A/N: Hello everyone! I want to thank the people who took the time to review the last chapter, and also the ones that decided to follow this story and favorite it =) They mean a lot guys! Just please don't hesitate to review and share your opinions of the chapters with us! I allow anonymous reviews as well, so people that don't have an account on here can respond too =)
Now, there is a warning for this chapter that will hold out for the rest of the chapters to come. From here on out, the story becomes truly mature, so people under the age of 18 shouldn't read this, and people who are uncomfortable with that shouldn't continue past this point either. This chapter in particular doesn't contain a true lemon…so by fanfiction terminology, I guess it's a lime or something, but I'm not sure XD Either way, I hope you guys who decide to stick out with this story enjoy this chapter!
To the dark-haired teen's relief, they finally made it to Gokudera's apartment. After Yamamoto witnessed Gokudera fumble with the key, they finally entered the silver-haired teen's living quarters; the light coming on to showcase the relatively untidy abode. Clothes were strewn over the floor and furniture, and books were laid across every imaginable surface; some neatly set aside with bookmarks held within their pages, while others were laying open face down or face up, like Gokudera was in the middle of reading them before he realized he had to go do something else, and forgot to mark his place in the book during the rush out of his apartment.
It had been a while since Yamamoto had stepped foot in the apartment, so he was shocked to see the mess. The last time he came over was with Tsuna, so Gokudera had obviously cleaned his apartment from top to bottom to make it presentable for him. The shock that Yamamoto felt, completely dissipated once he realized that his coming over had been at the last second and to his smaller friend's expense, so of course Gokudera didn't have time to clean things up before he came over. Now that he scanned the room again, Yamamoto was actually glad to know that Gokudera was a little messy. The taller teen felt a little closer to his smaller companion now, because his room looked just as untidy as Gokudera's living room; minus the books, of course.
"Haha, it looks like a storm just passed through." Yamamoto couldn't help but joke as he tried to lighten the awkward mood; giving Gokudera one of his cheekiest smiles.
As they had walked side by side, the smaller Guardian had racked his brain over something to say to break the awkward silence. He had felt Yamamoto's gaze once in a while, but just couldn't return it; only looking when the other one wasn't. While thinking, he suddenly realized that his flat was a total mess. He hadn't expected any visitors, and as his time was stretched thin between studying himself and teaching the Tenth, cleaning had gotten a pretty low priority. Usually Gokudera just wouldn't have cared, but things were different now. He didn't want Yamamoto to think poorly of him. But there was just nothing he could do about that now. Damn!
Nervous, because he knew what awaited them behind the door, Gokudera grappled a bit with the key. There really just wasn't anything he could change about it, so finally, he opened the door and they went inside. When Yamamoto inspected his untidy living room with a look of shock, the little bomber's cheeks flashed red again. The jock's stupid comment was too much then; blowing his valves.
"I'm the damn Storm Guardian and this is my home! What did you expect, stupid? I wasn't exactly expecting any company! And it's not like your room looks any better!" Gokudera shouted with both fists clenched at his sides; one still holding the bag of food. It was so much easier to bear being angry than embarrassed. "I'm hungry. Let's eat!"
The silver-haired Guardian turned around and stalked over to the little kitchenette. As soon as he had put the bag on the counter, he set Uri free from the ring. The kitten stretched itself amply and luxuriously; mewling at Gokudera.
"Yeah, yeah, you'll get something soon. Just a sec, okay?" As the bomber was in the process of unpacking the bag, he didn't look at Uri while he spoke. If it was this form of disrespect, or the mistake of not having the food already at hand and eagerly presented to the little predator, Gokudera would never know, but he got his punishment nonetheless. With two agile, fast as lightning jumps, Uri went up on the counter and right into his face, scratching him.
Grabbing the little monster by the neck, Gokudera threw him off somewhere across the room, knowing full well how resilient the tiny beast was, and that he tended to land on his feet. "I said you'll get it in a second!" He barked after the kitten. Fuming slightly, Gokudera opened doors and drawers; getting two bowls, some sardines, a fork, and two pairs of chopsticks. The bento would have single-use bamboo chopsticks, but he liked his own much better. They had a fireworks design, as dynamite sticks just didn't seem to be popular for cutlery.
After he had put the sardines into one bowl and used the fork to crush them enough for Uri to eat, he looked at Yamamoto. "Are you still sure you want to give that little devil your milk? You could still drink it yourself."
Yamamoto didn't expect Gokudera to be so angry with him for what he said. After all, it had only been a light joke. But the taller teen should have realized that just because they had admitted their feelings to each other that didn't mean that they would act too differently around each other either. And really, Yamamoto couldn't imagine Gokudera acting all lovey-dovey to him in the first place (the thought was actually kind of frightening), so he didn't mind that things didn't change too much between them. Yamamoto loved the moments he spent with Gokudera, and how the feisty bomber reacted to him. It made everything exciting and unexpected, and that just made Yamamoto adore the bomber even more.
With a relaxed smile, Yamamoto followed Gokudera into the kitchen, laughing and agreeing that his room was just as messy, and that he didn't mind the mess he saw around him.
It was then that Gokudera let Uri out of his box, where the feral kitten stretched and mewled for his food. And, typical of the bouts he usually saw between the box animal and his owner, it wasn't long until Gokudera was growling at the cat, Uri was scratching Gokudera's face, and the wild cat was flung across the room by the nape of its neck. Yamamoto couldn't help but chuckle at the scene. Those two were so much alike.
The fight scene aside, it wasn't long before Gokudera was getting everything ready for their dinner and for his precious box animal. During that small interval of time, Uri had made his way over to Yamamoto from where Gokudera had thrown him. With an affectionate purr, the yellow-and-white storm cat rubbed up against Yamamoto's legs and mewled for attention. To the little kitten's delight, it didn't take long for Yamamoto to figure out what he wanted. And once the taller teen gently picked the kitten up and held him in one of his arms, his free hand came up to scratch behind Uri's ears. The kitten's piercing red eyes closed in contentment as he purred louder, like he was telling Gokudera how pleased he was with the other person in the household.
Once Gokudera asked his question concerning Uri, Yamamoto chuckled amusedly, while he switched from scratching behind the cat's ears to underneath his chin.
"Of course I'll give him the milk," Yamamoto spoke kindly as he started walking towards Gokudera with Uri in tow. "It would be mean if I drank the milk I specifically got for him."
And with that, Yamamoto set Uri on the table; the kitten immediately going for his now ready food bowl full of mashed sardines. As he watched Gokudera prepare the other bowl for Uri's milk, the young teen couldn't help but fixate his stare onto the scratch marks on Gokudera's face. He hoped they didn't hurt too much...
Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Yamamoto grabbed a pair of Gokudera's chopsticks to distract himself from touching Gokudera's face. He didn't want to freak the smaller teen out with the sudden touch. After all, their, 'relationship' just started, so he didn't know what he was allowed to do. Yamamoto didn't want to make Gokudera feel uncomfortable around him and push him away.
"Haha, you know, these chopsticks never get old to look at," Yamamoto laughed amusedly as he started tapping the pointed ends of the chopsticks together in his hand with a pleased smile on his face. He had seen Gokudera use them before, so every time he saw them, he just had to comment on how perfect they were for the feisty bomber. "They're so cute~!"
Yamamoto, with Uri cradled in his arm, was a very cute sight the little bomber thought, but it made him a little sad, too. As much as he had tried these past years, the kitten just didn't seem to want to warm up to him this way. The instances where Uri would allow Gokudera to hold him and stroke him like this were very few and far between, while all the other people around him were easily allowed such actions. As cats had hypersensitivity much like his beloved Tenth, Gokudera sometimes wondered if there was something wrong with him that made Uri behave this way.
A tiny smile tugged at his lips at the athlete's answer.
"You're just too soft-hearted," He declared when he poured the milk. Looking at his feeding cat, he pushed the bowl in its direction. "You be thankful to Yamamoto. I wouldn't have given that milk to you after your little stunt!"
Looking up from his food, Uri fixated on Gokudera while his ears laid flat to his head, his fiery eyes flashing dangerously as he growled at his owner and supposed master. The Storm Guardian directed a gaze that mirrored the one he had received towards his pet, ready to fight off another attack, which didn't come. As if Uri had decided he wasn't worth the trouble, the kitten turned its head to give Yamamoto the cutest mewl, and turned its full attention to the milk.
Shaking his fist at the little kitten, which now ignored him utterly, Gokudera growled. "Arrrgh, I hate you!"
His attention caught up by his wayward pet, Gokudera was a bit surprised by the laughter. He turned to Yamamoto. Looking still a bit grumpy, but not really mad at the declaration, he pouted. "They're not cute. They're cool."
Taking one of the bento, the other pair of chopsticks, and a bag of snacks, he walked to his living room table, placing it all in the small, free nook left by the strewn books before he collected those and stacked them on a free space of floor by the table. Picking up two shirts and some pants hung over the backrest of the couch, he bunched them up and flung them somewhere across the room.
"I'll get the rest."
That said, Gokudera poured two glasses of water, taking those and the remaining two bags of snacks back to the table. "All set and ready." Once again his stomach picked up its cue and growled in anticipation. With a slight blush, Gokudera looked at Yamamoto and chuckled slightly. "Which one's yours?" He asked, pointing at the two bento. As none of them had any squid in it as far as he could tell, he didn't care too much either way.
