He refused point blank to sleep again. He refused to lie back on the bed and he insisted on getting up and dressing. He absolutely did not want to drift off and waste time. He could not risk drifting off and forgetting that this was Clara. He wasn't entirely sure how the neural block was working alongside the virus he carried and what he would or wouldn't remember with regards to her. So he decided he couldn't risk it.

Clara made him coffee. It seemed like such a simple gesture, something that should have no significance at all, but as he watched her move around her 'Diner' he suddenly realised that she remembered every detail about him. Seven sugars and cream, she stirred it and presented it to him with a plate of jammie dodgers as he sat by the counter.

'Here,' she said.

'Thank you,' he rotated the mug between his fingertips, glanced up out of the diner windows at the stars outside. They appeared to be floating somewhere relatively close to earth, certainly within the Milkyway. He wondered how far she had travelled, over how long. His sense of time was still disrupted.

'It's weird seeing you here,' Clara said and then laughed at herself, 'Ok that's an understatement. I mean it's weird you sitting where you're sitting, there. That's where you were when…'

'I remember the diner,' he said returning his eyes to the coffee, 'I remember telling my story… our story to a girl there… I just don't remember…'

'Me… you don't remember it being me.'

'It blocks out your face, your voice, everything I know about you that's specific to you, favourite colours, significant dates...'

'I won't expect a birthday card this year then?' she gave him a small smile.

'Stop being brave,' he said quietly, 'This is bad enough for me and I can't remember half of it.' He risked a glance at her and saw her eyes become glassy with tears before she quickly turned to pour herself a coffee too.

'I'm sorry,' he said passing one hand over his face, 'I just don't quite know what to do here…'

'There isn't really a precedent for it,' Clara said, shrugged her shoulders minutely.

'I shouldn't be here.'

'You're not going anywhere.'

'There's a reason we couldn't stay together….' The Doctor leaned back a little on the stool.

'That was then. Right now you're still ill…'

'I'll be fine, I think the safety of the universe outweighs me having a bit of a headache.'

'It's hardly that insignificant, you nearly died…' Clara shot back at him. 'We saved you. Remember? Ashildr and I?'

'And I'm extremely grateful but now I'm recovered it would be better if I just went,' he said a little more firmly.

'You don't mean that,' she said abruptly, 'You're just trying to run.' There was an awkward silence and for a second he couldn't look her in the face. 'Well isn't that what you're doing?' Clara pushed, her arms folded defensively and something like fire in her stare.

'Isn't that what you told me to do?' he looked up at her at last, straight in her eyes. A tiny twitch of a muscle in her face.

Run you clever boy….

'Yes,' she said in a whisper, 'And I wish to God I hadn't.' She held his gaze for a moment until the first of her tears threatened to spill and then turned sharply away, angrily swiping at the counter with a rag for something to do. He felt like he had been stabbed.

'It was for the best,' he said weakly.

'Right,' Clara tensed. 'Right,' she refolded her arms, looked hard out of the windows, nodded, 'For the best. The best for whom? The universe? You? Me? Well the universe is fine so maybe. And the Doctor he's fine too because he can't remember any of it. But me? Me? Well I'm sorry but it's really not working out for me?'

'Clara…'

'It's not been working out for me because I never really wanted it in the first place. Because it broke my heart to see you forget me. Because I've been floating about in this… this…' the tears started falling, 'This bloody tin can for over a hundred years now and I've lost my family and all my friends and really I should have given up and died decades ago so that I wouldn't have to see all that but I couldn't. I couldn't and that's down to you.'

'Clara I don't know what you mean?'

'No well you never were very good at this stuff.'

'Clara…'

'I mean I don't age, I don't have to sleep, or eat or drink. I just keep on existing. Ashildr is here and that's something because honestly I'd be insane without her by now otherwise.'

'Clara I of all people can under….'

'Understand?' Clara looked at him her tone suddenly softening, 'I already know you understand. You said to me once that being immortal wasn't about living forever, it was about watching everyone else die. Well everyone died Doctor. My gran, my dad, my colleagues, my friends. They all died.'

