"Merlin."
Oh hell, what time was it? Too early to wake up, at any rate. Merlin shifted in his sleep, his head groggy with the rest he had missed. Still half embroiled in sleep his mind recalled that soft voice which had called his name before. Freya. The Ela. The pursuit. He groaned, his mind and muscles remembering the walk back in the dark, the cool stone passing under his hand over and over until his skin felt smooth and numb with the sensation. At two points he had found himself lost, but luckily having remembered the general direction he had headed out from he had managed to find his way back, a time consuming business.
"Merlin!"
The voice was clearer this time. Impatient, and male. Not Freya. Great, he was awake then. And now, as a final cruelty, he had to open his eyes. Bad enough that he was now aware of the fern based bedding itching against his neck, the blanket pulled irregularly over him leaving his back more exposed than his front, the pins and needles beginning in his lower leg. But to open his eyes, and finally acknowledge the task of getting up, was the ultimate acceptance of consciousness. Yet he had to, because some irritating voice was calling him. He opened his eyes.
"Time for breakfast. Come on, get up, lazy." Arthur. Merlin yawned, stretching exaggeratedly, and Arthur responded with a kick to his foot.
"Come on," he repeated, reaching down and hauling Merlin to his feet. "I'll let you off this time, but only because I slept rather late as well."
"Why – you haven't done anything," Merlin teased. But their tiredness was the Ela's fault, he thought to himself. Gwen in Arthur's case, Freya in his.
"Oi!" Arthur punched him playfully on the shoulder, then ruffled his hair. "Come on. Gwen's made breakfast already."
"Right."
"I think she got up earlier just to do it. For all of us, even you and Gwaine." He smiled.
"That's nice."
"It's good to get away and spend time together, even if it's just for a little while."
Merlin smiled. "Good for you."
Arthur grinned and put an arm around him before steering him outside.
"Ah, Merlin! Good morning." Gwaine, sitting cross-legged on the ground a little way away, beckoned him over. Merlin headed towards him and Gwaine tossed him an apple, which he caught before sitting down.
"Late waker, eh?"
"Not normally."
Arthur sat himself between Merlin and Gwen and took the sandwich Gwen offered him. There then followed an awkward silence. Merlin wanted to discuss his encounter with the Ela with Gwaine but couldn't because Arthur and Gwen were right there beside him, and Arthur felt rather self-conscious about trying anything romantic with Gwen with Merlin and Gwaine present. Luckily the first to finish breakfast was Gwen, and as Arthur was finishing likewise she stood with a small smile to take a walk into the forest to explore. Arthur stood to accompany her, and together they walked off.
"Well they're certainly a couple, aren't they?" said Gwaine once they had gone.
"Yes… And it looks like it's going to be impossible to catch her alone. I tried last night but there were…complications."
Gwaine raised an eyebrow. "So Arthur and Gwen were…"
Merlin caught what he was implying and his eyes widened. "No, not…no." He went on to explain what had happened the previous night up to and including his pursuit of the Freya Ela. Gwaine listened attentively.
"What are you planning to do?" he asked when Merlin had finished.
"Well I'll try again tonight…" He looked around in the direction Arthur and Gwen had headed. "…unless we can get it before then."
Gwaine followed the direction of his gaze. "We could."
It was a clear, sunny morning – somehow the challenge seemed more promising in this light. They waited a few minutes, finishing their breakfasts, and then stood and began to follow the route Arthur had taken, catching up steadily.
"The problem is the Ela knows I'm after it now," Merlin whispered as they approached.
Gwaine looked at him. "Right. So you want me to try and catch it instead, I'm guessing."
"That might–"
"It's fine." Gwaine grinned. "Pass me the flask. I'll try and charm Gwen away whilst you distract Arthur."
They walked silently for a while, planning their courses of action. Merlin watched Arthur and Gwen chatting happily. She said something quietly and he laughed and for a moment Merlin forgot she was the Ela and simply saw them as a couple. It was obvious that Arthur was totally infatuated. And it wasn't even Gwen he had run away to spend time with, it wasn't even Gwen he was talking to, it wasn't even Gwen he was…kissing.
