A/N:
Don't expect me to post chapters weekly (or even monthly) as I am still a full-time worker, full-time husband and father of three, AND full-time college student. All three of these things come first, always. If you've seen the chapter-posting time-frames of my other stories, you have seen this one. My chapter/story posting always involves working on four chapters at a time for ONE story. Which means if I just posted a chapter for story A, and you want to to see something for story B, tough luck.
With the exception of 'What Else?', none of my stories/chapters have ever been posted without at least the next four chapters being "almost" complete. What Else is my gag/laugh story more than anything so... yeah...
See the end of the Chapter for Review-Answer/Discussions.
Also, in answer to the PM sent my way: Yes, Naruto does have a bloodline, and no, I don't think its one anyone has actually used before. If you follow the author "brown phantom" at all, my story will actually fully meet the criteria of his "Hidden Bloodline" challenge even if the story was not in any way written for the challenge (one of the reasons I never PM'd brown phantom when I read his story-challenge).
- 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 - I'm on FIRE!
Naruto grinned maliciously as the door opened before his eyes widened in horror and he sprang into action, grabbing four strings, the clone transformed into a rubber chicken, and (miraculously) caught the falling bucket with his toes as Iruka-sensei walked into the room with his head down and focused on the folder in his hands. Naruto barely breathed as he stood frozen for the tense half-minute before the grumbling chunin wandered back out of the room without even acknowledging the frozen blonde or his two amused team-mates.
When the door closed, Naruto snapped back into action resetting his traps before landing back at his desk to grab at the heart pounding in his ears.
'WAY too close.'
Before the prankster supreme finished catching his breath the door was opened by a smirking whitish-grey hair man with his hitai-ate slanted over his left eye. The man smirked at the foolish eraser falling from the air, and thus completely missed the next stages of Naruto's recently constructed House of Horror.
The overconfident jonin stepped further into his blind-spot on the left to dodge the grinning genin's seemingly idiotic prank straight into the looped rope on the ground (which used to be on the flagpole for the roof), yanking the shocked man in the air with a comically widened eye as he tracked a duo of buckets filled with flowers and roses flying at the now visibly worried man (compliments of the kunoichi training room), Naruto grinned even wider as the worried man forced the rope to swing backwards tripping another wire which caused two large buckets of oil to dump straight on his head (from the mess-hall), before swinging right back into the swarm of flower petals and rose stems.
Naruto feral smirk grew as the jonin tried to play cool and standing up while stoically ignoring his new Flower Power coat. The three now visibly interested teens smiled when the man sighed again as another tripwire bumped against his hair lighting a match and dragging it under his feet.
Sasuke and Sakura both freaked as the realized their boisterous, annoying, mischievous, and on most days completely harmless team-mate just lit their new sensei ON FIRE. Naruto merely pouted as the man vanished in puff of smoke he'd become intimately familiar with over the last week.
Roughly a minute later the door opened again and a familiar white-haired figure stuck his head in the door and looked at each of his new pupils in turn, "Mah mah. I'll by your jonin leader, and my first impression of you guys is... I hate you," turning he looked pointedly at Sasuke, "Especially you!"
Naruto cackled madly as Sasuke finally realized what he was still holding and practically threw the rope in his hand as if it was on fire. Considering the source and what just happened to the unidentified jonin, not actually as much of a fallacy in thinking as one might think.
The three genin hopefuls sweat-dropped in tandem, along with the ANBU hiding throughout the ceiling (though Hebi's ever present camera definitely snapped out a few pictures, the last five minutes had been GOLD), as the flying four-by-four (ah, the training yard) nailed the shocked and still unnamed jonin in the face, knocking him out like a light.
"THIS is a jonin?" Sasuke asked after a few minutes of numb silence.
Naruto nodded sagely after walking over to the downed man and peering at the growing goose-egg on his head. "Oi! Good one teme! But yeah, can't say much about the jonin's of our village though. They tend to sorta suck. I've been tricking, escaping, and my personal favorite pranking the poor bastards since I was five."
'Weren't you seven when you hit Headquarters.'
"Seven was the jonin, I was eight when I hit ANBU." Naruto answered distractedly as he shamelessly dug through the man's pockets looking for some spare clothes or even a sealed up fabric for a tent, not even realizing whose question he answered.
"What do you mean 'hit' ANBU dobe?"
Naruto put the politeness down to Sasuke's pride from being the one to land the 'killing blow' on a jonin, but answered anyway after a long pause to look over his rival. "I followed a couple of them without their masks, but in full uniform the idiots, back when I was eight and decided who better to teach ANBU about security then the most awesome ninja alive and future Hokage, -ttebayo! Two boxes of itching powder and my special super powerful awesome glue later and they learned their lesson! Never found their Headquarters again after that 'cause they started using a genjutsu I think. Anyway, I like to think of it as my personal contri... Um... addit... Um... I helped!"
Sasuke only scoffed in disbelief, but choked on it as an enraged purple haired ANBU launched herself at the blonde with her hands in a choke-hold from the ceiling before another appeared and dragged her away in a swirl of leaves that poor Iruka will probably be forced to clean up.
Naruto just blinked at the scene as he pocketed a wad of ryo from the unconscious jonin's wallet, blatantly robbing Team 7's new sensei right in front of a surprisingly clueless Sakura and Sasuke. Go go sticky palms. "Huh. Guess they haven't forgotten about that."
Sakura and Sasuke's jaws dropped as they realized that, for once, Naruto wasn't actually boasting. Naruto just chuckled and rubbed the back of his head while mumbling to himself about the pros and cons of fruit baskets versus enhanced stink bombs as viable methods for apologies.
Feeling his hunger coming back in spades now that he actually had money to do something about it, though only a little, he grabbed Iruka-sensei's pointer-stick and started poking and prodding the unconscious man. "Neh. Sakura-chan. What should we do now?"
"Why are you in this team dobe?" a surprisingly serious looking Sasuke demanded, a calculative and pensive gleam unhidden in his eyes.
Naruto replied in usual Uzumaki fashion. "Urg… Huh?" Keeping his exterior demeanor cheerful, Naruto was internally surprised. His Rival, the elite, last loyal Uchiha, the Village's golden child, the Rookie of the Year, the teme himself had been treating him like an equal for the entire conversation. HIM. The dead-last, the clanless loser hated by the entire village was talking to HIM like an equal.
'Finally.' he thought with a serene smile on his face with his turned back to his new team, 'Maybe Jiji's right. They will be my team. A family.'
Sasuke started talking about... something and asked some questions, but honestly Naruto completely tuned him out and was going to go for his normal answer of 'I'm just that awesome.' before an unexpected translator started to talk.
'He means that this team was built to take down really strong bad guys head on with almost no subtlety. With your skills you should be the heavy hitter on a team designed to take down the bad guys without them even knowing you are there. He gave the example of replacing Kiba on the red-eyed lady's team.' Hana translated while Sasuke just stood silently while looking at Naruto with that calculative glare.
'Uh. Thanks.' Naruto thought to the Fox, not entirely unappreciative despite being ninety-nine percent certain her entire persona was created purely as a giant ruse to trick Naruto into doing something to get the Fox out of her cage.
"Um... I dunno. Jiji just assigned me to this team I guess," Naruto evaded badly after a few minutes, the bitch-fox and the things he'd learned about jinchuriki in the library coming to mind as answers to Sasuke's question, yet answers Naruto stood unwilling to give.
It seemed like the perfect answer to Naruto, but since he kept his back to his new team as he continued to poke their new sensei, he completely missed two pairs of eyes narrow dangerously.
- 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 -
Ignoring outward appearances, the jonin lying on the floor only pretended to be unconscious. Well for now anyway, the four-by-four did actually manage to knock him out for almost a full minute (not that he noticed the rather talented genin swiping his wallet). The man, Hatake Kakashi by name, wanted to know where this would go.
