Unorthodox Collaboration

Authors Note:

*Fleet Admiral Sakazuki goes under the alias Akainu.

*Dr. Vegapunk is the one who converted Kuma into a cyborg.

*den den mushis = transponder snails

*Flashbacks in italics.

*The banana spider is real. So yes, you should be scared.

*Yes, I did try to make you pee yourself this chapter.

Ch.2

-X+O+X-

The collection of marines and warlords watched Fleet Admiral Akainu fume silently in his seat. Many of them were starting to wonder if the magma man would spontaneously erupt like a volcano, given his devil fruit powers and the man's mounting dark mood. As interesting as this theory sounded, no one really wanted to test it out and end up a scorched pile of ashes, so they just settled for watching.

Well everyone was watching except for a man in a yellow pinstriped suit, whose face was currently buried into the newspapers comic section. A surprisingly obnoxious giggle erupted out of the yellow suited man, Admiral Kizaru. That might have been what sent Akainu over the edge.

Suddenly Akainu broke his silence, unexpectedly growling out, "Kizaru, Doflamingo, and Vice Admiral Smoker…GET YOUR GOD DAMNED FEET OFF THE TABLE!" Corded sinews bulged from his tanned neck and jaw, and the wrinkles around his forehead and eyes creased in warning.

Admiral Kizaru jolted backwards, startled out of his important reading. The sudden movement tipped his chair over, which had been balanced on the back two legs. He crashed into the ground with a loud bang. Kizaru's raised his head up; his amber lensed shades were slightly awry. What was visible of his dark eyes stared with an out-of-focus expression. Blinking briefly in confusion, the admiral scratched at the side of his head as he tried to remember where he was exactly. Then his eyes widened in a sudden shock of horror. He was in a damned meeting. Kizaru's lips formed a pout as he groaned, "Sakazuki…is so scaarryyy~…" Sighing in defeat, he returned his seat to an upright position, reluctantly dumping himself back into his chair. The admiral leaned an elbow on the table, propping his head against an open palm while he cleaned out his ear with a finger.

"Awww, this new Fleet Admiral is no fun", the pink-feathered coated man, Doflamingo, complained. But he somewhat complied, if only to impede the oncoming eruption. He got up from his position of squatting on the long meeting table, and transplanted himself to perch on the back of his large chair with his feet planted on the arm rests. Despite the other looks of clear disapproval, he maintained his wide smile. Telling a ten foot tall, probably insane, and outrageous man like him that he was still sitting wrong, according to normal social standards, was probably pointless.

Smoker merely grunted, and moved his feet from where they were resting and onto the floor. Reclining further back into his chair, he puffed out a long stream of smoke, hoping his two cigars would have enough nicotine to get him through this meeting. 'I miss Tashigi', he thought morosely. 'Tashigi let me put my feet anywhere. Anywhere…'

All of the men present in the meeting room didn't fail to notice the faint blush that ran across Vice Admiral Smoker's face, which was set in an uncharacteristically vacant expression. His eyes were somewhat glazed over, staring at something they couldn't see, and worst of all the corner of his mouth not inhabited by cigars was curling up in a small smile. Everyone chose not to make a comment on it. The possibilities that they came up with of for such a reaction leaned towards something of a more disturbing nature, which they all silently agreed was better left alone.

The door groaning open shifted everyone's attention. Two dark figures quickly stepped inside. Akainu, looked up to see Hawkeye Mihawk glide through with Trafalgar Law close behind. He had not been fleet admiral for very long, but even he knew that two warlords showing at the same time was highly unlikely. From the past meetings he had attended, all the warlords seemed to share a certain dislike for one another. "You are late", rumbled the Hawaiian-shirted fleet admiral.

"It could not be helped. Instructor Garp deemed it necessary to harass us," Mihawk replied flatly.

Grimacing in exasperation, Akainu dragged out a long sigh, gripping the bridge of his nose to stop a looming headache. "Haahh….I should have known that moron would continue to cause trouble, even after retirement he is still the same."

