Chrys sat in the backseat of the Impala, watching the night fly by and listening to Dean and Castiel talk.
"What are you gonna do now?"
"Return to heaven, I suppose."
"Heaven?" Dean asked, incredulous.
"With Michael in the cage, I'm sure it's total anarchy up there," Castiel explained.
"So, what, you're the new sheriff in town?"
Castiel smiled a little. "I like that. Yeah. I suppose I am."
Dean snorted. "Wow. God gives you a brand new, shiny set of wings, and suddenly you're his bitch again." Chrys chuckled a little in the backseat.
Cass ignored her to look at Dean. "I don't know what God wants. I don't know if he'll even return. It just… Seems like the right thing to do."
"Well, if you do see him, you tell him I'm coming for him next."
"You're angry."
Dean snorted. "Fucking understatement."
"He helped," the angel protested, "Maybe even more than we realize."
"That's easy for you to say," Dean snapped. "He brought you back. But what about Sam? What about me, huh? Where's my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole!"
"You got what you asked for, Dean." Castiel said quietly, imperiously.
He opened his mouth to continue, but Chrys thought she had held her tongue long enough. "What about me, Cass?" she asked softly, her hand resting lightly on her belly as her mind drifted to Mary Grace.
The angel turned to look at her with his big blue eyes, and she met his gaze fearlessly. "What about me? What the fuck has God done for me? What the fuck did I ask for, Castiel, Angel of the fucking Lord?"
He stared at her for another moment, then disappeared.
She hmphed. "Pussy."
xxxxx
When Dean got out to say goodbye to Bobby, Chrys got out, too. She was exhausted, she just wanted to get her things and go find a motel room to sleep in… Possibly for a year.
When Dean and Bobby were done with their farewells, she smiled at Dean. He pulled her into his arms and crushed her to him, and she hugged him back fiercely.
"Drop you off somewhere, Summers?" he asked gruffly.
She stepped back and smiled at him. "Go find Lisa, Dean. I'll be fine."
He stared at her for another moment, then gave her a curt nod. "All right." He pointed at her. "Take care of yourself, Summers. And that baby."
She watched him go with a smile, then took a deep breath and let it out explosively. She turned to Bobby. "I'll be out of your hair soon, Bobby. Just let me get my stuff."
He shook his head. "Chrys, you should probably stay and sleep a little. You're dead on your feet. Not good for the baby."
She shook her head. "Bobby, no, I don't want to put you out."
He looked at her for a long moment,then shook his head. "Chrys, you got the closest thing to a grandkid I'm ever gonna have bakin' in that oven of yours. You're staying here until you get some rest."
She wanted to argue. The bitchy part of her almost needed to argue. But she was suddenly so tired she could barely stand, so she just nodded. "Okay, Bobby."
"You stay as long as you need, girl."
xxxxx
After a long, hot shower, during which she cried almost the whole time, Chrys stared at herself in the mirror for a while.
Who am I now?
Her whole life had revolved around Lucifer or Sam in some way, and now there was… Nothing. Just her, wrapped in a towel, tangled hair over one shoulder, one hand resting protectively on her still very flat belly.
Ugh.
She shook her head away to clear the thoughts and walked out of the bathroom. Out of habit, she walked into she and Sam's room.
The memories there hit her like a brick wall. His clothes folded neatly in a laundry basket, his laptop closed on the desk, the pile of books haphazardly stacked in a corner that he'd been meaning to read. Tears filled her eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand. Oh, Sammy.
She shut the door behind her, locked it, then dropped the towel and crawled into bed. She was overwhelmed for a moment with his scent, then burrowed herself in it, wrapping the blankets around her and falling asleep breathing him in, missing him so much her whole body ached.
xxxxx
Chrys stayed with Bobby for a week after Sam died.
She didn't go hunting with him. She did answer the phone when it rang, and discovered that her vast knowledge of the occult, witchcraft, and the supernatural in general was a help to the hunters who were calling. She didn't mind answering the phone while she was there, but she wanted out of this life.
She wanted a breath of normal. So she called Kevin and Serene, who were delighted to hear from her, devastated to hear about Sam, and absolutely insistent she come stay with them.
So when she knew Bobby was going to come home that night, she cleaned the house, put a very simple dinner in a slow-cooker for him, and left him a note. Then she took one of the cars from the salvage yard (with the promise to send it back in the note), and took off.
xxxxx
Kevin and Serene's home had a very bohemian, hippy-dippy feel, and despite the way she was raised, Chrys would have fallen in love with it immediately if she hadn't been heartbroken.
Jesse ran out to greet her. "Chrys!"
She laughed and caught him, hugging him close. "Jesse!" She sat back and really looked at him, fighting the tears back. "Holy shit, you got tall, babe."
He grinned and nodded. "Yeah!" He turned and ran back to the house. "Kev! Serene! Chrys is here!"
Kevin came out first, smiling at Chrys so brightly he should have lit up the darkness of the night. "Chrys!"