'I'm sorry, Clara.'

'Except you,' she went on. 'You were still out there somewhere. Still popping up on the scanner now and then. I used to wander about the TARDIS when Ashildr was asleep,' she laughed, 'You used to get pretty fed up waiting for me to sleep and now I know why, it really is boring.'

Despite himself the Doctor smiled. 'Yes those hours waiting on companions' tardy physiology can be pretty dull.'

'Well every now and then during those times I'd have a little peek. See where you were.'

'Spying on me were you?' he asked.

'I preferred to think of it as watching over you,' Clara said kindly, 'Isn't that what I was born to do?'

'Impossible Girl,' the Doctor said quietly. 'She's just a character in a story for me now.'

'No… she isn't, she's right here, standing in front of you.'

The Doctor felt his throat tighten. 'I wish I could remember.'

Clara's hand covered one of his briefly and he could hear a hitch in her voice when she replied 'So do I.'

'So that's why you carried on?' the Doctor asked. 'Because I was still floating around the universe?'

Clara squeezed his hand, 'Well Doctor I had a duty of care.'

He lifted his head suddenly to look at her. An image of himself sitting watching a sunset with a girl next to him. It looked as though he was in some sort of early settlement. He couldn't see her face but he remembered she wore blue. Duty of care. Duty of care. He'd been trying to protect her. Clara. The picture faded as she carried on speaking.

'And really would it have been so bad, so dangerous for us to bump into one another now and then?' Clara asked a little tearfully, 'Would it have been so awful?'

He felt distracted, half confused as though he couldn't follow the stream of his thoughts. They were memories he realised, trying to surface. 'Clara, I stole you from your time stream, if it had succeeded, if your pulse and restarted the integrity of the universe might have…'

'Sod the universe!' she exclaimed suddenly, her cheeks wet. The Doctor snapped back into the reality of the diner, his confused thoughts disintegrating. 'Just… sod it! I don't have a pulse, the universe hasn't crumbled, the universe isn't a bloody issue right now, we are.'

He stammered. 'But that's just it… it's the principal of the thing… the lengths I would have gone to, to save you…. I was obsessed, unhealthily so…. I couldn't just let you die.'

Clara looked at the ceiling and pressed her lips together in a gesture of self control. 'I'm not going to die you idiot,' she said quietly.

'Well...' he raised his eyebrows, 'That's not exactly….'

'Don't you see?' Clara asked him resignedly. 'Everything's different. What you did changed things, for better or worse but it changed things. My death is now a fixed point. One day I will go back to that street, when I choose to, and die. It'll happen yes, but only when I'm ready and that can be any day from now until the day the universe ends. I'm not immortal, but I am damned close to it. You don't need to worry anymore about me, I'm master of my own destiny thanks to you. I die when I say so.'

'Clara what you're saying is dangerous.'

'Not if we both know where we stand. You're not immortal either. In fact you're probably even less immortal than me…. You're the vulnerable one now, you could die at any time! How did you put it? You thought I was more 'breakable' than you back then. That I shouldn't throw myself into things because I was only human and bad things could happen to me so easily. Well I'm not the breakable one now. I'm on at least a par with you. We're equals Doctor. Equals and I know for certain the last hundred years has taught me a hell of a lot about life, about long life and what matters. And you matter. You matter to me. I miss you. I can't just let go of you now you're here! There, I've said it now.'

He tried to look at her but the light was hurting his eyes, distorting again around him. The Doctor rubbed at his brows, his head starting to pound again, his fatigue increasing. His thoughts were coming to him slower, he was struggling to follow the argument Clara was laying in front of him no matter how hard he reached for the words in his mind. And the pain. It just kept mounting, a tearing pushing pain right in the centre of his head. He felt nauseous and realised that Clara must have seen it in him because she quickly walked around the counter, stood by him, one hand on his back.

'Doctor? Are you OK?'