Despite all Academy records to the contrary, these three genin hopefuls (though only he knew the fact that the trio are hopefuls and not actual genin) were actually working together with something skin to true camaraderie. His sensei's son (the blonde idiot) certainly seemed ...different than expected, especially going so far as to set him ON FIRE, but all things considered over the past week that could be noted as a rather (extremely) mild outward effect of far too much stress for someone barely out of the Academy to handle.
"So... Ideas?" This coming from the blonde, Kakashi detected a slight note of guilt in Naruto's voice despite the fact that the blonde troublemaker continued to poke him with a stick.
"Naruto-baka," 'Ah, the brainy fangirl.' "Well, he could have a concussion, so maybe we should take him to the hospital. Sasuke-kun?"
"Hn." Kakashi heard a distinct snort and could almost sense the boy's frown. 'And there's that indomitable, unmoving, and apathetic Uchiha spirit,' he thought to himself in amusement.
"You're probably right teme. I think he's faking too." 'Wait what? And did he just translate that?'
"Idiot! Like a jonin would just sit there and let you poke him with a stick."
"Hn." Another snort.
"Agreed teme. We'll test it. If he's really out, he's not gonna notice if we burn that book. Of all the sensei's, we get the perverted one." Kakashi tried to keep himself from going pale at the direction this discussion seemed to be heading.
"That one?" Sakura asked with uncertainty, before a steely vengefulness entered her voice. "Is that...? BURN IT!"
"Sasuke. You'll do the honors?"
"Hn."
"Thanks. Hehe. This is going to be so awesome, -ttebayo!"
'MY PRECIOUS.' Giving up his act for a bad job as soon as he felt the raven haired teen gather his chakra, Kakashi vanished from the floor, grabbed his book, smacked the blonde annoyance with the damn stick, and re-appeared lazily reading his precious porn a few feet away.
Though he did feel bad when Naruto actually jumped backwards straight into the fireball Sasuke just launched.
"Kill-cloth GO!"
'Well that's new.'
The reason for the two surprisingly well-tailored cloth arm-guards on his new student became readily apparent when one of them formed a chakra laced shield In front of the blonde.
'Looks like he still has a few control issues though. Maa.'
Kakashi's one visible eye looked straight up, easily piercing the generic cloaking jutsu in use by those assembled above, to see the ceiling pierced by the second swath of cloth, millimeters south of Boar's crotch, a split second before a discreet flash went off from Hebi's direction.
'Ah. New guy. He won't be living that one down.'
"Maa maa. No need for that. As I was saying before being rudely interrupted. I'll be your jonin instructor and team leader. Since I'm having serious issues with the current environment and blondie over there smells like he hasn't bathed in a week, meet me on the roof in five." Statement delivered, Kakashi vanished in a shunshin, leaving three annoyed genin grumbling loudly before following suit.
A few minutes after the four left the room, grumbling and cursing came from seven of the eight ANBU as a great deal of ryo changed hands.
Even though he lost, Cat kept the smile hidden under his mask for long hours after everyone left. The pictures currently on his little camera would be worth much more than a measly 1000 ryo. Especially considering how much Hebi would want proof to hang up on her wall when she realized that SOMEONE managed to remove the film from her camera.
Meanwhile at the Hall of... err... on the roof, Kakashi enjoyed a good five minute staring contest before Sasuke managed to snap. "Are you seriously a jonin? This is ridiculous." Too frustrated, and for ONCE actually shy, the pink-haired girl merely nodded her head as she stared at this all new Sasuke.
Naruto's teeth were working overtime on the ropes Kakashi tied him up in as he growled so much like an animal Kakashi started wondering if the hyperactive idiot might actually move to gnaw his legs off. Wouldn't help with the tape over his mouth, but Naruto managed to get through a decent amount of rope despite that particular obstacle hindering his objective.
'Is this what you saw sensei?' The silver-haired jonin thought to himself while looking over the cherub and underdeveloped faces of the three youths on the roof with him. 'They're just children.'
"So let's get to know each other since we'll be a team now. Likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future. That sort of thing."
Kakashi watched his cute little genin as Sakura looked to Sasuke and ... well ... Sasuke completely ignored the jonin to continue glaring at whatever it is he actually hates about the poor walls of the Academy. (Read: Trying not to laugh at Naruto getting his comeuppance after the stunts he'd been pulling all morning.)
Anyway. As she probably realized her precious Sasuke-kun taking the lead couldn't happen Kakashi smirked when the fangirl tried to play it cool by turning his own question back on him. "Why don't you go first Kakashi-sensei, you know, so we know what to do." The jonin watched in silent amusement for a moment when Naruto paused in his efforts to gnaw through the Fuinjutsu and chakra reinforced duct tape (ANBU planned to test that particular roll on the blonde for nearly a year) and the three inch thick ropes to stare at the fangirl with an incredulous expression on his face.
"Maa. My name is Hatake Kakashi, elite jonin of Konohagakure. I dislike many things, hmm my likes are probably something best left undiscussed in present company. I have several hobbies. My dreams for the future? Hmm. Yea." He absolutely loved the little kiddies incredulous expressions. Even the emo stopping hating the wall for a minute to give him a glare. 'Good times. Good times.'
"Why don't you go next Pinky?"
For the sanity of the author, her response has been edited to the following: "I apparently have tons of potential, but I'm current an idiotic fangirl that should probably be thrown off a cliff or forced to read through 'Lustmord' or 'A Clockwork Orange' to learn what can really happen in life."
Wasn't that better?
'Do we even HAVE those books in this universe?'
Ignoring that.
"Okay, emo. You're up next."
The former ANBU Captain pretty much knew what Sasuke planned on saying so he decided to indulge his favorite hobby for a minute while ignoring the wanna-be avenger. 'Oh Shizuke-chan. You and Kusnade-chan are such naughty, naughty girls...'
"... and if I had a hobby, it would be finding out how in the hell the dobe ended up on a clean-team if he could breach ANBU HQ at eight."
"Good good. You're next... Wait what? Never-mind. You're up next blondie." Kakashi quickly silenced Sasuke with a wave while moving on, that particular topic being an area of conversation that the jonin had no intentions of letting be explored when he happened to be anywhere nearby.
Naruto jumped straight up, his strange cloth armguard slicing through the ropes as he mumbled something into the tape over his mouth. With his hands free, he shouted his response as soon as he ripped the tape off. "My name is Uzumaki Nar... Oh my KAMI. The pain! It hurts! It hurts!"
Deciding to just ignore the hyperactive boy holding his face (and the trace amounts of blood leaking through his fingers), Kakashi decided that it was time to move on. "That's great Naruto-kun. Fantastic. Each of you. Meet me at Training Ground 3 at six a.m. for your final exam to become genin!"
Just as he thought he'd make a successful escape, the pink haired annoyance spoke up and stopped him. Stupid propriety.
"Excuse me Kakashi-sensei, but we already passed the exam." As if to emphasize her statement, she lifted up the headband hanging from her neck. "We've been genin for a full week now."
'If she tightened it, I could see protecting her neck from being slit, but as it stands she has it more in the way than anything else. Tch. Fangirls.'
"Maa maa. You've only taken the test to determine whether you held the potential to become genin. As your jonin-sensei and team leader, it is up to me to decide whether the three of you actually have what it takes to be ninja of the Leaf!" Kakashi said in a completely monotone voice without bothering to look up from the porn he blatantly pulled out to read in front of them. Despite his monotone form of speech, the gathered trio detected a very transparent mocking tenor to his placid voice.
"No way! Do you have any idea what I had to do to get this headband!" Naruto screamed in outrage, a snarl escaping his lips as he glared heatedly at their new sensei. "No way can anyone make me give it up! Not after I almost got killed for it -ttabayo!"