Merlin froze where he stood. Automatically, before he had even begun to think about how much life force that would be costing Arthur. It wasn't even Gwen. Couldn't Arthur tell? And Arthur wouldn't even be allowed to remember all this, it occurred to him. The real Gwen back at the castle wouldn't have these memories, and if Arthur did it wouldn't make any sense to her. Gaius would have to give him some sort of forgetting potion when he got back.
"Charming," Gwaine muttered, halting beside Merlin with a sigh. When Merlin didn't say anything he added, "I'll go in shortly after they stop."
Merlin nodded. Arthur and Gwen presently broke apart and resumed walking, both looking bashful. After a short pause they both laughed, then began talking again. A few moments after this Gwaine took several long strides and caught up with them.
"Gwen, hello."
She spun around, startled. "Oh, hello Gwaine."
He grinned. "Didn't expect to bump into you. I came across a lovely spot just a little off that way actually – would you like to see?" Gwaine gestured off to the right.
"Um…"
"Excuse me?" Arthur butted in.
"It won't take a moment," Gwaine continued, completely ignoring Arthur and giving Gwen all his attention.
"Well…"
"Come on. It's almost as beautiful as you." He winked playfully.
Gwen blushed, flattered. Merlin, still watching from a distance, could almost see the thoughts turning inside the Ela's mind, persuaded by the full attention that Gwaine was giving it. He stood absolutely still, observing quietly whilst Gwaine continued to charm, mixing persuasion with a convincingly innocent tone. His refusal to even make eye contact with Arthur was annoying Arthur significantly, and Merlin smiled as he watched him struggling to find a convenient point to politely interrupt. Luckily he didn't get the chance. Gwaine's efforts seemed to be working. Merlin worried about the life force the Ela would be taking from him as he spoke, but reassured himself that his own encounter with the Freya Ela hadn't done him any real harm.
"Alright then, be quick – where is it?" Gwen asked eventually, having lingered long enough to appear that she was unwilling to leave Arthur although she was obviously eager to make use of someone else who was giving her so much attention so willingly. Gwaine put a hand at the base of her back and gently steered her off to the right, pointing.
"Trust me, it's lovely."
Merlin watched as she began to turn and follow Gwaine.
"Wait for me," Arthur said, evidently irritated by Gwaine's interruption. Merlin quickly stepped out from where he'd been hiding in order to stop Arthur from following as well.
"No, you don't need to. It's only a glade of flowers."
"Have you been following us?" asked Arthur, turning towards him.
"No, no. I was just exploring with Gwaine and we both passed it as we were walking," Merlin lied quickly.
Arthur shook his head, and then began to head after Gwen.
"Wait!"
Arthur turned around again. "What is it?"
"As I said, it's only a glade of flowers," Merlin rushed. "Boring. She'll be back in a moment."
"I don't care if it is just flowers, I'm spending time with Gwen."
"Well…okay. But don't you think she seems a bit different?" he tried.
"No, why?"
Because she's an Ela. But obviously a good actor as well as a shape-shifter, he thought to himself.
"I'm…not sure. Perhaps she's just….happier," he bluffed.
"You think?" he asked, pleased.
"Um…yeah… And you?" Merlin ventured. "Are you happier?"
Arthur gave a smile and shrugged. "I feel as good as ever. It's great to spend time with Gwen. Really great." He put a friendly hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Do you think you'll ever find love, Merlin?"
"I don't know."
"Mind you, who'd put up with–"
"Alright, yeah, thanks."
Arthur laughed. Merlin shook his head humorously.
"I don't know why Gwen goes for you. You're arrogant, obstinate, annoying…"
"Oi." Arthur shoved him jokingly. "There must be something you like about me."
Merlin paused a moment, but went for the easier answer. "Um…nope, not really…"
They smiled. Merlin paused, knowing he should take Gaius's advice now whilst he had the opportunity to speak to Arthur. But the moment passed, and with mixed feelings he opened his mouth to begin another subject, only to see Gwaine reappear. And to his dismay, with Gwen.
"Sorry," he said, his eyes flicking towards Merlin although he was addressing Arthur, "I couldn't find it. I think I left the glade further behind than I first thought."
