Summary:
The human body is simple. When you break a bone, you get it set. When your appendix bursts, you get it removed. And then you modify. You adjust. You learn to avoid the danger, so you don't get hurt again.
When it comes to people, on the other hand, it's not as simple. When their hearts break, when their hearts burst, there's no clear method to repair the damage. When people are in pain, they sometimes go directly to the source of what hurt them, hoping that this time will be different.
Hoping that they'll be stronger. Better. Smarter. Kinder.
Better equipped to work through the pain and to be happy.
Stronger to prevent the next injury.
Sometimes, it's only wishful thinking.
And, other times, it works.
Welp, I decided this may be a wee bit longer than I originally anticipated, so I made a separate fic for it! Let me know what you think!
When Arizona finally got home—or, to her old house, anyway—it was late.
She walked in, finding Callie perched on the couch, reading a book.
"Oh, hey," Callie smiled towards her. "Can I help you carry your stuff in?"
Arizona made a face. "Nah. I got what I need for tonight, and I'll get the rest in the morning. Too much work." She plopped down on the couch beside Callie, then widened her eyes in embarrassment. "Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized. "You're in here. I didn't mean to be—"
Immediately, Callie was shaking her head. "No, you can be here, too. We can peacefully coexist in the same room," she smiled.
"I just don't want to be that roommate who invades your space."
"You're not," Callie promised. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm that person. At least I was—quite literally—the last time you and I tried to be roommates."
Arizona flushed, remembering her tainted last memory of sex with Callie. Then, curiously, she looked up and met her eyes.
"What?" Callie asked.
"We're...friends, right?"
Callie shrugged amicably. "As much as we can be, anyway."
Arizona nodded in acceptance. "Does that mean that I can ask you a personal question?"
Callie's eyes darkened in worry. "Depends."
Arizona sighed. "I just...I always wondered why our last night happened the way it did. Day twenty-nine."
Callie sighed, understanding how long this question must have been eating away at the blonde.
"Did you just...I don't know, want to go out on a high note?" Arizona continued, old, unhealed wounds revealing themselves as she continued with trepidation. "Have sex one last time before divorcing me?"
"No!" Callie moved towards her ex-wife without thinking, but she pulled back before giving into instinct and touching the blonde. "No. Of course not."
"What, then?" Arizona asked sincerely. She had wondered this for a long, long time. "Why would you do that just to end everything the next day?"
Callie sighed. "I didn't think I was going to end everything. I thought...I tried to convince myself we were okay."
"What happened?" There was endless pain in Arizona's watery blue eyes.
"We weren't okay. That's why you wanted the break to begin with. That's why you went on and on about how much you loved me in therapy before I left. You knew we weren't okay; you knew you weren't happy, and you were trying so hard to stay with me, anyway."
"Callie, I—" Arizona defended.
"No, don't deny it. You were right. I just didn't realize it until that last session." She exhaled a calming breath. "And I...that last night...I was scared it was going to be you who ended things the next day. I felt...I felt like I needed to remind you that you still loved me."
"What?" Arizona looked at her in shock.
"Arizona, come on. You kept saying you loved me and needed me, but there wasn't action behind it, you know? I just...I wanted to remind you that we had something special. That we were special, once upon a time." She sighed, anxiously bringing her eyes up to meet her ex-wife's.
Arizona met her eyes, and they shared a long moment of understanding, eyes imploring the souls beneath.
"I wish I hadn't made you think that you had to remind me," Arizona apologized. "I could never forget how much I love you."
There it was. Love. Present tense.
But, then, it didn't mean anything. Not anymore.
"Maybe," Callie smiled sadly. "But you and I both knew that love wasn't enough."
Arizona inhaled sharply and nodded. Unfortunately, Callie was right. If it had been, they wouldn't have been in the position they were then. They would have still been together. "Thank you," she murmured solemnly.
Callie cocked her head at the blonde. "For what?"
Arizona shrugged. "For being honest. For letting this get a little heavy." She cracked a smile, "At least we're not crying."
Callie laughed. "Imagine Sof waking up and seeing us in here, sobbing. That'd be a tough one to explain."
Arizona joined into her ex-wife's laughter, thankful for the change in mood. Even more, she was thankful for another ounce of closure.
"Anyway," Arizona began, "I should get to bed."
Callie nodded. "Right. Me, too."
Arizona smiled. "Thank you for letting me stay here, Callie."
Callie twinkled back. "You're welcome. Goodnight, Arizona."
"Goodnight, Callie."
Arizona walked towards the guest room to get her shampoo and conditioner, and Callie looked after her and then got ready for bed, herself.
Twenty minutes later, Arizona walked back towards her room, and the rest of the house was pitch black and as silent as an empty graveyard.