"Maa, sorry Naruto-kun, but that's the way it is." Grinning, the new team leader decided to have fun with his protesting students and dumped a little killer intent their way while adding a slight demonic visage to his face via a subtle genjutsu despite still reading his book, "Tomorrow will decide your Fate! The test you will be taking has a 66% failure rate! Better make sure you're ready for it brats. It's going to be survival training to the extreme."
Despite shaking like a leaf, Kakashi had to be impressed when the Pinky still managed to struggle through the leaking killer intent to ask a question, "We... We've already done tons of survival exercises at the Academy sensei. What. What do you mean by extreme?"
"Because tomorrow you'll have to survive me," he said while narrowing his visible eye to glare at the three shaking students, "Words to the wise kickidies, I wouldn't eat breakfast tomorrow. You'll just throw it up."
This time he succeeded in pulling a shunshin to get the hell out of there before the three managed to get over their shock, landing opposite the teens on the roof of the building to see how the kids would react now that the team had been 'officially' dismissed until the next morning.
The last team, which failed, spent almost four hours comparing strengths and weaknesses of the three members before settling on a fairly solid plan for a number of strategic survival scenarios (outlined by the Aburame of the team. One who didn't live for the 'Swarm' aka, team. Oddball that one). After the planning session, they traded contact information such as their phone numbers, preferred restaurants, and addresses to ensure that in case of an emergency the three would be able to ensure to-the-minute contact between them.
Each of the previous prospective teams, that he purposely prevented passing, predominantly put paid to pretty much the entire evening pondering possible proactive plans to pass the potentially pernicious survival exercise their porn-reading sensei perhaps might provoke them with.
'Where the hell did that come from?'
Ignoring that.
Anyway. Needless to say, Kakashi was extremely interested in just what plans these three might create (and wanted to know them ahead of time to break them all).
The scholarly fangirl, with an intellect said to rival a Nara. The genius prodigy, records only slightly below his brother and only prevented from fast-tracking thanks to the outcome of the same brother and his cousin Shisui (due to both having gone pretty much loco shortly after hitting ANBU at age thirteen, at least as far as the official story goes). Finally, last but certainly not least, the idiot-savant prankster-from-hell, last of the Uzumaki, Prank-Master extraordinaire, and inheritor of the true Will of Fire.
If any team for the last fifty years could be said to have the same potential as the Sennin, Kakashi couldn't think of any better. To be honest, the soon to be jonin-sensei (provided the brats passed tomorrow) was almost giddy in excitement over what plans the three might come up with.
"Sasuke-kun! Now that we're on a team, do you want to go on a date with me?! You know, to get to know each other better?" the fangirl simpered, causing both Sasuke and Kakashi to visibly shudder. (There's a REASON he wears the mask. Fangirls are kami's punishment on mankind, second only to fanboys.)
"Hn. Get lost. I'm going to train." By the time he finished his short statement, though not before sending a calculative glance at Naruto, the raven-haired emo ('Huh. I didn't notice, but he's not mooning us anymore.') already turned his back and leapt from the roof.
"Hey Sakura-chan! Do you..."
WHAM!
Kakashi gave a silent whistle as the girl managed to launch his sensei's son straight off the building and passed the borders of the Academy property with only a single punch.
'By the Log. She's a tsundere AND Tsunade's Heir!'
The stunned jonin realized the team didn't even make a single plan as Pinky's shoulders slumped as she headed for the door to exit the roof, her melancholy almost tangible as it hung in the air.
'Girl's got issues.' Kakashi noted sagely with a satisfied nod of his head as he pulled out his precious and started walking away.
The eight now thoroughly bored ANBU gave sharp nods in agreement. Despite his words not being spoken aloud.
- 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 -
'Get breakfast.'
'I'm FAR too tired bitch-fox. Shut. Up.'
Leaning tiredly against one of the three training posts, still clad in his black boxers and small-sized t-shirt (since the annoying jonin managed to steal his ryo back), Naruto wasn't exactly in the mood for 'pleasantries' this morning. The only reason he'd even eaten anything in the last day was due to a rather unlucky rabbit that, considering the collar on its neck, managed to escape from whoever used to own it.
Thinking back to the animal he tried to chase down before the rabbit showed up caused the blonde to give an involuntary shudder.
'Stupid demon-cat...'
'I don't know why ni-san, but I'm pretty sure the cat's name was Tora.'
However, though he did manage to have a good meal, he only finished cooking said rabbit around two in the morning. Considering it was now four and a half hours later, and he'd been waiting for their tardy sensei for a half an hour already, it shouldn't be much of a surprise that Naruto started nodding off.
'YOU NEED BREAKFAST!'
"AAHHH! I'm awake. I'm awake." Blinking the sleep back out of his blood-shot eyes and trying to rub the bags out, Naruto ignored Sasuke and Sakura's raised eyebrows as he tried to get his breathing under control after the bitch-fox almost caused another heart attack.
'Let me put it simply. You heal using nutrients from what you eat. You don't need sleep idiot, you need FOOD. GET FOOD.'
Naruto sighed and rolled his eyes, 'Sensei will be here any minute and I need to pass this test. Bastard fox.'
'Two words ni-san. Shadow. Clone. Also, I um... feel that he isn't going to be here until 11. Not sure why, but I know I'm right. Can you really go the next six hours without food?'
Naruto's response was a hearty wince as he rubbed at his poor stomach; he still refused to get food though. Kakashi-sensei said no food, so he wasn't getting food.
'Besides,' the fox-girl muttered loud enough for Naruto to hear, 'Isn't this a survival exercise? What if he wants the three of you to survive somewhere without edible flora or fauna for three days? Like a cave or something?'
Naruto just ignored her, he'd be damned if he let the know it all figure out he didn't have a clue what that was. Unfortunately for the blonde Hero, he forgot one crucial fact. She was literally inside his head. He couldn't actually hide his thoughts from her.
Face. Meet palm. The two of you will get on like a house on fire.
'Flora and fauna. Plants and animals. You know, like berries for plants and rabbits for animals. The only things you'll find in a cave are spiders and mold.'
Naruto massaged his tired brain with sore hands compliments of last-minute training while running after small woodland creatures the previous night. 'If I get something to eat, will you SHUT UP?'
'Yes.'
'Fine.'
Sakura just watched silently as Naruto summoned up a clone and sent it running before flopping back down to sleep until it came back. Sasuke just glared at the poor bridge.
Seriously, what does the kid have against wood?
Around forty-five minutes later, a highly annoyed clone returned to find his 'Boss' snoring loudly with a pile of drool leaking down his neck. Figuring it wouldn't hurt to be nice to his Boss, the clone decided to wake him in the nicest manner.
He dropped the trio of dead squirrels and carefully maneuvers the cloth from his right arm into a shield like the boss used the day before. Then he reared back and clocked the sleeping boy right in the face with it before vanishing in a puff of smoke. "WAAAAAHHH!... oh. Stupid clone." Checking his watch, Naruto was annoyed to note it was fifteen till eight already, with no sign of their extremely tardy sensei. Huffing, he figured he should at least deal with the meat since squirrels were small enough the meat tended to spoil quickly.
Summoning a handful of clones to grab some lemon-grass for at some flavoring and to nab some of the petunia's from the edge of the training ground for their insides, Naruto himself picked up a handful of sticks while the last two clones dug out a crude fire-pit. Two matches were tossed on to a pile of dried shaving Naruto was quick to make with his kunai as the fire lit up barely a minute later.
That right there, though Naruto never knew it, was the moment Sasuke pretty much gave up thinking of Naruto as the dead-last forever. Naruto remained blissfully unaware, and frankly was too hungry to care, that both of his team-mates were carefully watching as the blonde used a single kunai to skillfully split, skin, chop, clean, and wrap the meat from all three squirrels in three separate wraps (made from the lemon grass with the petunia petals stuck inside against the skin).