'I…. I just can't…. my head….I feel….' He moaned unexpectedly and covered his stomach with one hand.

'I'm sorry… I'm sorry…' she soothed, her palm now rubbing circles over his spine. 'You don't need this, I didn't mean to get into this. Oh God I only meant to make you a coffee! Your nerves are jangled enough without me getting all intense on you.'

The Doctor laughed weakly. 'I don't blame you for it, I would want to too. I do want to…. But everything feels jumbled.'

'I know… I know…' and she suddenly pulled him closer to her so that both arms could encircle him. He felt her press a kiss to his temple. 'I'm sorry.'

Anyone else and he would have fought to disentangle himself from the hug. He hated invasion of his personal space. He had a distant memory of a faceless Clara figure taking months to persuade him to embrace her. But here, now, he sank into her arms suddenly certain she was who he thought she was and that brought comfort. He breathed slowly trying to calm the sick feeling in is gut. She smelt so familiar, a scent that conjured up images of a double sunset somewhere and a purple sea. Light and floral, fresh like linen. He found himself slipping his arms around her waist.

'You need to rest,' she was saying, 'Please…'

'I can't… I'll forget.'

'You don't know that.'

'That's what makes it so terrifying. I don't want to forget all this.' Suddenly he was aware of a tightness in his throat, a heat in his eyes. He tried to bite down a sob. 'Sorry, sorry, must be the virus. My emotions seem to be all over the place.'

'Shh…'

The Doctor dropped his forehead to Clara's shoulder and felt her hand come up to his hair while he nuzzled closer to the scent he had detected. The image of the purple sea intensified. Now there was a beach littered with strange seaweeds and tiny sea creatures in pools. Ahead of him a figure was skipping in and out of the rocks, peering at the crustaceans and tiny fish trapped there as the tide went out. She turned to him and smiled. It was Clara.

He sat up straight suddenly holding Clara at arm's length and looking into her eyes.

'What? Are you ok?' she asked, a tiny line appearing between her eyes as she frowned in concern. He watched it, aware of a smile developing on his lips. He recognised that frown.

'Did we go to Poseidon III?' he asked.

'Umm…'

'Huge wet planet with purple water, two suns…. Lots of weird sea creatures, things with seven legs,' he waved his arms excitedly.

'Oh! Yes, yes we did! It had that lovely little village by the beach. I've been back a few times. I got this gorgeous perfume there when we went and I go back to stock up now and then.'

He caught the realisation in her eyes. 'I'm wearing it now,' she said.

'I know. It triggered a memory. At least I think it's a memory, it could be wishful thinking.' He could tell Clara was trying very hard not to grin, something to do with her dimples that he was certain he'd seen before. They had a habit of twitching and revealing themselves before her smile.

'That's good, that's good right?' she asked. 'I mean if you can remember that then maybe…'

'I don't know, shouldn't get too excited about it. But maybe we should check the neural block at some point. The virus may well have interfered with it. Yes…. we should scan my head…. We should…' he gripped his temples as another wave of pain hit him.

'Later. We'll do it but it has to be later, when you aren't in pain.'

'Right… no… we should do it now…. I…' he tried to fight the cloud of fatigue washing over him.

'Later,' Clara said. 'I promise. You need to lie down now.'

'Ok, ok just for a while.'

Does this mean you'll sleep?' Clara asked in a most teacherly manner.

'Not sure I'm feeling that confident.'

'What if….' She paused and seemed to reflect for a moment on levels of risk. 'What if I come with you? Hold your hand or… I don't know…. you were doing the telepathic thing before? Maybe if we stay connected that way?'

'Did we do that sort of thing? Back then… before…' he asked and was surprised to see Clara blush slightly.

'What sort of thing? Sleep?' she managed.

'Together?' he queried hesitantly. 'Sleep or… joining or…' he struggled for words.

'Well not strictly speaking no…' she picked at the formica counter for a moment. 'God this must be a bit weird for you. I keep forgetting you can't remember what we…. How we were,' she blushed harder.

