Author's Note: It's been a whole year and a half! Wow, that is pretty inexcusable. I decided to bring this back from the grave. I'm not an expert on either Harry Potter or Ed, Edd n Eddy, and I'm sorry if anything is off or if anybody is out of character.
EDIT: Fixed a couple of typos and made Sarah's parents less strict towards her, as suggested by meaara.
At precisely 6 o' clock in the morning, the alarm clock that Edd had taken apart and fixed two months ago rang shrilly. Edd turned it off, but not before noticing the various sticky notes that had been carefully arranged around his labeled bed, dresser, and walls.
Edd rubbed the sleep from his eyes and blearily read one note:
Dear Edward, your father and I are very sorry that we can't be there at the station to say goodbye, but you know that we always have to be at work by 4:00, and unfortunately there are no exceptions. Please be-
Edd scanned the rest of the note. "Love, Mother," he finished.
He plucked the other sticky notes from their places and tied them together in a neat little bundle. There would be time later on the train to read them all. But first he had to take a long shower and eat breakfast and pack up any loose things around his room.
Edd made his bed and straightened his pillow. Before he left his room, he crossed out the first of September on his calendar with a thick red marker.
A few hours later, he stood outside of the front door of his house, the handle of his trunk in his hand. Eddy's beat up old van pulled up the driveway.
"Hurry up, Sockhead!" Eddy yelled out of the open window. Edd could almost hear the bones in his back snap as he struggled to carry his luggage to the van.
"I'll help you, Double D!" Ed said enthusiastically, leaping out of the van and almost crashing into a profusely sweating Edd. He plucked the trunk from Double D's fingers and tossed it into the back of Eddy's van without any trouble.
"Why, thank you, Ed!" said Double D, barely having time to catch his breath before Ed seized him around the middle and swept him into the van. "Away we go!" he shouted.
"Oh dear," Edd said nervously, buckling himself in as the van pulled out, swerved sharply, accidentally knocked over a garbage can, and finally sped from the cul-de-sac to Platform 9¾ in King's Cross Station.
"Stay out of trouble."
"Sure, Mom."
"I mean it, Eddy!"
"Yeah, okay, Mom."
"No pranking other students, no disrespecting the teachers, and no…" Eddy's mom paused as she considered whatever other antics her son could potentially get up to at school. "And no blowing up toilet seats!"
Eddy blinked. "Hey, that's not a bad-"
"Eddy-"
"All right Mom." Eddy rolled his eyes. "I won't blow up any toilet seats."
His mom looked down at him imperiously. "You'd better not, or I'll send you a curse that'll light your goddamn ass on fire and-"
While Eddy's mom continued with her threats, Ed was trying unsuccessfully to say goodbye to his own family. It didn't help matters that Sarah was busy complaining.
"But Mo-o-o-om, I wanna go too!" she whined.
"In a few more years you can," replied her dad patiently.
"But I wanna go now!"
"Aw, I will miss you too, Sarah!" Ed said, obviously misinterpreting Sarah's whining as a sign of her unwillingness to be separated from him. "Give Ed a hug, baby sister!"
"But you stink, Ed!" Sarah scowled.
Ed spread his arms wide in eager anticipation.
Sarah groaned, grumbled something under her breath, and wrapped her arms briefly around Ed. Ed lifted her into the air and squeezed her into a tight, loving hug.
"Let-me-go-stupid!"
"ED WILL MISS YOU LOTS BABY SISTER!" Ed yelled.
Edd watched Sarah shout muffled threats into her brother's green coat. He stood in between them and Eddy, who was now being given a stern lecture on citizenship and well-being from his mom. Edd sighed. He wished that his own parents had come to see him off. He knew that they had to go to work and couldn't do anything about it, but still…all he had left of them before he left for Hogwarts was the small bundle of yellow sticky notes.
The train whistle shrilled sharply and a plume of white steam billowed out of the top. Students all around the platform scrambled to board the train.
Eddy wasn't fast enough to dodge the wet kiss that his mom planted on his flat forehead. He burned red with the indignity of such humiliation in front of his two best friends.
"Be good!" his mom shouted as a last precaution. "Bye, Mom!" Eddy yelled back, grabbing his luggage and heaving it to the train.
"Oh boy oh boy!" Ed said happily, his blue tongue lolling out of his grinning mouth. "I can hardly feel my pancreas, guys!"
"You're not supposed to, idiot," Eddy growled, a vein popping somewhere in his forehead as he pulled at the heavy trunk with all of his meager strength. Next to him, Edd was having the same amount of luck moving his luggage.
Ed grabbed both of their trunks and piled them onto his own battered one, bounding to the train unhindered. Edd and Eddy stared after him in astonishment before following him into an empty compartment.