By the time he finished the wraps fifteen minutes later, the fire carefully tended by one of his clones already held merrily glowing coals where the three were placed.
"Where did you learn that dobe?" Sasuke demanded his pride and ego in full effect despite his newfound respect for the blonde.
"Eh..." Naruto muttered in an embarrassed manner while rubbing the back of his head, "Here and there teme. Here and there." As if there was any way in hell Naruto would tell the golden boy of Konoha he spent nearly a year living off the land on the outskirts of the village at age six, learning trapping and hunting as a survival method instead of an extra credit class at the Academy (that both Sakura and Sasuke skipped).
By nine, the impromptu breakfast was almost finished cooking and all three teens had growling stomachs from the wonderful scents filling the small clearing. Carefully balancing the wraps on two sticks, the blonde survival expert skillfully tossed the trio of tightly wrapped and mouth watering succulence on the top of one of the four-foot wide training posts to cool, drooling at the smells emanating from his own cooking masterpieces.
Knowing Jiji said to never eat in front of others without offering to share the meal, Naruto stared balefully at his delicious smelling breakfast while cursing his good-nature. He almost broke down as he asked, "Ne... Sakura-chan... teme... do you... argh... do you want some?" Never let it be said that Uzumaki Naruto didn't know how to share. He might not enjoy it, but he could do it; well, when the almighty ramen wasn't involved.
Twin growls drove the nail into the coffin on the poor blonde's soon to be un-satiated hunger. The three squirrels barely equated an afternoon snack with Naruto's enhanced metabolism. Eating quickly, Naruto got a shock as Sasuke actually helped him clean up the mess and hide the remains. "Don't look into it dobe. Sensei said not to eat; I'm just helping to hide the evidence."
Naruto just nodded dumbly, especially when the angelic Sakura-chan actually deigned to give her magnificent assistance as well. By the time everyone ate their fill and buried the remains, only another forty-five minutes passed. Well, by the time Sasuke and Sakura had their fill; Naruto carefully hid his anime tears as his team-mates devoured two thirds of his (admittedly small) breakfast, his pink-haired goddess even going so far as to throw out a good half of the meat from her squirrel.
By ten o'clock, the un-satiated blonde reached a level that spoke of danger and ill tidings to any who were unfortunate enough to become his targets through his pranking career as early as age five and forced a number of respectable shinobi into trauma-induced retirement over the last eight years.
Naruto was bored.
- 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 -
'Who IS he?'
Haruno Sakura is a proud (pathetic, weak, anorexic, fangirlish) kunoichi of the Leaf.
Dedicated to career as a ninja (to get into the pants of the Emo formerly known as Duck-Butt) and proudly the most intelligent kunoichi to graduate the Academy in the last two decades (this one's actually true). As a civilian turned shinobi, Sakura knew when she joined the Academy that the road forward would be long and arduous. Teamed with the Rookie of the Year and all around prodigy, the only downside to her good fortune and saving grace came from the complete idiot assigned to her team as well.
Or at least that's what she originally thought as recently as twenty-four hours ago.
Since he angrily stalked his way into the classroom yesterday, the biggest loser of their class managed to knock out her crush Sasuke-kun, dodge retribution for said behavior (which he never once did before), set a JONIN on fire, knock the same jonin out, turned out to be a seamstress savant, a survivalist savant, and started using a justu she'd never seen in use before.
A jutsu that, if the Academy Library (something Naruto doesn't even know exists to this day) could be believed, required kage-level chakra reserves to even utilize.
It made no sense. What happened to the happy go lucky class-clown and all around idiotic loser she'd known for over four years? Where should she be looking to find the moron she'd always known (and avoided like the plague despite his annoying, repeated propositions)? Because the strange boy that spent the last couple of hours intermittently growling at the world in general certainly bears little resemblance to the Uzumaki Naruto she's known since a very young age.
Sakura wracked her (admittedly large) brain for a single instance in living memory of Naruto being anything BUT a goofy and happy to lucky annoyance before team selections the day before. After a few minutes thought she came up blank. Yet Naruto remained, sitting only a few feet away, in a simmering rage that frankly unnerved the young kunoichi. His behavior over the last twenty-four hours was all but unnatural.
If Naruto really defined the Academy's standards on 'dead-last,' where did she stand? Sure, she received the highest marks among the kunoichi, but honestly the only real competition had been Ino. Ami, despite being a huge bothersome bully, never managed to get anything near good aim with throwing weapons. The only other true contender, Hinata, wasn't even allowed to train thrown weapons outside of the classroom environment by her clan. Where did ANY of the kunoichis in training really stand?
Checking her watch (AGAIN), she sighed as Naruto's clones continued to set up traps EVERYWHERE that, despite her eidetic memory and huge intelligence, she'd started to lose track of what the blonde enigma placed where a full fifteen minutes prior. Four and a half HOURS. Their sensei better have a DAMN good reason for being this late or he was going to PAY.
'Beat his ass! Sharanno!'
Looking around idly as her attention drew back to the present, Sakura nearly jumped as she realized she couldn't MOVE. Traps layered on traps layered on traps with layers of fail-safes surrounded her and the unmoving Sasuke on all sides as half a dozen clones continued to widen the ring of traps and pranks.
'STUPID WOOD! STOP BOTHERING SASUKE-KUN! SHARANNO!'
Sakura wasn't the most intelligent kunoichi of her year for nothing though. She almost instantly noticed that the clones never stepped anywhere but on the carefully laid flower petals around the clearing.
'Why would he create such elaborate traps with such a glaring flaw?'
'Because Naruto-baka's an IDIOT! He's just trying to make Sasuke-kun look bad! Sharanno!'
'That... is true.'
Their sensei, finally arriving at precisely 11 am, apparently felt the same way. The grey haired jonin appeared in a grandiose stance, complete with eye-smile, via leaf-shunshin swirling up from the ground on the exact spot one of the Naruto clones just vacated.
Sakura didn't even notice the clones, the original, and Sasuke's feral smirks as they turned to watch the jonin. She was too busy standing up to give the perpetually tardy jonin a piece of her mind. She locked eyes (eye?) with the one-eyed man with a glare while taking a deep breath.
'You tell him girl!'
Before she could even start her well dictated, revised, and hyphenated rant, the eye-contact broke, a single fluttering purple flower petal descending between them.
The same petal the clone just jumped off of.
All hell broke loose.
'What is WITH those two and fire?' Sakura asked in amazement and more than a little fear.
Over the last five minutes no less than four clones of the jonin went up in flames, three of them courtesy of Sasuke (at Naruto's prompting). Sakura actually had to take credit for the last one when the pervert appeared right in front of her reading that book again.
The first proposition Sakura ever accepted from the blonde pyro in her entire life of trying to get the blonde idiot to leave her the hell alone happened to be the match a widely grinning Naruto offered her when their jonin-sensei appeared holding said book.
'Sharanno! Naruto-baka did something right for once!'
'Yeah, but where did he GET all this stuff? He doesn't even have POCKETS for crying out loud and its isn't like our kunai pouches are really that big.'
' *shrug* '
'Thanks a lot.'
The real Kakashi (as evidenced by the distinct burns on his clothes) finally appeared, his narrowed eye flitting about the clearing like a hummingbird on crack before he relaxed. Slightly.
"Fine. You pass." he stated with an extremely annoyed tone. "First rule. THERE WILL BE NO SETTING ME ON FIRE. EVER. NO EXCEPTIONS!" Killing intent practically flooded the clearing from the irritated jonin as he screamed his instructions, releasing it only when three frightened nods were given from the now kneeling genin.
For the first time since being assigned to this team, Naruto actually did something Sakura could predict.
