Jane makes it her mission to uncover what Maura is hiding. It makes its way to the back burner, when their case picks up. But, by Friday, they have caught their perpetrator.
Saturday, Maura meets Jane for lunch. Jane watches her best friend, closely. Maura sips her drink, in silence.
Jane interrupts the silence, "Maura, you know that you can tell me anything, right?"
Maura looks up, she furrows her brow, "Jane, I don't want to talk about it."
"I do."
"No."
"Maura, there are some things that you shouldn't keep to yourself. Sometimes you have to share."
"Says the woman, who locks everyone out."
"Maura, that's unfair."
"It's true, isn't it?"
"We're not talking about me."
"We're not talking about me, either," Maura tells her.
"Maura, come on."
"Jane, I can't tell you everything."
"Why not? What do you think is going to happen."
"You just wouldn't understand."
"You're wrong."
"Why do you keep badgering me about this?" Maura wonders.
"Because I can see that it's something that makes you uncomfortable. It's something that really bothers you. Things like that shouldn't be kept a secret."
"I am not going to tell you."
"If you don't want to talk about it, that's up to you, but I already know. I know, and it doesn't matter."
"Know what? You don't know," Maura argues.
Maura's phone rings. She pulls it out of her purse, and looks at the number on the screen. She puts it to her ear, and answers.
"Hello? Yes. Sorry, I've been busy, I hadn't gotten the chance yet. Um... I don't think it's a good idea. Ok. You, too. Bye," she hangs up her phone. Jane shoots her a look, as she returns her phone to her purse.
"What?"
"I can see that you want to talk about it," Jane points out.
"Why are you so interested, in whatever it is, that I'm not telling you?"
"Because I'm your best friend, and I hate when you're like this. I hate when you shut down, and shut everybody out. First of all it's annoying, and second of all, it worries me. I wish you would just tell me. Get it off your chest. You don't have to bury everything, all the time. It just bubbles up to the surface later, and, always at the wrong time."
"You know all about burying things, don't you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You ignore your emotions, almost completely."
"Maura, you do the same exact thing."
"Can we please talk about something else?" Maura begs.
"Whatever," Jane rolls her eyes, as the waitress approaches with their food.
Maura climbs into her car, after lunch. She watches, as Jane pulls away, in her rearview mirror. Maura slowly puts her seat belt on. She sits in the a/c, unmoving. She tries her best to keep her composure, but it proves impossible. She begins to cry.
The truth was, she had always been hard to love. Sometimes, behind all of her confidence, and self-assuredness, she was small, and scared. There were some days that she didn't love herself, because of the person she was. Or, rather, the person that she had become. It was her burden, from the day that she was born. It was a burden that she didn't want to share, with anyone, even if they offered. She wipes the tears from her eyes, and takes a deep breath. She looks over her shoulder, and pulls out of her parking space.
When she gets home, she showers, and climbs into her bed, even though it's the middle of the afternoon. She sinks into her bed, pulling the covers over her head. The down comforter over her head, nearly suffocates her. She feels herself losing it. And, she feels herself letting go, because she doesn't want to hold on, anymore.
Jane opens the door. She's in her pajama's because it's nearly midnight. She finds Maura standing in the doorway, with a tear stained face.
"Are you coming in, or not?" Jane questions.
Maura steps it. Jane closes the door behind her. Maura doesn't say anything, she just takes a seat on her couch.
"Are you ready to talk about it?"
"No," Maura shakes her head.
"Then what are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"That's not my fault."
"I just..."
"If you don't want to talk about it, then why are you here?"
"Because..." she pauses, trying to come up with the right thing to say, "I don't know what to do, anymore."
"Ok," Jane takes a seat.
"Do you know that I have a tattoo?"
"No, you don't," Jane argues.
"I do, too."
"You're too much of a prude to get a tattoo," Jane argues.
Maura rolls down the top of her yoga pants, slightly, to reveal a rose tattoo, on her hip. Jane furrows her brow, in confusion.
"Is that new?"
"No."
"Why didn't I know about it?"
"Because I try hard to keep it a secret."
"Why? It doesn't look that bad."
"Because it's a reminder."
"Of what?"
"Youthful indiscretions."
"I can't imagine that you ever had any youthful indiscretions."
"I did. I was an eighteen year old freshman in college. I went to my first party, and I drank, too much. When I woke up, I had a tattoo."
"You're lying," Jane argues.
"It's the truth, I swear."
"So, why are you telling me this?"
"I was young once, and I did some very stupid things."
"Everyone was young once," Jane points out.
"Not everyone made the mistakes that I made."
"Maura what mistakes are you talking about?"
"You said that you knew."