Watching Gokudera walk around and prepare everything for their evening meal, while completely treating him like a guest, was a dream come true for Yamamoto. Usually, the only time the young jock would be allowed over to the other's apartment was if he was with Tsuna too. And anytime he came alone, he was treated with contempt. But now, Gokudera wasn't putting up any fuss to Yamamoto being there; he was treating him with respect. So, to say that Yamamoto felt touched would have been an understatement. He had always wished that Gokudera would treat him this way. Don't get him wrong, he thought it was adorable when the smaller teen complained and put up a fuss in his presence, but after a while, it was hard not to take Gokudera's words to heart. So it wasn't too shocking when Yamamoto felt his heart swell with pure happiness when he saw Gokudera blushing from the living room, a light chuckle leaving his lips as he asked Yamamoto a simple question. He had never seen Gokudera look so at ease around him.
The tall athlete just smiled at his long-time crush for a moment, a look of pure adoration in his eyes as he burned this moment into his memory. It was such a small thing; a small change on Gokudera's part, but it was huge for Yamamoto, so he never wanted to forget it.
"I actually got the tuna and mayonnaise onigiri for you," Yamamoto laughed out sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head, a small blush flourishing across his cheeks. "I thought you might like it more than the umeboshi. But I'm actually not that hungry, so with whatever bento you choose, you can have half of mine as well!"
Yamamoto was speaking the truth when he said he wasn't that hungry, but he knew that he always had food waiting for him at home. Gokudera was the one that needed the food more than him. That was certain. He just hoped that Gokudera didn't catch on to what he was trying to do. Y amamoto didn't want his silver-haired companion to think that he was taking pity on him, because he wasn't. Caring for someone and pitying them were two completely different things. And there was nothing Yamamoto cared more for than for Gokudera's health.
As he thought about this, Yamamoto started walking towards the table and sat down on the couch. He felt a bit awkward, because he didn't know what to do with himself. The dark-haired teen felt more conscious of his actions, and of Gokudera's presence, then ever before. This was when his eyes caught sight of the TV in front of him.
"Hey, Gokudera?" Yamamoto asked courteously as another awkward blush came onto his face. "Do you think I can check the sports channel quick? With all the studying we've been doing, I missed a couple of baseball games on TV, and I wanted to know how they turned out."
Gokudera's question about the bento had been answered with such a long, intense look, that his slight blush deepened. Once again his heart picked up its pace. That lingering gaze made the warm, fuzzy feeling return. The little bomber was a bit uneasy, and unsure on what to do about it, but Yamamoto saved him with his easy laugh and his answer.
"So, tuna it is," He said as he pulled said bento to his side of the table, when Yamamoto went on. "It's not my absolute favorite, but it's okay. If you really don't want it, I'll take it."
The silver-haired Guardian was anything but stupid. He was well aware that the jock was surrendering his own food to him, because he was worried. As Gokudera was hungry, though, he did not linger on that knowledge. Yamamoto had imposed himself on him, he wasn't hungry anyway, and letting the good food go to waste was not an option. So, Gokudera just acted like he didn't see through the little scheme; saving his face.
Finally, Yamamoto came over and sat down. Following suit, the bomber slumped down beside him, pulling his bento towards him. He already had the first onigiri in hand when the jock asked for some TV distraction. Usually, no sport whatsoever would be flickering across his screen. He just wasn't interested in the stuff. But as it was Yamamoto's request, he couldn't really deny it, could he? There were sacrifices you had to make in a relationship, right?
…Relationship... Shit, this was the first time Gokudera actually realized he was in the beginnings of a relationship. That realization made him blush once again. Hell, was this going to be his new permanent condition?
"Y-yeah, sure..." Grabbing the remote from the table, he turned on the TV, zapping around until he found the sports station. Putting the remote back, he finally bit into the rice ball and sighed in satisfaction. With this kind of good and tasty food, he could even bear half an hour's sports babble.
Yamamoto was grateful at least to hear Gokudera agree to have the rest of his food without any fuss. That relieved some of the stress off of the dark-haired teen's shoulders, but that didn't change the fact that he was hyper aware of everything Gokudera did at the moment. When he saw his smaller friend blush and stutter a bit, when he turned on the TV, flipping it to the sports channel without any complaints, Yamamoto, for the first time in his life, had a hard time focusing on said sports channel.
As the statistics and results of the recent baseball games flashed across the screen, Yamamoto distractedly bit into one of his umeboshi onigiri, hardly tasting it through his nervousness. Every once in a while his hazel eyes would shift from the screen to Gokudera's persona. There he would watch the feisty bomber eat his food, hoping to see a pleased smile of contentment on Gokudera's face. But also with this, the young jock noticed every time that the silver-haired teen would swallow a piece of food, his Adam's apple would move up and down in a rhythmic fashion. Yamamoto couldn't help but stare transfixed at Gokudera' s slender throat at work, and he also couldn't control the blood that flowed to his cheeks and lower half as he thought about what it would feel like to kiss that beautiful, porcelain neck; to mark it as his own.
Realizing what he was doing with a start, Yamamoto hurriedly turned around to face the TV screen again, stuffing the rest of his onigiri into his mouth. He took a big gulp of water after that too in order to help get the sticky rice to pass all the way through to his stomach as he felt the rice grains get caught in his throat. What was he doing? He was being ridiculous by reacting to every little thing. But really, he couldn't help it. He had dreamed and hoped to be in the situation he was now for so long, and because he had never expected his dreams concerning Gokudera to ever come true, he had never thought of the situation that he found himself in now. He wanted nothing more than to touch Gokudera, to hold him, to shower him with the affection he knew the silver-haired teen was long overdue for, but he was afraid. If he moved too fast, would that scare Gokudera away?
That's all that Yamamoto could think about as he stared blankly at the TV screen, not taking any of the information in. He fought within himself with what to do, while he noticed that Gokudera had finished with his bento already. With a heavy blush, Yamamoto pushed the rest of his practically untouched bento in Gokudera's direction.
"H-Here," The baseball player stuttered out as his arm accidentally brushed with Gokudera's, sending shots of electricity up his arm and down his spine. The taller teen quickly brought his arm back and away from Gokudera as he felt his lower half stir into life from the shocking touch, a heavy blush marring his cheeks.
For a while, Yamamoto fiddled nervously in his seat on the couch as he glanced out of the corner of his eye to see Gokudera digging into the last bento. Unwilling to restrain himself anymore, the taller teen shyly shuffled closer to Gokudera until his side was right up against the smaller teen's, their arms and knees brushing.
As he felt that Yamamoto cared for the sports channel more at the moment, the bomber concentrated wholly on his food. Chopsticks in one hand, onigiri in the other, he alternated biting off the rice ball while shoveling the wakame salad into him. As the salad was wet enough, he didn't even need a drink in between to get the sticky rice down.
Focused as he was on his ravenous feeding frenzy, he did not feel the looks Yamamoto sent his way. Only when his bento was picked clean of even the last rice corn did he turn his head to look at the jock. Even though Yamamoto's head was turned to the TV, his gaze was totally unfocused, like he didn't see it at all. Was something wrong? Maybe his favorite team had lost or something...
Finally, the Rain Guardian seemed to feel him stare, and turned his head. As he seemed to realize how fast the other Guardian had gone through his bento, while he had barely touched his own, he seemed to be embarrassed, his cheeks turning dark. The blush on his cheeks made Gokudera swallow. For a blush to be visible underneath Yamamoto's well-tanned skin, it had to be pretty severe. The little bomber liked the look; very much so. He wanted to be the one to put it there, and was just imagining ways of how to do that, when Yamamoto pushed his bento into his hands.
Their arms touched, sending a shiver through Gokudera and making goose bumps appear all over his arm. While it felt very good to the smaller bomber, it was obvious the same didn't apply to the jock as he snatched his arm back pretty fast. A bit put out, Gokudera dropped his head, like he was intent on the second bento, letting his bangs hide his disappointment. Well, they had only just told each other what they felt, right? What had he expected? They needed to take things slow, right? Yeah...
Munching on a piece of fried tuna, Gokudera looked up again, staring at the screen. His peripheral vision caught on to the restless little movements of the athlete. Was it so hard for him to sit still for like twenty minutes? Damn jocks! Or...Or was it so hard to sit next to him...? Was it all some mistake? Had Yamamoto already changed his mind? Fears started to bubble up in Gokudera when he felt movement. But instead of standing up to leave, or shuffling away, the raven-haired athlete actually closed the distance between them.
The little bomber's heart jumped. He swallowed without having anything in his mouth. He didn't dare to look at Yamamoto for fear of scaring him off again. Only his breath quickened, matching his speeding up heart. His chopsticks hung empty in the air; forgotten. He felt Yamamoto scuttle closer, ever closer, until finally, their bodies touched just lightly. Heat ran all through his body from this touch alone. Slowly, very slowly, Gokudera turned his head. Green eyes were searching for brown. There was a little insecurity in his gaze, but hope prevailed.
"Y-Yamamoto..." He whispered, unsure of what to say, but still trying to encourage the other one somehow.
The breath was taken right out of his lungs as Yamamoto stared deeply into Gokudera's insecure, yet hopeful, jade-green eyes. He had never wanted to touch someone more in his entire life then he did then; right there on Gokudera's couch.
"G-Gokudera..." The young jock whispered hesitantly in response. His fears about Gokudera pushing him away for the moment had been alleviated somewhat by how the smaller teen was looking at him, but he still felt nervous and a bit awkward with what he wanted to do. Yamamoto could feel his gut twist uncomfortably in apprehension as he slowly lifted his arm (the one that wasn't pressed against Gokudera's side), his hand shaking as he pressed the back of it to Gokudera's cheek. Slowly, and hesitantly, the tanned hand stroked the smaller teen's velvety soft skin with the back of its fingers until it traveled further up to brush a part of a silvery bang behind Gokudera's ear.