Mihawk lingered at the entrance, looking at the meeting tables seating arrangements. Admiral Kizaru sat on the fleet admirals left, and Vice Admiral Smoker was on his right. Doflamigo was next to Kizaru with the cyborg Kuma sitting like a statue across from him.

There were four seats at the end still available. Due to Boa Hancock's absence, and Blackbeard's betrayal, there were two extra empty seats at the free head of the table. Mihawk decided to sit on the end, because it was the farthest he could get from Doflamingo.

But as Mihawk made his way to the end of the table, it seemed as if it the place was originally meant for only one person to be seated at the end. They had wedged two chairs into the space, probably thinking they wouldn't have to get a new table…those cheap bastards.

Glancing at the young surgeon, who had paused at the entryway behind him, the master swordsman decided to give the younger man a break and chose the seat on Doflamingo's side of the table. The empty chair between them would have to do for his much needed personal space.

Law glanced at the collection of men sitting in the room. His steel eyes were immediately drawn to his former colleague, Doflamingo, who was flashing him an insanely huge smile. Just barely, Law resisted the urge to give the blonde warlord the middle finger. Instead he settled with a dark frown. It was rather unfortunate that he had to play 'nice' in front of the government; at least until his warlord status was confirmed. Just as he was taking his first step forward, Laws entire body froze.

'Oh – fucking – shit…'

Fleet Admiral Akainu frowned as he looked at the surgeon, who had paused in mid-step. "What are you doing!?Sit down already Trafalgar!" He watched in confusion as the young man started shaking in place, the spotted hat shadowing his face. Laws tattooed fists were clenched at his side and his teeth were visibly gnashing together.

Admiral Kizaru made of noise of consideration, and unexpectedly hummed, "You mad bro?"

Mihawk let out a tired sigh, covering his face with a pale hand. The hawk-eyed warlord knew exactly what was happening. 'Doflamingo has always had the most heinous ways of personally initiating fellow warlords', the swordsman thought morosely.

Struggling against the invisible puppet strings, Law fought against Doflamingo's ability until his muscles shook from the strain. Law managed to look up long enough to glare at the pink-feathered warlord, who was twirling his fingers and looking smug. When he opened his mouth to give the blond a piece of his mind, his tongue was abruptly seized and pulled out of his mouth by an invisible force.

A surprised gasp came from most of the men, excluding Mihawk, who like always had been expecting this long before the others. Did Trafalgar Law, The Surgeon of Death, just stick his tongue at them?

Kuma also continued to sit in silence, but his cybernetic brain was stirring at the anomaly that was Law. 'Trafalgar Law, age 26. Possible attempt at insult by displaying the muscular organ of the mouth detected. The action does not match the statistics associated with age. Calculating probability of impaired mental capacity. Threat is minimal. Response is not needed. Remain on Standby.'

"Tra…fal…GARRR!" Akainu roared, standing up so suddenly his chair screeched backwards. 'How dare that little shit stick his tongue out me!? If this is how goes about asking to be a warlord he is more insane than I thought!'

"Fuufuufufufufufu!" Doflamingo exploded into a caterwaul of laughter, holding his arms around his sides as he continued his evil cackles.

Upon realizing the situation, Akainu whipped his head around to fix the pink-feathered warlord with a look so intense the blond actually lost his smile.

"Doflamingo…"

Everyone turned in their seats to stare at the speaker. It was Law, who had been freed of his bonds and had silently moved to stand next to the empty seat near Mihawk. His steel gaze bore into the Doflamingo, whose insane grin had returned on his face.

"If you ever…ever… use your powers on me, or so much as get in my way, then not even your warlord status will save you. I will ruin you."

"Ohhh~ my little Law has grown up into a big scary man! Fuufufufufu!" Doflamingo tried to laugh off the words, but Law wasn't going to have it. If anything, it made the Surgeon of Death even angrier.