'We were…. A thing?' he asked, eyes widening a little.

'No… not a thing. Not a thing.'

'Oh,' the Doctor paused, thoughtful. Not an intimate relationship then, not physically at least. But he couldn't shake the feeling of being comfortable with her now. Something within him remembered and connected.

Clara was speaking again, dragging him from the mess of trying to understand. 'I know this probably feels alien to you, some woman you've just met…'

'I don't feel like I've just met you,' he said.

Clara paused, 'Good,' she said quietly, 'Because you haven't.'

'I just wanted you to know that,' he clarified, 'I can't remember you but… you feel… familiar.'

She smiled at him and he felt his hearts leap. 'Good,' she said again, 'We're really… familiar. So…. How about some sleep?'

The Doctor rolled his eyes again. She was persistent, this Clara woman.

'I'll come with you, if having me there reassures you, or stops you forgetting?'

'You don't mind?' he asked.

Clara's face suddenly shifted from teasing smile to deep affection. She reached forward and gently stroked the hair at his temple.

'I wouldn't have minded then and I don't mind now,' she said a little sadly. 'You only ever had to ask Doctor. I often think that's where it all went wrong. We never asked one another.'

He couldn't look away from her eyes for a moment and he swallowed painfully. She was remembering. He wanted to, but couldn't.

'Clara, I… I don't know what…'

She cut him off before he could tread any path of regret and lost memory. 'Hey do you know what?' she asked cheerfully, 'I'm the perfect person for this job.'

'Oh?' the Doctor grasped the change of mood, her lifeline cast to him.

'Mmhmm. You can sleep as long as you need, I won't need to leave you. I'll never get hungry or need the loo…'

He chuckled, 'You might get a bit bored.'

'I'll bring a book or three. Tell Ashildr to look after the place for a while, she doesn't mind she's busy tinkering with the Chameleon loop anyway. It's her absolute pet hate. Over the years she's got everything working or upgraded except that. She picked up some components the last place we went so she's quite engrossed.'

'Oh she'll never manage it, I never did. It's a fault with all the mark 40s. Tell her to give up now or it'll drive her insane.'

'Nah,' Clara said after a moment's thought, 'Keeps her occupied. Come on you daft old man…' she tugged him off the barstool, hand firmly in his in a gesture that seemed somehow to fit perfectly, 'Bedtime.'

He trotted behind her easily. 'Don't you ever get sick of it being a diner?' the Doctor asked as they left the room.

'No I think it's pretty awesome….' Clara said confidently, and then with a wink, 'Pain in the arse to park though.'

XXXXXXXXX

He slept. Despite himself. Clara had covered him in homely looking blankets which she explained used to be belong to her Gran. They were silly, pink woolly things with darned patches but she insisted they would be the best thing for the job. She tucked up the Doctor like that and he just dozed off, Clara by his side engrossed in a novel.

It was slightly embarrassing, the ease with which he passed out cuddled up next to her like she was some sort of stuffed toy. He was a Time Lord, he could survive on a twenty minute doze a day but there he was, out cold. It was the easiest and longest sleep he'd had as far back as he remembered. He still wasn't sure how far back that actually was.

He dreamt of the beach and the seven legged crab Clara had found. She'd caught it in a net and fretted that she'd damaged it in some way until he had explained to her that it was supposed to have seven legs and could she please stop worrying. He smiled in his sleep, it was all so beautifully clear. The woman next to him was Clara, and the woman in his dream was too. Something in his chest relaxed as the two things married together; if only he could remember more.

The Doctor wasn't sure what time he woke, not that time mattered, but Clara had finished her novel and was holding him to her side with one arm, her hand very gently stroking through his hair. He made a snuffling waking noise against her and she laughed.

'Hello,' she said as he pushed himself away from her, limbs and back stiff.

'Gods, how long have I been there like that?' he griped trying to rub the pain from his neck. His logic told him she was a stranger, that he'd been with her just a few hours, but his gut instinct told him otherwise, it was okay for her to see him like that, mussed up and drowsy.