Yamamoto swallowed thickly, his heart hammering out of his chest, and his eyes shimmering with want and uncertainty. Before he could talk himself out of what he was about to do, Yamamoto gently traced his hand to the back of Gokudera's head, where he cupped it gently to his palm. With that, he leaned forward until he could feel his breath mix with his silver-haired companion's. He could feel the hand that was holding Gokudera's head begin to shake in anticipation and nervousness again before he swallowed his doubts, closed his eyes, and moved forward; Yamamoto's lips softly, yet awkwardly, meshing with Gokudera's.
The young Italian's lips were more than what Yamamoto ever imagined. They were so soft and warm. But whatever enjoyment Yamamoto got out of their first, short kiss shattered when he didn't feel Gokudera pushing back. His heart seizing painfully in his chest, the young jock quickly drew away from the other, his hand leaving the other's head. Facing away towards the TV again, so that he wouldn't see the look on Gokudera's face, Yamamoto bowed his head in shame, his hands clenching into fists in his lap.
"I...I'm sorry," Yamamoto whispered out hoarsely in rejection, fear clouding in his mind for what would happen next. "I...I knew I was moving too fast, but I couldn't help it. I've wanted this for so long."
And with that, the dark-haired teen clenched his eyes shut, awaiting the other's reaction. He hoped that he hadn't scared Gokudera away. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did.
"I'm so sorry, Gokudera."
When Yamamoto had looked into his eyes so deeply, he thought he might drown in those hazel eyes in return. His name was whispered in that voice again that made him feel all hot. Blood was flooding in two directions in his body once more. Yamamoto's hand reached for him. As the fingers caressed his cheek ever so softly, Gokudera heard the rush of blood in his ears, like he was standing at a waterfall; his heart was pounding in his chest, as if he had run around the whole town with Ryohei.
He swallowed around a lump in his throat as the fingers traveled over his skin. He was blushing profusely, and even though his cheeks should feel hot, he felt a distinct cold where the fingers had left him. Still Gokudera could do nothing but stare transfixed into Yamamoto's eyes. Even as the hand cupped his neck, he did not move. This was a dream come true. One? No, more like a thousand. This was what he had wanted and wished for. It was really happening and he was in a state of shock. As those pink lips he had longed to taste so many times almost touched his, Gokudera all of a sudden was painfully aware of his idiotic position with the chopsticks still hanging empty in the air, and the bento balanced on his knees. Lightly, softly, the lips touched his at the same instant, totally overloading the smaller bomber's thought process and effectively immobilizing him.
Before Gokudera could recover, Yamamoto's lips had retreated and the hand had left him. Dumbfounded, he blinked at the other one's hung head. He bit his lower lip when he heard that broken voice. Damn! Damn! Damn! This had gone totally wrong! Why? Why did this happen to him? He wanted to make Yamamoto feel good! Panic set in as he took in the dejected form of the jock. Dropping the chopsticks onto the bento and putting the tray on the table, he turned to Yamamoto.
His heart was racing in his chest. He could not let this chance slip. If he couldn't recover this situation, he would most likely never be allowed near Yamamoto this way again. He knew what he wanted to do, but had never done it before and was unsure how to go about it. Gokudera knew he had to act, now, or all might be lost. With this thought, and the desperation that spurred it, came resolution. Both hands lay themselves onto Yamamoto's cheeks, lifting and turning the head to him.
"Y-you don't need to be sorry, idiot! I wanted it!" He really had wanted to use nicer words, to say it gentler, but his damn mouth never seemed to do what he wanted. Maybe if he used it differently? Acting on that impulse, he pressed his lips onto Yamamoto's. Only now did he really feel them. Soft and hot, like everything about the athlete seemed to be. Closing his eyes, he lessened the first impulsive pressure, moving his lips ever so slightly to feel the soft texture of the other one's skin while his thumbs slightly stroked the cheeks he still held cupped.
Not in a million years did Yamamoto expect to feel two hands touch the side of his face and turn him to face the one person he feared of scaring away. The young jock could only stare on in wonder, his eyes shaking with hope as Gokudera shouted at him in a very flustered, Gokudera-like fashion (he knew that whenever the smaller teen called him an idiot, he meant it affectionately). But before Yamamoto could blink, before his heart could soar into his throat with happiness at the words his crush had affirmed, he felt those same soft lips from before meet his again in an almost desperate kiss. Yamamoto forgot how to breathe as he then felt the other move his lips just slightly, fitting almost perfectly against his. And when he felt Gokudera start to caress his cheeks with the pad of his thumbs, the young teen couldn't stop the shudder of delight that traveled down his spine. With a sigh of contentment, Yamamoto finally got his wits about him and pressed his lips back against Gokudera's, shifting his slightly in the opposite direction of Gokudera's until they comfortably melded together; like they were made to fit together.
Feeling a little less apprehensive, but still a little unsure of himself, Yamamoto moved forward a bit, bringing his hands up to hold Gokudera's hips. Rubbing the sides of the smaller teen's hip bones with his thumbs, Yamamoto drew Gokudera closer to him; their chests almost touching. When he didn't feel any resistance, the young jock became a little braver and took control of the kiss. Hesitantly, and unsure if he would do it correctly, Yamamoto opened his mouth a little bit to suck gently on Gokudera's bottom lip before kneading the soft flesh with his teeth.
As Yamamoto didn't withdraw this time, the little bomber was sure he finally had done something right! He relaxed a little when he heard the sigh and felt the other one's lips pressed back against his. With a slight shift, they found the perfect fit, making Gokudera sigh in return. Now that his anxiety subsided, he could fully appreciate the wonderful feeling. Kissing Yamamoto was nothing like what he dreamed it would be; it was a millions times better.
He felt a shiver run down his spine when the athlete took hold of his hips. The soft stroking made him almost melt. Following the incentive, he leaned into Yamamoto. His reward was a soft sucking on his lower lip, making him gasp in pleasure. One of his hands slid into the raven hair, grabbing it as if he feared the jock might disappear if he didn't hold onto him. The gentle biting had him gasp again. His second hand dropped to Yamamoto's shoulder, also holding onto him. He needed to make sure this was real and not some all too vivid dream. And with another little gasp, his tongue snaked out of his mouth, tentatively licking Yamamoto's upper lip.
Every little sigh and gasp that emanated from Gokudera sent shivers down Yamamoto's spine as he continued to suck and nibble on Gokudera's lower lip. And when he felt the smaller teen clutch his hair between his ivory fingers, the slight pain to his scalp excited him in a way he never thought it would. It wasn't long before Yamamoto could feel himself become more erect between his legs. The blood flowing through Yamamoto's veins and down to his lower half only began to pump faster as the young jock felt Gokudera's moist tongue lick the top of his lip, eliciting a light gasp from Yamamoto's mouth as he stopped nibbling the silver-haired teen's lower lip from shock.
That shock was short lived, though, when Yamamoto slammed his lips against Gokudera's in an open mouth kiss, the dark-haired teen's own wet appendage coming out to lick hungrily at Gokudera's lips. He could faintly taste the flavor of fish on his tongue, and a little bit of wasabi, which only urged Yamamoto on to taste his smaller companion fully. Wanting nothing more than to sink his tongue into the warm cavern of Gokudera's mouth, one of Yamamoto's hands slowly raised up from its resting place against Gokudera's hip to push gently against the small of his back; silently urging the feisty bomber to move forward and sit in Yamamoto's lap for a better angle.
As soon as the silver-haired Guardian had started to gently lick the other one's lip, the nibbling at his own lip had stopped. Gokudera's adventurous tongue wavered. Had he gone too far? Should he have been more passive? Before he had a chance to back away though, Yamamoto pressed his lips onto his with renewed passion. All Gokudera could do was moan helplessly as his own lips were tasted fully, the rough texture of the tongue rubbing over his sensitive skin making the rushing blood roar in his ears again. Gokudera was glad for the loose cargo pants and boxers he wore, as otherwise it would already be painful; he was sure.
He felt the slight pull in his back and wanted nothing more than to follow it. His back was strained from leaning into Yamamoto, as their knees were at a very odd angle. But he would have to...climb onto the jock, sit in his lap... and in his current, very aroused, state. He felt awkward and a bit embarrassed about it, which made his back stiff. He resisted the gentle pull at first, but as his back was starting to hurt, and he really wanted to be closer to Yamamoto, his hand reached behind the jock to blindly grope for the back rest. Unwilling to break the kiss that felt just way too damn good, he used the support of the back rest to pull himself around, while getting up and somehow climbing onto the athlete without seeing what he actually did. His knee hit Yamamoto's somewhere in the process, sliding over a thigh, until he was finally perched over the jock and raised on his knees. He was too embarrassed to sit down, but at least he now felt the full heat that was Yamamoto Takeshi right before him.
The young jock was worried that Gokudera was starting to refuse his advances when he felt the other's back stiffen at his prodding. But Yamamoto's fears were soon alleviated when he felt his smaller companion awkwardly, and clumsily, straddle his lap. Yamamoto grunted in slight pain when he felt his knee get knocked by Gokudera's, and when he felt the full weight of the feisty bomber's lower leg on his upper thigh, but he honestly didn't care at the momentary discomfort. What Yamamoto was more focused on was entering Gokudera's mouth.