He wrapped her up in a hard hug, then leaned down to whisper in her ear. "How you holdin' up, baby?"
For some reason, though Dean hadn't been able to, and Bobby hadn't been able to, Kevin's words made her shake. "Um… I've been better, Kev," she said softly. "A lot better." Her voice broke on the last word.
Without hesitation, Kevin bent and scooped her into his arms. She wanted to protest, because she was too heavy to be being carried around (except by a certain tall, hazel-eyed hunter that she couldn't think about just then), but she just pressed her face into his chest and let him carry her home.
xxxxx
Chrys really liked it there.
Her days were filled with peace, or as peaceful as heartbreak could be. She helped Jesse with homework, helped Serene with housework, and rested. Kevin had a job at a local garage, and made enough to let Serene stay home most of the time. If money got tight, she waited tables at the local bar.
Chrys could have been very happy there, if Sam had been with her.
She would turn to tell him something, only to find that he was in hell. She would wonder where he'd gotten off to when she wasn't thinking, and found that he was in hell. She would reach out to him in the night, wanting to wrap herself in his arms, only to find that he was in hell.
It made her restless and bitchy, and she couldn't help the way she tended to bite off Serene or Kevin's head on occasion. Jesse was the exception, she never snapped at Jesse, but he knew something was wrong. He was a perceptive kid.
She also began getting morning sickness a couple of weeks in, which also made her bitchy.
She was lying on her back on the couch, fighting off the nausea, when her phone rang. Without looking, she flipped it open and pressed it to her ear. "What?"
"Ah, good ol' Summers," a familiar voice drawled over the phone.
She grinned. "Dean! How are you? Why are you calling?" She frowned. "Is everything okay?"
His deep chuckle warmed her. "Yeah, yeah, chill, kiddo, just callin' to check in. How's the baby?"
"Currently trying to kill me through morning sickness," she grouched, sitting up slowly. "I can't keep anything down."
While they chatted about the baby, Chrys realized that she had missed Dean. Oh, God, Dean's my best friend. I'm so fucked.
"Lisa wants to meet you," he said, feigning casualty badly.
Chrys smiled. "Yeah? Maybe I'll come see you guys. Before… Uh, before the baby's born." So weird. It was strange how her life would now be measured in befores and afters.
"Yeah, that'd be good. Hey, listen, I gotta go, but keep in touch, okay? And take care of yourself."
"You, too, Winchester."
She hung the phone up feeling very warm, and very resolute.
As much as she liked being here, with Kevin and Serene and Jesse, this wasn't where she wanted to be. She loved this little family, but they had created their own world between the three of them, and as much as she would have liked to be, she wasn't part of it. She had to go figure out a place for herself and for her little one.
"Balls."
xxxxx
After a few more weeks of planning, Chrys was saying goodbye to Kevin, Serene, and Jesse.
There were shadows in Kevin's eyes. He didn't understand why Chrys wouldn't just stay with them, and she wasn't going to start explaining herself now. It didn't feel right, staying here with them. As much as she loved them, the pull toward Dean was stronger. She wanted the baby to know her uncle. Which was a very sentimental thought, which she blamed Sam for unequivocally.
The thought of Sam hurt… Less. It still hurt, but she could feel herself start to pull out of the depression Sam's death had left her in. Part of it was her pure, stubborn refusal to be sad for the rest of her life.
But most of it, of course, was Mary.
She hugged Kevin, tears forming in her eyes. Baby hormones. "I'll keep in touch, okay? And I'll visit all the time."
He crushed her to him, putting a rough kiss on her cheek. "You'd better."
She smiled and let go of him, only to be wrapped in Serene's embrace a moment later. She laughed and hugged her back. "Serene, I'm not going to Nova Scotia. I'm going to Indiana."
Serene hmphed. "I don't understand why you can't stay here."
Chrys sighed. "We've talked about this. I just… I just need to go."
"Stay here. Have Mary here," Serene insisted again.
Chrys smiled and kissed Serene on the cheek, then firmly stepped back. "No."
"It's okay," Jesse said happily, stepping forward to hug Chrys around the middle. "Everything will be okay, Chrys."
She smiled down at him, running her hands through his hair. "What makes you say that, babe?" She was never sure if it was his natural childhood optimism, or something more powerful at work when he said something like that.
"I just have a feeling."
xxxxx
Hi, beautiful readers! Here are my notes:
I own only Chrys Summers, the original character. I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters. (heartbroken)
Reviews and comments give me life and keep me going.
And, as always, thank you for reading, you beautiful, beautiful people.
**We're gonna have to go down to weekly updates for a while, guys, I'm sorry. I'm in the nonprofit world, specifically animal welfare, and this is both a slow season (which means harried fundraising), and a busy season (lots of little furry ones left out in deadly cold weather), so my life has exploded. 3 I love you guys, as soon as things slow down, we're back to every few days, I promise.
**Next chapter is where this story and I Won't Love You really start to differ.