"Urg... huh? Wait. We pass?" Yep. Pretty much right on the money.
"The object of the days survival exercise was three-fold," their still-irritated sensei explained over his book with a wan eye-smile, "The first test was critical thinking. Food is a requirement for a shinobi. We MUST have the necessary nutrients and protein to replenish our chakra reserves and allow our muscles to grow. Without a healthy diet of meats, vegetables, and fatty contents, we are worthless as ninja. Sakura. Sasuke. You both failed in this, but luckily your team-mate understood the necessity of being fully charged prior to a fight and shared his breakfast with you, despite an obvious reluctance on his part as his high metabolism requires a great deal more nutrients than most." The eye focused on Sakura and Naruto in turn as he said this, irritating Inner-Sakura to no end.
'Sasuke-kun won't go for fatties! Sharrano!'
"The second lesson gave focus to preparation. You each were aware you would be fighting me today. Me! A jonin, someone that each of you individually would have very little chance of defeating in straight combat for at least the next two to three years if you are l-u-c-k-y. You were given hours to come up with a plan, or in your case, set traps, to increase your chances of success. Sakura. Sasuke. You both failed in this also." Sakura wanted to defend herself, and especially Sasuke, but honestly, they DID both just sit there while Naruto turned the entire clearing into a massive undeniable death-trap of stabbity burnanating DOOM.
"These two lessons were both vital to your growth as shinobi, however the third lesson was the only one that you were each required to pass and truly become genin of the Leaf. Anyone guess what it might be?" Naruto scratched his head and seemed to zone out for a minute. Sakura tried to figure out what their sensei meant by his statement, but just didn't see a direction. Sasuke glared at the hated wood of the training post. "No-one?"
"Ah... ano..." three sets of eyes turned to Naruto as he shyly raised his hand like a normal student from the Academy (normal, since Naruto never actually raised his hand to talk during Academy years). "Is it team-work?"
Sakura got the impression Naruto might have been truly offended when all three of them threw their hands together and screamed "KAI!" to dispel whatever genjutsu might have been cast. Not like she cared since Naruto is an idiot, but she did notice; then quickly forgot about it.
"I'm... impressed Naruto-kun," their sensei said with a proud eye-smile, earning a nearly blinding smile and an eye-roll from the blonde. ('Seriously, how much teeth-whitener does he USE? Thank kami I don't have to deal with a smile like THAT every day. Its painful!')
Elsewhere, a girl with her hair up in buns wearing a kimono got the sudden urge to kill something via pointy painful death.
A white-eyed Hyuga with a forty-foot long pole hidden somewhere unpleasant and two green clothed sycophants were in for a very long day without any of the four even knowing the reason.
"And why do you say team-work Naruto-kun?" The annoyance ('How dare he show up Sasuke-kun! Sharanno!') seemed to space out again for a minute while trying to put his thoughts into words, or so Sakura assumed.
"Well um... the other two things were basic things you need, you know? We have to eat and we have to set up enough traps each night to not get killed in our sleep..." Unknown to Sakura, her thoughts actually mirrored her crush for a moment. 'Not get killed in our sleep? Traps strong enough to take down a JONIN?' "... so I guess I figured you meant after you got here." Spaced out again... and back. "So I kinda guessed um... you said it was survival against you, and well. We did. It took all three of us, since I can only make so many matches and the teme can make the giant fireballs, but we did it together..."
"So um... yeah." By now Naruto's cheeks were a bright flaming red with his head bowed and eyes firmly focused on the sandals on his feet scratching at the dirt in embarrassment. If Sakura were to be honest with herself the behavior gave him an adorable look there for a minute. Not attractive, just hilariously adorably cute.
'No way in hell! Only bad authors run the Saku/Naru! Sharanno!'
Ignoring that.
Sakura watched their new sensei for his reaction, wondering just why there was so much pity in Kakashi-sensei's visible eye for a split-second (mirroring her crush once more) before the man beamed openly. "Very well done Naruto-kun!"
The cheerful, carefree jonin vanished in front of her eyes and a hardened warrior with his eye as hard as granite emerged. "Remember this if I teach you three NOTHING else. Those who break the rules are trash, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash. Follow me." The clipped tone he delivered the order in gave no room for discussion or questions. Sakura found herself moving with Naruto and Sasuke at her sides before Kakashi even finished spinning on his heel as he stalked out of the clearing.
Fifteen minutes later, the foursome stopped in front of a large round stone with dozens, if not hundreds, of names carved all over it. Sakura noticed Sasuke and Naruto both nod sadly, identical painful guilt-ridden faces on each boy.
Neither boy spoke even as both clasped their hands and bowed with their eyes closed for a moment.
"Sakura? These two obviously recognize what this is. Do you?"
"No, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura answered honestly, having never heard of anything that could have such importance to Sasuke-kun despite all of her research and years of study throughout the many libraries in the village.
"This is the memorial stone. Every ninja who has ever died in the service of the Leaf Village is carved upon this stone, with the exception of those lost during specific Black Ops missions. Never forget your missions, but as members of Team 7, I expect you do each do everything humanly possible to ensure that NONE of your team-mates ever earns a place on this stone. Trust your team-mates to take care of themselves, but always watch their backs. Every one of you. Is that understood?"
"Hai!" Naruto growled out, surprisingly echoed quietly by Sasuke moments later.
"Good. Get some sleep. We start training tomorrow Team 7. Training Ground 7. Six am. Don't be late."
Sakura tried to go off on the lackadaisical jonin about being late himself, but he managed to disappear before she even took a breath.
- 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 -
"He had an interesting question the other day, did he not?"
Blinking sluggishly, Naruto tried to get his brain to properly engage as he looked around for the source of the voice. "Neh, who Iruka-sensei?"
The voice sounded the same, but Naruto felt ...strange. Not to mention the pale tone of the man's skin. Iruka-sensei never went anywhere without an enviable tan. If the man ever went anywhere but the Academy and the Hokage's Tower Iruka would probably have his own hoard of rabid, vicious, uncontrollably evil fangirls to rival that of Kakashi (before the silver-haired jonin wised up and started reading porn in public).
"Sensei is fine for now. The Uchiha. He asked why you would be placed on such a team. Why do you think?" Naruto started to focus on the man, but a split second later just decided it didn't matter what he looked like.
"Um... Well. Sasuke said with Sakura-chan's chakra control she could be a medic or use genjutsu, right?" Naruto semi-stated and semi-asked, thinking back to Hana's ideas on the discussion.
'Yes Naruto-ni. She also has a great deal of taijutsu potential. Your sensei is known as Copycat Kakashi. He is a true ninjutsu powerhouse and the only other person within the village having a Sharingan. Sasuke's Sharingan has not awakened yet, though he is the perfect protégé for Kakashi.'
Something in Naruto was confused about the presence of the red-headed girl wearing a simple lavender kimono and sitting on the fur blankets a few feet away, but he really couldn't remember why. He became distracted from the conversation for a moment when he saw her eyes. It felt like looking into a purple-tinted mirror. Crystalline purple eyes studied him with the same confusion he studied her. Both of them trying to make a connection that just refused to snap together in their heads.
"So... Um... Because of," he trailed off grabbing his stomach, "my ...condition, I got a placed on a powerhouse team?"
The plain-faced man nodded silently. "And other reasons?"
"Um... That's all I got." Naruto replied after a few seconds.
'I cannot think of anything else.' the strange girl stated quietly, a dejected and depressed demeanor crossing her features.
He nodded again, still emotionless. "Perhaps it would help to look at history as you consider. Look underneath the underneath as you'll find your new sensei is fond of saying."
Naruto's face scrunched up in a frown. "Underneath the underneath?"