With the new angle they were at now, Yamamoto could kiss his beloved bomber more comfortably. He could now feel the pressure of the smaller teen's chest against his, and feel Gokudera's erratic heartbeat, beat in time with his own. The young athlete made a sound of contentment at the warmth, and sense of unity, as the hand that had been placed on the small of Gokudera's back went back to its original place on Gokudera's hip. But that sound of contentment soon turned into a whine as Yamamoto continued to lick fervently at his smaller companion's lips; Gokudera still not allowing him to gain entrance. Without even thinking, Yamamoto tried to get a better angle on the kiss by shifting his sitting position to his knees. With his sitting position the same as Gokudera's now, but with his knees in between the smaller teen's legs instead, Yamamoto tried to push himself up in order to get a height advantage on the kiss. But what he got instead was his very evident and clothed erection rubbing against Gokudera's. The momentary, pleasurable friction caused Yamamoto to gasp in surprise, which effectively stopped his pursuit of opening the bomber's lips. Not expecting for such a thing to happen, a heavy blush made its way onto Yamamoto's cheeks as he opened his eyes to see Gokudera's reaction. With his eyes wavering in uncertainty, Yamamoto waited on bated breath to see if he had gone too far, and if Gokudera would push him away because of it.
Balancing on his knees, the smaller bomber aimed for touching as much of Yamamoto as he could without his groin brushing against anything. His chest pressed against the Rain Guardian's, enjoying the heat that seemed to ignite a fire in his lower parts. Gokudera now buried both his hands in the raven hair. The licking tongue on his lips became more urgent. As he had never kissed like this before, the silver-haired bomber was a little unsure on what to do. It felt weird to open himself to that wet appendage. Was there some rule about who did it first? If he let it happen without a fight, would Yamamoto see him as weak? The whining made him waver. Gokudera was just about to give up when the jock shifted under him, trying to get higher on the couch.
A very hard bulge brushed against his own hardness, making him moan eagerly. It took a second for his mind to catch up to his body. Oh, Fuck! New blood flooded is cheeks. When he looked at Yamamoto, he saw the same look he was sure he sported himself. There was uncertainty there, and the same embarrassment he had felt. They felt the same, didn't they? The same fears, the same desire. Heart hammering in his chest, Gokudera lowered himself slowly onto the jock's lap. When he felt the evidence of Yamamoto's interest meet his own, he moaned his name, leaning in to kiss again; this time his lips were parted slightly, hoping it was the right thing to do.
When he saw the same embarrassment and uncertainty reflected in Gokudera's eyes, Yamamoto could feel his fears dissipate. They were both new to this and unsure of so many things, but they were still willing to go through with it together. It was that thought alone that settled into Yamamoto's heart, filling it with a new found sense of warmth and compassion for the beautiful young teen above him.
"Gokudera..."
And that compassion practically exploded from Yamamoto's being when he felt Gokudera finally settle onto his lap, their clothed erections meeting each other's' once again. But that's not what almost undid Yamamoto then and there. No, it was how Gokudera moaned out his name. The very sound made the young jock's member twitch with anticipation as he then saw Gokudera lean forward for another kiss, his lips finally parted. In no time, Yamamoto met Gokudera's lips with a passionate kiss; his tongue finally slithering its way into the feisty bomber's mouth. The moment his tongue entered Gokudera's warm cavern, the dark-haired teen's taste buds exploded with flavor. What Yamamoto had tasted on Gokudera's lips a minute ago was nothing in comparison to how he really tasted. It was like everything he had tasted before was magnified ten-fold as he eagerly explored the young bomber's mouth; Yamamoto, over all, getting a taste of bittersweet with a hint of spice.
Gokudera tasted so unique, it was almost addicting to the young jock, who had never experienced something like this before. He wanted to taste more of Gokudera; to explore him to every extent. With that in mind, Yamamoto continued to explore Gokudera's mouth with fervor; enticing his smaller companion's tongue into battle with his own. And, hoping that he was doing everything to Gokudera's liking, but still unsure if what he was doing was alright, Yamamoto hesitantly bucked his hips; his clothed erection rubbing enticingly against Gokudera's once again.
As soon as their lips touched, Yamamoto's tongue slid into his mouth. The smaller bomber felt the fire in his lower body flare, like he'd sprayed it with accelerant. It was weird to have that alien muscle snake around his mouth and touching everything, but at the same time, it was incredibly exciting. At first Gokudera had tensed a bit, his tongue drawn back out of the way, only, its opposite wouldn't leave it alone; prodding it. Insecure, the little bomber slowly tried to ease into it by moving his tongue experimentally, only to moan deeply as he felt the rough texture of Yamamoto's tongue slide under his sensitive underside, sending jolts of electricity right down his spine.
More eager, his muscle began to flex and dart around, chasing Yamamoto's for more of that delicious feeling, only to stop short and utter another moan. His hands clenched in the thick, black hair. The bucking hips sent a shiver all over his body. Hot damn, it felt so good! Almost... Almost too good! Even while Gokudera's mind was trying to figure out what to do, his body was reacting, making his hips move and crave more of that exquisite friction. Moaning lustfully, his tongue once again gave chase.
Yamamoto remembered slowing the actions of his tongue down when he felt Gokudera hesitantly start to respond back. Maybe he was acting too eager and it was scaring Gokudera (who had obviously never done this before either). The young jock tried to keep telling himself to calm down and take things slow, so that Gokudera wouldn't feel forced or taken advantage of. Yamamoto wouldn't know what to do with himself if Gokudera actually thought along those lines. But one thing was for sure; he'd feel horrible. When Gokudera started moaning lavishly into his mouth, sending vibrations across their connected tongues, Yamamoto couldn't help but moan just as enthusiastically in return.
But whatever mindset the dark-haired teen tried to put himself in to try and take things easy and slow, those thoughts were immediately thrown out the window when he felt Gokudera begin to rub their groins together in a rhythmic fashion; the other's tongue attacking his once again. Yamamoto moaned long and hard at the delicious friction his smaller companion was producing as he started meeting those thrusts in time with his own ones. The young athlete's blood began to pump faster as he sped up the pace of his thrusts, wanting to feel more of the friction his and Gokudera's body produced. With his mind in more of a hormone crazed frenzy then it was before, Yamamoto didn't even think before he ended his kiss with Gokudera; his tongue the last to part from the smaller teen's own. Gasping for breath in between his thrusts and from their previous, heated kiss, Yamamoto's hazel eyes met Gokudera's with a lustful gleam before the taller teen set himself on kissing all over the smaller teen's face until he got to Gokudera's left ear. There, he proceeded to lick along the shell, and nibbled at the lobe, before he started kissing along the fiery bomber's jawline and down to his throat. As he kissed down the neck, occasionally licking in between, he made it to the junction where Gokudera's neck met his left collarbone. He licked that area like crazy before he bit down on it without warning as he simultaneously slid his hands down from Gokudera's hips to squeeze his butt cheeks, his groin rubbing against Gokudera's feverishly.
His own lustful sounds were answered by hot and eager moans from Yamamoto. The smaller bomber was spurred on in his actions by this reaction. What he did seemed to be right, because as the hips underneath his sped up, he tried to keep up and give back what he received. A slight mewl escaped him when Yamamoto drew back from the kiss, his tongue almost following the other one's out of his mouth. While trying to catch their breaths, they stared into each other's eyes; Gokudera feeling another shiver going down his spine at the intensity he saw in Yamamoto's orbs.
Hot lips kissed his face all over then, making Gokudera's cheeks flush again. "Ya-yamamoto... wha-what...?" He whispered, flustered and breathlessly. The tenderness of these actions was making the little bomber melt inside. As his ear was licked, goose bumps spread down his neck. He was gasping at the nibbling teeth on his lobe. Gokudera's hands clenched in the thick black hair of Yamamoto again when he felt his throat licked and kissed. Never before had he felt anything like this. He couldn't help but stretch his neck, silently begging for more, and unable to say what he wanted. Wet, hot licks at the crook of his neck sent new shivers through him. The unexpected bite made him cry out and arch against Yamamoto, and the possessive hands on his ass were even more surprising; causing his hardness twitch in his boxers. The feverish rubbing was increasing; almost way too much. "S-stop... Yamamoto... stop... please..." Gokudera pushed back against the hands that held him down, trying to get distance from that insistent rubbing, and feeling way, way too close.
All the noises that Gokudera was making—from his gasps to his breathless whispers—were driving Yamamoto insane with lust. He couldn't get enough of those noises; even if he wanted to. So when the smaller teen cried out and arched himself into Yamamoto, the taller jock practically went over the edge.
As he licked feverishly at the crook of Gokudera's neck in apology for the bite, Yamamoto could distinctly feel how his own boxers were wet from precum that had accumulated and started to dribble down the tip of his swollen member. Or maybe it had been doing that for a while and Yamamoto had been too focused on making his new lover feel good to pay attention to that. Either way, Yamamoto didn't really care too much as he was too focused on continuing the friction between him and Gokudera; never wanting it to stop.
To the dark-haired teen's shock though, Gokudera' seemed to have other ideas, and was soon trying to push him away; begging him to stop. At first, the other's voice had felt like it was coming from far away; like it was talking to someone else. But as soon as Yamamoto felt Gokudera's hands trying to pry his own away and get away from him, the young jock finally heard the other's voice more clearly.
And those words stopped Yamamoto cold.
