/*/*/*/
Time passes by, but I remember only flashes and have only vague memories, as I shift in and out of consciousness.
The aching in each and every part of my body.
The weakness.
My heart hammering wild in my chest every time I jolt awake from one of those dreams. I'm fighting death I think. But I will win. I must.
The thirst. I might croak out something as there's a hand holding my head and cool water slips into my mouth.
The hunger. The meat I'm fed is half-raw but I choke it down nevertheless. "It's deer," a voice says with dry humour.
The cold. A dirty cloak is thrown over me. I can feel the stench of soil and blood coming from it. A warm body that presses close when I'm shaking.
Slowly I realize it's Hidan taking care of me and the mortification of it is enough to make me try to get better.
I start to cling to my conscious moments. I think we are still on the clearing I carried Hidan's torn body to, and I wonder how long have we been here. Hidan barely seem to leave my side, although he must have gone to hunt and also to get some water. He's more advanced survival skills than I'd have given him credit for.
He keeps talking, even when he can't know I'm awake. Well, that just follows our old conversation patterns – him chatting all the time and I'm rewarding him with silence. Having nothing better to do, I actually listen to him now.
There's surprisingly few mentions of Jashin, although his name comes up now and then of course. He blabbers about our defeaters, me, revenge, the dark days he spent under the ground, me, the up and downsides of immortality, me again… it's actually rather unnerving. There are times when he just lies next to me, repeating "you came back" over and over again.
Once, when he seems to carry on with this for hours, I snap.
"Shut up already," I croak. "Have you completely lost your marbles?"
He jerks in surprise at hearing my voice and sits up. He's been snuggled close again and now that he left my side, I actually feel cold.
"You're awake!" his pupils are dilated, covering up the violet of his eyes. He actually looks innocent, which I know he's definitely not. "How long you've been up?"
"Long enough to wish I was still out," I grumble. My throat feels like sandpaper. Annoyance shows on his face now, making him look more like his normal self.
"You bastard, I've been worried sick. Thought you were done for good. We're here for a week at least and you've hardly been lucid... What the fuck happened to you? What took you so bloody long to get me out? How long that actually was? What's it with your eyes - and your hearts? I'm sure I only heard only one beating in your damned chest..."
"You've been listening to my heartbeat?" I ask, because I've no answers for the rest. If I didn't know better I would swear he blushes. "Give me some water and let me rest. We need to get moving soon, and I'll need my strength."
He mutters something under his breath that I can't make out, but he brings me the drink. I notice it's not an actual cup of any sorts, just a hollow piece of tree-bark. Raising my glance to Hidan, I realize he's stark naked.
"What? Stop looking at me like that. I'll let you know that I only have my cloak, what remained of it anyhow, and I've been covering you up with it."
"I see you built a nice little savage life here. Have you painted any tribal markings on yourself yet and pierced your nose with a bone?"
"I think I liked you better unconscious."
I don't dignify that with an answer as it actually costs me an effort to stop my hands shaking and not spill the water. I lay down to sleep afterwards less afraid of the nightmares than before. I hear Hidan shuffling about. When he thinks I've fallen asleep he crawls back under the cloak and presses close against me. I don't have the strength to kick him away. Also, I'm rather glad for the warmth coming from his body. I hear him whisper "you came back" before darkness claims me again.
/*/*/*/
I spend more and more time awake with each passing day, gradually becoming stronger. Hidan brings me water and meat if I ask for them and annoys the hell out of me whenever I want it or not. He is full of questions I don't have answers for.
"So you say the Akatsuki is finished? If you survived that spell or technique or whatever it was, maybe the others did as well."
"I don't think so. They were too... mortal for that."
"Even Puppet-boy?"
"Sasori was revived in his own form. His human body," I clarify at Hidan's blank stare.
"Did he even have one?"
"You are really a cretin."
"Not that I want him to be alive. He was a freak."
I don't tell him that as for myself, I rather liked Sasori. We used to spend hours together whenever we met at one of the hideouts. Usually we're both glad to be rid of our actual partners for a while. We never said more than a few words to each other, I'm usually reading, he fiddling with one of his puppets. The man knew how to keep silent, a rare trait. It wasn't what you'd call friendship, but if I wasn't irritated by the continuous presence of someone in the organization, it was him.
/*/*/*/
In a few days I declare I'm well enough to get going.
"Are you sure?" Hidan asks skeptically, eying my somewhat still shaking hands. No, I'm not sure at all, but we can't afford to stay here any longer. So we agree that next morning we're off.
"So where will we go?" he asks, taking on the tatters of his cloak. It shows half of his chest and most of his legs as well, but at least he's no longer naked. Unfortunately I, being just as bare-chested as I was when I escaped the war, am now cold without it thrown over me.