Ed slammed all of the trunks down in a rack above their heads with a little more force than was necessary. "All done!" he announced. Then he waved at his family through the window. "Bye Mom! Bye Dad! Bye Sarah!"
Outside, Sarah started bawling. It was hard to tell whether it was because she wasn't allowed to go too, or if she was genuinely sad to see Ed go.
"Aw, don't cry, baby sister! Ed loves you too!" Ed said. "Bye Mom! Bye Dad! Bye Sarah! Byeeeee!" The train began to lurch forward and, picking up speed, it rolled down the tracks out of the shaded platform. Ed continued to say goodbyes until the platform was a speck in the distance.
"Done yet?" Eddy grumbled, slumping in his seat.
Ed still couldn't contain his excitement that the train was moving so he took to running around their compartment in circles, his arms flopping behind him.
Edd took the sticky notes out of his shorts pocket and untied them. He started to read. Most of the notes were short and offered only advice on his behavior and ethics.
Dear Edward, please be a good boy.
Dear Edward, washing your hands three times after you use the toilet is excessive.
Dear Edward, always remember to respect the professors and address them with "sir" or "ma'am."
Dear Edward, study your textbooks and pay attention in class-
"You pay too much attention in class," Eddy smirked, reading over Edd's shoulder.
"Yeah, Double D!" Ed agreed, still running around in circles. Grinning devilishly, Eddy stuck out his foot. Ed tripped over it and landed face-first in a heap on the floor of the compartment. Eddy howled with laughter as Ed lifted his face and his monobrow stuck to the floor.
"Very mature, gentlemen," Edd muttered. He continued reading:
Dear Edward, please don't label every single thing in your new dormitory.
Dear Edward, never try the potatoes during dinner if they look undercooked.
Dear Edward, don't worry about which House you'll be entering.
"I haven't even considered that yet!" Edd exclaimed.
"What?" Eddy said without much interest. He was busy entertaining himself watching Ed trying to catch his fleeing monobrow. Each time Ed caught it, the defiant monobrow slipped out of his fingers and ran off again.
"Which Houses we'll be sorted into," Edd elaborated, scratching his chin thoughtfully.
"Oh," said Eddy, looking up at him. "Well, obviously we're all going in the same one."
"Gotcha!" Ed pounced on his monobrow and scuffled with it on the floor.
"Are you positive, Eddy?" Edd said nervously. "What if we are…separated?"
"Separated?" Ed stood up, his monobrow restored to its rightful position above his vacant eyes. "You mean we're not going to see each other?" His lower lip trembled.
"Don't be stupid," Eddy retorted. "That dumb hat wouldn't even try separating the Eds."
"I hope so, Eddy," said Double D, as a reassured smile broke out on Ed's face.
"Anything off the trolley, dears?" An old witch with graying hair wheeled a cart loaded with various magical candies and sweets by their compartment.
Eddy's eyes popped open greedily. "Got any jawbreakers?" he said.
"Jawbreakers!" Ed yelled gleefully.
The witch scanned her trolley. "If you mean these levitating candy balls, then yes."
"Levitating?" Edd asked.
"They make you float for a few minutes, dearie."
"Float!"
"It's my dream come true, Eddy!" Ed beamed excitedly.
"Not so fast." the witch stopped Eddy just as he reached for one of the jawbreakers. "One sickle each."
"Sickles?" Eddy frowned. Oh, right, the little silver coins that looked a bit like quarters. He pulled at his jean pockets. One coin came out.
"How about three for one of these thingies?" Eddy said hopefully, holding up the coin.
The witch looked at him sternly.
"Aw, can't you make one of those whatchamacallit-?"
"Exceptions?" Edd supplied helpfully.
"Yeah, one of those?"
"Sorry, dear. I'll give you one for your Sickle, but I'm afraid that's it."
"But Eddy! I want to float!" Ed wailed.
Eddy grudgingly handed the Sickle over to the witch, who exchanged it for a jawbreaker. The witch wheeled her trolley away from their compartment.
Ed and Edd stared morosely at the lone jawbreaker in Eddy's hands. "We'll have to make three equal incisions so that everybody receives a fair share," Edd concluded.
"We can't, Double D!" Eddy shook his head. "Remember when we tried that before? The thing's harder than Ed's skull."
"Well, we have to figure something out," Edd said.
"No we don't!" Eddy pulled the jawbreaker closer to him possessively. "I paid for it, so that means I should eat it."
"But I want to float too, Eddy!" Ed latched on determinedly to the jawbreaker.
"Hey! Let go, you lump!"
