Secret Lair
Brittany's a waitress!
We are cleaning up our car washing supplies when Noah's mom calls us in to taste her potato salad. It's world famous and she knows it, but she loves to hear us praise it.
We are about to go inside for some relief from the weather and make a show out of eating Myra's food when Noah comes back out of the house and stops us.
"Are you guys doing anything tonight for Jim's last night in town?"
Jim is spending a month in Florida with his father and Myra, visiting his Nana (his dad's mom). Myra's mother passed away last May. She took her mother's death very hard and has only recently stopped crying every time she is reminded of her so she wants to spend as much time with family as possible.
Noah is very close to his mom (yeah, yeah…how adorable) and he had to sleep in our old tree house almost every night last summer so he didn't have to see his mom in so much pain. Okay, so kind of adorable. Myra just thought he was going through a weird 'outdoorsy' phase and he let her.
A few of Jim's Aunts, Uncles and cousins are going to Florida as well, and then they are all coming back here for the Puckerman-Halpert-Berry Fourth of July party (it's a mouthful).
"Why do you care?" I ask.
"I'm offended." He moves closer to me, "that's my brother and he's leaving for a month of course I care…I'm a caring guy." He smiles that stupid ass smile that makes (most) panties melt.
I invade his space and try my best to get into his face (I'm much shorter than him).
"The sensitive guy routine may work on all of your hot little biddies…or whatever your type calls them…but you seem to have forgotten we've met before." He laughs at me, but I continue, "Please explain to me again why you're not going to Florida? You should definitely go; your family will miss you."
Noah is the only one not going to Florida because the Universe hates me.
Also, his boss really needs him this time of year. Noah basically runs the landscaping business that he works for. His boss, Will Schuester trusts him implicitly. Mr. Schuester doesn't sleep very much nowadays because his wife just gave birth to their third baby and he spends a lot more time at home.
God willing, Noah will be too busy to bother me while Jim and their parents are away.
He goes out of his way to be a pain in my ass sometimes. Like the time I was a senior in high school and he moved my car early in the morning before he left for work. He knew that my car keys were usually under my driver's seat.
Yes, our neighborhood is THAT safe.
Of course when I finally found it was blocking Dwight's driveway.
The rumor mill was reporting that I slept at Dwight's. Noah just shook his head at me and said, "Dwight? Really Juice? You could do a hell of a lot better. Did he light some beet scented candles and have his way with you?"
But anyway…back to the present…
Noah needs to go to Florida with his family.
"Who would keep you company?" He asks me while brushing his fingertips along my shoulders.
"I'll make do, thanks." I swat his hands away, "I have other friends besides Jim."
"You're a little old to be having tea parties with your stuffed animals, aren't you?" Do you see why I hate this guy?
Jim decides to step in and end this before I slap Noah, "Alright alright you two… enough already." He pushes us apart.
"I don't know what we're doing tonight." Jim turns to me, "Would you want to go out? If not, we can do whatever…" Jim never wants to go out. He says it's a waste of money and the same people are always at the same places talking about the same things.
"Jesus Jimmy, you're not even fucking her and you're whipped…"
Before Jim or I have a chance to reply to his asinine comment, Myra and her potato salad are becoming impatient, "Noah Puckerman, I heard that! Quit being an ass! Get in here and taste this so I can put it away" Did I mention my adoring affection for Myra Puckerman?
They both look at me as if to ask, 'well?'
"That's fine we can go out. I just have to shower and then I'm up for whatever." I shrug.
"Cool. It's settled. Me, Jim and Juice are paintin' the town." Dork.
"Or, Jim and I watch you try and pick up anything with girl parts and a pulse."
The look I'm currently receiving from Noah is a little unsettling. Did I actually hurt his feelings? Does he have feelings to hurt? At least I made Jim laugh.
"Not tonight you won't," He says in a tone that suggests he means it and keeps eye contact with me the whole time.
He's starting to make me feel nervous when he seems to snap out of it. "Close the blinds in your room while you're getting dressed this time…your obsession with trying to seduce me is getting scary."
Why couldn't my room face Jim's? Or their bathroom? Instead I have to walk by my window at night and witness Rico McLadykiller with whatever piece of trash he happened to fall into on the way home.
I wonder if he's good in bed.
I mean, I've heard he is, but what makes him better than other guys? Don't they pretty much all have the same moves?
Noah's eyes can be incredibly intense. They are a green-hazelish color that stands out when he's tan, which by the way comes from long hours of working in the sun. His eyes have caught me off guard more than once. I catch him staring at me sometimes, but he never looks away…I'm always the one to look away first.
Sometimes he stands just a little too close and stares directly into my eyes just a little longer than is necessary and asks me stupid questions like, 'where's Jim?' or 'you seen my mom around?'
It's Noah; he's probably perfected his 'I want you' look over the years…in the mirror…wow, that is an image I'm going to store away for the next time I'm having a bad day.
Anyway, I'd say the look is perfect, but he sucks so who cares? I bet he isn't even that great in bed and girls just feel the need to say that he is because he's 'Puck' and all of the girls he has been with are no doubt dumber than bricks.
Finn doesn't have a "look." No intense gaze, not even a half-hearted glimpse.
Finn's never even made me come. I don't know why I still 'hang out' with him. It's not like it's so good its addicting. I've given Finn head more times than I can count. He's never returned the favor, but he does say I'm amazing at it.
Fantastic! Maybe I'll take my act on the road. Whatever. Isn't any head good head? Okay…maybe I have been best friends with a guy for too long.
