Chapter 2: Insight
Hotch leaves and Derek was just too depressed to really enjoy the game anymore. His mind was too occupied by what just happened. So he dives right into the box and sees some notebooks, envelopes stuffed with paper, and lots of newspaper clippings. Most of them consisting of Derek's football career and in law enforcement.
It was getting late, he had to be up for work in the morning and trying to read further would only keep him awake. Putting everything away, he leaves a message for his girlfriend and gets to bed. Though he wouldn't have a very restful sleep.
The next morning, he arrives at the BAU office, still feeling cruddy from last night. Penelope Garcia, the unit's technology whiz, could always tell when her 'Chocolate Adonis' was down in the dumps. She had the duty of getting coffee for everyone that morning and hands him a latte with two sugars, just the way he liked it.
She was the optimistic cheerleader of the team. Today she wore a flowered top and black skirt that showed off her full figure. A big butterfly hair clip held up her blonde hair, her smile warming his weary soul.
"Thanks Baby Girl, I need it." he tells her and the bubbly woman with the wild hair gives her trademark smile. They had always flirted a little bit over the years they worked together, but never went beyond that. The two had their own separate lives. "Is Hotch in? I need to talk to him." he asks, and she points to his office, the door slightly open.
"You know full well he's almost always the first one in the office in the morning. Now what's wrong? I can tell." Penelope gave him that look of worry that made his heart melt. "I'll tell you later. Thanks."
He goes up and knocks on the door. Hotch looks up from a file on his desk and see Derek. Knowing what this was about, he waves the younger man in. Derek sits down in one of the chairs and asks if he could spare a minute to talk.
"Sure. Is this about last night? Did you take a look at what those books were about?" Hotch asks, always straight to the point. That was one thing Derek loved about his boss. Hotch was the type who can be a boss but a friend when needed.
"No, I couldn't bring myself to. I need some advice here. Would it be a good thing to do that? To explore that man's mind and see what was going on as he was doing all these horrific acts? I don't know what to do here." He pauses before going on.
"For years, I have help bring down criminals like him and never gave a second thought to it. But when it comes to my own personal experience, it's like I lose that passion for justice. My feelings get in the way, like if I deal with it, I'm scared of losing control of myself." Derek looks up at his boss with almost pleading eyes. He needed guidance at that moment.
Hotch ponders this for a moment before responding. "Sounds like you have a fear. This may be a sign to face it. If this means that much to you, go for it, we here have your back. Now how about we talk about this later? We got morning detail. Maybe at lunch, my treat." Derek tells him he has an appointment with his counselor but maybe the next day.
They didn't have to go off anywhere this day. Only that they did a few consultations on cases the unit recieves from different police departments all around the country. Analyzing the files and using what is given to them, develops a profile of the UnSub (unknown subject).
Derek sits down with his counselor, expressing his concerns. He talks about the package that he got and wanting to know what to do next, about wanting to find out the truth about the boy. Since Buford was killed in prison after he spoke out on live television, he had started going back to seeing one again because of the guilt he felt as a result.
Dr. Tandy's answer echoes what Hotch had told Derek earlier. "In fact," she tells him, "It may be a good idea to do this, a way to have closure. I know full well this was the one thing that started your path to where you are now." She takes a brief looks at some of the materials he brought her. "Looks like you got quite a challenge here. But one thing I warn you about is becoming obsessive, letting all this overwhelm you."
Derek felt some relief at the endorsement, not just from his counselor, but from his friends as well. Now the final decision was up to him. "I think I can handle this. Just needed some advice and I will pursue this. Got some time off coming and I'm going home. The detective who arrested Buford also got something like this. He's the one who sent all this to me."
With his friends backing him up, he was going to find closure and go on. And it starts with solving this mystery of the boy he found in that vacant lot so long ago.