Smirking in return, Law reached into his coat and pulled out a syringe, which was filled with a neon yellow-green fluid. Tiny bubbles floated around the substance in hurried swirls. In a low voice, filled with dark intentions, he uttered, "Have you ever heard of the banana spider?" He waited for a moment, knowing already that no one had probably even heard of this particular arachnid. But he was going to enjoy the possibility of mentally scarring these poor fools.

"The banana spider is found in the rainforest of a remote island. Its venom is highly concentrated with serotonin, a neurotransmitter that constricts the blood vessels. The serotonin stimulates the body into generating pain-promoting chemicals to the site of injury, thus making the banana spiders bite exceedingly agonizing. But that is not the only effect of the poison. When a male victim is bitten they experience priapism; hours of uncontrolled penile erection. If your survive the flesh rotting, bone cell death, loss of muscle control, and paralysis, which can lead to asphyxiation that is either due to diaphragm or heart paralysis, then depending on your fortune, you might live long enough to experience a heart attack due to the amount blood being continuously concentrated into your penis."

Law finished his speech, a look of pure uncontained evil twisting his mouth and narrowing his cold eyes. The doctor allowed his malicious smirk to widen when the face of Doflamingo grew pale. Any hint of a smile had vanished off of the blond warlords face. All of the men of the room, even Kuma, couldn't help but grimace and cross their legs as the macabre images haunted their psyches. Once satisfied, Law returned the syringe to the confines of his winter jacket and took his seat.

Ignoring the cold sweat that had broken out on the back of his neck, Fleet Admiral Akainu sat back in his chair with a heavy thump. Why did the higher-ups insist on allowing this- this- psychotic surgeon- to be allowed into the warlords? Clearing his throat to get everyone's attention, he quietly spoke, "If your two are done, let's get this meeting over with.

The marines and pirates muttered their agreement, still very disquieted by the surgeon's gruesome tirade.

Seemingly recovered from the graphic images instilled into his conscious, Mihawk folded his arms across his chest as he kicked both of his feet up to rest on the meeting table. He noticed how the men on each side of Akainu visibly flinched, but decided he didn't care.

As for Akainu himself, he had resigned himself to ignore the swordsman. After dealing with the antics of Doflamingo and Law, he could feel a few more of his hairs graying. Suddenly he remembered something important. "Does anyone know if Boa Hancock is showing up?"

"She told me she can't make it. She is busy making dinner", Law informed, much to the men's increasing shock.

"…How do you know this?"

"She called me."

When Law had dropped Monkey D. Luffy off at an island with Rayleigh that was near Amazon Lily, Boa and Law had exchanged den den mushis. Boa had insisted on being able to call Law incase Luffy's condition worsened, also so that she could ask him about which type of meals would aid in the rubber man's recovery. At first he had wanted to decline, but that large breasted woman was scary. Why were her boobs so huge…they would only cause severe back problems in her age…and being such a great size… Law could only imagine what they would be like when her estrogen levels dropped and the inevitable fall of the breasts began. All of this only further served to increase his dislike of the amazon woman.

Waves of jealousy radiated off the marines standing watch outside the doors. They had heard everything. Why did that creep doctor know Boa Hancock? It wasn't fair! And... IS SHE MAKING LAW DINNER!?

The warlords and marines in the meeting room didn't fail to notice to the strange aura coming from behind the door. It was dark and filled with testosterone heavy rage.

"Right…Anyways, let's continue…"

The fleet admiral began relaying the initial borings bits of information. Most of it was reports about the problems of islands and their citizens.

After what seemed like hours of sitting through the boring lecture, Law glanced to his right, taking notice of the position of Mihawk's legs. 'Elevation of the legs…it could prove beneficial to vein health and promote more comfort in these damned seats', he mused. Lifting his own legs, Law placed his own feet on the table and crossed them at the ankles. 'Much better.'

That is when Mihawk noticed the other men starting to sweating nervously, and how their gazes flickered from Akainu to Law. Looking over to the man sitting next to him, he realized that Law was mimicking his leg position. After the doctors morbid threat, no one was willing to challenge Law. Smirking inwardly, he couldn't help but think it all was amusing.