With great difficulty, the young athlete brought his lustful actions to a halt as he allowed Gokudera to scramble away from him. His hazel eyes were wide with fear and shame as he worried if he had actually brought his own worst fears to light. Had he gone too far? Had he actually taken advantage of Gokudera and went against his wishes? Had he hurt him?
"G-Gokudera...I..." Yamamoto whispered out hoarsely in apology as he averted his gaze downwards and away from the smaller teen; too ashamed to look at him directly. "I'm sorry. Did I...Did I hurt you? I'm sorry if I went too far...I didn't mean to! I'm sorry for losing control of myself! I didn't mean to take advantage of you like that! I'm so sorry!"
As Yamamoto had been too caught up in action to listen to him, Gokudera's hands had left his hair. One was pushing at the jock's shoulder, while the other was pulling at a hand on his butt. It took every last bit of the bomber's restraint not to cum right now. "Stop it!" He barked out desperately, finally getting through to the other one in the nick of time. Panting heavily, Gokudera lifted himself up from Yamamoto, sliding back a bit to get more distance as he tried to get a hold of himself to calm down a little. Lost to his little, big problem, he did not see the fear he had caused.
When the jock spoke, Gokudera looked at him. An exasperated sound left his lips. "Stop with the damn apologies, stupid!" The bomber's cheeks were burning once again. This was just mega embarrassing! Grabbing Yamamoto's chin, he made him look at him. "You didn't take advantage of me, idiot! You just... you made me feel... too good!" He accentuated the last two words, giving the jock a special look to go with it; but only to see that the air head just didn't get it. Hating this damned embarrassed feeling, and losing patience with Yamamoto, too, Gokudera's anger flared, overriding any better judgment. "Damn! I almost creamed my pants, okay, idiot?"
Fear gripped at the young swordsman's heart as he waited for Gokudera's answer. Was this it? Did Gokudera not want to see him anymore? With these frightening thoughts rolling around in his head, Yamamoto barely heard Gokudera's response. It wasn't until he felt delicate pianist fingers grab his chin and make him look up that he finally began to register what the other was trying to say to him. There the young athlete was met with burning green irises, and a heavily blushing Gokudera, who told him that he had made him feel, 'too good'. Yamamoto could only blink in a dumbfounded way at the blushing bomber before him, not fully understanding (or daring to believe) the answer he had actually gotten. The young jock's chest wanted to swell with pride at the fact that he was able to pleasure his long time crush so well, but the whole idea of Gokudera trying to get away from him because of it, stopped Yamamoto from feeling that complete satisfaction due to his confusion. If it had felt so good then why did Gokudera try to get away from him? Wouldn't he have wanted it more?
Yamamoto's questions were soon answered by a very angered, and embarrassed, Gokudera.
The young jock blinked stupidly up into the pissed off Italian's eyes for a few seconds as the words finally began to sink in, and when they did, Yamamoto couldn't control the surge of laughter that erupted from his mouth. The young jock closed his eyes and clutched his sides from the hard bouts of laughter that shook his frame. The humorous way that Gokudera had said his last statement, and the relief that Yamamoto felt for not actually taking advantage of the person he cared about, mixed together with joyful abandon until Yamamoto was practically out of breath.
"I'm...haha...sorry, Gokudera," The Rain Guardian gasped out between laughs as he apologized for how he was acting. "I'm just...haha...so happy that I didn't take advantage of you! I didn't want to end up scaring you away, you know? But I can't believe you actually admitted that! That was so cute, hahaha!"
When his laughter finally died, Yamamoto had the guts to look Gokudera in the eyes again, his face holding a sheepish grin and his cheeks sporting a small blush as he rubbed the back of his head. "I'm also sorry for almost causing a...uh...mess. For both of us, I mean..."
Yamamoto paused for a bit to think as the blush on his face unconsciously began to grow. He was almost embarrassed to go through with asking what was on his mind.
"Do you...Do you still want to continue but...you know...d-differently?" Yamamoto finally stuttered out, his face glowing red like Gokudera's storm flames as he stared imploringly into the other's eyes. "I-I mean with...you know...less clothes...or something...haha..."
When the jock at last understood what the smaller bomber was getting at, he reacted in a way that was totally unexpected. Being laughed at was bad enough, but being laughed at this hard was just beyond humiliating. Gokudera had thought Yamamoto really cared for him, but as soon as he dared being honest and open, he was just betrayed. It was always the same. He should have learned his lessons better by now. Never show any kind of weakness, not even the smallest form to any one; they just went and used it against you. To see that Yamamoto was just the same hurt so incredibly bad, but it was his own fault; Gokudera knew that now. Hands clenched into fists, he wanted nothing more than to punch the jock in his damn, laughing face!
Mixed in between the laughing fits there were words then. Features still set in projecting murderous intentions, he at least listened to what Yamamoto was trying to tell him. It really wasn't easy for the Italian to calm down. He had so many trust issues; he knew how easy it was to set those off. Thinking about his own words, and trying to imagine them coming from Yamamoto, he could see how that might actually be funny enough to make him laugh, too. The Rain Guardian would never know how very, very nearly he escaped getting punched out right then. Still fuming visibly, and cheeks burning from the humiliation Gokudera couldn't quite stop feeling, he glowered at Yamamoto.
The fiery bomber had shown some real restraint on his temper to even listen and actually consider the jock's words, but the athlete's next words were where it ended. For Yamamoto laughing at him one minute and trying to get in his pants the next, blew it for him.
"You got some fucking nerve there! I'd rather get the most fucking cold shower of my life than let you touch me!" With that Gokudera scrambled backwards to get off Yamamoto and get away from him.
Gokudera's next words practically made Yamamoto's heart stop cold as the smaller teen tried to get up from his lap. Without even thinking, Yamamoto brought his arms back up to wrap around Gokudera's torso in a desperate hold.
"W-Wait, Gokudera!" The taller teen shouted out in surprise, his eyes widening with distress. "Why are you so angry? I apologized for laughing didn't I? I told you I was just relieved that I hadn't hurt you, and that I thought your admissions were cute. Or is this about the...other question?"
Yamamoto could feel the blush return to his face at the thought of what he had asked earlier.
"I-I asked if you wanted to continue, right? I would never force you to do anything you didn't want, so why are you so upset? What did I do?"
As those last words left his mouth, hazel eyes searched Gokudera's icy green beseechingly. Yamamoto wondered if Gokudera could see the hurt in his eyes that the smaller teen's actions were causing him. He wasn't hurt because Gokudera's actions were hurting his feelings. No, it was far from that. Yamamoto hated the fact that he had caused something to upset his precious bomber, and for that, he was upset with himself. He wouldn't know what he'd do if Gokudera started hating him again...
Before the silver-haired bomber had the chance to get away, two arms were thrown about him; pulling him in. His first reaction was panic. Gokudera hated anything that went against his will; not because of some freakish control complex, but because he knew the feeling of losing control, and the helplessness it caused, only too well. Trying to find leverage somewhere, he pushed to free himself, but the jocks embrace was too tight, his arms too strong to easily break free.
It was the distress in Yamamoto's voice that broke through to him, and made his struggle subside a little. Their eyes met; hazel and jade clashing and searching. Gokudera actually saw the hurt, but asked himself what the hell the jock was hurt for. Some of his own pain flooded into his eyes. "I trusted you... you laughed at me... How can you... How can you expect me to actually trust you like that, afterwards?" Just never trust anyone, that way you can't get hurt. 'But it also never let anyone get close to you. Never let you enjoy the closeness you felt only moments ago', he thought. It had felt so, so good, too.
Trembling in those strong arms that didn't seem to want to let him go, Gokudera almost felt like he was getting ripped apart as two parts of him tried to pull him in different directions. One wanted to run and hide and protect itself, while the other wanted to stay and melt in the other's arms, and let Yamamoto into his heart.
"Y-you have just no idea... no idea how hard it is. I can trust you with my life... I know that; it's easy. You've got my back, I know that. But...But how can I trust...trust you...with my heart?" The last three words were barely more than a whispered breath as he hung his head, bangs hiding his pained features.
When he saw the pain in Gokudera's eyes return his own, and heard the silver-haired teen's answer, Yamamoto couldn't help but raise an incredulous eyebrow at it. Hadn't Gokudera been listening to him at all? He hadn't meant to hurt him by laughing. He usually laughed all the time, so why was Gokudera reacting so sensitively now?
"Gokudera, I don't understand," the young jock spoke softly, a note of frustration in his voice. "I told you I was sorry for laughing, didn't I? I wasn't laughing to be mean or anything; and I wasn't even laughing at you! I was laughing out of relief, and because I was surprised by what you said. It was just my first reaction."
But when Gokudera began to tremble in his arms, his next words whispered out on hitching breath, Yamamoto finally got his answer as to why the smaller teen was reacting the way he was. He almost wanted to slap himself for forgetting Gokudera's situation. The taller teen had been so happy to finally be allowed within the smaller teen's walls that he had completely forgotten why those walls were there in the first place.
As Gokudera bowed his head, waiting for Yamamoto's answer, the taller teen's brows furrowed in deep thought. He had to think carefully about what he was going to say next. Gokudera was like an emotional time bomb right now, and Yamamoto was the metaphorical bomb defuser hovering over a set of wires, where one wrong move would cause the detonation. If he said something wrong, he might never be able to hold Gokudera ever again.
Taking a deep breath, Yamamoto prepared himself for what he was about to say.
"I know that you have been hurt by people in the past," the young athlete started out slowly, treading as lightly as he could as he finally thought over his words before he spoke them. "I know that they either threw you away before they even got to know you, or showed you how they cared for you in twisted and ignorant ways. But I'm not like them."
