Maybe, Someday
Two
Eric furrows his eyebrows and he looks over and sees that it is Calleigh.
He unlocks the door and she opens it up and slinks into the seat, bundling up in her little sweater.
She looks at him.
"Hi."
"Hey..." He says, noticing her attire.
She has on a blue plaid cotton nightgown that comes to her knees, leaving the rest of her legs available to his sight, barefooted, and a flimsy black sweater. Her hair is pulled back into a loose ponytail that cascades over her shoulder. Her hair has gotten longer lately, he notices, and he feels the sudden urge to push a lock of it around and over her shoulder, but he resists it. This is already awkward enough.
Of course, he's seen her with her night clothes on before...and with a lot less, but that's not what's making it awkward. The fact that he's been sitting in his car outside her house plus the fact that they haven't been able to have a decent conversation with each other in weeks since he worked the Davenport/Sheffield case with her and the team. They'd been kinder to him than he'd expected, especially Calleigh, and honestly, that's what gave him a sliver of hope. There was something in her eyes that told him she was ready for some kind of resolution to their increasingly straining relationship.
She sighs and grins a bit.
Calleigh became aware of the car parked outside of her house when she went upstairs to change into her night clothes. She'd thrown a Christmas party, and most of the team and a few other friends showed up. She extended an invitation to Eric, hoping that he would come, but not exactly sure what she'd say to him. She's never been one to hold back, to not say what she wants to say, but lately, around him, she's held back her words and so much more.
More than her words, she's held back her heart from him and from herself.
She doesn't know what she can say that will express the depth of the hurt he left her with. When she thinks of the past few months all she can think of is the hell and pain he put her through before he left CSI. For the second time in just a few short years, she thought that she was going to lose him. She spent that whole day, agonizing over the possibility that she may have delivered the shot that caused him to crash. No one talked to her for a long while, and she just sat there, in the waiting room in the ER alone, waiting for word. Finally, Alexx appeared and then couldn't even say for sure that Eric was going to make it.
"He's young, and he's strong..."
That said, she gave Calleigh a comforting hug, somehow knowing that the depth of her anguish and anxiety went deeper than just a love for a friend.
She didn't think that a man like Eric existed anymore. She didn't think that he'd be so...wonderful with her. Damn near perfect, though he's quick to point out his flaws and admit that he's working on them. He was so romantic, and loving, his heart right out there for her to see. She honestly thought she'd been dreaming when she was in the hospital. He put his watch around her wrist, a sign that he'd been there, waiting, just as she'd put her cross into his hand when he was injured to let him know that she'd been right by his side.
Whispered the most sacred words of his heart right into her ear, breaking right through to her subconscious, into her dream state.
"I can't imagine living my life without you."
Just her merely being alive made the man happy, and she knew then, when she woke up and touched his watch, that he loved her, his watch a tangible symbol of that.
When they began their relationship, she couldn't believe how happy she was, how utterly complete she felt. All the pieces fell together, Eric being the final one in the center of her life. She admits now that at first, she was skeptical of where their relationship was going; she wasn't sure if what they were heading into was real because she'd be lying if she didn't think about the way Eric used to handle his relationships. He'd played around for years, going form one girl to the next, none that wouldn't make his mother proud and wouldn't put in the time or effort to make a relationship work. She envied him, wishing that she could be just as care free, relinquish some of the control she had and not invest so much of herself. But on some level, she knows that he was trying to fill a void. Deep down, he wanted relationship that worked, he wanted marriage, a house, kids...everything.
After he got shot the first time, he changed, became completely different.
Calleigh liked the more open side of Eric. Instead of being angry, he was honest, told her that he needed help and she was more than willing. She could see something different in his eyes, she could see that he'd let his guard down and in turn, she slowly began to let down hers. Their friendship deepened, and the care he showed for her touched her. Before she knew it, she began to have feelings for him, more than just being his friend of seven years. He began to mean so much to her, and she found so much comfort in him being there for her. He'd been so grateful to her, and the way he wanted to repay her with showing her all the kindness he had within him.
How did she repay him?
She closes her eyes, feeling the heated air caress over her face.
Jake.
She played with Eric's heart, maybe too long, she thinks.
"You and I are in the lab day and night...I trust you with my life. I don't even know how I feel about Jake yet."