'He means there are always multiple reasons for things ni-san. Mizuki-teme had you steal the scroll to trick you and get you in trouble, but he really wanted to steal it from the village and kill you. Getting you in trouble was only his backup plan.' Naruto's face slowly returned to normal as he came to understand the strange girl's translation.
"So neh... history of what Sensei?"
"The village, the Uchiha, the history of jinchurkis in general. Take your pick. For example, where was the Kyuubi seen last before It attacked the day you were born?"
The blonde thought hard, ignoring how sluggish his brain felt, trying to remember something about the Kyuubi before his favorite Hokage defeated It. Hokage. Defeated.
"I got it!" The red-head showed some surprise, having been trying to answer the same question. "Ma.. Ma.. Um. The Mada guy attacked the Shodaime after the Leaf Village formed and summoned the Kyuubi to help him fight!" Finally being able to read those Academy books from the Library really helped.
'Uchiha Madara?' the red-head clarified.
"Yeah! That's him!"
"So," the Sensei prompted in his monotone voice, "the Kyuubi controlled by Madara, the Sharingan, and the Village. How might this event in history have bearing on your new team?"
Naruto made no connection between his team and the fight. There just wasn't one he could make. The red-head thought she had an idea, but...
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!
"Oh man, what a weird damn dream," Naruto muttered as he awoke, glaring heatedly at his blaring alarm clock. Again his sheets were practically soaked through, the parched blonde grateful that, unlike many other renters, his bill for water was a set fee as part of his lease agreement. Since a few days, maybe evens once that horrid night with Mizuki and Iruka-sensei, Naruto started almost every morning recently guzzling down a gallon of two of water. He'd been sweating almost at a constant despite the relative lack of training compared to his normal standards before joining Kakashi-sensei's team.
Two weeks.
Two weeks of nothing but all day training sessions filled with nothing but team-work exercises. No missions. No training (as a team at least). No jutsu. No time to hunt, though at least he managed to gather enough energy for a few clones each morning or he wouldn't have been eating either.
Nothing.
The damn secretary wouldn't let him in to see Jiji about all his stolen stuff and the only clothes he'd had time to make after Kakashi-teme's dawn to dusk 'teamwork exercises' was a couple pairs of pants, another t-shirt, and some underwear.
Naruto might not have much pride, but enough. His team-mates might wonder about his threadbare clothes (they didn't), but they haven't asked about it once and he never made the mistake of making more than bolts of cloth when the nosey duo was around. Kami help him if his team found out he couldn't afford clothes and his only kunai and shuriken were scavenged from the training grounds that team with the huge eyebrowed sensei uses.
His clones barely brought in enough to pay the rent and utilities by the seventh of the month, the last day before he would have been back out on the streets as a homeless bum thanks to his continually increasing rent. Didn't stop the crotchety old man from gleefully informing the dejected blonde that a late fee would be assessed on his next bill, irregardless of the fact that paying by the seventh was technically 'on time' where his lease agreement is concerned.
Looking out the window and glancing around as he watered his plants, Naruto felt at least some relief that his nosey team-mates weren't around. "Since when is my life interesting," Naruto muttered, knowing he'd been followed home by Sasuke no less four times since the day the team formed and because of that Sakura followed, or tried to, as well.
Looking at the calendar, he sighed heavily. "Happy birthday to me."
October tenth. Saturday. His thirteenth birthday.
And nobody cares.
Well, lots of people care, but more in a 'This is a great day to finish Yondaime-sama's great work!' kinda way. Not exactly heartwarming.
'This sucks.'
Iruka-sensei's out on a mission after the Academy got closed for repairs just after the team selections, probably the first time in eight months the chunin received a mission not related to the Academy and it just happened to be during Naruto's birthday. The Ichiraku's (Ayame-nee-chan and Teuchi-jiji) will probably give him his birthday bowl on the house as it IS his birthday, but today's the Kyuubi Festival and Naruto didn't really want to kill their income on the busiest day of the year.
'I'm here ni-san,' his lyrical annoying tenant muttered sympathetically, her voice oddly muted and quiet. 'I'll always be here.'
Naruto just snarled at the bitch. 'Yes. I'm FULLY aware YOU are here. You know, the reason the entire village hates me. The reason I've had to send clones dressed as sluts to dance in the red light district for food money and bills over the last two weeks with those disgusting old fat merchants pawing all of them. The reason all of my things were destroyed and I was robbed blind. They even found the money I had stashed in the walls. Yes. I know you are there thank you very much.'
'Bitch.'
After a few deep calming and shaky breaths, Naruto relaxed his trembling and forced himself to just let go of his frustration at the damn fox. It just didn't matter. Not today.
Today he just couldn't bring himself to care.
Grabbing his meager possessions and throwing them in a well-used travel bag with a busted strap he'd rescued from a dumpster along with two relatively clean bright orange bolts of cloth, Naruto decided to head for the training grounds. At least with the team having the day off for the festival he could get some peace to try any figure out what the hell was going on with his emotions.
Only habit and sheer force of will kept his cheerful, happy-go-lucky persona up and going as he ignored the angry stares, pebbles thrown by children, and the slamming of doors, shutters, and windows while he made his way through the village.
But he wasn't feeling it. Not really.
Which was strange, but almost understandable when Naruto paused to think about it.
For thirteen years, as of today, Naruto managed to shrug off every leer, every stare, the whispered words, and the harsh cuffs to his ears (or worse). He knew, especially now, that their hate and anger was misplaced. Not to mention the fact that he didn't actually know any of the people killed during Kyuubi's attack. The only exception that really got to him when he found out was that his hero, the Fourth Hokage, sacrificed his life to seal the demon into Naruto's stomach. Yet even that didn't sadden him, not really. Sure it sucked the Yondaime died, but he sealed the demon into Naruto's stomach.
Tit-for-tat and all that.
But today?
Today was the day Uzumaki Naruto was born.
Today was the day Uzumaki Kushina died.
Normally Naruto really wouldn't care about something that happened so far in the past, other than his own sadness at the loss of his parents at such an early age. Yet for some reason he couldn't get the fact out of his head. His mind refused to shut down or let go of the topic.
Naruto lived. Kushina died.
Naruto barely made to the relative safety of the training grounds before the tears started flowing. The blonde boy honestly thought he'd forgotten how to cry when he was sitting outside the Academy in dejected silence a few weeks prior after having failed the genin exam for the third and final time. He knew it was a mistake trying to graduate early twice prior, but no-one except Iruka-sensei bothered to tell him genin hopefuls were only allowed a TOTAL of three attempts at graduation and by then he'd fully wasted his first two chances. Would have been nice to know.
But he wasn't crying for himself. Not this time. Not today.
'Fucking Fox. Why did you have to tell me?'
He was crying for his mother. A woman cursed to give birth to the village's pariah.
The last of the Uzumaki Clan. Gone.
"I'm so sorry Kaa-san." Naruto muttered in a morose and dejected tone when he finally arrived at the relative privacy of the training grounds, moisture thick in his eyes alongside the sorrowful rivers carving a path through the three thick whisker marks on either side of his cheeks. "I'm so sorry you died because of me. I'm sorry I'm here and you're not." By now the blonde jinchuriki started openly sobbing, knowing the world lost something wonderful and only gained him. (It was sad really, his grammar tended to be bad enough when it wasn't emo. At the moment he sounds like the script of a poorly written fanfiction where Naruto suddenly turns super-uber the day he graduates and has an insta-harem. The author fervently hopes Naruto gets out of his funk soon.)
Him. The demon-brat.
"If only I was never born," he whispered, relaxing into a moment of pure Uchiha-levels of emo. It was almost liberating to just blame everything else in the world and himself at the same time. For a few peaceful self-recriminating moments, Naruto understood why Sasuke acted the way he did. Then he wondered if Sasuke really wore those arm-guards for protection.