The master swordsman's attention started to wander. His amber eyes somehow focused on Doflamingo, and that is when he began to recall all of the other warlord's initiations in frightening detail.

Mihawk hadn't been there when Doflamingo and Kuma were initiated, but apparently they had joined at nearly the same time. Kuma's pants used to not have those spotted marks on them. Doflamingo's idea of initiation had resulted in their spotted appearance.

Mihawk briefly wondered if the same thing had happened to Trafalgar Law's jeans.

Anyways, all of this had occurred before Kuma had become a complete cyborg. Needless to say, the bible wielding man had plotted to return the favor. Mihawk had only heard rumors, but supposedly Doflamingos favorite feathered coat had used to be white. Kuma had done something unspeakable to the blonde's favorite article of clothing, resulting in its now pink appearance.

For some strange reason Doflamingo had been overjoyed by the change. The pink-feather warlord had quickly, and unexpectedly, become friends with Kuma, who had also secretly liked his new patterned pants. Yet that had been the only favorable outcome of Doflamingo's initiations.

A fishman named Jinbei joined them soon after that. That poor fishman. Jinbei was constantly forced to change kimonos due to Doflamingo's pranks. It ranged from spilling food on them to throwing corpses at the whale shark fishman. It had gotten to the point where Mihawk was starting to wonder if Doflamingo was racist.

The last straw had been when Doflamingo had spilled soy sauce on Jinbei's favorite kimono. Then Doflamingo even had the audacity to say, "Looks like we will be having sushi tonight! Fufufufuuu!"

Doflamingo's teasing of the fishman came to an abrupt end after that. A well-aimed fishman karate attack to the solar plexus tends to be very convincing. It had also left a memorable flamingo shaped hole in the wall.

When it came time for Gecko Moriah to join the ranks, it had turned into a mutual dislike between Doflamingo and Moriah. It had also turned into a big mess when they had fought over the control of an unfortunate marine. Puppet strings and shadow stealing did not mix very well. It was quite a sight to see two warlords mopping the floors of a marine base.

Sometime later, one of Doflamingo's underground associates had managed to join their ranks .He was somewhat of a business man, on top of being a pirate, and a logia user, who had managed to keep his bounty down by maintaining a low profile. Mihawk had honestly been surprised by the unusual contemplative silence of Doflamingo during that meeting. This new man, Crocodile, seemed to hold a special place in the blonde's attention, which wasn't necessarily a good thing.

Later on, Mihawk's suspicions had been proven correct when a series of loud yells and animalistic howls were heard coming from the depths of Doflamingo's ship. The flamingo man had docked his vessel in the marine harbor for that meeting. Mihawk preferred not to think of what could have happened between the two underworlders.

Yes, it was indeed a great misfortune to catch the feathered warlord's interest.

For some unknown reason Doflamingo had waited for a new warlord to join, so that he could do his 'initiation ritual' on both Mihawk and the newcomer. That new warlord happened to be Boa Hancock. Doflamingo had lurked in the shadows, waiting for his chance to strike. Boa and Mihawk had met in the middle of a hallway, and that is when Mihawk had felt the tug of the puppet strings.

He had been forced to dance, with a rose clenched in his mouth. It was supposed to be like some romantic tango, but Mihawk had felt anything but romantic at the time. Someday he was going to rip the pink-feathered man's face off- no sword required.

Boa Hancock hadn't known what to think when the hawk-eyed man had danced around, coming to kneel before her with a rose in hand; all with a perfectly stoic expression. 'Were all men so…scruffy… and strange?' But then she was left further confused when Mihawk had suddenly growled, "Doflamingo…" Yes, definitely strange.

Rubbing his at his golden eyes, Mihawk returned his focus to the present. Akainu was still babbling away and had yet to get to the important details. The master swordsman wasn't sure what was worse; recalling the stupidity of Doflamingo, or this torturous meeting?