And then at the end of that day, she'd kissed Jake, and Eric bore witness and she could see that her statement had translated into a lie in his mind. Instead of facing him, she let Jake whisk her away to Antigua and let herself get lost in the sea air and the serenity.
It took more months for her to finally realize that maybe, in all her years of waiting, Eric had been the answer. Maybe all that she'd wanted in a man had been right in front of her; but her mind convinced her that it wasn't in either of their best interests to enter into a relationship, to just maintain their close friendship, but she didn't even know what that meant anymore.
More months went by and she read his file when his therapist, Dr. Marsh had been murdered.
"It would be nice if it were Calleigh."
All of his deepest, heartfelt desires were made bare before her, and she had no idea that she held the key to all that they've both been wanting.
When they finally let their feelings for each other spill over, it'd all just been so easy. She let him teach her what intimacy felt like and that she didn't have to be afraid of what their relationship would bring. He wouldn't let her hide from him, no, just put his finger gently under her chin and lift her eyes to his and the softness in his brown eyes would be her truth serum. She couldn't hide from him, even if she tried and he handled her emerging, new feelings with care.
Everything had been so great.
She opens her eyes.
"You cannot cross this line...I won't watch you do it."
Alexander Sharova.
The catalyst in the mix of everything that went wrong in their relationship.
He'd been deceiving her about what he was doing with his father; the nights where he would be preoccupied, shady...she knew that against her wishes, he was contacting his father. She hated to be the griping, nagging girlfriend about it, but she only wanted Eric to let it go so that the pain and confusion she was so obviously feeling would abate a little bit. If she couldn't be in that part of his life, then the least she could do was try to help him let it go. But she knew that Eric wouldn't let it go.
He chose to help his father, much to her chagrin and that divided them. Sharova, no matter how many times sliced, is and always will be a criminal. It's all he knows, and that life is hard to leave behind. Eric may be willing to forgive, but Calleigh is not quite so easy.
Eric made his choice, and it cost them everything they had together, and it almost cost him his life for a second time.
Now here they are, outside her house in his car, Christmas music playing over the radio.
The smell of his cologne is still intoxicating, familiar. Neither of them really knows where they stand with each other; ever since Stetler planted that seed of doubt in their heads over semantics, goddamn semantics, they haven't been sure of their relationship. Even now, when she gives it a thought, Calleigh can feel the dull ache in her heart at the fact that outside that evening, she had a chance to tell him all the things that had been swirling around in her head.
She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that she missed him and that whatever problems still remained between them could be worked out. She was willing to put in the time and effort because she loved him.
Loves him.
Calleigh didn't say a word, only offered him a small smile before he walked away from her, and eventually, the lab, his life with CSI...with her.
When she saw him again, she could think nothing but, what a different a few months has made.
He'd grown his hair out, something which she thinks she still has mixed feelings about, he'd been unsure of what direction he wanted to go career wise, and he still had that hideous blue checkered shirt on that he couldn't seem to bring himself to part with. She honestly thought he'd given it away with some of her things when she took a bunch of items to the shelter, but when she saw him wearing that damn shirt, she knew that he had lied to her about it. He looked more rested, though, less stressed, maybe even a little less complicated. And even through all of the tension and the arguments, he still looked amazingly handsome to her.
He looks handsome now, sexy, actually, with a simple black sweater on and black slacks, hair a little neater and shaped, and he looks a bit troubled.
She can still feel her heart being magnetically drawn to his and she is trying to fight it like hell as it does.
"So uh...you never did tell me if you got the job with Talbin," she says, breaking through the silence and looking at him.
"I-I'm sorry," he says sincerely. "I meant to call you. I got a two year contract with the DA's office. Thanks for letting me know about it."
She smiles. "I'm guessing you didn't have to think too hard, did you?"
He chuckles. "Not really. I wanted to stay in Miami...I missed it here."
"Miami missed you too..."
What the hell was that? Almost four months apart, and she still couldn't swallow her pride and tell him what she really felt? She still felt so much anger, disappointment and hurt behind his betrayal. She thought that she would come first because for a while, he did put her first. She was important to him, what they had together had been important and in the end, when he had the biggest decision of his life to make, he chose his father, a goddamn criminal whom he barely knew over her, his friend, his lover, supposedly the woman that he wanted a future with...the woman that he loved, though he never told her out loud.