For whatever reason, I think it's a great idea to tell Noah all of this private information regarding my lame ex boyfriend later while we're sitting next to each other in a booth at a little dive bar that Noah chose.
I really like it because it has a jukebox and the drinks are cheap. I'm guessing that Noah likes it because the women and the drinks have a lot in common.
If we don't keep this conversation going we'll be forced to watch Jim make out with our waitress, Brittany. They are on the other side of our booth. Relax, Brittany's shift ended an hour ago, shortly followed by my sobriety and yes, I got the names right. JIM is the one working on a one night stand and NOAH is sitting in the booth next to me.
"What the fuck?" is his eloquent response to my confessions about Finn.
"Christ Puckerman, you could try and act not so surprised."
He laughs a little when I call him Puckerman because usually the nicest thing I refer to him as is 'asshole.'
"I AM surprised. I'm very surprised and I'm not gonna lie…I'm disappointed in Finn."
"So what? He's never gone down on me. He does other things, but it's not like I even know what I'm missing-"
"What do you mean…? Have you never had anyone do that for you?"
"I... No, I haven't."
"Jesus." He breathes and there are those goddamn eyes again. Am I…is this turning him on? I have to stop this.
"Oh it can't be that great! Stop looking at me like that!"
"I'm sorry, I'm just really shocked. This is what my face looks like when I'm in shock." Liar.
He's too much for me to take right now so I just start rambling like an idiot, "It's not like I've been with many people and Finn did try to go down on me once, but I wouldn't let him so now he doesn't even try and I can't ask!... I don't know why I keep hooking up with Finn…he's never even made me come…no one has, but me…why am I telling you this?"
I would tell Jim all of these very personal things, in fact I have because he would never tell the entire world or use this information against me. Noah might.
His eyebrows are at his hairline and I can tell he's trying to process all of what I've said.
"Well, now I have questions…how many guys or girls (he winks at me) is not many, exactly? Why in the hell wouldn't you let him? And I'm pretty sure you're telling me because you're drunk and you know how much I love challenges."
He really is a charming son of a bitch. I probably shouldn't, but I decide to trust him. What's the worst that could happen? Finn should be more embarrassed by any of this than I should.
"Okay…first of all, I am not drunk, I'm tipsy."
I'm drunk, but I can't let Noah be right. I hate it when he's right. I hate him. Except for when I'm drunk. I apparently like him when I'm drunk. I like everyone when I'm drunk.
"I've slept with 2 guys…and I stopped him because of typical insecure dumb girl reasons… but what does your love of challenges have to do with my awful sex life?" I whisper 'sex life' as if anyone around us wouldn't already know what we're talking about if they were listening.
His gaze shifts to my lips and he gives me a slow, lazy smile and licks his lips, then slowly returns his eyes to mine and says, "Rach, you're not a typical anything."
"Thank you…I think."
He smiles, "Listen, don't let Finn Hudson make you feel insecure about anything… I may not know this first hand, but I've seen enough of you to confidently say that you have nothing to worry about when it comes to anything sexual. You're a very sexy girl and if you feel insecure at all when you're with someone, then you shouldn't be with that person." He's playing with a strand of my hair.
The whole time he's speaking to me I feel like we're the only ones in this bar…and why can't I stop staring at his mouth? Why is he being so nice? And why is my lap wet? What the…?
"OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY!" Brittany Waitress practically screams as she starts dabbing at my lap with a bar towel.
She spilled my beer on me? How does that happen? Was she climbing onto the table or waving her arms violently? Couldn't she have waited a few more minutes to do whatever she was doing? I've never heard Noah speak to ANYONE like that, let alone the fact that it was me and he looked like he meant every word. This is just my luck.
For Lord only knows what reason, this train of thought makes me laugh very hard and I ask Brittany if she is coming on to me while she's trying to clean the beer off of me and suddenly Jim announces, "Time to go Rach!"
"What are we gonna do now? I don't feel like going home." I whine.
Noah is standing next to me with his hand on my lower back trying to get me to move towards the door when Jim says, "I think we should go skinny-dipping!" Jim's drunk.
Noah's eyebrows shoot up and I reach up and run my fingers through his Mohawk. Did I not mention his Mohawk? Yeah, jackass has a jackass haircut.
Anyway, his head snaps to my direction and he looks very confused so I smile and explain, "It looked soft…" It does.
He smiles back and shakes his head a little at me, "let's get you home."
"You wanna go swimming when we get back?"
"Skinny-dipping or regular swimming?"
"Are you drunk?"
I have the biggest smile plastered onto my face. I may actually be sore tomorrow from all of this smiling. I'm also trying to avoid his question because I kind of want to say skinny-dipping, but I know how ridiculous that would be.
"You know, you have a really great smile Berry; you should bring it out more often." See? These are the kind of lines that have helped cultivate his reputation.
"I smile a lot. I'm a happy person…and thank you…so do you." I answer awkwardly.
"I guess it's just me who's usually deprived of that smile." He throws his arm around my shoulders.
"So try and make me smile more often." What? I can bring the flirt.
"I've got news for you; it's my new mission in life to do exactly that." He tells me.
"You had an old mission?"
"Just world domination, but I can table that for now."
"Ah…I see. Where is your secret lair?"
"My what?" He is laughing so hard he can barely get those two words out.
"Uh, your lair…duh. Villains always have a lair! You'll never conquer the world without a lair."
"Stop saying 'lair." He leans in close to my ear and whispers, "What makes you think I'm the villain?" He gives me a sly little smile that I can't help but want to kiss or slap off.