"Never mind," Gwen dismissed, if a little curtly. She rejoined Arthur's side and they linked arms.
"I think we'll continue with our walk then," Arthur suggested, giving Merlin and Gwaine a warning glance.
"Right. See you back at camp later," Merlin replied, just to let Arthur know he wasn't getting rid of them for good. Then he turned back towards Gwaine and they headed off into the forest in the opposite direction. Merlin stayed quiet until he estimated they were safely out of Arthur and Gwen's earshot, then asked what happened. Gwaine sighed.
"It was impossible. It pulled the same trick on me that you described – the glowing part just kept shifting."
"Looks like we're going to have to catch it unawares."
"Yeah. I think it's a bit irritated now it knows we're both trying to catch it though."
"I'm sure a few more hours with Arthur will cheer it up," Merlin mumbled. Gwaine caught his expression.
"It'll be alright. There's nothing more we can do now anyway. Come on." He beckoned. "Let's find that glade of flowers."
Merlin smiled despite himself.
They walked for a while quietly. The sunlight danced down through the trees in a playful aspect, flirting with the birdsong as if in spontaneous synchronisation, flitting in between shadows and silence. It was somewhat distracting, in a pleasant way that still allowed thinking without allowing thought to become too deep. In this way Merlin drifted away from thoughts about Arthur and the Ela, and he turned to Gwaine with a smile.
"Are we there yet?"
Gwaine grinned. "Maybe. Either way, there's not much of a path now."
They were quickly approaching a line of thick brambles mixed with the braches of a fallen tree, obscuring much of the way ahead and on their left. It was thinner in some places, and Gwaine peered through inquisitively.
"I can see a lake."
Merlin moved to his side and saw it too. It was a shimmering, clear surface not too far past the brambles, but it seemed impractical to reach.
"I see it."
"I fancy a swim."
"I don't think it would be easy getting through those thorns though."
Gwaine surveyed the brambles thoughtfully. "Nah, it's not a problem, just push some aside…" He picked a section and with one hand began to pull some of the branches to one side, only to snatch it back again. "Ouch. Stupid thorns."
I told you so.
Gwaine took out his sword, as if intending to pay it back for whatever scratches it had given him. Merlin stared.
"Er…Gwaine, there's no need to go sticking your sword in here. We can take another route."
"I know it seems a pity to have to slash anything up, but it'll be worth it." Hefting his sword high he cut away the worst of it, enough to form a gap they could push through. He went through first, the branches hitching slightly on his clothes, and then he turned back towards Merlin, propping some of the tangled branches and thorns up with his arm to make it easier for Merlin to pass through. Merlin smiled, touched by the gesture, and crouched into the space, creeping through steadily. Gwaine smiled back at him, but became gradually more self-conscious with his impulsive generosity and after a short pause he let his arm drop before turning away. The branches and brambles he had been supporting promptly snapped down onto Merlin, the thorns piercing his clothes and scratching his skin.
"Ow! Thorns!"
Gwaine spun around again instantly, grimacing at his misjudgement. "Sorry, are you alright?"
"No."
Looking a little guilty Gwaine helped him the rest of the way through. Merlin felt some of the thorns catch and drag through his skin and winced as he emerged, stumbling a little as he made it to the other side.
"Ouch."
"Let me see," Gwaine commanded gently. Merlin reluctantly obliged, and turned his back to Gwaine, who examined it a minute before saying,
"I can't really see the thorns in this light, but you've definitely caught some. Let's go nearer to the lake." With this he gently took hold of Merlin's arm and steered him towards a place by the lake where there was more light before turning him around to look again.
"Well?" Merlin prompted.
"It's not bad. Just stay still."
"What did you let go for – ow!" He flinched a little as Gwaine pulled the first thorn free.
"I didn't think… I needed to hold them up."
"Right – ow!"
"Sorry. There's a fair few – let's sit down and I'll pull out the rest."
Merlin shifted away shyly. "It's ok – I can pull them out."
Gwaine raised an eyebrow. "Well then you must have eyes on the back of your head, because I don't know how else you're going to see the thorns on your back."
"I can feel for where they are."
