Disclaimer: I don't own The Penderwicks

Chapter 2 (Skye's POV)

Sometimes I wondered if I was the only person in the whole world who thought like I did.

Adjusting the tripod angle slightly, I focused a certain constellation in the telescope's lens. It was pretty much a perfect night for stargazing. Jane once said that 'stargazing' was the most romantic word she'd ever heard, so she spent a few months adding it to sentences whenever possible. Finally she got it out of her system when she found a way to use it as an opening line in her first revisit to writing love stories.

I was just glad to finally stop hearing her use it so much. I mean it had almost ruined the word for me. But that was just it I guess… I wasn't sure how we could think so differently. I adjusted the focus a little more until the stars filled the lens almost perfectly.

I mean I know everybody thinks differently, but it just always seemed like I was at least one step beyond "normal different." Jane, Rosalind, Batty...Jeffrey… It just seemed like they all at least had something in common with each other. Like on some basic level they all felt the same way about most things.

Stargazing was a good example. I'd seen them all do it. Rosy just smiled to herself and got that look that made it seem like she understood everything there was to know. Everything there was to know, about all the things I knew nothing about… And whether it was Jane, Batty or Jeffrey, they always came away inspired somehow. Yet they all said I was the one who really loved the stars…

I pulled back from the telescope and let my head fall as I felt a sudden frown.

What was I looking for when I was out here…? Because I never could seem to find what they each had. But I was still here...looking… Looking for something… But what…?

Sighing a little, I leaned against the roof until I was on my back just staring up. I knew each constellation by name, and books worth of facts by heart and yet…

By heart…

Hearts weren't as easy to understand as star charts, that was for sure. And my own had to be the most confusing. I couldn't help but think back to about two months ago... Right after Jeffrey had played that song for me… I frowned again as I mentally kicked myself for trying to sum it up that simply. I mean, right after Jeffrey confessed to me.

I guess I was wondering what would have happened if Jane hadn't poked her nose into things and talked some sense into me… Would I still be on the roof hiding from him…?

Closing my eyes, I just tried to focus on the sound of breeze sifting through the tree next to my window. I guess it was stupid to worry about it now. What happened was done now, and nobody could change it. Things had worked out, and that's all that mattered anyway.

But stupid as it was I couldn't stop the worries from pecking away at the insides of my brain. Before I knew it my eyes flew open again, as a fresh stream of unpleasant scenarios started to run like a film reel in my head.

What if I found a way to mess things up later? I mean Jane wasn't always gonna be there to talk me through each of my problems. Just like at work today with those text messages. I'd almost messed that up too. Then what would have happened? How long was Jeffrey's sense of humor going to cover for me? For my complete inadequacy at handling our relationship now?

Rolling over on my side I stared at a beetle trying to make it over a leaf stuck to one of the shingles. Was he really happy with things how they were? Could he really be happy with me…?

I wasn't honest about how I felt like he was. For me even texting "I love you" was like pulling my own teeth. But he'd said it to my face… And more than that, he'd practically drowned me in compliments, and bent over backwards to always be there for me. He didn't just say he loved me, he lived like he really did too. So much so, that I was almost ready to let myself believe it.

Almost…

Because I knew he was being honest, but what I couldn't seem to figure out was why. Why did he love me? Love me, when I wasn't anything like the sappy heroines in Jane's stories, or the picture of domestic warmth like Rosalind? I was just...

Biting down a little on my lip I tried to find a word for me, but I couldn't seem to. "That figures…" I mumbled as I gave up trying. Instead all the things I wasn't seemed to come crashing in on all sides. But I didn't want to give in to all that, so I did my best to just shut out the noise and not think anything.

And it sorta worked I guess. Because the next thing I knew I was completely focused on that little beetle trying to climb what must have seemed like a mountain to him. He'd almost made it over the leaf when he slipped and fell onto his back. Frantic he just laid there kicking his legs wildly. Now he did remind me of myself. Because that's just how I felt sometimes. It wasn't like I didn't feel things like everybody else. I did. It's just...it wasn't as easy for me to tell other people about it when I did…

Most everybody outside of my family would have just taken me at face value I guess. But I needed somebody to take the time to figure out the real me, and...and for me to figure out myself… I just needed someone to give me a little patience I guess. And…

Carefully I reached to nudge the beetle back over on his squirming feet.

I just needed a little help...

Grinning a little I watched as he made a second attempt at overcoming the leaf mountain. And this time he actually did make it.

Sitting up again I took another look through the telescope. I still wasn't sure what I was looking for but…

Fishing my phone from my pocket I flipped through the photos until Jeffrey's selfie reappeared. I wasn't sure… Maybe Jane would have written a book, or I guess Batty would have composed a song to explain what she was feeling. But I… I just felt it.

I balled my fist and held it in the middle of my chest.

But I did really feel it… So much that it almost hurt.

Could "I love you" really cover all that? Was it possible for three words to take this feeling out of my heart and put it in his…?

I wasn't sure, but I hoped it could…

And maybe, if just a little bit, it had. I mean he looked happy enough right…? Well I actually knew he looked a lot more than just happy. But it was still hard to believe that three crazy little words I sent him could really mean that much…

But they had to… There wasn't any other way to explain the way he looked.