Stretching his arms over his head, Mihawk suppressed the urge to yawn. He tilted his hat forward to shade his face more, folding both of his limbs behind his head, and closed his eyes. Now was a good time as any for a nap.

Mihawk was not the only one who was not paying attention. Law had reclined back in his chair, resting his elbows on the armrest and steepling his hands together in a pseudo pensive appearance. However, his gray eyed stare was focused on anything but the meeting.

Law had always wanted to be a swordsman. Ever since he was a child and he had seen the great Dracule Mihawk storm into Doflamingo's place and give the blond the trashing of a lifetime. The blondes high pitched shrieks continued to pleasantly echo in Law' s memory. At the time he had not completely understood what the fight was about, but apparently it had been due to some sort of prank war gone too far. That hawk-eyed man had become his inspiration; he was what he aspired to be one day.

Mihawk was part of the reason why he had joined the warlords, but he also needed the position to accomplish another particular goal he had in mind. Acquiring warlord status would grant him access to places no normal pirate would be able to enter.

But Doflamingo needed a surgeon, not a swordsman. His right-hand man, Vergo, had quickly resorted to beating the idea of swordplay out of Law's body with a Haki infused piece of bamboo. Vergo had insisted that Doflamingo needed the best doctor possible, so studying anything else was no less than a sin. There was no time to learn anything but medical skills. Hours of studying medical journals, dissecting various species, and eventually humans, had been branded into Law as a child. Days would run into each other without breaks or pauses for sleep and eating. At first Law didn't like it, but it was hard not to notice that he was a prodigy. He was good at being a doctor. Something about the human body continued to fascinate him. Law was so good that many of his older colleagues called him the demonic-brat-genius-spawn of Doflamingo. But Law didn't want to be just a doctor; he wanted to be a swordsman too.

As Law became older he was allowed more freedom, so in-between his medical studies he researched swordplay in secret. The wonderful feeling of a sword cutting through flesh was harsher than a scalpel's, but the strength behind a real blade was enchanting. One day Vergo had found out and told Doflamingo, who had ordered his subordinate to beat Law within an inch of his life. That was the day Law had finally left the Donquixoute Pirates.

The Fleet Admiral paused in his speech, sending a fiery glare at the two warlords snoozing at the end of the table. It was almost funny. The two-dark-haired men looked like they were mirroring each other. Both of them had their arms folded across their chest, their hats titled down, swords hanging from the back of their chairs, and their…their GODDAMN FEET WERE ON THE TABLE!

Akainu's jaw clenched as a shadow fell over his face. Muscles bulged from the fleet admirals thick neck. The warlords that were still conscious scooted backwards in their seat, knowing full well what to come. "Get…your…GODDAMNED FEET OFF THE TABLE!"

Law hadn't realized he had allowed himself to fall asleep, so when the thunderous roar erupted from Akainu the surgeon jolted awake. His momentum had his chair teetering dangerously. As the doctor was beginning to fall backwards his precarious movement was suddenly halted. Law stared wide-eyed, blinking in disbelief. Slowly he turned his gaze to stare at the man, whose arm had braced against the back of his chair to stop his fall.

'Did…Hawkeye just…why? That's twice today that he has helped me out. First with Garp and now this?' Law's thoughts continued to swirl with various questions, concerning the master swordsman's assistance. A small shove from the other man interrupted his train of thought, and he soon found himself settled on all four chair legs again.

After a bit more of hesitation, Law softly voiced, "Thank you." Mihawk turned his head, opening one of his golden eye's to fix Law with an unreadable stare as the older man nodded his acknowledgement. 'Why does he have to look so fucking cool…', Laws inner voice grumbled, a deep frown involuntarily etching itself onto his face.

Mihawk sighed, reluctantly removing his feet from the table and returned his piercing stare to the fleet admiral. It was only then that he noticed the strange looks coming from the other men.

Suddenly Doflamingo broke the silence by whining, "Awww~…you should have let him fall Hawky. It would have been funny! Fuufuufufuu!"