"Sure, and whilst you're fumbling around for them you can help them cut further into your back…"
"I'll be fine."
"Slicing through the skin, doing further damage…"
"Gwaine…" Merlin rolled his eyes.
"What if they're hooked at the end and you pull them out wrong? Then the hook will rip through–"
"Okay, okay, alright." He grinned, knowing it was Gwaine's way of apologising for getting them there in the first place. They sat down on the grass, Gwaine sitting cross-legged behind Merlin before slowly beginning to take out the thorns. Merlin flinched a little at each removal but smiled despite himself, taken by the ambience of the place. It was beautiful and the light glistened pleasantly on the water's surface, as if inviting him in.
"There's one larger thorn left," Gwaine said after a pause. "Relax."
"Ok…" Merlin diverted his attention briefly from the lake and braced himself. "Ow!"
"Done."
Merlin sighed and flexed his back. "It stings a bit."
Gwaine poked him. "Does that hurt?"
"A bit."
"And here?" Gwaine poked him again at a different spot.
"No, not that much."
"Here?"
"Stop it!" Merlin smiled, both amused and touched by Gwaine's concern and his slightly less commendable way of expressing it.
"Is there blood?" he asked.
"A bit." Gwaine shrugged. "You could wash it off in the lake."
Merlin looked at him a moment to see if he was joking but Gwaine was looking away, his expression neutral. After a moment, with a sneaking suspicion that there was still something prickly irritating his back, Merlin removed his top and neckerchief and laid them to one side. Taking Gwaine's advice he knelt at the very edge of the lake and cupped some water in his hands, tipping it over his head. Most of it caught in his hair, the cold drips falling onto his shoulders so that he shivered. Only a thin stream of water made it down his back, numbing the skin it passed.
"That worked," Gwaine commented sarcastically, moving beside him before cupping some of the water in his own hands and tipping it down Merlin's back for him. He repeated the movement several times in a practical way. Merlin watched him, touched.
"There," he said at last. "Though it would have been easier to just take a swim." He smiled, then looked from Merlin to the lake hopefully. "Come on. I'm going in." Standing, he removed his own top and then pulled off his boots. Merlin spotted a thorn in his arm, ignored because of his attention to Merlin's.
"Wait," he started, just as Gwaine was reaching for his trousers.
Gwaine looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"
Merlin momentarily forgot what he had been about to say and mumbled something incoherently, realising how it must look. Then he remembered.
"There's a thorn – in your arm."
Gwaine looked down at his left arm on cue, but couldn't see anything.
"Your other arm." He stood and reached for Gwaine's right arm, lifting it gently by the wrist and teasing out the small thorn that had got caught in the skin near his elbow. A small bead of blood formed where it had been. Gwaine inspected it disinterestedly.
"Oh. There."
Merlin smiled and returned the favour that Gwaine had given him earlier by cupping some water in his hand and pouring it over Gwaine's arm. Some of the blood had dried on and he rubbed the skin gently to remove it. For some reason it felt a more intimate gesture than he had expected. Perhaps it was because he was facing Gwaine, whereas before when Gwaine had poured water over his back he had been facing the other way. Perhaps it was the softly smiling, patient look that Gwaine was giving him, putting up with his attention in a way Arthur never would. He finished his task and let Gwaine's arm drop.
"Shall we swim?" Gwaine prompted.
"Urgh." Arthur took a deep breath and took another step forward, his boot sinking into the mud. With a reluctant suck his other foot came free and he repeated the move, feeling his legs begin to tire. Behind him Gwen sighed, also finding progress difficult.
"Are you alright?" he called behind him.
"Yes…" She smiled back at him. A small smile. Neither of them really wanted to be there. They had slid down a steep incline to reach what had looked like a pleasant green valley, but having reached the bottom they had found the ground bog-like, and with no easy means of climbing back up the sides again to escape.
"I think I'm stuck," Gwen complained.
Arthur twisted in the mud to face her and extended a hand. "Here."
She took his hand and with a heave he pulled her free. They trudged onwards. So much for finding a romantic spot to stop and chat. Like a lake or a small clearing, or even just a simple fallen log to sit on.