Remember kids, Mr. Razor says to always cut up and down, not side-to-side!
After letting it all out, his nose sniffed out the pair of foxes cooking on the nearby campfire, compliments of his clones, and the blonde jinchuriki chuckled darkly before managing to dredge up a small smile.
'Appropriate. Is this your long lost omouto bitch?' Naruto snarled triumphantly at his tenant, but received only silence in return.
After a solid breakfast, and having nothing better to do, Naruto decided to at least use his free day productively and get the damned bangle... er... kill-cloth jutsu working right. So far the only cloth he managed any decent level of control over was his right forearm.
As the first day off in the two week period, it was also the first time he'd managed to train in anything but his stealth skills (to ditch his escorts and send out some clones), his pole-dancing skills (*shudder* *twitch* 'Why do those men want to touch the girls so badly. It's weird. Creepy perverts.'), his sewing, and his survival skills. It would have been nice to use the extra two or three hours his team just sat in bored silence waiting for Kakashi-teme each morning, but the little training he'd managed the day teams were formed proved that to be dangerous to his team-mates health.
He only managed a couple hours of training that first night, but it definitely proved kill-cloth was an appropriate label for the jutsu. May the Holy Log damn him to eternal lack of Its presence should he harm Sakura-chan with a badly controlled razor-sharp stabbity cloth of doom.
Tightening the cloths on both legs and wrists, Naruto set to work.
"I know your gone Kaa-san." He snarled aloud as the cloth on his arms started fluttering and pulsing with his chakra, "but with Kami and the Log as my witness I'll make you proud!"
He (and the dozen clones that joined him) started slow with only his arms, punching out and forcing the resistant cloth to form fists, blades, and shields like the spur of the moment one he used when Sasuke-teme almost torched him, no thanks to Kakashi-sensei.
An hour later he finally started to sweat normally, as opposed to the continual sheen of near-exhaustion that haunted him for the last few weeks. Two more hours of training caused found panting heavily at the first hints of fatigue began setting in.
'Damn. This jutsu really takes it out of me.' The blonde huffed silently to himself, nearly shocked at being so tired from only four hours of training.
Still he pressed on. If he could just get enough control to not worry about skewering his team-mates it would be far enough to start training in the mornings. Considering only three clones survived to the two-hour mark, Naruto wasn't sure he would make it happen in only one day's worth of training. By the four-hour mark his reserves were half gone and he only kept his arms moving through sheer force of will.
Instead of punching to stretch the cloth, he moved into stretching the cloth just to punch; controlling his arms through the chakra-laced cloth alone. His arm-guards began glowing faintly in the noon-day sun from the thick chakra seeping deep into the very molecules of the material as he continued his random directionless training.
Still he kept his leaded arms moving. The burning sensation that started to fade at the three hour mark almost completely vanished, giving way to numb throbbing and a sense of detachment. Forms started to erupt within the cloth crisscrossing the length of the training field as he danced to an unknown rhythm, his chakra falling to dangerous levels.
Instead of a shield, a wall erupted; instead of blades, lances; instead of his small fists, punches the size of a watermelon.
'NI-SAN STOP.' a loud voice shouted and echoed throughout his mind.
Blinking as awareness came back slowly; he bit back a scream of pain as his arms locked up entirely and practically froze in place. He couldn't even feel the chakra running through them anymore.
'Well duh. Idiot. You nearly burnt out your chakra-coils.' the Fox deadpanned. 'I've only been trying to get your attention for over an hour.'
"Urg... Huh?" he panted, too tired to make a more coherent sentence.
'Hmph. This is a person's chakra-coils.' As she said that a strange picture of a glowing see-through person filled with blue waves and tiny blue dots filled his mind's eye. 'And THIS is what you've done to yourself.' The second picture seemed like he first, only instead of calm blue waves around the two arms, the waves were churning and crashing into each other. The tiny points of light flickering on and off repeatedly.
Naruto, being who he is, noticed an important factor.
The legs looked fine.
Ignoring the burning pain in his arms through sheer stubbornness, he decided to start on kicks.
The first pulse of chakra through his left ankle-bracer sent a perfectly razor-sharp hunk of cloth straight out.
"Oh Kami! Shit shit shit shit shit..."
Straight out and through his foot like a half inch thick nail from a nail gun that is.
Dancing around on the other foot, he whimpered openly while holding his poor appendage for a split second before the burning pain started lancing through his arms again. In the end he just collapsed in an undignified heap.
"Sonofa..."
'Idiot.'
- 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 -
"KATON: GREAT FIREBALL JUTSU!"
The fireball burning over the edge of the docks encompassed nearly a third of the Uchiha Lake next to his home. What once gave the young Uchiha a sense of pride now gave one of frustration.
'Too small; it's too weak.' Uchiha Sasuke normally prided himself on his emotional control (when the subject of his brother wasn't brought up, his tomatoes weren't threatened, fangirls weren't around, he wasn't annoyed, and…), but in the last two weeks his patience and emotions were rarely within his control. Something was going on in Konoha he didn't like, and it centered on one of his new team-mates.
'I'm still too weak.' Outward appearances aside, Sasuke always respected the blonde idiot assigned to his team. As a fellow orphan, the last of their respective clans no less (though Sasuke was banned from discussing the Uzumaki's for some reason), the two held a bond few could understand. The loneliness, the frustration, the false assurances and pity filled glances.
They were survivors. Warriors. Pity was wasted on them both.
Yet beyond grudging respect, the blonde idiot had always been just that. The blond idiot. Not a complete stranger with a noticeably fake smile, moments of guilt, and moments of sorrow.
'Why is he so strong?'
Pride. The foundation of the Uchiha clan, and Sasuke's place in it, built upon bedrock of pride, floors of strength, and walls of power. Since before the founding of the Leaf Village the Uchiha were always the elite; the best of the best without question, hesitation, or variation. Therefore no-one showed any surprise when Sasuke held the same potential, easily surpassing his classmates in everything with the grace and power that so well represented his clan. During his years at the Academy, Sasuke held the top rank for every shinobi discipline tested. Stealth, survival, ninjutsu, genjutsu, taijutsu, thrown weapons, combat simulations, trap making and detection; even the rarely used nin-taijutsu and kenjutsu were aced on every exam.
Since being forced to deal with the hyperactive warning label for parents trying not to use Ritalin, the skills he held such pride in were proven to be a pile of shit. A pile of shit he couldn't find a reason for. Did the idiot intentionally fail his tests?
EVERY time he tried to follow the dobe home to see just what he could be hiding, the blonde seemed to vanish. Such a feat shouldn't even be possible for an idiot with chakra reserves as large as Naruto's. The dobe practically glows to even Sasuke's extremely basic chakra sensing ability. Yet still the blonde always seemed to know when Sasuke followed and just vanished.
Two weeks of waiting for Kakashi-sensei in absolute frustration and boredom, but the dobe still managed to hone his skills with those clones. Tracking, stalking, disabling, preparation, cooking, and survival; so many required skills that the blonde used as if they were second nature; skills he'd honed through years of use until they as easy as brushing his teeth. It didn't make any sense. Yet still the blonde's skills grew.
Out of no-where, the dobe comes up with a new jutsu fast enough to slice his hair off in a split second from five feet away, strong enough to pierce the stone beams lining the Academy ceiling, and powerful enough to create a shield to block one of Sasuke's strongest katon jutsus in moments. While the supposed 'dead-last' implied he still couldn't control the jutsu.
"KATON: GREAT FIREBALL JUTSU!" This time the fireball spread for another ten yards in all directions, leaving the young katon-user panting and heaving for breath as he landed on a knee while propping himself up with the hand that wasn't smoking slightly. After two weeks of almost zero chakra usage his coils weren't responding as easily as they should.
