Worth the Wait

Sharon groans, sitting down at her desk, waking her computer up so she can get on with her work and get home. She's exhausted, no, that's an understatement to how she feels. Sharon feels like she's been run over by an 18 wheeler. Twice. As if working with Major Crimes wasn't hard enough on her, today Brenda just wouldn't stop looking at her. Brenda has this way of looking into Sharon's eyes and making the older woman feel like she can see right through her. Sharon wishes that things between them weren't so hard. It's not like things haven't gotten better between them. They've decided they would work on a friendship, which Sharon knows isn't going to last long, but she's not ready for more than that.

Things between her and Anastasia finally fell apart, a mere two weeks after the wedding, and she couldn't even feel bad about that. She just couldn't keep lying to the woman. She knew Anastasia wasn't the woman she wanted, and she assumes that Anastasia could tell, at least once the end neared. Brenda is the only woman she'll ever want, and every time she has to work with Brenda she's reminded that painful truth. Today was not an exception to that. All day long she found it incredibly hard to concentrate, which was never a problem for her when they were dating. But now that she's single again, Brenda's single again, and they've admitted what they want, it's hard for Sharon not to think distracting thoughts when she should really be focusing on helping Brenda close the case they are working on together.

The knock on her door makes Sharon jump slightly, not expecting anyone at this late hour. "Come in," she says tiredly, sitting up in her seat.

Brenda opens the door slightly, peeking her head through, watching as Sharon sighs, turning away from the door. "Can I come in?"

"I already said come in," Sharon says, leaning back in her seat, looking at her computer screen.

"Well, that was before you knew it was me," Brenda responds, walking into the room. Brenda closes the heavy wood door behind her and then leans against it. "I just wanted to see if you were feelin' any better."

"I'm still sitting at this desk. I haven't had dinner. I have the worst headache I've ever had." Sharon shakes her head, sighing. "No. I am not feeling better."

Brenda walks over to Sharon's desk, leaning against the desk, seeing Sharon flinch slightly. "Let me take you out to dinner."

Sharon looks up at Brenda. "I can't go out to dinner with you." Brenda leans forward, her hand moving to Sharon's face. "Brenda," Sharon breathes shakily, Brenda's hand on her cheek. She misses this, but it's too soon.

"You said we would try to make this work." Brenda says to her, looking into Sharon's shimmering eyes. She can see that Sharon's not necessarily against the contact. There's a look in her eyes that lets Brenda know Sharon likes it.

"A friendship, yes." She takes Brenda's hand from her cheek, holding it in her hand. "We can hardly be friends if you continue to cross these boundaries."

Brenda closes her eyes for a moment, trying to gather enough courage to say what she's feeling. "Sharon, why can't we stop pretendin' already? I know what you want, and you know what I want. Why can't we move forward already?" The past three weeks after the wedding have been three of the hardest of her life. She knows where this is leading, at least where she wants it to, but Sharon's holding back. She finds herself constantly wanting to just push Sharon against the wall and kiss her, tell her that it's okay for her to be happy. But she doesn't.

"You hurt me," Sharon whispers. "How do you expect me to just act like that never happened? How do I know you won't do it again? I can't keep risking my heart like this, Brenda." Sharon's never so painfully honest with anyone else. It's always been hard for her to express her feelings, especially when she's admitting some type of weakness. But with Brenda she can lay it all out because she knows that even though Brenda hurt her, she's the only other person that truly understands her and won't judge her.

"I'm sorry," Brenda whispers, sounding weak. "I can't apologize enough times. I messed up. I messed up and I know that it hurt you, and I know I said I'd never hurt you, but I'm gonna try to make sure it never happens again."

Sharon stands up, her body almost touching Brenda's. "I need more time." Brenda nods her head, not looking at her. Sharon lifts Brenda's head by her chin, making her look at her. "This isn't a no," she explains. "I just need time."

Brenda licks her lips, nodding her head. "Okay," she whispers. "Oh," she says, remembering why she really came here. "I brought you somethin'." Brenda turns to her bag and rummages through it until her hand finds the paper bag. She smiles bringing the bag of Goldfish into Sharon's view.

"Goldfish?" Sharon arches an eyebrow. "Pizza Goldfish."

"Well, yeah," she says sheepishly. "I remembered you liked to have them when you were stressed out. I could tell this day has been hard on you, and I wanted to make it better somehow."

Sharon smiles one of those rare smiles and leans forward on impulse, pressing her lips to Brenda's. Brenda's surprised by the kiss and makes a soft gasp, but kisses her back. Sharon, for the first time in the past year, can feel some of that happiness she missed coming back to her. She pulls back after a few seconds, looking into Brenda's happily surprised eyes.

"Well, if I knew all you needed was some Goldfish..."

Sharon cuts her off with a quick peck to her lips. "I don't know how you always seem to know how to make a bad day end on a good note." She lets out a shaky breath, putting a little distance between them, but Brenda doesn't let her move away fully.

"I'm not going to give up on tryin', you know that, right?" Brenda tells Sharon this often, making sure she remembers.

"I know. Keep giving me Goldfish and I can assure you, things will be looking much better for us," Sharon jokes with a bright smile.

Brenda smiles, turning to her bag. "I guess it's a good thing I got you two then," she says happily.

"God, I love you," Sharon whispers without meaning to, but it feels good to finally say it to her again.

"I know," Brenda breathes, knowing things will be okay, just not right away. But Sharon's worth the wait.

TBC