"We'll be alright," he said softly. "There'll be a way back up…" He glanced around. Where was there dry ground? "…soon," he finished. He tried to fight the surprising urge to stop where he was, sit down even, just to have a little break before continuing. It seemed like his muscles were tiring faster than they ought to – or perhaps that was just an effect of the thick mud. As if to disprove this odd tiredness to himself he impulsively stopped and offered to carry Gwen until they reached solid ground again.
"There's no need. I'm fine." She smiled sweetly.
"No, you shouldn't have to do this. Come here."
"I don't mind."
"I'll carry you."
She laughed at his persistence. "I'm perfectly capable," she placated.
"Hold on."
"Arthur!" she protested, but gave in easily as he lifted her and looped her hands around his neck. Her eyes sparkled playfully. "Well aren't you charming."
"Yes I am," Arthur agreed, walking onwards with a smile.
They progressed leisurely. Or rather, slowly, not that Arthur wanted to admit it. The inkling of weariness he had felt walking on his own seemed to have doubled now that he was carrying Gwen. He sensed that she was not heavy, yet he was acutely aware of her form against him and every place where their bodies met, especially the bare skin of her wrists and hands where they linked around his neck. She smelt of warm fireplaces and clean blankets. Her gently curving lips parted in a smile as she noticed him observing her.
"You're beautiful," he told her. To this she only blushed.
Eventually the ground began to feel more solid beneath his feet and after a gentle incline they were back on firm ground. Arthur gently placed Gwen back on her feet and took a deep breath, feeling more tired than he hoped was obvious. Honestly, it had only been some thick mud.
"Thank you," said Gwen, blushing.
"Oh…it's no problem."
"I hope I wasn't too heavy for you."
"No, not at all," Arthur reassured her with a smile. She leant up and kissed him briefly on the cheek.
"Shall we keep going then?"
"Yes, let's." Arthur nodded, indicating for her to lead the way. But as she turned to take a step her foot caught in the bottom of her dress and she tripped, falling down flat on her stomach.
"Are you alright?" Arthur asked quickly.
She rolled over with a laugh. "Yes, I'm fine."
He extended a hand to help her up, but instead of taking it she patted the ground beside her.
"Let's stop and lie here a while. We don't have anywhere to be."
"I…suppose." A little surprised but not unwilling Arthur knelt before tentatively moving to lie next to her. She turned and curled against him, draping one arm over his chest. He put an arm around her and held her close, gazing up at the canopy above them. Now he was lying down he wished he had come up with some excuse to keep moving – like this he felt it would be all too easy to fall asleep. He shouldn't be tired… But everything around him seemed to be lulling him to sleep, from the warm sunlight on his face to the quiet, contented breathing of Gwen lying next to him. He ought to stay awake and talk to her, make use of the time they had together. For a moment he struggled, but his body was winning the argument. What harm could it do to have a little rest? He turned his cheek against the soft waves of Gwen's hair and closed his eyes.
Gwaine waded in enthusiastically, beckoning for Merlin to follow.
"Come on! The water's lovely!"
"Do we have to?"
"Yes!" Gwaine laughed, staggering back towards Merlin and dragging him into the water. Merlin struggled playfully and Gwaine splashed him, soaking him instantly.
"Gwaine!"
"What?"
Merlin feigned a scowl, then splashed him back. Gwaine laughed and returned the gesture, and then suddenly they were play-fighting, water splashing everywhere. Gwaine managed to grab hold of Merlin and tussled with him deeper into the lake until they were in up to their shoulders, a mixture of thrashing limbs. It was impossible to tell who was winning; in the struggle Merlin could hardly work out which legs were his as wet skin and water collided over and over, each of them trying to submerge the other. They snatched breath in between attempts, Gwaine gaining the upper hand as the stronger of the two until a well placed shove sent each of them in opposite directions under the water. As his momentum slowed, the sudden quiet took Merlin by surprise. Suspended and surrounded in the murky blue, he peered through the water and saw Gwaine as a blurred figure a little way away. It was almost surreal, calming. Gwaine bubbled something at him but he couldn't hear; both sound and light were muffled by the water. He felt like they might have been like this forever, floating in this nowhere-land together peacefully, a sort of meditation.