"For a start we should just get as far away from here as possible." It's not even a question if we're going together - at this point our only chance of survival is to join forces. Once we regain our strength we can go on our separate ways.
Actually Hidan's body seems completely healed by now. I help him get rid of the stitches and see that those terrible scars are reduced to nothing but pink lines marking his skin. Without giving it a conscious thought I ran a finger down on the largest one zigzagging from his jugular vein to his pelvic bone. This was the last one I did up, before fitting his head, just after placing his heart at the right place.
I'm a bit envious - I feel nothing like my normal self yet, while he's almost as good as new.
Rising up my head I find Hidan looking at me strangely. He grabs my wrist when I start to pull my hand back.
"I haven't even thanked you yet," he says with such grave sincerity that I feel ill at ease.
"You didn't, but you always were an ungrateful brat."
"Fuck you, Kakuzu!" he snaps and storms away. I smirk. This is better, having the usual banter and animosity between us. I don't know how to deal with strange tenderness and awkward thank you-s.
He's back soon of course, anger apparently forgotten by sunset. He roasts, or rather scorches the last remaining pieces of deer. As I choke it down I can't help but hope our next meal will be somewhat more civilised.
At nightfall he takes off the cloak, lays it over me and burrows in, pressing his body close to mine.
"What? You'd rather freeze your arse off?" he asks when I raise my eyebrows at him.
Later still I hear him whisper his usual "you came back" and I wonder if he means it as a "thank you" this time.
/*/*/*/
We're lucky enough to meet a pair of Genins, so by the time we venture into a village we've robes, misfit as they are on our backs and some money in our pockets. I also have three hearts beating in my chest. They aren't ideal - one for Earth Techniques and two for Water, none of them really powerful... I'm still weak, but I'd be able to stand against stronger foes than Genins now.
We rent a room at an inn cheap enough that no questions are raised at our unholy appearance. It's still risky - we're at the Land of Fire after all, and although nothing links us directly to Akatsuki now (the rags of Hidan's cloak was left behind with the corpses of the Genins and our forehead protectors with the stroke-through symbols are nothing but memory) there's still the possibility that someone will recognise us.
But the temptation of a shower, a bed and some hot meal that isn't half-raw stag meat is too great. I try to listen to the rumours on the streets and in the common room of the inn, but no one seems sure if the war has ended yet, and who won if it did.
We talk about revenge at night. I tell Hidan that we can't go back yet to wreak havoc in Konoha. We'll wait - even a few years if necessary - and strike when they'd expect it the less.
Surprisingly enough, he agrees. Maybe the time he spent buried underground diminished his reckless bloodlust.
"Bloody shadow-kid," he mutters, eyes staring ahead, but unseeing "and his fucking little tricks. A few weeks or a few years, doesn't matter. In the end I'll send him to Jashin-sama the most painful way possible." He actually makes a small grimace at the mention of his god. That makes me curious, but I don't question it. He catches my eyes but misinterprets my gaze.
"I guess the same goes for you as well, Kakuzu? What did that Kakashi do, to best you in the end?"
"He didn't best me," I say simply. "He got some reinforcement."
"Reinforcement?"
"That Jinchuuriki Deidara mentioned...destroyed two of my hearts with a single blow," I fall silent for a moment, thinking about something that's been bothering me every time I recalled these fateful events, "…though even before that - one failed in a mysterious way..."
"Did it?" Hidan asks and I can hear the edginess in his voice.
"Hmm. As if an invisible force pierced me through the chest."
"Ugh...I...really?" he stammers, eyes darting away guiltily, confirming my suspicions.
"You bloody little cretin," I growl. "You let yourself be separated from me and you somehow managed to stab through my heart? It's all your fault that we..."
"Hey, that's not fair!" he shouts. "They just got fucking lucky! They weren't even that strong the bloody bastards..." he's right in that, we've beaten more tough opponents before. But right now that's not enough to quench my fury.
"Don't try to shrink from responsibility!" I'm satisfied to see him taking an involuntary step back as I stand up. "You always manage to land yourself in trouble and in the end you dragged me with you into it! Look at what's become of us!"
"Oh snap out of it Kakuzu," he's back in my face now, the flicker of uncertainty I saw in his eyes replaced by indignation. "I'm alive and whole again and you came back as well, didn't you? In the end we still have the upper hand."
I grab the front of the stolen shirt he's wearing and slam him against the wall. I might lack my usual speed and strength, but his skull still meets the tapestry with a satisfactory crack.
"Back again you say? Can you even comprehend how I am now? What I am now?"
"How'd I fucking know," he shoves back hard "when you never talk to me? You came back, got me out but didn't really fill me on in the details, did you? As far as I can see, you're the same fucking asshole you always were!"
"This is not even my fucking body!" This time I actually lift him off the ground before bashing his obtuse head against the wall again.