Feeling conviction at his own words, Yamamoto started to speak more confidently.
"I admit that I truly didn't start to fully understand you until we were sent into the future and I heard about your past. Once I learned everything, I realized why you acted the way you did around everyone, and why you tried to push everyone away. I hated those people then; the ones that hurt you, I mean. They didn't even try to know you! It was then that I also began to see just how much I cared for you."
A soft smile graced Yamamoto's features then as he unwrapped his arms from around Gokudera's lithe body. With his hands now free, the young swordsman brought them up to cup the sides of Gokudera's cheeks, where his thumbs began to rub soothing circles within the ivory flesh. As he turned Gokudera's head back up to face him, their eyes met; Yamamoto's hazel burning with a passion he hadn't felt since he fought alongside Gokudera during their fight with Gamma.
"I always thought you looked like somebody who needed to know what it felt like to be loved. And I wanted to be the one to show you. When you finally allowed me to hold you tonight Gokudera, I felt so honored. I wanted to prove to you just how much I cared for you, but in the end, I made you upset..."
Yamamoto swallowed thickly as he considered his next words. He knew he had to say them for reality's sake, because he didn't want to make promises that he couldn't keep. If he did, he would never make Gokudera happy.
"I'm only human, Gokudera," Yamamoto whispered out in a serious tone, his eyes beseeching Gokudera to understand how much he cared for him; even though his next words might not be the best. "I will make mistakes, and I might even end up hurting you because of them. But I just want you to know that even if I do end up hurting you, know that I would never mean to do it intentionally. I would hate myself for hurting you. I'm feeling so guilty for having already hurt your feelings tonight. But know that if I ever hurt you, I will try my hardest to make things up between us. You mean so much to me, Gokudera, and I would doanything for you. So please...have a little faith in me?"
After his question was out, the silence had stretched between them. Gokudera didn't know what he expected the other one to say. He didn't even know if Yamamoto could say anything that would make a difference. The silver-haired bomber was frustrated with himself. He wanted to feel lighthearted, wanted to trust more easily, and wanted to just forget about the past and let himself feel without thinking about traps and backlash, but he just couldn't. He couldn't undo the mechanisms his heart had built to finally keep itself protected. Knowing his own faults, Gokudera had to wonder why Yamamoto would even bother to try to deal with all of this. He'd be so much easier off with some other dumb, but cute, jock.
When the Rain Guardian spoke at last, the little bomber's heart clenched. He hoped Yamamoto was right, he tried to believe it, and wanted it to be true, but it was so incredibly hard. The raven-haired jock explained how knowing about his past made him understand him better. Gokudera was wondering how that could be true. How could Yamamoto understand him, when he sometimes didn't even understand himself? Hearing how the other Guardian got angry on is behalf though, somehow let some warmth flood back into him. All during his childhood, Gokudera had never known how it was to have someone be on your side, in your corner, and having your back. It was the Tenth that had showed him how that felt, and his Guardian's, too. At hearing Yamamoto say he cared for him, even because of his problems, made Gokudera swallow audibly around the lump in his throat.
As the heat of the strong arms left him, a shiver of cold ran over the small bomber's frame. He had to fight the urge to lean forward into Yamamoto's heat for compensation, but then he felt hot hands on his cheeks, gently lifting his head. His bangs fell to the side, making his green eyes meet brown. There was so much intensity there, so much passion that it made Gokudera's breath hitch. His heart began to hammer in his chest when Yamamoto spoke. His eyes widened at the admission of the depth of his feelings, but he wasn't done yet. Again Gokudera swallowed hard against the lump in his throat when the intensity in those hazel orbs grew even more. What followed was something that should have been obvious and normal, even to other people, but not to him.
Gokudera couldn't help but search those intense hazel orbs for a hint of betrayal, of deceit, but all he could see were passion and raw feelings. He knew only too well that to open yourself to other people meant to open yourself to hurt. That was exactly why he had learned to shut them all out. No people; no hurt. Yamamoto understanding this, yet still telling him he would hurt him, too, was the stupidest but most honest thing to do. He could have just lied, telling him how everything would be just peachy, because he cared. But he didn't. The knowledge of what awaited him if he gave this a chance, scared the living hell out of Gokudera, but Yamamoto understanding this and not lying about it somehow made it better. The silver-haired teen's heart was pounding in his throat, as he tried to answer.
"I...want to let you in, Yamamoto. I feel so strong about you that I actually want to open myself to you, but...but I've been hurt so often, so badly...it's very, very hard. Y-you have no idea what it costs me just...just to still sit here and not just run. I want this. I want this here to work out," Gokudera pointed between them. "But you said it yourself you will hurt me, and I can't take that. I...I will bite, and I will scratch, and I will run. I can't stop that. I...want to change...but I'm not sure how. I bristle easily, and I lash out. It's not that I want to and that I enjoy hurting people, it's just a reflex. If I lash out, can you just take it? Time and again? Even knowing I didn't mean to, will it not still hurt? Can you still go after me? Will you want to?"
Gokudera's frustration with himself was returning. His gaze turned sad and his hands clenched into fists.
"Even while I want to get you to stay, I'm driving you away," he shook his head. "This...this here can never be easy; neither for you, nor for me. You could be so much easier off with...with someone else." It hurt to say this, but it was true, and he wanted to be as honest as Yamamoto had been. "All I can do is promise to keep your words in my mind and work on myself." It really wasn't some fluffy, pink cloud in 7th heaven waiting for them, Gokudera thought. There was only the barest glimmer of hope shining in his eyes when he looked into Yamamoto's eyes then, waiting on what the other thought after hearing all that.
Hearing Gokudera speak so openly to him sent waves of happiness coursing throughout Yamamoto's body. He knew that this was a special moment that hardly anyone would ever get to see, and because of that, he felt special and honored by what Gokudera was doing. The young jock was also glad to know that Gokudera wasn't ignorant to his own feelings and the attitude he produced around others. That knowledge made everything easier; especially since Gokudera told him that he was trying to change. Because of that, a feeling of hope burst into Yamamoto's heart. Maybe, if Gokudera was truly willing to go through with this, they could make this relationship work out. Yamamoto knew that it would be hard, but he also knew that every second would be worth it.
The young athlete's smile became soft and affectionate as he stared up into Gokudera's pain filled eyes, his own hazel eyes shining with compassion as he brought his hands down from the other teen's face to hold his shoulders.
"You're right, I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to be sitting here, opening yourself up to me; but I still have a good idea. Based on your past, and what you just told me, I know these feelings you have are making you struggle with yourself. But just to answer your questions—you know, if I can take all of your verbal lashings?-my answer would have to be: yes, without a doubt."
A small chuckle left Yamamoto's throat as his eyes became reflective and distant for a second. He was thinking over the past, and about what he wanted to say to his precious bomber now.
"Gokudera," the taller teen started out softly, his hands squeezing the said teen's shoulders, "you've been trying to chase me away for three years, but if there is anything I've learned through it, it's that with every chance you get to try and push me away, it only makes me want to hold on to you tighter. And now is no different. I told you before, didn't I? That these feelings I have for you are strong, and that I don't think that they'll ever go away. I truly believe that, Gokudera. So even now, and in the future, if you still try to push me away, I'll still be here holding onto you, and hoping for the day that you can finally accept me."
With his heart now set in certainty, Yamamoto hardened his resolve, his facial features becoming serious as he stared directly into Gokudera's eyes unwaveringly.
"I know how hard this is for you to try and change things about yourself that you've put there in order to protect yourself. I don't blame you for it either, because I think it's understandable considering your past. I'll give you all the time in the world you need to think this all through, Gokudera. But I just want you to know that I'll be here waiting for your answer, no matter how long it takes. These feelings I have fore you are stronger than anything else I've felt for any other person I've met, so I don't want anybody else. Everything just feels right with you. This isn't just a fling for my own amusement. I'm dead serious in wanting this relationship with you, because I can't see myself anywhere else or with anyone else. I've come to realize that the place I belong is right here beside you, helping you and Tsuna with the Vongola."
Yamamoto's features softened yet again as he brought Gokudera into another hug, the taller teen burying his face into the crook of the smaller teen's neck. He couldn't resist the urge to hold the other close to him; especially since he knew how much the other was hurting and struggling with himself. Hugs always made everything better, right?
"I know that things will be hard for us," Yamamoto whispered softly into Gokudera's neck as he breathed in the silver-haired teen's distinctive scent. "But if one day, I can finally get you to smile happily, I know I can die a happy and fulfilled man. Baseball is nothing in comparison to this right now, and I wouldn't want it any other way."
An incredibly big wave of relief flooded Gokudera when he heard Yamamoto was willing to bear with his emotional problems. A new blush crept onto his cheeks then as the jock reminisced. He had never really thought about it too much, but Yamamoto was right. He had done everything in his power to push the other one away for three years, and it had never quite worked. So, maybe he shouldn't worry too much? The Rain Guardian was pretty damn resilient to his lashing out when he thought about it. So, there was actually hope for them, right?
Yamamoto at least said so. Gokudera's blush deepened. The lump in his throat seemed to grow, so he just nodded slightly about remembering the other one saying his feelings wouldn't just disappear. Again the intensity in Yamamoto's gaze increased, and the little bomber felt mesmerized and unable to look away, even if he wanted to; which he didn't. Gokudera's heart-rate picked up speed once more with every new thing the jock told him. When he said that even if it might be easier to have someone else, and that he still didn't want anyone but him, the smaller teen's heart actually skipped a beat.