After so many rapid-fire discrepancies in Naruto's mask, Sasuke wasn't going to be fooled anymore. "Seven was the jonin, I was eight when I hit ANBU." That's what the dobe muttered. His first mistake, the first drop in the mask, the very words played off as something as childish as a prank yet told of something more.
Uchiha Sasuke, last of the great Uchiha Clan, and hailed by the entire village far and wide as a prodigy with potential rivaled only by his own brother. Everyone praised Sasuke's skills with genjutsu, his signature Uchiha katon jutsus, tai-jutsu, and kenjutsu.
'I won't forget. I won't lose. I will hate you brother and my rage will destroy you once and for all!'
Naruto was a prodigy, such an impressive one that no-one knew his skills. The blonde could build traps strong enough to incapacitate jonin. Twice. Naruto could daily, without fail, manage to hunt small game despite being inside the village walls where such game tended to be scare. Infiltrating ANBU Headquarters, outrunning chunin, jonin, and ANBU (compliments of Iruka-sensei's desk-folder), infiltrating the Hokage Tower and incapacitating the Hokage himself (courtesy of a chunin contact), created a kinjutsu at eight years old (based on the Academy files), AND Naruto managed to use a chunin-level jutsu that requires kage-level reserves just to activate (based on the Chunin Library).
Who is Uzumaki Naruto?
"KATON: GREAT FIREBALL JUTSU!" His chakra rebounded; the justu broke and blasted the furious boy sideways off the dock and into the waist-deep waters at the edge of the lake. Snarling he leapt back onto the dock before running through seals again.
Naruto's behavior over the last two weeks would make any normal shinobi think the boy was nothing more than the idiot he appeared to be. The blonde ended each day with half-hearted proposals to their pink-haired team-mate and subsequently shook off blows from the girl that once put Kiba in the Hospital for a week as if they were nothing more than love taps. The goofy grin was so perfectly off-putting and disarming; almost practiced in its perfection. Any normal ninja of the Leaf wouldn't give a second thought to the arrogant, loud, and obnoxious blonde proudly proclaiming to the world his intent to be 'Hokage' one day; wouldn't even pause to look back over what they knew of the blonde's life: constantly skipping class, always being dragged in by the boring chunin instructor after particularly vicious pranks that sent the village security through the works, always bragging about visiting his 'Jiji' all the time….
Sasuke was anything but normal.
Feeling a light burning in his chakra coils, Sasuke drew a kunai to practice a move he managed to perfect the last time he saw his brother before that night. His brother smiled. The murderous bastard had the gall to smile as he donned his ANBU….
Donned his ANBU….
Donned his….
"Seven was the jonin, I was eight when I hit ANBU."
Sasuke froze, staring at the kunai in his hand as his knees gave out beneath him.
Naruto wasn't the dead-last dobe.
"I was eight when I hit ANBU."
"He's ANBU." the almost hysterical raven-haired teen laughed out-loud. The dobe, the dead-last, the class-clown who couldn't take life seriously, the complete anti-thesis of everything a shinobi represents, "Naruto is ANBU."
The thought should have been insane. It should have been so unbelievable to not even have a chance of passed through Sasuke's thoughts.
But that just proved how true it might be, didn't it?
"I can't believe it. Four years. He joined the Academy as an ANBU and no-one even realized it. Unbelievable. Four years he challenged me, always just below my level when we fought. Always forcing me to train that much harder, to be that much stronger. No wonder he never cared about his grades.
"And now we're a team. We're a team and he's teaching still. How could I have not SEEN it? It was so obvious. He failed everything, but they never dropped him from the program, the days or weeks of skipped classes, actually publicly testing village security hidden as pranks of all things. Hilarious."
As the late-afternoon sun shown in the sky, the only Uchiha still alive within the Leaf Village laughed in a way he felt unable to laugh for the over half a decade. Naruto claimed to be the greatest prankster the Leaf Village had ever seen. He told everyone not to underestimate him. Yet everyone did. The blonde goofball managed to pull the wool over everyone's eyes.
The blonde wanted to teach, by Kami Sasuke would learn.
Too bad Sasuke's deductions were so completely and hilariously far off target he might just be able to run into Aang or the Boogie Pop Phantom when he stops.
This should prove to be amusing to say the least.
"Hn… who's Aang?"
Ignoring that.
- 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 -
"He's ANBU. Naruto is ANBU."
That statement stopped Sakura in her tracks as she approached the boy of her affections, completely derailing any and all thought processes currently running through her overlarge forehead.
"I can't believe it. Four years. He joined the Academy as an ANBU and no-one even realized it. Unbelievable. Four years he challenged me, always just below my level when we fought. Always forcing me to train that much harder, to be that much stronger. No wonder he never cared about his grades."
As Sasuke's conclusions reached her ears, Sakura's eyes opened wide enough to make her overly large forehead look insignificant in comparison. Sasuke respected Naruto of all people? The change in the two boy's relationship over the last two weeks certainly was large, but for him to think the idiot was some sort of undercover ANBU? No-one is that good.
'WHAT?'
'Has Sasuke-kun lost it? Naruto-baka's been messing with his head! Kill him Sharranno! We must protect Sasuke-kun always!'
"And now we're a team. We're a team and he's teaching still. How could I have not SEEN it? It was so obvious. He failed everything, but they never dropped him from the program, the days or weeks of skipped classes, actually publicly testing village security hidden as pranks of all things. Hilarious."
He muttered something else a few moments later, but she missed it.
Blinking a few times as she processed his statements (and tried desperately to ignore the laughter coming from her crush, tall-dark-handsome types do NOT laugh in a slightly insane, possibly maniacal manner), Sakura spun on her heel and walked right back into the village without speaking a single word.
For once, the information churning through Sakura's oversized brain had nothing to do with Sasuke-kun, fashion, Sasuke-kun, dieting, Sasuke-kun, Academy books, Sasuke-kun, or Ino-pig.
- 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 -
"He's ANBU. Naruto is ANBU."
Reading his porno while watching Naruto's passed out form bleeding profusely on the ground out of the corner of his eye, it truly sucked for the whitish-grey haired jonin that he did not in fact hear his other student's statement.
It might have reduced his confusion over the coming weeks.
Probably would have prevented a disaster as well.
- 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 - 2 -
Just so everyone knows, YES, I KNOW a number of the characters are acting a little OC. Chapter 3 will more properly explain the reasons behind this and a few other things.
As it stands now Naruto does not take up his Legacy (as a demon-hunter) until sometime around or during the Wave Mission (Its already written, but I'm not giving you an easy heads-up).
Unlike my other stories, I have far, FAR more written for this one, already counting words at well over 150k as I indicated in my profile. The reason I set this story aside for a while is because I wanted to try my hand at first-person perspective with 'What Else?' to get a feel for writing it.
One of my reviewers made a comment about the Third Hokage being, and I quote, "a complete bastard" so I thought I might explain part of the reason behind this now as I don't plan on addressing it until either A) after the Wave Mission or B) during the Tsunade Retrieval Arc.
He IS the Hokage.
The good of the majority must ALWAYS come before the good of the few.
Or the One.
There are other factors influencing his behavior, but I haven't fully decided when and where I want to reveal this information as it has a VERY big impact on quite a few characters throughout the Elemental Nations and will actually be the start of a new Arc when it happens, even if it initially starts as a sub-Arc. Heh, if you think the Third Hokage is acting OC and like a bastard, just wait until you get a load of KAKASHI-SENSEI!
On a completely separate and amusing (to me) note, the reviewer whom asked the questions about Sarutobi (not to mention Anko's presence... wtf?) also pointed out that my story is "obviously" AU.
What part of the Summary did NOT indicate that this story would be AU? The part where Naruto has a bloodline? The part where Naruto is from a long-line of DEMON-HUNTERS?! /facepalm