"Ed! Eddy! Gentlemen!" Edd cried, pulling at the ends of his sock hat nervously as his eyes darted to and from his fighting friends. The jawbreaker was pulled back and forth until it slipped from their fingers and flew in the air.
"I got it!" Eddy ran for it and missed, falling to the floor. The jawbreaker landed safely in someone else's hands.
Eddy looked up at who caught it.
"Kevin!" he scowled. "What're you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" Kevin shot back, bouncing the jawbreaker up and down in his hand. "No dorks allowed in this area of the train." He laughed and exited the compartment, slamming the door in Eddy's face.
"My jawbreaker!"
"Dorks!" Kevin's snicker faded away into the distance.
"That little-" Eddy's skin turned a shade of brick red as his fury consumed him. "When I get a hold of him, I'll-!"
"No more jawbreaker!" Ed moaned, as Eddy started rattling off the details of how painfully he was going to kill Kevin.
Ignoring Eddy's increasingly violent threats, Edd sighed and resumed reading the sticky notes.
Dear Edward, you only need to brush your teeth twice a day, not ten times.
Dear Edward, remember to write us a letter once a week to let us know how you are doing.
Dear Edward, take care of your new clothes. Fold them carefully.
"That reminds me," Edd mused, setting aside the sticky notes. "We should probably change into our new school uniforms."
Eddy was still mumbling about the various weapons of torture that he would use.
"I already have mine on, Double D!" Ed puffed out his chest proudly.
Edd and Eddy scanned his striped shirt, green coat, and faded jeans. "Where?" Eddy asked, confused.
Ed pulled his robes out of his belly button. "See?"
Edd turned green. "Ed! That's not very sanitary!" he squeaked.
"Idiot, you're not wearing them!" Eddy said.
"But they're on me, Eddy!" Ed pointed out. He threw his smelly robes over Eddy's head. "Now they are on you!"
Eddy lunged at Ed, knocking him to the floor. Edd slapped a hand over his face exasperatedly. Reaching for his trunk, he retrieved his own set of robes and left the compartment to change in the bathrooms.
Ten minutes later, all three Eds were dressed in their uniforms.
"These are uncomfortable," Eddy grumbled, tugging at his starched collar.
"These are cool!" Ed said. He pulled his hood over his eyes and let the ends of his robe sleeves fall over his hands. "I am an evil sorcerer, here to turn you all into newts!" He did his best impression of a maniacal laugh.
"How did he even dress himself?" Eddy muttered as Ed stalked around the compartment.
Edd smoothed down his creased pants nervously. Now that he was all dressed up, it seemed even more official that he was going to Hogwarts. To learn magic, something that neither of his Muggle parents ever learned. Something that he was almost completely unfamiliar with. His insides swooped unpleasantly as his thoughts jumped to how much more proficient with magic all of the other students must be compared to him. He'd studied his textbooks diligently over summer, but that didn't stop the butterflies from congregating in his stomach.
To take his mind off of school and classes, Edd read the last sticky note in the bundle.
Dear Edward, we are proud of you no matter what happens. We love you.
Edd tucked the sticky notes away in the pocket of his robes. He rubbed at one eye.
"Got something in your eye, Double D?" Eddy said sneakily.
"No, I certainly do not." Edd sniffed.
Eddy doubled over with bouts of wild laughter. "Ed, get a load of this sap! He's crying! Can you believe it?"
"Double D's crying, Double D's crying! Ed teased, prancing around the compartment.
"I am not pouring salt deposits from my eyes!" said Edd defensively.
"Double D's crying, Double D's crying!" Eddy taunted.
"I am not! Ed? Eddy! I'm really not!" said Edd, turning red.
Ed guffawed while Eddy curled up on the ground, wheezing with laughter.
"Double D's crying, Double D's cry-oof!" Ed accidentally smacked into a figure blocking his way. "Pardon me, ma'am!" Then he got a better look and his eyes bugged out. "May?"
"Lee?" Eddy cried, horrified.
"And Marie?" Edd clapped his hands to his mouth in shock.
Lee sneered at the Eds through her tangle of red curls. "Look, girls! Our men's been hiding in here this whole time!"
"Aw, they're all dressed up for us!" Marie squealed, batting her eyelashes at Edd, who let out an undignified squeak. "They're so cute!"
"Let's kiss them!" May said.
All three Kankers sighed with passion.
"No! Wait! Don't!" Eddy shrank back against the wall as the sisters advanced on him, applying pink lipstick to their lips.
"Refrain! Desist!" Edd cowered next to Eddy.
Ed could only scream, "KANKERS!"
The compartment filled with bloodcurdling screams and smooching noises as the train drew to a complete stop in Hogsmeade Station.
Hope that was okay! Next chapter is the Sorting.