The athlete's strong arms wrapped themselves around him once more. Gokudera was drawn into the heat of Yamamoto; the other one burying his face against his neck. For a moment, he was thunderstruck as the jock whispered even sweeter words against his skin. Held in those arms, and being told such things he always, always wanted to hear, but never dared to even wish for, and just feeling... safe, was absolutely overwhelming for Gokudera. Yamamoto knew and accepted what he was getting into. Not just that, he actually wanted it. There was nothing the slender Italian could do to stop his eyes from getting wet. He didn't even try to. After what was being said, he felt safe enough to let Yamamoto see.
His hand went for the jock's neck, making him look up again. "I think you still need to work on that, idiot!" Gokudera said with a sniffle, his cheeks wet with tears, but a smile was on his lips. "Th-thank you for... for never giving up, and for just being you. You... You're the first person to even try to understand. I'm serious, too. I want to... I want to be with you. I really want to trust you. I will work on it, knowing you are waiting for me." Gokudera sniffled again, looking into those hazel eyes that always captured his. Smiling even through the tears that still kept coming, he leaned forward. Wet salt was on his lips when he touched them to Yamamoto's utterly gently.
Yamamoto couldn't help but stare completely mesmerized by the smile Gokudera was sending his way. The dark-haired teen could feel his heart swell with happiness as a lump formed in his throat. Finally, after three years of perseverance, Gokudera was willing to try for a serious relationship. Yamamoto couldn't even begin to describe how elated he was to know this. The young jock was so touched that he could even begin to feel tears form at the edges of his eyes as Gokudera bent down for a kiss.
Right away, Yamamoto was quick to taste the salt on the other's lips from his tears. Feeling a tingle travel down his spine from the heat of Gokudera's kiss, and from the hand that was positioned at the back of his neck, Yamamoto brought his hands up to cup Gokudera's cheeks again. As his thumbs wiped away the trails of tears falling down the smaller teen's face, Yamamoto hesitantly swiped his tongue across Gokudera's lips, asking for entrance.
It didn't take even a second for the feisty bomber's lips to part this time as the young athlete slipped his wet appendage into the other's mouth, immediately seeking out his companion's tongue. Yamamoto moaned lightly as his tongue tangled with Gokudera's in a slow, loving caress.
The heated hands touched his cheeks again. Gokudera closed his eyes and sighed, relaxing into the touch as his tears dried in the process. As the tongue moved over his lips, he parted them with a yearning moan. His hand in the back of Yamamoto's neck went up into his hair, fingers burying in the thick, dark mass. Another moan escaped Gokudera's mouth when the tongue entered it, touching his own. Surer this time, the Italian didn't need much persuasion as he rubbed his wet appendage against the jock's, dancing around it in slow motion.
As the kiss continued and deepened even, Gokudera's fingers clenched and unclenched in Yamamoto's hair. His other hand began to stroke the athlete's side. His heart was speeding up again as blood flooded to his nether regions once more. Feeling more confident in what they both wanted, Gokudera nudged Yamamoto's tongue softly, trying to drive it back. At the same time, his hand at the jock's side was tugging at the shirt; hesitantly at first, but then a bit more confident, as he wasn't stopped. When his hand touched the naked, defined, hot, muscled abdomen of Yamamoto, he moaned into the kiss, getting more insistent on driving the tongue back to finally get to taste the other mouth fully.
Another moan escaped Yamamoto's occupied lips as he felt Gokudera's hand come up to clench his hair between his fingers. The young athlete didn't know why, but he loved the little spasms of pain that ran down his scalp when he felt the other's fingers dig into his skin and pull at his hair. Yamamoto even shuddered in delight when he felt the other rub his side with his other hand. But all the blood in his body seemed to drain to his lower half when he started feeling the other prod his tongue back, and when Gokudera's cool hand touched the heated skin of his abdomen. Yamamoto gasped lightly in surprise before he, almost unwillingly, separated his lips from the other's.
Peering heatedly into Gokudera's fiery green irises, it finally clicked in Yamamoto's mind on what the other had been trying to do. The taller teen couldn't help but shudder in delight at the thought of Gokudera taking control.
In a flash, Yamamoto stripped himself out of his shirt and threw it somewhere over the back of Gokudera's couch; not really caring where it landed. With his body overflowing with passion, the young baseball player grabbed the back of Gokudera's head and slammed their lips together in a bruising, wanton kiss; Yamamoto leaving his lips parted for the other to enter at his will.
A sad mewl left Gokudera's lips when they parted. Half questioningly, half pleadingly, he looked into those hazel orbs. Was it not okay for him to want to taste Yamamoto, too? Was there some rule he had unwillingly broken? He was almost resigned to just give in, so they could kiss again, when suddenly the jock became very animated. Before he knew it, the shirt was gone, leaving all the expanse of Yamamoto's tanned, muscled chest naked and free for him to explore. But while his eyes were feasting on the sight, he found himself dragged into another kiss, but this time more forceful.
It was a surprised gasp that escaped him at the sheer desire and passion. Gokudera waited on the tongue that would use this action to slip in, but it didn't come. So it was tentatively that his own snaked out, making its way between their lips and entering the unfamiliar new territory. When the taste hit the tip of his tongue, Gokudera moaned deeply. There was a freshness of mint, but underneath there was this incredible sweetness that just made him yearn for more. Craving more of that taste, his wet muscle became more adventurous, searching its opposite and prodding it interestedly when it found it.
While moaning at the new taste and the feeling of exploring Yamamoto in this way, Gokudera's hand gently stroked the heated skin of the other's abdomen. He felt the ridges and valleys of the toned muscles, and he just loved it. Getting a little more confident in his own actions, the smaller bomber stroked higher, feeling the ribs, and higher still until his fingertips found what they searched for, brushing the jock's dark nipple.
Yamamoto felt the slight pause after he initiated the kiss, which only made the taller teen wonder if he had made a mistake, but as soon as he felt Gokudera's tongue slip into his mouth, all those worries were put to rest. The young athlete moaned heatedly as he felt the other explore the contours of his mouth, the bomber's tongue gently prodding his own into action. Not even hesitating for a second, Yamamoto began to passionately tussle his tongue with Gokudera's; loving the sounds that the smaller teen made along with his own.
The raven-haired teen couldn't stop the slight gasps and shudders of pleasure that coursed through his body at Gokudera's touches. And when his smaller companion brushed his fingers against one of his nipples, Yamamoto couldn't suppress the huge moan that left his lips. Breaking off the erotic tangle of their tongues, the young jock stared deeply into Gokudera's icy green orbs again, his own hazel begging for more attention. Yamamoto was still rather surprised with himself and his willingness to submit to Gokudera at the moment, but the taller teen truly didn't care. All that mattered to him was that the actions between him and Gokudera wouldn't stop. It didn't matter who was in charge, because the both of them were finally able share this moment together without any more doubts towards the others' feelings.
Not too much enticing was needed for Yamamoto's tongue to chase his. Their wet appendages danced and wrestled, the downward rushing blood making Gokudera restless. His gentle touch on the jock's chest was enough to make the other moan so deep that it broke their kiss. The smaller bomber had to swallow audibly again when those hazel eyes bored into him. He saw the pleading, and felt the air of expectancy, but was at a loss on what to do exactly. A new blush dusted his cheeks. Going with what was usually Yamamoto's specialty, Gokudera followed his gut. He had dreamed about this so often, he just had to try.
His blush deepened when he leaned forward again. This time he didn't head for those soft, tasty lips, instead he planted a warm kiss on Yamamoto's neck. His fingertips gently brushed the nipple again, feeling the skin pucker up underneath. Not having any form of experience in this, Gokudera had to go with what he knew he liked, and hoped would feel good to Yamamoto too. Heart pounding in his chest again, he let his thumb rub the hardening peak of the jock's nipple. Tentatively, his tongue came out to lick the soft skin of Yamamoto's neck, alternating it with more kisses while he carefully rolled the hard nub on the other's chest between thumb and forefinger.
The kiss to his neck made Yamamoto forget how to breathe as he anticipated Gokudera's next move. Light shudders of delight racked his body as the smaller teen tentatively rubbed his nipple once again. But when he felt the wetness of the other's tongue on his neck, the light kisses, and the feeling of the other's thumb and forefinger tweaking his nipple, Yamamoto couldn't stop the gasp that escaped him. He moaned in delight and arched his back into the touch. He could feel his erection strain in the confines of his jeans as it twitched at the attention his upper body was receiving.
"Gokudera…" Yamamoto moaned breathlessly as he placed the hand that wasn't holding the back of the silver-haired teen's head on the small of his companion's back as a supportive gesture. "Please…more..."
The sounds that Yamamoto made were not only encouraging, they actually turned Gokudera on. It boosted his confidence to be able to make the other one feel so good. The other's chest rose, pushing itself against his fingers. Softly, he sucked on Yamamoto's neck then. When he heard the jock's breathless voice, begging for more attention, a hot shiver ran down his back and more blood rushed downward, making him glad once again for his boxers and loose pants.
The little bomber's hand left Yamamoto's hair to gently tease the second nipple, too. His lips latched onto a soft spot at the crook of the jock's neck, where he sucked more fervently. Gathering his courage, Gokudera then left a wet trail of licks and kisses until he reached the dark, hard nipple. His cheeks red in a slightly embarrassed blush, he looked up as his tongue touched the hardened peak. He circled the puckered skin with his wet appendage, putting his lips around it then and softly sucking once more, hoping he did it right.