Clamping my eyes shut I rubbed at my forehead as I tried to give myself time to process everything I was thinking. No, feeling…

And just like that, before I knew what I was doing, I found the phone at my ear and the words "Calling, Jeffrey Tifton" buzzing on the screen. I almost jerked the phone away and hung up, but before I had the chance he picked up.

"Hello beautiful…" Was his sleepy, half yawning answer.

"A-Are you asleep?" I stammered out even as I realized what a dumb question that was.

The line was silent for a moment before he chuckled lightly. "Hmm...let me think about that…"

I rolled my eyes. "Ok yeah I know you're not asleep now, what I meant was, were you?"

"Yep. It's midnight across town, what about in your time zone?" He said with another slight laugh.

I frowned. I hadn't even noticed how late it was… Now I looked twice as crazy for calling. Why was I calling anyway…?

"Oh yeah right...uh sorry for waking you up… Um bye."

"H-Hey hold on a minute! I'm already wide awake now so…" He never made it easy…

"Uh...I…" No matter how hard I tried to figure out what I needed to say, nothing was coming. Should I just say I'd called by accident? Would that be lying? It seemed kinda like an accident.

"I'm all ears." He said cheerfully, then added: "Unless you really are dumping me for that Charlie, in which case I'm hanging up before you can tell me."

I slapped my forehead, a little frustrated at both my own awkwardness and his sense of humor in the face of it. "Really, can we just leave poor Charlie out of it?" I said in a strained huff.

He faked a serious tone. "See you're already sympathizing with him!"

I just shook my head as I let go of a sigh. And I guess it was loud enough for him to hear, because he suddenly cut the jokes.

"Come on Skies… Out with it."

I huffed again completely at a loss, so I just opened my mouth and let myself start babbling.

"I don't know! I...I was just thinking about you and… And I guess I called before I knew what I was doing. And maybe I just wanted to make sure you didn't hate me or something okay…?"

The line went almost dead again for what felt like forever. Or at least to me.

"Hate you…? Uh did my text have a serious typo I didn't notice this afternoon?"

I took a deep breath before I forced myself to go on. "No of course not. I just... I don't know! I was just thinking about stuff I guess…"

"What kind of stuff makes you think I hate you?"

I frowned. It seemed like the harder I tried to get out of it, the more I stuck my foot in my mouth.

"I...I gotta go…" It was like I only had two modes, fight or flight.

"Hey, not a chance Skye Penderwick! You're not about to hang up now!"

I huffed for at least a third time in frustration. This felt a lot like all the soccer drills we'd ran. He had a way of blocking you from passing him. And he was stubborn enough to risk getting hit right in the face if it meant not losing a point… And right about now I felt about as cornered as you could get.

So I decided that the only way out was probably through.

"Look… It's not you. It's just me alright. We both know I'm not the easiest person to deal with… And… And I was just hoping you weren't a little tired of putting up with me being so…"

"So Skye?" He added bluntly.

"Hey!" I shot back on impulse. But I could hear him laughing.

"Sorry I couldn't resist. But no really, I thought I was the one annoying you lately?"

Admittedly I did still feel a little annoyed after that remark. "Well you do sometimes…" Then I added: "But that's nothing new actually."

He chuckled again. "Sorry about that my lady."

I took another deep breath as I did my best to get my thoughts together. For some reason I did feel a little calmer suddenly.

"Yeah but that's not what I called to say… I uh…" I squeezed my eyes closed about as tight as I could get them. This was really hard… "I just didn't want you to think that I...that I didn't care about you… I mean since I don't express it that great most of the time…" I gulped in another two lungs worth of oxygen, thankful that was over at least.

But waiting for him to say something was almost as hard. When the silence got to be too much I spoke up again. "Hey are you still there!?"

"Yep sure am…" But that's all he said, the rest was just slight noise in the background, almost like he'd gotten up and started walking somewhere. Then before I could figure it out I heard...well music.

"I've got you on speaker, my piano had a better answer to that than I did. I think I'll call this one… How about… 'Ode to the Stormy Sky that Couldn't See it's own Rainbow?'"

"Honestly not much of a ring to it…" I said with a slight smirk as I leaned back against the roof.

He laughed. "Maybe, but I think it actually fits."

And just like that the line went silent except for the melody I heard him playing from the other side. This time I didn't try and decode what each part must have meant. I just let myself listen as I stared up at the stars above me.

I think a part of me already understood everything Jeffrey was probably saying… That part of me knew he was right...about everything… But now I guess it was just going to take a little time for the rest of me get it too. But I figured that was okay...as long as I got it in the end…

So I just let myself lay there. The sky was filled to the brim tonight, I even caught a glimpse of a shooting star out of the corner of my eye. I still wasn't exactly sure what I was looking for… Or just what I should call it… But…

I felt myself smile a little, and secretly I was glad no one was there to see how sappy I guessed it looked.

I wasn't sure what I was looking for...

But I thought I'd found who I wanted to help me find it...

Thanks as always for reading and please let me know what you think so far. More to come!