Then something collided with his back, probably a peeved fish. Snapping back to himself he kicked back up to the surface and took a deep breath. Not far from him Gwaine also resurfaced.
"Enough?"
Merlin nodded. They swam back towards the edge of the lake and stumbled back onto the dry ground. Water dripped from Merlin's fringe into his eyes. He blinked it away, looking for something to dry his face, only to see Gwaine using his neckerchief for that very purpose.
"Oi!"
Gwaine grinned and threw it back to him. Merlin caught it reflexively and sighed before sitting down. It was soaked through and Gwaine's hair was already dripping more water into his face, making the effort pointless. His skin glistened in the sun as the water followed the curves of his muscles, taking Merlin's eye with it.
"You're staring," Gwaine commented casually.
Merlin blinked. "Huh? Oh…It's just…the sunlight."
Gwaine grinned and sat down next to him. "I like it. It's like a late summer holiday." He glanced at Merlin sympathetically. "I don't suppose you ever get a holiday?"
Merlin laughed. "Do you?"
"My life is a holiday." He smiled, and paused deliberately. "It get's lonely though."
There was something in his tone Merlin wasn't sure he understood. He shrugged. "I'd keep you company," he said easily.
Gwaine laughed. "You're too sweet." He put an arm around him and pulled him close in a sort of rough half-hug. Merlin smiled. Gwaine relaxed his arm, but didn't remove it. Merlin didn't mind. It was oddly comfortable, lying next to Gwaine like this. The cold water from the lake slowly left him, warmed by the sunlight and Gwaine's presence by his side. It was rather nice not to think about saving someone's life for a change – just for now, he could let Arthur take care of himself. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this relaxed. Beside him Gwaine shifted so that he was facing Merlin more fully.
"We should do this more often."
Merlin tensed slightly, becoming more aware of himself. How had he ended up so close to Gwaine?
"Don't you miss your taverns?" he tried.
Gwaine grinned. "Not yet."
Their noses were almost touching. Merlin wasn't quite sure who was responsible, or why, but he stayed still, watching Gwaine's eyes watching him. For a long moment there was silence, a silence that seemed to change subtly until…
"Merlin!"
With a slight gasp Merlin drew away and sat abruptly upright. He turned at the sound of the voice to see Arthur and Gwen approaching from around the other side of the lake. As Arthur drew closer Merlin could see that he was frowning.
"Didn't you think to come and tell us about this place?"
"What?"
Arthur indicated himself and Gwen. "We were looking for someplace romantic. Instead we got stuck in a valley of mud whilst you two were relaxing here, like…" He fumbled for a metaphor.
"Princes?" Gwaine supplied.
Arthur glared at him, then cleared his throat and looked meaningfully at Merlin.
"Sorry, did you want us to go?" Merlin raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, Merlin. Well done."
Merlin stood with an exaggerated sigh and Gwaine mimicked him, stretching and grinning before they turned to leave in unison. As they walked away Gwaine glanced back once to grin at Gwen, but Merlin couldn't bring himself to look at Arthur. For some reason he felt guilty.
By evening the feeling had had time to fully sink in. He wasn't sure why – nothing had happened between him and Gwaine, but he couldn't help but feel an anxiety at what Arthur might have witnessed, or guessed. However, there wasn't time to think of it. Once more he sat and waited as the darkness flooded through the caves, waiting for Arthur and Gwen to be asleep so that he could try once more to capture the Ela. That is, if the Ela slept at all… It was an uncertainty that was beginning to prey more continuously on his mind. If the Ela didn't sleep how else was he going to get hold of it? He fidgeted with the blanket, counting the seconds.