Finally, essentials unpacked, body showered, face washed, teeth brushed, pajamas adorned, Arizona walked towards the bed, ready to sleep for a lifetime. Her leg was still killing her, as it had been earlier that day.
She was stopped, however, by something on her bed.
She looked more closely. There, on her bed, waiting for her, was an ice pack and container of Advil.
Callie knew her well, indeed.
Callie and Arizona continued to peacefully coexist and to work on beginning a friendship during the following few weeks, slowly finding a comfortable routine in attempt to give the other privacy, whenever possible.
On one of Arizona's nights with Sofia, Callie strode in as she was doing the dishes with a, "Hey, would you maybe want to go out to dinner with Sof tomorrow night?"
Arizona shrugged amicably. "I could do that. Do you need the house for something?"
Callie looked down, shuffling her feet slightly. "I wanted to, um, invite over the woman I'm seeing for a home-cooked meal. We're not really serious enough that I want Sofia to join us, especially without checking with you first. But I would like her to come over."
Arizona's mouth scrunched up in thought. No, she did not want to take Sofia out to dinner. She did not want Callie to bring a woman home. But she had no right to say that, and Callie was being as kind as she could about the whole situation, thankfully. "Sure," Arizona finally smiled. "Sof and I will get out of the house for a while tomorrow to give you two some privacy."
Callie winced at Arizona's remarkable ability to read her nuances, but she nodded in reply. "Thank you."
Arizona had stayed true to her word, taking Sofia out to dinner and to a movie, then tiptoeing inside and gingerly placing an already sleeping five-year-old in her twin bed.
Callie must have decided to turn in early, Arizona thought; the lights were off in her room and only silence emanated throughout the house. That is, until she walked from the bathroom towards her own bedroom and heard an unfamiliar giggle from behind the door, followed by the sound of kissing.
She felt her throat constrict. Her stomach fell to the floor. A giant wave of nauseousness rolled over her, drowning her, again and again.
She realized then that the woman—Callie's girlfriend—was sleeping over. And nothing could have prepared Arizona for that.
She immediately rushed into her room, found her phone and shoved her headphones into her ears, hoping that her old running playlist might be able to bury both the disturbing noise and her own disturbing thoughts.
She did not want to think about Callie sleeping with another woman. And, more than that, she did not want to think about how awful the mere thought of that made her feel.
It was silly. It was stupid. She'd accepted that her ex-wife had moved on. She'd accepted their "friendship." She had no reason to feel so...sick.
Sick to her stomach and, more acutely, lovesick.
It was ridiculous.
But as much as she tried, she couldn't get used to the thought that Callie was having sex right then, in their old bed, directly across the hall from her. With another woman.
She quickly donned her prosthesis, grabbed the blanket on the end of her bed, and scurried into the living room, deciding to sleep on the couch and as far as possible from Callie's room. It wasn't incredibly comfortable, but it was better than the alternative.
Callie woke up early the following morning, wanting to make sure the woman sleeping beside her went home before Sofia or Arizona woke up.
Not because she wanted to protect Arizona or anything. It was for the best. That was all.
"Hey," she gently nudged the beautiful woman.
The woman languidly opened her eyes, smiling at Callie. "Time for me to go?"
Callie smiled apologetically. "I start work soon. I can make you coffee, though?"
The woman shook her head, climbing out of bed and putting her clothes on from the night before. "Thank you, Callie, but I'm fine. And, oh," she looked up, a salacious glint in her eye, "Thank you for last night."
Callie grinned, winking, "The pleasure was all mine." Arizona had always groaned at her sense of humor, but now, her girlfriend laughed with her.
As soon as they were both dressed appropriately, Callie opened her bedroom door, chivalrously inviting the woman to exit the room before following after her.
They walked towards kitchen and entryway, and Callie felt the scent of hot coffee invade her senses.
She gulped. That could only mean that Arizona was already awake.
"So, maybe this weekend I could take you to that new French place?" the woman offered. "It has really good—" she stopped short, having spotted a radiantly gorgeous blonde sitting at the bar, sipping a cup of coffee.
Having heard two sets of feet shuffle in, Arizona's eyes widened as she looked up. She knew that she was up early, but she had expected Callie to have made her date leave much earlier, just in case Sofia woke up.
But no. The woman was still there, standing by the kitchen, staring at her.
"Hello," Arizona lowered her mug. She looked between the woman and Callie, whose face was pink and whose hands were wringing together in anxiety.
Deciding to be the "bigger person"—whatever that meant—Arizona stood up, nearing the woman and holding out her hand.
"Hi. Arizona Robbins. You must be Calliope's girlfriend."