She shivers again, but it's not from the chill outside.
"It doesn't surprise me that you came out here barefooted and in pjs," he muses.
"Well, you just missed the damn party," she says bitterly, looking out the window.
"Calleigh, I-"
"Why didn't you come in?" She asks, looking at him. "Why have you been sitting out here like some creep?"
He sighs. "I don't know, Cal."
"You don't know?" She asks incredulously. "You've been sitting outside my house for an hour, doing God knows what, and you don't even have a decent answer beside 'I don't know'?"
"What do you want me to say, Calleigh?"
"Why are you here?"
He shakes his head and looks down at his hands.
"I was going to come to your party earlier, but...I really just wanted to talk to you," he confesses. "I missed you, I miss hearing the sound of your voice."
Calleigh gently bites at her bottom lip.
"I know that a lot has happened between us," she begins. "But...you can call me. We were best friends first, weren't we?"
He nods, then he looks at her.
"What if I don't want to go back?"
"Back to what?"
"Back to the way things were with you," he explains and she crosses her arms over her chest.
"That's the way it has to be, Eric."
"I don't want it to be that way," he says. "I thought that maybe-"
"What?" She begins impatiently. "You thought you'd show up here, snap your fingers and everything will be back to normal? We can just pick up where we left off?"
"No," he huffs. "And don't be condescending. Don't talk to me like that."
"Oh you go to hell," she hisses. "You don't get to dictate to me."
"Why are you so angry?"
"What aren't you angry?" She asks tearfully.
"I am angry Calleigh," he says. "I'm angry, confused, scared..."
As if she is not. As if she hasn't felt the pain of his absence in her life like he felt the pain of her absence in his.
"Well why don't you clear it up for us, then?" She asks bitterly. "Because it's getting late and I'm tired."
"I can't because I don't know if you even want what I want anymore," he says.
She rolls her eyes. "As if you had nothing to do with that."
"Dammit Calleigh, stop with the sarcasm and talk to me."
She turns to him, anger in her eyes.
"Now you want to talk?" She yells. "You show up here at fucking ten thirty at night wanting to talk? You had three months to talk to me, to tell me what's happening and you haven't! Why am I always the one trying to save my goddamn relationships?! I am through trying to guess what you want!"
She looks away, sniffling as tears spill over and cascade down her cheeks.
He reaches over to touch her cheek but she pulls away.
"You made everything else more important than me," she continues. "And that hurt, Eric. After everything you told me, all the things you said to me about us, about our relationship, I trusted you, Eric. You won't admit it, but you chose your father, a man you barely even know, over me."
"You made me choose, Calleigh," he argues.
"That is bullshit, Eric."
"Is it? I didn't know what to do. I was trying to protect you and I was trying to help my father-"
"Alexander Sharova is not your father," she says. "Science says he is, but...you already had a father that raised you, that loved your mother and treated her right, despite what she did. Alexander Sharova didn't give a damn about you until you went looking. I didn't make you choose. You made your choice long before the thought occurred to you to tell me the truth. I obviously didn't matter that much to you."
"You know that's not true," he says. "Of course you mattered to me. You still matter to me, but it's not always about you. I needed you, Calleigh, but you were so damn stubborn. I felt alone in my decision because you see everything in black and white. Yeah, Sharova may have been a criminal, but he's also a human being, he also happens to be my father. I have to deal with the fact that he was a criminal just like you deal with the fact that your dad's an alcoholic."
She glares at him then she moves to open the door, but she can't.
She presses the button to unlock the door and she gets out, slamming the door.
Eric gets out of the car.
"Calleigh, wait! I didn't mean that..."
"Yes you did," she cries. "You know you meant it! There you go lying to me again!"
It is more chilly than he thought, and he shifts his focus to trying to get Calleigh into the house so that she doesn't catch a cold.
"Let's go inside."
"No, let's finish this out here, right now," she says harshly.
He comes over to her.
"Calleigh, come on, it's freezing."
"No," she says stubbornly. "Tell me right here, right now what you came here to tell me, Eric. You came here tonight for a reason, and I'm really hoping that it wasn't to ruin Christmas, so tell me."
He stands there, motionlessly, silently, his heart pounding in his chest.