Night was slow, reluctant, but the moonlight came back as strong as the evening before, enough to grant him a faint outline of advantage to help him find his way to the branch of the cave that led to where Arthur and Gwen lay. But as soon as he arrived beside them he knew from the slight shapes of their shadows that he had already lost. The couple lay pressed together front to front in an affectionate embrace with the golden glow nowhere to be seen, probably trapped between their bodies. No doubt a position the Ela had engineered. For a moment Merlin speculated on the practicality of attempting a capture but sensing its futility retired resigned back to his chamber and sat down again, dejected. Arthur would be okay, he was fairly sure. He hoped. A few days, wasn't that what Gaius had said? They were going back to the castle in a few days. But if he didn't capture the Ela who knew what havoc it could cause, perhaps even at the castle, alternating with the real Gwen and causing trouble for everyone. Or worse, it might persuade Arthur to stay out here in the forest for even longer, long enough to… But he refused to think it. After a moment, as if in slow motion, he leant forward and buried his head in his hands. His breath was the only thing that warmed the air that sat cool and still around him, indifferent.
After a long period of time a slight shuffling sound distracted him. He might have dismissed the noise as coming from himself, but his muscles were already stiff from remaining still for however long. Slowly he raised his head and saw a figure standing silhouetted by what little light there was near the entrance to his particular section of the cave. The figure was leaning against the stone, looking out towards the main cave in their own contemplation. It was Arthur. Merlin watched him for a moment without saying anything, wondering why he had woken and left Gwen. Standing quietly he moved towards him, his heart rate increasing.
"Arthur?"
Arthur turned around, startled. "Oh, Merlin. I didn't realise you were awake."
"I couldn't sleep," he confessed. It occurred to him that if Arthur was here now alone the Gwen Ela must be back in the cave. If only he could get past Arthur, he could reattempt to catch it. But he couldn't think of an excuse that would make it possible.
"What about you?" he asked.
"I'm thinking, Merlin."
Merlin moved closer to him so that he could see more clearly with the incoming moonlight.
"About what?" he ventured.
"About you."
Merlin's breath caught. Tell him. They were both alone. He could tell him, now.
"Eh?" he squeaked.
"Don't be stupid Merlin, of course I'm not thinking about you. What on earth would I be thinking about you for?"
"Er…fnnngh." Merlin pinched himself for his foolishness and took a deep breath. "What then?"
"Since when did you earn the right to be so nosy?"
"Maybe I'm just not used to you keeping your thoughts to yourself," Merlin recovered.
"Oi!" Arthur shoved him a little in retaliation, and then sighed. There was a long pause. "I'm thinking about Gwen."
"Right."
"I wish this opportunity to be alone with her didn't have to be set up like this. I just want to be able to…be myself, in my own home. With her."
"How romantic," Merlin drawled.
"Who says I can't be romantic?"
Merlin cleared his throat and then mimicked Arthur's manoeuvre, shoving him back.
"That's you, Merlin."
"Being nice to your friends is always a start." The calm teasing in his voice was completely separate from his churning stomach, the nervousness spreading throughout him.
"Well I don't do that to Gwen," Arthur muttered.
"I hope not." There was another pause. Merlin shifted a little on the spot. "Was it l-love at first sight?
"What?"
"You and Gwen."
"I don't know. I always liked her. I think the love came later. Why?"
"So you believe then…that l-love can develop over time? For someone that you just liked at first?"
"Yes, I suppose so." Arthur shrugged, then frowned a little. "Are you alright, Merlin?"
"Huh? Oh… yes. I just think that… I believe that…too." He nodded, feeling a sudden urge to sit down as his legs shook slightly beneath him. With an effort of will he took a deep breath. It's only Arthur. Oh god, how was he going to even begin to say this? He wasn't even sure how he felt…
"I mean, we've known each other a while, haven't we? It's fair to say we've become closer friends in that time," Arthur commented with a small smile. "And it's been like that with Gwen. Every time I see her I feel closer to her, you know?"
Merlin bit his lip. "Did you never consider…anyone else?"
"I…" Arthur frowned. "What?"
Merlin stumbled, fumbling uselessly for words that wouldn't come. "Well she's not a princess…"
Arthur looked ashamed of him. "That doesn't matter."
"I know…I didn't mean…I…You know, if there had been someone else that you liked…that might have been l-love? But you didn't…you just chose Gwen?"
Arthur stared at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Merlin's mouth was dry; it felt like his throat was going to close up.
"Have you found a girl, Merlin?" Arthur asked brightly after a moment, sounding pleased with himself, as if he'd just worked out the perfect answer. Merlin felt sick.
