and I think I'm supposed to be okay with that because I'm the one who had to make the call for her to lose her leg and you can't be mad at someone who's just been through a trauma like that, you just can't. It's not right. So I was thinking I had to be okay with her hating me, but last night when I took her home and I'd done everything I was supposed to do – fed Sofia, put her to bed, helped Arizona change... I went to leave, and she invited me to sit down and watch TV with her. She hasn't even been able to look in my direction for weeks."
Alex sighed impatiently, "Get to your point faster, Torres."
Callie smiled softly at him, "We sat there for a little while watching this stupid show about people baking and then she started talking to me. Actual talking, not fighting, and she tells me that she saw you. That she had her prosthesis and she stood alone and you came in and she fell, but you caught her. She told me what you'd said to her. And that you'd helped her get back up and that she stood in front of a mirror and she asked for help. And..." Callie hesitated, "She told me that you said I was trying too. So... Thank you for that." Shifting awkwardly, Alex shrugged a little. The brunette grinned at how uncomfortable he appeared, "You can go, Alex. I'm done."
Grabbing his charts, Alex started to walk away down the hall then turned back to Callie for a moment. "She's coming back, right? Soon?"
Callie's smile faltered ever so slightly. "She- Maybe." Turning quickly, Callie Torres walked as fast as she could out of the pediatric ward.
The apartment was quiet when Callie got home, Sofia on her hip. "Arizona," she called out, "we're back." Her call was met with silence. Callie ventured further into the apartment. "Arizona?" She called again. Nothing. The brunette frowned and peered into the bedroom. "Huh... Wonder where your Mama's gotten to..." Carefully, she settled Sofia in her high chair and handed her the sippy-cup before starting to get dinner ready.
As she cooked, she continually glanced at the clock and checked her phone, wondering where her wife was. She tried to call a few times but each call went immediately to voicemail. After lightly pureeing the food for her daughter Callie breathed deeply and pulled a chair close, sitting in front of Sofia and handing her a spoon. "Eat up, baby girl."
Sofia clumsily started to feed herself as Callie's mind drifted. It was like she was on autopilot; wiping Sofia's mouth, pulling her up and sticking her in the bath, rocking her to sleep. All the while her ears were tuned to the front door, listening for any sound that might indicate her wife had arrived home. Glancing at her daughter, Callie grabbed the baby monitor and slipped out the door, leaving it open so she could get back in quickly if Sofia cried.
Callie sighed as she unlocked the door to Mark's apartment. Huh. Mark's apartment. Callie wondered if she would ever think of it as anything else. Or if she'd ever be able to sell the apartment. Could she really handle somebody else living here? She kept the front door open, clinging to Sofia's baby monitor and hoping that she would stay asleep long enough for Callie to grab her pyjamas from Mark's bedroom. She'd slept here almost every night since Arizona had come home. As she made her way towards the bedroom, Callie hesitated. A sniffling followed by several quiet sobs. Gently pushing the door open, she froze at the scene before her.
Arizona was sitting at the end of Mark's bed, clutching his suit jacket and crying. Callie hesitated, "Oh. God. I'm sorry, I didn't-... I can go."
"No, Callie," the blonde sniffed and wiped at her eyes, "Please, stay."
Callie sighed softly and walked over, sitting down on the bed and letting Arizona lean against her. She slipped her arm around her wife, rubbing her back gently but staying silent. They sat there for a little while, Arizona sobbing into Callie's shoulder, the brunette waiting in silence until her counterpart was ready to speak.
Arizona gasped for air, her breath shaky as she sat up more and wiped her eyes before trying to clear her throat. "When we got married, when Mark came to get me for the wedding, I wasn't ready."
She sniffled, "I told him that when my brother found out that I was a lesbian, he asked if that meant I was going to marry a chick. And how he'd smiled so big when I said yes, and he told me he was going to dance so hard at my wedding."
Callie tightened her arm around Arizona's shoulders and held her close.
"I told Mark that was why my Dad scheduled each and every minute, so that none of us could slow down long enough to miss Timothy. I wasn't ready when he came to get me because I needed time to miss my brother. And Mark stood there with me and he hugged me and he let me cry all over him."
Arizona wailed, "Mark was good. He was a good man. And now- and now he's gone."
"I know," Callie mumbled into her wife's hair, "I know..."