'I've lost track, you must have needed it, it…'

'Wait!' he said suddenly, a look of panic in his eyes.

'What? Are you OK?'

'You're…' he flapped one hand, 'You're Clara.'

She smiled, relieved, 'Yes, I'm Clara.'

He breathed out, 'Good, just checking, you're still Clara, not someone else, it can happen sometimes, people change. Zygons for example they change all the time.'

'I can confirm I am and always have been, Clara,' she said.

'Good. Right… I dreamt of you,' he said, thinking hard.

'Oh?' there was the lightest tease to her voice.

'Yes, it was definitely you, on the beach again, your face, your voice. It must have been a memory... maybe… maybe it was just a dream.'

'What were we doing?' she asked.

'You were scared you'd snapped a leg off a crab…' he said and won a confused look from her.

'Okay,' she started and he felt his hearts sink, just a dream, 'No, wait,' she went on, 'Seven legged crab, big green bug eyes, I did worry I'd hurt it there for a minute, you told me I as an idiot.'

The Doctor's eyes widened, 'So it was a memory?'

'Sounds like it was,' Clara returned his smile.

He rubbed his forehead, the ache returning to his head. Clara caught the movement. 'Still pounding?' she asked.

'It seems to get worse every time I think of you or try to reach a memory. Like something is tearing inside me.'

'That doesn't sound good,' Clara said with a grimace. 'Maybe we shouldn't be talking like this, trying to remember?'

'I'm not sure what's for the best Clara. I know we separated for good reason but at the same time there's a part of me….' He trailed off, pressed one palm to his temple.

Clara took his hand. 'Let's fix your head first, then it might be easier to think. You're still got the virus, you need to get better, it's a nasty one.'

He nodded, 'How much longer do you think? Did Ashildr's texts indicate recovery time?'

'I'm not sure,' she admitted. 'We were too busy reading about how it might kill you and trying to avoid that. If I wasn't immortal you'd have scared me half to death. We have to get it right out of your system, no traces left or it could come back at any time, worse than before even. Let's deal with that before we deal with our moral dilemma, now isn't the time for an ethical debate about love and the universe.'

The Doctor snorted and then grimaced, the pain setting up in the centre of his skull and burning at a steady eight out of ten. 'Could I see the text? I mean I'm a bit more fluent than Ashildr in Gallifreyan.'

'Sure,'

'And Clara, could we scan my head now? As much as I'm feeling better I don't feel exactly right either. I want to see what's going on in there. The neural block feels different.'

She looked at him curiously, 'Different how?'

'Like Swiss cheese,' he said vaguely and she laughed. 'That's not the best description is it?' he smiled. 'But it's the best I can come up with right now. It's like there's a wall around my memories of you and before this virus it blocked everything to do with you from view. Now I can see through, catch glimpses now and then.'

Clara was still giggling to herself, 'So I'm what, scuttling about in your head, poking my face out of the Swiss cheese now and then? You make me sound like a mouse.'

'You're about the right size,' he observed.

Clara rolled her eyes, batted him on the arm. 'You don't change,' she said. The Doctor smiled for just a moment before a wave of sadness seemed to pass over him.

'I can't remember,' he said quietly, 'Did we always tease each other like this?'

'Yes,' she said firmly.

'But I hate banter…'

'I know you do,' she said, 'You made an exception for me.'

'I can imagine I made a lot of exceptions for you,' he said thoughtfully.

Clara looked at him sadly for a moment and reached up to brush the hair at his temple. 'That was where we went wrong,' she said softly, 'we broke all the rules.'

'Why do I have the feeling we still would?' he said almost in a whisper. Clara's eyes filled with tears and she pressed her lips together hard to try and stop them spilling. Something hung in the air between them, in the way she looked at him. Her fingers touched his cheek, brushed lightly over his mouth, and his instinct was to lean towards her.

'Come on,' she said after a heavy pause, 'Scanner. Lets' see what we're dealing with.'