"What the hell does that even mean?" he screams. "Just look at you," his fingers dig in painfully between the stitches on my arms, "you're all the same, what the hell do you mean this isn't your body?"
"Just because you are too dim-witted..."
"You know what, Kakuzu?" he rides me over "You're not the only one with issues. What do you think it was like for me in that hell-hole? Praying for Jashin to free me but he didn't, then asking him to kill me, but he didn't do that either... waiting for you, but you didn't come... I figured you just left me there to rot, cause you always seemed so bloody strong, so I thought no way he was defeated… then got afraid you might have been killed after all and no one will ever know where am I and I'll stay forever underground, torn to a million fucking pieces… and then you did come after such a fucking long time, got me out, but almost died on me you lame old prick..." He runs out of breath and just glares at me, panting hard.
Rather flummoxed by his monologue, I let him go.
I could shout back that it took me so long because I was dead and probably tucked away in a morgue at Konoha, and that he should be grateful I came back for him at all. But suddenly I feel worn-out and the last thing I wish for is this pointless argument to continue. It's too much like old times, and I feel like those strange weeks at the clearing after I got him out didn't happen at all.
I leave him and go to lie down without a word. He keeps grumbling to himself, sometimes raising his voice a bit, so I can make out the insults aimed at me. As I don't react he goes to sleep in his own bed after a while.
/*/*/*/
Hidan is tossing and turning in his bed, gritting his teeth, mumbling, sometimes crying out. He sounds like he's having one hell of a nightmare. Two weeks passed since our departure from the forest and it's been like this every night since. I'm not better off myself. Whenever I fall asleep I dream of that stranger whom body I'm using. We always fight for control and after each occasion I wake with my pulse running wild, gripped by a senseless fear that this time I've lost and I'm going to die.
Maybe that's why I never wake Hidan - his thrashing helps me to stay awake. Maybe I just enjoy watching him suffer, knowing I'm not the only one. I never ask what he's dreaming about – it is pretty obvious anyway.
He suddenly jolts awake and sits up. His breathing is loud and ragged in the silence of the dark room. I keep my own low and even, my eyes open to the barest crack. The room we rented is a cheap one again - I never stood wasting money, and right now we barely have any. The thin curtains on the window don't do anything to keep the moonlight out, so I can make out his silhouette.
For a while he remains motionless, knees drawn up and head buried in his hands. Then suddenly he stands up and paddles over to my bed. I'm too surprised to react when he slips in under the covers and presses his naked body close to mine. He sighs contently and unconsciously I relax as well.
"You came back," he whispers.
"Of course I did," I find myself replying. Hidan jerks in surprise at hearing my voice, but doesn't pull back. Lately I've always been cold, so the heat coming from his body is actually pleasant, and while the way he is pressed against me should be stifling, it doesn't bother me.
I wake at the crack of dawn. My first thought is that I slept for hours without my usual nightmares. It's so marvellous that the reason which woke me doesn't sink in immediately.
Hidan is moving, hips thrusting slightly, pushing what is unmistakably an erection against my hip and thigh. I can tell from the way he's breathing, fast and excited, that he's awake and not having some late-adolescent wet dream. He is lying by my side, one leg thrown over mine, one hand across my chest, head on my shoulder. I must have been sleeping like I was out cold, if I didn't wake at being tangled up like this.
I move to push the shameless little idiot away, but somehow my hand lands on the small of his back and pull him even tighter against me. He stills for the barest of seconds - then I feel him smiling against my collarbone. He continues humping me with obvious intent, gasping mumbled words I can't be arsed to try to make out.
This is the most passive I've ever been during sex. It's just Hidan masturbating really, while I happen to be there. In the back of my head I know I should find his actions audacious, but my mind is blissfully blank, my body lax. It's a pleasurable feeling, having him so close, but there's no rush of excitement, my body being still too weak.
Hidan's forehead is pressed hard against my shoulder now, his movements speeding up. He moans something that sounds suspiciously like his usual mantra of "you came back" as he spills his release, making a mess of my pants and the covers.
Spent, he raises his head and smiles at me, obviously satisfied. Instead of punching him in the face for his uninvited little performance as he would deserve, I caress his back and buttocks. His hand slides from my shoulder down to my stomach and before I could stop him, into the loose trousers I'm wearing for the night.
He utters an unhappy whine when he finds me limp. He still caresses and tugs on me gently, which is not an unpleasant sensation, but is rather disturbing as my flesh doesn't react to it.
"Hidan..." I warn.
"But you didn't..."
"I've been dead for gods know how long, idiot. What do you expect?"
"Oh," he sighs and stills the movement of his hand. "Next time then." With that he rests his head on my chest and pretty much immediately his breathing deepens. His hand is still in my pants.
I raise my head and stare down at him incredulously. The little bastard had the nerve to fall asleep on me like this.