This woman is fire and ice and heaven and hell all wrapped up in one, gorgeous body, her mind a filter through which she translates every word he says, picking out all the sincerity in them, sucking the emotion out of them dry until all she can hear is negative because she's mad, she's skeptical and she's blaming him for being a part of the group of men in her life that have helped her build that almost impenetrable wall around her heart so that being hurt doesn't quite feel as bad as it should, as it does.
Calleigh stands in the middle of her walkway, waiting for the man to say something, anything. To assure her that what they have between them isn't completely over because she loves him.
I love you.
She wants him to say something, but she is the one that needs to say something, make him stay because she knows he is going to walk away...he can see the toll that the intensity of this moment and the months past have taken on her. He can see that though she talks a good game, she can't let go. She doesn't want to let go, she wants him to be the man in her life that will take her hand and lead her into the life he wants so desperately to give her.
A tear falls and she sighs. "Eric-"
Before she can even process it, he cups her cheeks in his hands and brings her into a chaste, deep, hungry kiss. When she feels his warm lips against hers, her mind sends off warning bells and her heart races and nothing but pleasure that's lain dormant for months now courses through her entire body, sending out a tingling warmth that immediately knocks the cool of the night off.
It doesn't take long for Calleigh to wrap her arms around his neck, letting his tongue sample the taste of hers before she lets him in, wanting to get a taste of everything that's on the line right now.
Eric slinks his hands around her tiny waist and pulls her tightly against him, nibbling at her lip before soothing with his tongue and she whimpers.
All the words he could have said are so much better in a kiss.
In Puerto Rico, there's no shortage of beautiful women, he hasn't looked at or touched another woman with interest because Calleigh will always have his heart.
He could have gone back to Puerto Rico, but he came back to Miami for her.
A bit of arousal sparks between them as their bodies press close, her hips against his, her breasts pressing into his muscled chest, her nipples prodding through fabric from the cold. His hands caress over her back, hiking up her gown slightly, feeling the warm skin of the back of her thighs. They need to breathe, and were it not for that need, he would have carried on the kiss into the next morning if he had to.
She is the first to pull away, taking in a deep, shaky breath. Her cheeks are glistening with tears as she gulps air into her lungs.
He caresses her cheek.
"Merry Christmas, Calleigh," he says, then he backs away from her, and she shakes her head slightly in disbelief.
He turns and begins to make his way back to his car, his hand in his pocket, gripping the velvet box in his hand.
Calleigh wants to call him every foul name in the book, but instead, she stops being angry, stops being whiny and piteous of herself and petty and lets everything else, the world even, fall away as she takes a few small steps, panting with anxiety.
"I love you," she mutters quietly, but just loud enough that it stops him.
Eric turns and looks at her.
She walks toward him. "I love you," she repeats, putting her hands on his chest, sniffling a bit. "Eric, I. Love you. I'm in love with you."
He grins, caressing his hands over her cheeks and she blushes, putting her hands on his arms, her thumbs caressing the back of his hands. He kisses her forehead and she smiles, looking into his eyes.
"I love you Calleigh," he whispers against her lips. "I've been so in love with you...I still am so in love with you and I didn't want that to ever stop."
She kisses him fully before she pulls away.
He hugs her tightly, feeling her shiver.
She looks up at him.
"Now we can go inside," she declares as she takes his hand and begins to lead him inside.
"Wait," he says, stopping her and she frowns.
"What now?"
"Can't leave my car running," he smirks and she chuckles a bit. "I mean, it's an energy efficient, low emission vehicle, but I don't want to run the gas out of the damn thing."
He quickly goes back to his car, kills the engine and locks it up before he comes back to her.
Calleigh takes Eric's hand in hers and leads him inside.
She caresses her hands up his chest and around to his neck as she brings him into a soft, loving kiss. His hands land on her hips, and he kisses his way over her jaw line and kisses her cheek.
"Calleigh," he whispers, groaning slightly when she leaves a scorching kisses to his neck. "Calleigh..."
She smiles into a kiss then she pulls away and looks at him.
"It's almost Christmas," she whispers between kisses.
"Mmhm," he agrees, loosening her ponytail and combing his fingers though her silky, berry scented hair. "What do you want, carina?"
She flushes with heat at the low rumble and huskiness of his voice and at the use of his pet name for her.
"I want to be with you," she says softly.
Eric smiles before he leans down and captures her lips with his again.
TBC