The woman's eyes widened, but she met the outstretched hand with her own. "Yeah. Hi. I've heard good things about you."
Arizona offered the woman her most charming smile. "Likewise. Did you want some coffee?"
The woman quickly waved the thought off. "Oh, no, thank you. I should really get going."
Arizona nodded in understanding, working hard to bite back her bitterness. "'Course. I'm sure we'll see more of each other."
All Callie could do was stand there, looking between the two woman—her old love and her current love—and pray that their little encounter wouldn't scare the woman she liked away. Or hurt Arizona, Callie worried, surprised that the thought came to mind.
The woman turned back to Callie. "Well, I'm going to go. Thank you, again," she smiled and turned away, not even going in for a peck on the lips or cheek. She didn't want to be the cause of any additional awkwardness.
"Bye!" Callie called after her. As soon as the door shut, she turned and looked at Arizona, who had sat back down and continued sipping her coffee, refusing to meet Callie's curious eyes.
"You're up early," Callie commented conversationally, walking over to the coffee pot to fill up her mug. She didn't want to talk about what had just taken place.
"I couldn't sleep," Arizona admitted, just as willing to avoid a conversation about the woman she had just met.
Callie turned to look at her, eyes wide in fear, and she saw Arizona blush.
"I mean," the blonde quickly excused, "I'm stressed. Work stuff."
Sighing in relief, Callie sat down at the bar stool beside her. "What's going on?" she asked worriedly. "Anything I can do to help?"
Arizona smiled at the eternally thoughtful woman sitting beside her. Callie was beautiful externally—that much was obvious. But what eclipsed that was her immense, endless care. She cared about people more than anyone else—even about Arizona, which filled her with warmth.
After everything that had happened, her ex-wife was still eager to help. And, if Callie ever needed anything, Arizona would be more than willing to do the same.
"No," she smiled. "Nothing major. What about you? How's work?"
Callie sighed. "Stressful, actually. I have a major meeting with donors for my robotic prosthetic limb project. I need a lot more money for the next step."
Arizona raised her eyebrows. "What's the next step?"
"I want to use aluminum prostheses instead of carbon fiber. I know that carbon fiber is supposedly the most renowned these days, but I think aluminum would work even better, and it'd be cheaper for the project and the patients in the long run."
Arizona nodded, urging Callie to continue. Talking about the project had filled her with a sense of dread back when she had thought Callie had only been doing it to make up for maiming her in the first place, but things had been different then.
Since then, she'd learned that Callie hadn't been the one to incapacitate her, and she regretted not giving her ex-wife support and encouragement back when the brunette had needed it.
Seeing Arizona's noticeable—albeit surprising—interest, Callie continued, "Molecularly, carbon fiber is just far less durable; like, the epoxy composite properties are significantly reduced once the temperature goes up above 150 F., particularly in humidity. And though it's lighter and a lower density theoretically, since the fibers have to be layered in multiple directions for use, it ends up having properties more like aluminum—except it ends up being heavier."
"So switching to aluminum would be the cheaper, better, more efficient option," Arizona deduced.
"Right!" Callie exclaimed, getting excited about the topic. "But I need to make a prototype of the prosthesis and get it working on someone so that I can present it at the meeting."
"Do you have any of your previous patients in mind?" Arizona asked curiously.
"Yeah. I did," Callie began. "I've really found success with a former police officer I was treating, but unfortunately, he and his new fiancé decided to go sight-seeing through Europe for six months."
"No fair," Arizona pouted.
Callie laughed. "That's what I said. It also means that I need to find a different amputee willing to go through a still highly experimental project, and quickly."
"I could help," Arizona piped up without thinking.
Callie's eyes widened in surprise. Arizona had never wanted to be involved in her research in the past.
"I'm serious," the blonde confirmed, easily reading her ex-wife's expression. "It sounds like what you're doing is awesome, and I'd love to be involved. That is, if I meet the qualifications."
"You do," Callie quipped, and Arizona looked at her questioningly. Callie paused. "I...started this whole thing because of you," she admitted. "Originally, I mean," she quickly added. "So, you are the qualifications."
Arizona nodded slowly, processing the information she had always suspected but hadn't confirmed until that moment. This project had been a gift from Callie to her, and until then, she had been unwilling to accept it.
Seriously, she lifted her head and looked solemnly into her ex-wife's eyes. "Callie, that sounds really amazing."
Callie shrugged humbly.
"And you're changing lives," she continued. "Do you think...maybe...it would be possible for me to volunteer as a member of your project?"
A dazzling smile shone on Callie's face, and she felt herself release a shaky, long-held breath. She'd been holding it for years, maybe.
"I thought you'd never ask."
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