"Shit…Gokudera…" Yamamoto cursed breathlessly at the lavish attention the silver-haired teen was giving him. He could feel his erection drip with pre-cum again as he felt Gokudera start kissing and licking trails down to his chest; which caused Yamamoto's breathing to become more erratic. Unconsciously, the young jock peered down to see what his smaller companion was doing. He was just in time to see the other's jade-green orbs make contact with his own as the smaller teen's tongue slowly moved out to taste his nipple. Yamamoto's breath caught in his throat as he felt the wet, warm tongue lick its way around the perky flesh, but that was before he felt the warm lips surround it and give it a suck.
It took all of Yamamoto's control not to cum right there.
The Rain Guardian gave an erotic moan as he closed his eyes once again, his back arching into the touch. As he did this, he unconsciously dug his fingers into the back of Gokudera's scalp; his hips coming up of their own accord to grind their clothed erections together once again. Yamamoto had never felt anything like that before. He never knew his nipples were so sensitive. I f he had, he probably would have played around with them when he masturbated. Yamamoto decided to push that thought to the back of his mind for later retrieval.
By the way the taller jock reacted, Gokudera was pretty sure he was doing well. The look he had received was one of pure desire. He groaned slightly as strong fingers dug into the back of his head. Taking it as a hint, though, he sucked a little harder, prodding the peak again with the tip of his tongue. It was then that Yamamoto raised his hips, grinding into him. Moaning at the delicious feeling, Gokudera had to stop his actions. He could feel his hips move of their own accord, wanting to gain more friction. What was happening could only lead to one end, and he didn't want to be at the same place he was at only a short while ago. Also, there was another thing he realized. It was not a new feeling, but it was stronger than usual. It made him feel vulnerable, which he hated, but had he not just said he wanted to learn to trust Yamamoto?
Nervous and a little unsure, he sat up, resisting the urge to grind back into the jock's enticing movements. His cheeks once again sported a deep crimson blush. Gokudera reached out, laying a hand against Yamamoto's cheek to get him to look at him. His heart was pounding in his chest as he set himself up to get hurt; all against his nature. "Ya-Yamamoto, wi-will you... stay for the night? I...I don't want you to go...I...don't want to be alone." When the words were out, Gokudera felt pathetic at how choked his voice had sounded, and how desperate he must seem. A tremble went through his body as he waited for the answer, more than halfway expecting to be rejected.
With his head clouded with pleasure, it took a few seconds for Yamamoto to realize that Gokudera had stopped with his ministrations. When he felt the other's hand cup his cheek, making him look into those jade-green orbs once again, the young jock was able to see fear and desire in the other's gaze. And once those words left those deliciously soft lips, Yamamoto found himself staring at the other in shock. He had never expected Gokudera to ask such a request of him. The little bomber sounded desperate, and afraid, but as Yamamoto thought it over, it all made sense. Gokudera was still uncertain around him; still afraid of letting himself fully trust him. So it only made sense, before the both of them went any further, that the young Italian made sure that Yamamoto was just as into this relationship as he said he was.
The raven-haired teen still felt touched that Gokudera wanted him to stay, so it wasn't any wonder why he took the smaller teen's face into both of his hands then, and brought their faces forward until their lips met in a soft, chaste kiss. Once the kiss was done, Yamamoto slowly withdrew a couple of inches away, the two of their noses barely touching as the young jock stared deeply into the other's eyes.
"The only thing that can make me leave at this moment is if you want me to, Gokudera," Yamamoto whispered out gently as he gazed lovingly into the bomber's eyes. "And, actually…" the young athlete continued with a sheepish smile. "…I was going to ask you if I could stay too, but I was a little afraid to. I didn't know if you would consider that moving too fast, so I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, you know? That, and I didn't want to impose on your hospitality too much, haha…"
Seeing the shock in Yamamoto's eyes at his request, it was as if a rock dropped in his stomach. He was asking too much. It was one thing having a little fun, and another to commit this way and having to stay afterward. Just when that feeling of rejection wanted to claim him, Yamamoto pulled him in for a tender kiss. A soft sigh left Gokudera's lips at the gentle gesture. Again they looked into each other's eyes; hope blossoming in the little bomber's heart.
There was a smile forming on his lips, even while his cheeks burned. Yamamoto really planned on staying! A warmth rushed through Gokudera that had nothing to do with the heat of passion. It was something that burned slow, but longer and more steady. "Idiot. You defeated Genkishi in full-blown hell mode, why would you be afraid to just ask a stupid question?" He did not await an answer for this and didn't give Yamamoto the chance for one, either. He understood the other one pretty well and actually felt moved by his consideration.
Leaning in for another kiss, the smaller Italian took Yamamoto's hands, putting them on the hem of his shirt. Suckling softly on the jock's lower lip, he made an encouraging move with his hands for the other one to pull his shirt up as he leaned back again, lifting his arms.
He had wanted to look into Yamamoto's eyes, had wanted him to see how much he wanted this, wanted him, but something else caught his eyes. Two fiery, interested eyes, to be exact. "What the fuck?" Gokudera bellowed at the kitten that had made itself quite comfortable on the small perch of the backrest. Somehow the storm cat had been able to lie down in a tight roll right next to Yamamoto's head without them realizing, and was actually observing what they were doing.
At being yelled at, the little kitten just yawned heartily, immersing them in a cloud of sardine smell while he licked its paw and wiped said paw over its ear.
"Fuck off, Uri!" Gokudera barked, only to get hissed at in return.
Yamamoto couldn't even begin to explain how the fear of fighting Genkishi was nothing in comparison to the thought of saying something that would push Gokudera away from him, because the smaller teen didn't even give him the chance. Before the tall athlete knew it, Gokudera was directing his hands to the hem of the smaller teen's shirt, while sucking on his lower lip. The black-haired teen moaned softly at the intimate feeling as he realized what Gokudera was asking of him based on his hand movements. The young jock was about to comply with the silent request and even had Gokudera's shirt half way up his torso before the feisty bomber tore his lips away from his and started yelling up a storm.
Completely surprised by these turns of events, Yamamoto let go of Gokudera's shirt and turned around to see what the other was glaring at. To the Rain Guardian's complete surprise, Uri was laying curled up on top of the backrest of the couch, right next to his head. A small blush formed on Yamamoto's face as he realized that Uri must have been watching them for quite some time if he appeared that comfortable in the position he was in.
As Gokudera and Uri started to spat again, Yamamoto was quick to intervene though. He didn't want things to turn ugly and completely ruin Gokudera's mood.
"Hey now," the young swordsman intervened with an easing smile as he grabbed onto Gokudera's shoulders in order to make the other look at him and not his cat, "there's no need to fight. Why don't we just go somewhere more private, where Uri can't watch us? I mean, if you're still interested of course."
Yamamoto blushed and smiled sheepishly again as he rubbed the back of his head. From how Gokudera was acting only seconds ago, Yamamoto knew that the other wanted to continue, but now with Uri's untimely intervention, the feisty Italian's thoughts could have changed. Gokudera had always been quick to change his mind depending on how quickly the mood shifted. It was because of this that Yamamoto felt a little irritated with Uri. The mood between Gokudera and him had been so sweet and sensual. The taller teen wouldn't have been surprised if that certain mood between them would hardly happen in the future, due to Gokudera's personality too. Why did Uri have to go and ruin that mood?
Even though Gokudera's eye color was green, the fire in them at that moment had no trouble matching that of his fiery cat. Why the hell did that beast have to pick that place exactly? Why couldn't he have just found some stupid quite place somewhere at the other end of the room? Growling at his hissing pet, he was stopped by Yamamoto. When he turned to face him, it was crystal clear why Gokudera was the Storm Guardian. There was a storm brewing right in his face. "Damn Baseball-Freak, don't try to tell me what to do!"
Turning back to Uri, he actually hissed back at the kitten, which lay its ears flat against its head. Yamamoto's suggestion really hadn't been bad. Gokudera had thought of it beforehand, but for different reasons. Only, it wasn't wise to say it out loud like that. Uri had the uncanny ability to understand what was being said, of course, only if and when it fitted him. Gokudera then pushed off Yamamoto. Hoping the devious little kitten understood intentions more than actual words, he barked at the athlete, "Why wouldn't I be interested anymore, stupid?"
Grabbing Yamamoto's hand, he pulled the other one off the couch. "Run!" He hissed, pulling the jock along right into his bedroom, and slamming the door shut behind them. Ramming his free fist into the air, he shouted through the closed door, "Ha! Take this, Uri!"
As the exuberant feeling of having outsmarted his tiny little pet subsided, Gokudera looked at the hand still in his. Looking back up at Yamamoto, he realized fully what he had done, how he had behaved, and where they were. He dropped the hand, looking at the floor in slight embarrassment. "He... he would have sneaked in here faster than you'd think possible, if I hadn't... you know?"
Gokudera had wanted to take Yamamoto into his bedroom, but now that they were here, everything seemed to be so much more real. He could feel apprehension bubble up. After what they had already done on the couch, it was foolish to feel this way now, but the smaller Italian couldn't help it. With that bed in the room, all the possibilities flooded his head. He knew all of the things he thought of now could have happened on the couch, too, but the bed was much more of a powerful symbol. Maybe... just maybe he should have just ignored Uri.
Nervous and with renewed insecurity Gokudera looked up again. "So... he-here we are..." Gazing into Yamamoto's hazel eyes, the little bomber's jade orbs almost begged the jock would take the lead, before he lost his nerve.