Murderous intent suddenly flooded the room in dark waves. All of the men turned to stare at the surgeon, whose eyes gleamed with an unholy light straight from the demons of your worst nightmares. A toothy grin split across Law's features, the shadows underneath is eyes enhancing the menacing aura.

"One more word from you Doflamingo...and i will personally see to transplanting your penis to your massive forehead. No one will ever confuse you with a flamingo again. Instead, they will be wondering if you are some kind of sick unicorn pervert."

All of the color fled from the rapidly blanching face of Doflamingo, leaving a bloodless bluish-purple hue spread across his horrified countenance. He had once again lost his trademark smile. That had to be the new record for the number of times someone had caused Doflamingo not to smile in one day.

Smoker had bitten through both of his cigars. He wasn't sure if he should be laughing or terrified, so he settled with the violent twitching of his eyebrow. His initial suspicions of Trafalgar Law being a source of trouble were turning out to be disturbingly accurate. It was lucky that his hair was already white, or it may have turned a few shades grayer.

"Oooohh~… Guy's, I think Kuma has crashed", Admiral Kizaru suddenly voiced. Everyone turned to stare at the yellow suited man, who was standing on the table and flashing beams of light at the cyborgs lensed eyeballs. "Hmm…looks like he blue screened", the admiral exclaimed.

"What?"

"Ooo really? Let me see!"

"Oiii Kumaaa~! You in there!?"

Admiral Kizaru and Doflamingo had both hopped on to the table to better get a look at the tall cyborgs eyes. Smoker had stood up from his seat and was poking the side of Kuma's head with his jitte.

When Fleet Admiral Akainu himself clambered on top the table, the others were shocked. "You idiots! Move over! Get out of the way." The Hawaiian-shirted admiral roughly pushed the men on the table aside, standing on his tip toes to get a better look for himself. He stared into the cyborgs eye's that had washed over in blue with white letters scrolling across the lenses.

Suddenly there was a beeping noise accompanied by the unmistakable thrum of the machine coming from Kuma. That is when the cyborg finally spoke.

"Processing…Processing…Fatal system error has occurred. Initializing shutdown to preserve system integrity… Initializing data for crash dump…Dumping physical memory to storage drives…Enganging in shut doowwwnn…"

Kuma's eyes grew dark. The meeting room was filled with a terrible muteness, leaving the men to look on in silence. Slowly they turned their heads to each other. A loud smacking noise directed all of their attention to Fleet Admiral Akainu, who had a hand covering his face.

"We are taking a five minute break. If you do not return in that time, or if you try to escape, you will suddenly find yourself haunted to the very depths of hell itself with never ending volcano formations. There will be no safe place on this world for you. There will never be a moments rest. It could be when you are at the beach, reading a newspaper, walking your dog, drinking some wine, visiting a whorehouse, trying to take a shit, talking on a transponder snail, or even attempting to nap. Don't even fool yourself for a second if you think you are getting out of this meeting…Alright, Dismissed. Report back in exactly five minutes or you will find yourself suddenly very crispy."

Doflamingo began to break out in a nervous sweat, his lips forming a hard line as his thought betrayed him. 'Oh no…I havn't taken a shit in days…What if I explode!?' Although… Law's creep factor had inadvertently sent his bowels in to activity once again. He was glad he hadn't shitted himself in the middle of the meeting. 'Yes…a potty break would be greatly beneficial…and necessary thanks to Law…'

Mihawk frowned, his golden eyes widening a fraction. 'That red-dog bastard! Not my naps!'

The warlords and the marines stood stock-still for a moment, their eyes sliding to glance sidelong at each other. In a mad eruption of a flurry of movement, the men made a scrambled dash for the door, sending chairs flying in their wake and also the startled marines, who had been standing guard outside the door.

Once the room was empty, Fleet Admiral Akainu slowly dragged his hand away from his face. His gaze flickered over to the unresponsive cyborg. From underneath the shadow of his cap, a single bead of sweat rolled down his weathered features.

'Oh shit…Dr. Vegapunk is going to kill me.'

-X+O+X-