"No…" His voice trailed off into a whisper. He stared at the cave walls around him, at the smooth moonlight that flowed over the pores and bumps, wishing somehow they might answer Arthur for him.
"Aw come on, you're denying it." Arthur grinned.
"No, no…" His voice was barely above a whisper. They lapsed into silence once more. Merlin watched his face in profile against the moonlight. Did he love him?
"You can tell me." Arthur nudged his shoulder gently.
"I…you," Merlin mumbled helplessly.
"What?"
He took a deep breath. "I like you."
"Good to know Merlin. The state you leave my boots in sometimes, I do wonder."
Merlin swallowed. He had to say it now, or he never would. "I mean, I like you… like Gwen likes you." His tone was too serious to make himself misunderstood.
Arthur stared at him. For a brief moment an expression that might almost have been agony flickered across his face, but was quickly replaced by one of shock.
"You…" The slightest twitch of a fake smile. "You're joking."
Merlin was silent. He watched Arthur's expression change, looking for any way to deny that he understood what Merlin meant. But Merlin said nothing.
"Merlin…" There was the faintest tone of warning in Arthur's voice, and preliminary regret. Merlin knew it was his last chance to backtrack, to pretend he'd been teasing. He felt a lump build in his throat. He should have known it would be like this.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
Arthur shook his head slowly. "Do you… love me?" He was still incredulous, doubtful.
"I don't know…" Merlin's voice was faint, faltering. Arthur looked at him for a while without speaking, then raised a hand and briefly tilted Merlin's chin up towards him, perhaps in comfort. The contact was brief and he soon dropped his hand again, conflicted.
"I love Gwen," he said softly. "I…" He ran a hand through his hair, distressed. "I do care about you, but–"
"Stop." Merlin couldn't bear to hear it. Arthur's intense awkwardness was only making him feel worse. Silence felt horribly natural in these caves, and it descended again now; a thin veil, separating them.
"Don't take it badly," Arthur settled for in the end. "You're a… good person." The words weren't his; it wasn't natural for him to say. Merlin felt awful. What if he'd ruined their friendship – for nothing?
"Don't worry," he began. "I would never…" His words trailed away, choked. "It's nothing," he finished. It felt like sticking a last splinter into his wound.
"Right." Arthur's eyes met his. He looked exactly like Merlin might have predicted – shaken, confused, doubtful. But only a moment later it was as if a mask had slipped, and with a sudden move Arthur hugged him tightly, holding him comfortingly as he would never have done normally. The action was oddly devoid of awkwardness. Pity? Merlin folded into his embrace tiredly, no longer caring. He felt a single tear leave his eye and roll down over his cheek towards Arthur's shoulder. He wished he could just stay like this, being held, unthinking. The fabric of Arthur's shirt felt soft against his cheek. Arthur's arms were gentle, almost cradling him as if to comfort a child. Time passed slowly, silent and sorrowful.
And then a voice.
"Merlin, have you seen Gwen?"
At first Merlin ignored it. It had a familiar tone but the words didn't make sense – his ears placed the voice as coming from the wrong direction.
"Merlin?"
He turned his head and looked up.
On the other side of the cave stood Arthur.
"Merlin? Are you alright?"
Merlin blinked, disbelieving. The beginnings of an unpleasant doubt began in his mind, a thought that didn't want thinking. With a slow, sickening feeling, he looked back towards the person who was embracing him. Gwen.
He jumped away, repulsed. No… In a split second his mind pieced together what had happened, recoiling at the realisation. A horrible cold sensation trickled through him. He looked at Gwen. Her expression was blank, her eyes dark, hiding feelings he could only guess at.
"He had a nightmare," she answered for him. It answered. The Ela.
An act.
"Oh." Arthur seemed surprised. But not suspicious. He would never suspect Gwen.
Merlin took a ragged breath, willing his tears away. He'd fallen for an act. How could he not have known the difference? Why hadn't he spotted the glow? Why hadn't he thought to check? He curled his hands into fists and dug his fingernails into his palms. Looking at Arthur he felt hopeless, foolish, grieved. There was nothing he could say.
"That's not like you Merlin," Arthur commented at length. "Crying over a little nightmare."